Would you if you could?

Back in the 70's, a friend's father paid cash to have her house built and then she and her husband started paying him back interest-free. Sounded like a great deal, but he told her that until she paid off the loan, that house was his and he could dictate things like the paint color, carpeting, hanging pictures on the wall (absolutely not!), what kind of curtain rods she could hang, not having a washing machine in the house (it *might* leak), and so on. He came over weekly to "inspect" and criticized everything.

At least a landlord only comes once or twice a year to inspect the premises and doesn't hold "LOOK WHAT I DID FOR YOU!" over your head constantly.

I'm not sure it was worth it to get an interest-free loan. The mortgage company doesn't care what color your curtains are......
 

If I could have, I would have. They all managed to buy homes without my help.

But I helped with a lot of other things along the way. I opened a college fund for each of them, bought their first cars, bought plane tickets for my oldest son and also for my daughter when they needed them, and when my youngest son moved from Texas back to California, he and his family lived with me till their new house was finished. I was in a much bigger house then.

They haven't needed my help in many years.
 
When my son decided to buy a house, I had a few thousand to spare so gave it to him.
 

Nope. Unless it was a huge lotto win, more money than I could ever spend in my remaining years, no way. A few thousand to help with a deposit maybe, (if I was able to afford it), but more than that, nope.

I personally know of too many instances where it all went pear-shaped. For example ...

A father paying off a daughter's home with his generous retirement payout. Within a year the marriage had broken down, and the husband (whom the father had never cared for) walked off with half.

A husband and wife who mortgaged their family home to buy another purely for their son. They thought they had it covered. The deal was that it was to be in their name but he was to pay the repayments on the loan. Cheaper than rent and when he got ahead in life he could buy it off them for the remainder of the loan, or just buy another if he preferred.

Seemed like a good idea, help out the kid and further down the track if he wants to move on, they had a nice little investment property. He just stopped paying. They had to evict him or face the prospect of losing their own home. He refused to leave. They ended up in court.

And the classic, albeit in the opposite direction. Parents doing the dirty on their son. I didn't personally know this bloke, but I knew and loved the beautiful old heritage-style house involved. The case appeared in the local paper. He allowed his parents to live in the mortgage-free house rent-free while he was overseas for a number of years. The arrangement was that they would just pay their own expenses plus the rates. Big mistake, when he returned they refused to move out and made a claim to take ownership of the house. They had a case, apparently, because of the rate payments. I'm not sure how that one played out in court, whether they won or not, but you can guess how the family relationship played out - either way, everyone lost.

In all three cases.
 
I had a cousin who gave her daughter and son-in-law a hefty sum for their house. She may have paid for the whole thing, I don't know. Her husband had an insurance policy that paid for their home when he died. She moved south and bought a nice trailer home. I assume she used some or all of what was left for her daughter and SIL. When she was diagnosed with cancer and had to go through the treatments, hospital bills, etc., she had to borrow money from family members to pay her bills. Parents should not help buy their child a home if it risks losing their own financial security.

If my son asked for a down payment on a house, knowing he now has a steady, decent paying job (he's considered an essential worker), I'd probably give or loan it to him. He doesn't ask to borrow large amounts of money and always pays me back. Plus like @bowmore said, it would wind up coming out of his inheritance anyway. I have helped my son in various ways over the years and am happy to be able to do it.
 
Last edited:
I'm in the embarrassing position that my kids help 'me!' Although they are glad to do it and started without asking, just doing. My parents helped both my grandmas, then they helped their children. My DIL's parents are fantastically generous, the way I wish I could be. Wish things were different, I loved when I had extra cash and could be generous, but I give my love to them freely and muchly, that's what I contribute.
 
peramangkelder said:
That's all my 2 adult kids ever wanted was to drain 'the Bank of Mum and Dad' šŸ¤¬
Kids want what Mum and Dad have but do not realise it has taken 20 - 30 years to acquire
Click to expand...
Bingo, Peram.

They want it all, and they want it yesterday.

When you hand everything over to people, there's no appreciation or care.

Easy come, easy go. Doesn't build character IMO.
 
My parents helped me and my wife finance the house we're in. We also helped my son and his wife with their house. We were very involved in the process when my son and his wife including looking at houses with them and going through the pluses and minuses of various places. It was always their final decision but we were free to give our input. In the end they did get a house we all agreed on.

Rent prices in this area (the Silicon Valley) were going up so quickly it made sense to help them get a place with a stable price for their living space.
 
peramangkelder said:
That's all my 2 adult kids ever wanted was to drain 'the Bank of Mum and Dad' šŸ¤¬
Kids want what Mum and Dad have but do not realise it has taken 20 - 30 years to acquire
Click to expand...
Sorry, but where is the parents' responsibility to teach their children well? Some of the problems of families and money is a love and trust issue more than a money issue.

All I heard growing up were Depression stories, with my mother as a five year old going up to women on the Grand Concourse, The Bronx pleading "Shopping bag, lady?" to sell her wares. Money was an issue discussed, not hidden, with children. It's a Life Issue, like any other very important lesson.
 
Sliverfox said:
We could not help our sons purchase their homes.
My husband lost his job at the steel mill when it closed.

He was doing agriculture weed control,,owed for the products he used.
Had to cash in a CD to pay for them.
Click to expand...
But you would have, if you could have Silverfox
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top