Woman looking for apartment

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
There's a woman I know that is being evicted in January from a house she rents. She is looking for another house or apartment to rent. Other acquaintances, especially the people in our worship group, are trying to help her find another residence. She spoke to me at length this past Sunday about her problem finding another place. So far, she has rejected all suggestions for one reason or another (not in a location she likes, won't allow pets, not on ground floor, rent to high, etc.).

It seems to me that if I were facing eviction, I wouldn't be so fussy. I suggested that she get a place temporarily and continue to look, but she said she doesn't want to move twice. I'm just puzzled by her behavior. I know you don't know this woman or her situation, but could an anyone suggest a possible reason for her stubborn attitude when looking for a new home?
 

If her dog ruined the place where she is now,she`ll be lucky to find anybody to rent to her! I know what you mean though-I have seen many people in desperate situations who are unbelievably picky. I just shrug my shoulders and say "Well,good luck to you!"
 
I think she needs a reality check, maybe a tough-love talk from a friend as to why she even need another place, and how not to make it a vicious cycle in her life. That doesn't mean getting rid of the dog either, just her taking more responsibility.
 
debodun said:
There's a woman I know that is being evicted in January from a house she rents. She is looking for another house or apartment to rent. Other acquaintances, especially the people in our worship group, are trying to help her find another residence. She spoke to me at length this past Sunday about her problem finding another place. So far, she has rejected all suggestions for one reason or another (not in a location she likes, won't allow pets, not on ground floor, rent to high, etc.). It seems to me that if I were facing eviction, I wouldn't be so fussy. I suggested that she get a place temporarily and continue to look, but she said she doesn't want to move twice. I'm just puzzled by her behavior. I know you don't know this woman or her situation, but could an anyone suggest a possible reason for her stubborn attitude when looking for a new home?
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Right on, Mrs. R. May I also add that it sounds like she is somewhat unstable. If she's being evicted because she irresponsibly allowed her pet to ruin the premises (and that is probably NOT the only reason), and now she's being high-maintenance, maybe she is a dysfunctional, toxic person and you should cease co-dependent behavior (trying to solve her problem for her) and stop trying to solve her problem.

You've done enough, in fact, a whole worship group is working on her case, that's pretty fortunate for her. I say take a step back and let her figure it out. You've given her a bunch of options, and you say she has rejected them all. Fine. Let her deal with it. It's her problem, you adopted the problem for a time, now give it back to her. Don't let her go all drama-queen on you and make you or anyone in your group feel sorry for her anymore, either. Good luck.
 
I'm a little concerned about this too. I've never been faced with homelessness though it is one of my fears. I don't want to make light of this woman's situation. The fact that the dog destroyed the house is a red flag. It sounds like the dog may have been inappropriate for the living situation. I agree with what RadishRose said too.

A good friend of mine has Golden Retrievers and an indoor cat. I think those dogs are inside more than out and her home is lovely. My cats have scratched some furniture but no permanent damage to the apartment at all. I take that back, my tabby thrashed the sliding glass door screen. Mommy (me) will pay for on move out. She just loves to crawl up to the top!

I knew a couple years ago who had a chow. As a puppy the dog chewed up the living room window sills in their nice vintage rental home. When they had to move because the owner was selling the house, they paid a qualified person to replace and paint the ruined window sills (he was able to duplicate from the seeing the undamaged ones.) They took responsibility for the damage and no one was ever even aware. I don't think most people are like this.

I feel bad for this woman but it does sound like she has some issues. When I was broke before going to nursing school. I had my one cat. I could afford to take care of her (fixed, up on all shots etc) but on my income, one was it and I knew it. You have to keep in your means.
 
I think the clue may be in your mention of your worship group.

If it's a Christian group she may be looking for some free charity.

It wouldn't be the first time people have taken advantage of genuine Christians particularly at this season.
 
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Laurie, I think you are right. Because it is Christian people she has turned to she may have a notion that they can somehow help her out. And good people will, Christian or not but only up to a point.
 
Being "evicted" sure doesn't help her. A lot of Weekly Motels are full of folks that have had this happen to them. Weekly Motels don't ask for "References" or do a "Background Check" on people. This "eviction" will also be on her Credit Report..........not good, not good at all.
 
As much as I loved my pets I certainly wouldn't make myself homeless because of them..

If she is being so difficult and picky, she couldn't be that desperate..
 
I don't think she has a credit card, I know she doesn't have a car - she depends on others for transportation. When we had Bible study during the summer at another church member's home, that woman was always there - it was like she was at this woman's house more than her own. She also asked me twice to take her to doctor's appointments in a town 20 miles away and never offered to compensate me for my time or gas (even though I would have refused to take it). I mentioned at that time I had a birthday coming up and she said we would have to get together and go out someplace to celebrate. My birthday came and went and I never heard any further about "going out". I think from her behavior that she is just a leech - a person that is always asking favors from other without any resources or intent to compensate others. The house she rents now looks like a train wreck on the outside - I can imagine what it is on the inside.
 
debodun said:
I don't think she has a credit card, I know she doesn't have a car - she depends on others for transportation. When we had Bible study during the summer at another church member's home, that woman was always there - it was like she was at this woman's house more than her own. She also asked me twice to take her to doctor's appointments in a town 20 miles away and never offered to compensate me for my time or gas (even though I would have refused to take it). I mentioned at that time I had a birthday coming up and she said we would have to get together and go out someplace to celebrate. My birthday came and went and I never heard any further about "going out". I think from her behavior that she is just a leech - a person that is always asking favors from other without any resources or intent to compensate others. The house she rents now looks like a train wreck on the outside - I can imagine what it is on the inside.
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She sounds like a ''user'''..Christian or not...Some people you cannot help..draw a line..there is a difference between being a Christian or being taken for a fool!!
 
There are people who just don't want to take responsibility for their own lives, and they often find a church with an "open heart" to help people; and they are there simply to use the church for what they can get, and not out of a devotion to God, or to the church, for that matter.

Often , these are the same people who also want to "have charge" of their own lives, and do whatever they want to do, regardless of the consequences of those choices.
Once they have made the poor choice (in this case, one would be allowing the dog to trash the house), then the consequences of the choice come along, and NOW they do not want to be responsible for having charge of their life; and expect to be rescued.

As long as someone (or some group) continues to rescue them from the consequences of the decisions they make; they will not learn to make better decisions. They may not learn that anyway.
Some people just muddle through life that way and think they are a victim of life or other people, when it is actually the things that they do that cause the problems for them.

This person may be one of those people who gets evicted every few months because they trash the house. She probably also thinks that if she can't find an affordable house, the church will put up the money for one she wants and can't pay for.

I agree with every one else. Don't get involved, let her find her own way out of the mess that she got herself into.
 
I think you are right,debodun. She is just a leech. I have no tolerance for people like that. There is a young woman who I follow online. I may have mentioned her before. She lost 150 pounds,pretty much just by hula hooping. I have never in my life seen anyone who feels no shame in asking for anything and everything-from watching her kids to helping her pay for excess skin removal surgery to asking for people to donate pillows to her for after said surgery. She and her husband are both certified hula hoop instructors-something that last year they were working quite hard at. This year,she rarely mentions either of them working. Nearly every one of her posts start out with "Who would like to...."___________________fill in the blank...."watch my kids tonight and tomorrow night,bring meals to us after my surgery,loan K a tool to fix our car,drive K to the auto parts store to get a part for the car,drive K to the gas station for gas because we ran out in our driveway,invite us for Thanksgiving....the list is neverending. God forbid she should ever have to pay for anything herself.
 

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