Divorced Men/Women Who Are Bitter

Yes... I have heard what men say about their EXs... I had no desire to atone for another woman's sins so I didn't date divorced men. Since I was widowed, I had the luxury of sticking with widowers.
 

QuickSilver said:
Yes... I have heard what men say about their EXs... I had no desire to atone for another woman's sins so I didn't date divorced men. Since I was widowed, I had the luxury of sticking with widowers.
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Don't you find the ghost of their dead wives a tad annoying?
 
Twixie said:
Don't you find the ghost of their dead wives a tad annoying?
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Not any more than the ghost of my dead husband.. It's obvious that one has to do their grieving BEFORE getting into another relationship. However, widowed men that have had a happy marriage usually make pretty good husbands.. they've had practice and have a proven track record.
 

QuickSilver said:
Not any more than the ghost of my dead husband.. It's obvious that one has to do their grieving BEFORE getting into another relationship. However, widowed men that have had a happy marriage usually make pretty good husbands.. they've had practice and have a proven track record.
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I did date a widower once..but I found his family a little hostile...I took out his Granddaughter to buy her a new pair of shoes for school..she chose some red stilhetto's..when I said ''no''..she said, ''You're not my nanny!''...

I also found that when I was playing with them..they would get a bit rough..and if I admonished them..faces would fall..I felt like Cruella de Ville..
 
Now, those that aren't bitter anymore are those that have gotten over the bad marriage. Because my wife had been married to full-blown alcoholic/smoker for years, she was extremely happy to find out that I didn't drink much or smoke.

And then, there are those men and women whose spouse died and they can't get over that (dying on them). They loved their deceased husband or wife so much, it's hard for them to go on with life. And, to a point, they are bitter/angry.

When you, as a single/divorced person OR a widow/widower see and talk to a very happily married older couple........what do you think? "Nice for them, but sure isn't for me anymore" or "How I miss my wife/husband and how I loved being marriage." As for me, I'd shake their hands and say "great marriage you have!"
 
I am always happy for others that are happy, coupled, married, single, divorced, whatever their circumstances if they're happy I smile and feel good for them. But I do take offense when the other party makes a pass at me and I'm sure others of which has happened on another website that I participated on. So just because some seem and talk a good game of happy, which I see this one couple doing on that site, I'm sometimes leery of some unions. ClassicRocker, that isn't directed at you, just your question reminded me of some couples I've had the displeasure of experiencing this with in the past. Total bummer, because I really liked the wife and in the beginning the husband too till he kept sending private messages that were just too risque for casual friendly banter. Now instances like that do sometimes sour my feelings for a moment or two.
 
AprilT said:
I am always happy for others that are happy, coupled, married, single, divorced, whatever their circumstances if they're happy I smile and feel good for them. But I do take offense when the other party makes a pass at me and I'm sure others of which has happened on another website that I participated on. So just because some seem and talk a good game of happy, which I see this one couple doing on that site, I'm sometimes leery of some unions. ClassicRocker, that isn't directed at you, just your question reminded me of some couples I've had the displeasure of experiencing this with in the past. Total bummer, because I really liked the wife and in the beginning the husband too till he kept sending private messages that were just too risque for casual friendly banter. Now instances like that do sometimes sour my feelings for a moment or two.
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I'm sorry about that AprilT..I had the same experience on another forum..it was a mod..I received at least 30 e-mails from him a day..he was married and I made it clear I had a partner..it was awful..
 
Twixie said:
I'm sorry about that AprilT..I had the same experience on another forum..it was a mod..I received at least 30 e-mails from him a day..he was married and I made it clear I had a partner..it was awful..
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Thanks Twixie. I felt so bad for the wife, he was also someone that constantly made negative references to his previous wife including calling her the b word. Not sure how the new one puts up with him, if only she knew what he was up to behind her back, but you know in such cases, it's pointless to say anything to the wife. I just made it clear to the guy, I wasn't haven't it and the messages subsided. I'm not sure how the mod on that site got away with it in your case, because even mods get regulated and all you have to do is notify another mod and he would have been talked to because they could read what was contained in those messages once informed. If anything inappropriate was contained, he could have been removed as a mod. Next time, I would suggest you report the mod.
 
I had a high school classmate that contacted me online thru some classmate website. I remembered her, but even in high school, was never interested in her. In the messaging area, she told me that she had been married/divorced, about her tattoos and how wild she had gotten after her divorce (not getting into deep details with me......thank God). I told her that I was happily married, but she didn't seem to want to hear that. Even though I told her again that I was "happily married", she asked me if there was a time we could meet. The lady lived in Indiana and I was in Colorado......meet??? Told my wife about her, and how she was talking to me online. Wife and I decided "enough was enough" and I stopped going on the website. Don't know what happened to her for a few years, but a few months ago, was informed by another classmate on Facebook that a friend of hers found her dead on the kitchen floor. I read her Obituary online and it didn't state cause of death. Wife and I were really shocked at how much she came on to me in the messaging area, even after I told her I was "happily married".

AprilT said:
I am always happy for others that are happy, coupled, married, single, divorced, whatever their circumstances if they're happy I smile and feel good for them. But I do take offense when the other party makes a pass at me and I'm sure others of which has happened on another website that I participated on. So just because some seem and talk a good game of happy, which I see this one couple doing on that site, I'm sometimes leery of some unions. ClassicRocker, that isn't directed at you, just your question reminded me of some couples I've had the displeasure of experiencing this with in the past. Total bummer, because I really liked the wife and in the beginning the husband too till he kept sending private messages that were just too risque for casual friendly banter. Now instances like that do sometimes sour my feelings for a moment or two.
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It was a while ago..he said he was an American cop...we had the same taste in music and used to send each other songs from our past..and laugh about where we were at the moment..He seemed like a nice guy..pretty soon everytime I logged on..he was in the chat room...(Yes OK..I know I'm stupid!)...
Then one day he started sending me quite passionate PM's..I told him to stop it..

2 days after that..my partner Paul had a stroke..(no connection)...I posted it on the forum..he e-mailed me saying he hoped Paul would die...

Then he said he had told his wife ''about us'' and they were getting a divorce..

Whaaat?

I pointed out to him that there wasn't any ''us''..

It was then that he accused me of breaking up his marriage..and from then on..things turned really dark!!
 
And then you get other forums..run by a couple..they leave you alone at first..then they start introducing their ''Over 50's'' dating site..which seems to include ''Russian Brides'' for the men..and Bangladeshi's standing outside their chapatti stall for women..

How could I resist??
 
I think that when a marriage ends, whether through divorce or from someone passing away , people go through strong emotions, sometimes sadness and sometimes anger; but with either feeling, there is a lot of pain.
Since we all want to avoid pain, often people make a decision not to fall in love again, or to marry again. Some people work through this, let it go behind them, and go on with their life. They may meet someone new, make better choices, and have a happy new marriage.
Other people decide that they do not want to be married again, maybe they just enjoy the freedom of being single, or they make the decision for some other reason.
 
Divorce, Alligator Style:

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I was happily married for 37 years and then my husband died. After a few years, I was ready for a relationship again, so I started dating. I met some of the most bitter men imaginable. Whine, carp, complain about their ex-wives constantly....."I can't ever trust a woman again"...."I don't want to get hurt again"....."I don't think I could put myself in that position again"..... I just wanted to yell "Buddy, just put on your big-boy Underoos and get over it." Did they really think they were the only people in the world who have had bad things happen to them? I'm not saying that only men are like that; it's just that I haven't dated divorced women so I don't know what they have to say. Maybe they're worse...but I doubt it.

So, I got the great idea of only dating widowers. I mean, they didn't get divorced and hopefully they had a great marriage and would like to find love again? Woo....worse. "I feel like I'm cheating on my wife"....."I don't think I could ever love another woman"...."my kids wouldn't be happy with me dating and/or marrying again".

So, I finally find a guy who I can get along with. We made an agreement: I wouldn't go on and on about how great a guy my late husband was and he wouldn't whine about what a bitch his ex-wife was. Neither of us give a whoop what our (adult) kids think about the situation; they have their lives, we have ours. Win-win. We've been muddling along for over five years now; I think I hit the jackpot. I know my single/divorced friends think I have!
 
BITTER! You've got to be kidding!
The day my divorce came thru was the happiest day of my life!
Also overjoyed when the 'ex' found a lovely lady.
What's wrong with being 'single' and 'free' for the rest of your life?
Sharing? Not I! Asking for permission to buy a dress, shoes, or travel around the world? Never!
(Have had some great friendships with Australian gentlemen, but sadly they've all gone to meet their maker).
 
What's wrong with being "single and free for the rest of your life"..........some Seniors, and younger, just like sharing their lives with a spouse. Wife and I hated being single! I was single/divorced for 21 years and HATED it! Depending on who a person marries, the word "free" is still there.......if that's the way a couple chooses their marriage to be. Only thing is, most people who want marriage and freedom together want to be both married and single at the same time. Some couples have just that, but that sure isn't what wife and want/have. We both love sharing. Asking for "permission" to do this or that......some marriages are like that, while others aren't. My wife likes asking me "what do you think of this (or that)?" I tell her and then we BOTH decide. Don't bother us to ask each other about something to do or buy. A true, loving marriage is one where the couple makes decisions TOGETHER.

Sounds like you had a rough marriage and now you feel free to do whatever you want, when you want with no questions asked. Since that is the kind of lifestyle you require, simply stay single. But, the men you meet should have the same feelings you have.



Susie said:
BITTER! You've got to be kidding!
The day my divorce came thru was the happiest day of my life!
Also overjoyed when the 'ex' found a lovely lady.
What's wrong with being 'single' and 'free' for the rest of your life?
Sharing? Not I! Asking for permission to buy a dress, shoes, or travel around the world? Never!
(Have had some great friendships with Australian gentlemen, but sadly they've all gone to meet their maker).
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I had a friend years ago whose husband had an affair with their next door neighbour who was also her best friend. He left her for the friend. She had 5 kids. It had been about 10 years by the time I met her, and she was still bitter!

I was ready to party when I got both of my divorces! Happily married now and fully intending to stay that way...at least until one of us dies. :distrust:
 
Thank you for your most thoughtful response, ClassicRockr.
Wish I'd had your insight and perception in my earlier days.
Quote: "But the men you meet should have the same feelings you have."
Did become very attached to a lovely gentleman, but was afraid of the age difference (10 years younger than I was).
When he committed suicide I was absolutely shattered; his death haunts me to this day!
 
Twixie said:
It was a while ago..he said he was an American cop...we had the same taste in music and used to send each other songs from our past..and laugh about where we were at the moment..He seemed like a nice guy..pretty soon everytime I logged on..he was in the chat room...(Yes OK..I know I'm stupid!)...
Then one day he started sending me quite passionate PM's..I told him to stop it..

2 days after that..my partner Paul had a stroke..(no connection)...I posted it on the forum..he e-mailed me saying he hoped Paul would die...

Then he said he had told his wife ''about us'' and they were getting a divorce..

Whaaat?

I pointed out to him that there wasn't any ''us''..

It was then that he accused me of breaking up his marriage..and from then on..things turned really dark!!
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That sounds like something you'd hear on a Dr. Phil type day time talk program! That must have caused a few anxious moments on your part eh?

Well you said it was a while ago, hope long enough that you can feel like you don't have to check for exits all the time. And that's why I've said to my husband, if he dies before I do, I won't be 'looking' again.
 
If someone you trust hurts you...it's one thing. If someone you trust hurts your kids... it's quite another, and is usually unforgivable. My first husband left me and our two boys ages 6 and 4 for another woman. I truely believe that my children were the ones to suffer the most.. and there was nothing I could do. That was nearly 40 years ago. I have to admit that I STILL have less than positive feelings about my exhusband and his wife. I fully believe that if it was just ME who was affected it would be quite different.. but hurting my kids was something that I simply cannot and have not ever forgiven.
 
I agree QS..my first husband was taking my youngest son when he went to meet his ''bit on the side''

One day he said ''Daddy keeps kissing a lady..and she told me to call her Mummy!''

Grrrr.......:zombie:
 
Twixie said:
I agree QS..my first husband was taking my youngest son when he went to meet his ''bit on the side''

One day he said ''Daddy keeps kissing a lady..and she told me to call her Mummy!''

Grrrr.......:zombie:
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Beyond unforgivable, but, we get past and move on and leave these things in the past because it's whats helping us set better examples for our kids and to heal our own souls in the process. Nothing good comes from holding on to the old hurt. I feel nothing but pity for my ex if and when I should ever have cause to recall my ancient past years of my marriage.
 
Sometimes I just wonder/curious if it's a past marriage or relationship that makes a person seem somewhat angry or something else.

We have a single neighbor lady, in her early 40's, that told me, "I'd rather be around my dog than people". She does work, so she has to be around people then. She won't talk to me or wife unless we speak first.

Another single (but divorced) neighbor lady in her mid 50's seems to be a real "loner" also. We see her take her dog for a walk and have a smoke on her back patio, but that's it. We have talked to her, but she doesn't like my "outgoing/humorous" personality. So, we don't talk to her anymore.

One thing for sure, both of these ladies love being single!

I have to totally AGREE with what AprilT says above my reply here.........about "moving on". Wife and I have completely "moved on" from our past marriages and relationships. Our marriage wouldn't be nearly as good as it is if we hadn't!
 
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AprilT said:
Beyond unforgivable, but, we get past and move on and leave these things in the past because it's whats helping us set better examples for our kids and to heal our own souls in the process. Nothing good comes from holding on to the old hurt. I feel nothing but pity for my ex if and when I should ever have cause to recall my ancient past years of my marriage.
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I agree with the moving on part.. I have had two more husbands since then. I seldom give him a thought.. but when I do it's "oh.. that bastard" not "Who?"

I don't believe that means I'm bitter.. and if so... So what? I've never forgiven him and never will.. but I certainly have moved on with my life in the past 40 years.
 

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