That’s the same for me. Probably closer to mid 50’s I started experiencing short term memory loss and have noticed when I eat more anti inflammatory foods my mind is much clearer.
With me I believe it boils down to being an introvert.
That was very beautiful and very sad all at the same time.Both my parents suffered through dementia. I had a no contact relationship with them for 8 years until my brother asked me to meet up with them again, knowing he couldn’t care for them.
When I first met them my moms dementia was obvious. There were rotting banana peels and fruit flies throughout the house as well as 16 bags of garbage in the basement. My mom clearly hadn’t been out shopping for new pyjamas or under garments in years and would even forget to wear them. What was wonderful is she forgot that she resented me so was more loving towards me than she’d ever been in her life and loved when I’d ( we’d) go up to see her. My father had regressed into a world of internet as a possible form of coping.
Long term memory with her wasn’t as good yet my father ( who was 5 years older ) could talk about car rallies he’d been on with his pal from the 60’s & 70’s with explicit detail along with stories about his father that I’d never heard before. It was actually fascinating. My grandfather was a barberand he shared so many things that I’d never known before.
My mom could remember my husband telling our dog that if she shook her tail as much as she did, it would fall off and we’d have to buy her a new one but we couldn’t afford a silver one so she’d have to have a blue one. It was actually really cute.
She’d want to go for walks with us but couldn’t push her Walker through the sand so we’d push her around in a wheelchair which she enjoyed. Oddly enough she was actually the nicest & happiest I’d ever seen her. She showed true compassion which you could clearly see in her eyes and facial expressions but then she had a stroke which greatly affected her mind and body and she was never the same again. She had to stay in hospital long term until a nursing home was available which drove my father crazy.
He missed her so much it was heart wrenching to witness.
My fathers memory wasn’t as bad but his cognitive recognition was completely off. His drivers licence was taken away years ago yet he was still driving and no amount of reasoning would work. To him, he figured he could drive just fine yet I was told by the people at the hospital that he had driven around the parking gate onto the hill so he wouldn’t have to pay the parking fine. He also had the imprint of someone else’s licence plate embedded in the front of his car.
Once I realized this I took his keys and started driving him back and forth to see my mom. This I did over 40 times. He needed to be wheeled around in the wheel chair also and when we did see her she’d curse us every time.
At the time this really upset me but now that more time has passed , I understand that her mind was quickly failing her. She had no reasoning ability. This was the main reason why I had to find a nursing home for them both. My husband still worked and I could not look after them myself.
I had to finally hide my fathers car on their property since he still was driving to see my mom so I’d reason with him by saying I’d drive him. This he’d accept but I was hours away from him which made this very difficult. After researching and visiting many nursing homes I helped him fill out the forms and finally found one which was 15 minutes away from me. It was a lovely home where I could visit them both.
I explained the procedure that was needed and my father insisted he accompany her through a mobility service which would pick him up then pick her up at the hospital and bring them both down and my father would be driven back but this didn’t happen. My father held tightly onto my moms hand and wouldn’t let her go and no amount of reasoning changed his mind. The driver couldn’t do anything so they got driven back to their house where my father couldn’t possibly look after my mom.
Without going into details , she needed help with every area of care and he just couldn’t do it. The only decision I had was to call the police and ambulance for my mom to make sure they were both ok and have them both put into hospital while taking over the POA but I was so upset by the things said that I called government services who dealt with it after the entire Thanksgiving and it’s something that haunts me to this day. The only person happy about this outcome was my brother which I won’t get into.
I was so upset about this for close to a year and I’m not sure I could have gotten through it without my husbands help. He offered complete support and helped me understand the complexity of the situation. It was unbelievably difficult for reasons I can’t explain but my husband said many times that although it was wrong for my father to drive without a licence and ultimately kidnap my mom at the very end, he would have done the exact same thing for me. THiS is what saved my sanity throughout all of this. He helped me understand something I couldn’t.
Having said all this, my only advise about dementia for those with kids and those without is to keep in contact with someone who knows you; whether this be your neighbour, a friend, a family member, medical nursing aid or social assistance. There are services out there if you research. I got my parents government assistance as soon as I was reconnected with them and realized how desperately they needed help but unfortunately they can’t do everything in the one hour they are there.
I could have had documents drawn up to give me POA which would have made all of this much easier but in the end, glad I didn’t. I’m just glad I’d cared for them when they needed it most and did the essential work to get them both into nursing homes. The last I saw them they were sharing a room together, were being taken care of and seemed very happy and content. The home offered so many activities to keep them entertained, did all their laundry and fed them wholesome food with a variety of choices.
I’m finally at peace with my actions and how I dealt with it over those 3 plus years.
What is an o/h??? Other husband?????
Aw, Pam
. I am so very sorry about your Mom. As awful as it is for them to go through it, I think it’s even harder on those who love them
Exactly the same issue with me. I’m a total introvert also but since about the end of 2016 when I started seeing my family again, it got me out of the house more because I had to. I actually shop more now with Covid, than I did without it. Plus my husband got me back into reading books and other things to keep my mind more active. Playing music helps greatly also but eating healthy food plays a crucial role in my experience. I’m very good with remembering peoples names however there are some things my husband talks to me about which I’ve forgotten. Most of the things come back to me once he jogs my memories but some things don’t.With me I believe it boils down to being an introvert.
I'm not around people much at all, not even before Covid, and so when one isn't using peoples names, getting together with others, and venturing outside that of ones very own bubble, I believe the mind closes the outside world off and concentrates solely on what pertains to everyday life as it is.
I find everything and anything that's important to me, I remember, as for other trivial or secondary things, my stance has always been, who cares, hence why I struggle with names on occasion.
When I can't find my way here, then it will be time for me to concern myself over the possibility of something more going on, aside from that I hope I can maintain what I've got.
P.S. Wishing you a lovely weekend, Keesha!
Aunt Marge, you are an introvert???? Very hard to tell that by your out going personality on hereWith me I believe it boils down to being an introvert.
I'm not around people much at all, not even before Covid, and so when one isn't using peoples names, getting together with others, and venturing outside that of ones very own bubble, I believe the mind closes the outside world off and concentrates solely on what pertains to everyday life as it is.
I find everything and anything that's important to me, I remember, as for other trivial or secondary things, my stance has always been, who cares, hence why I struggle with names on occasion.
When I can't find my way here, then it will be time for me to concern myself over the possibility of something more going on, aside from that I hope I can maintain what I've got.
P.S. Wishing you a lovely weekend, Keesha!
other Half....What is an o/h??? Other husband?????
Oh! Thank god...I was intrigued there for a secondother Half....
Such a kind compliment, Kathleen. Thank you so much for it!Aunt Marge, you are an introvert???? Very hard to tell that by your out going personality on here
I always think of my brain as having boxes. When those boxes get full with whatever life is throwing my way at the time, then I have a hard time remembering so many things. Once I can clear out several of them, I’m back to normal again. ‘Tis weird.
hmmm....i wonder if there can be effects from verbal and emotional abuse that could cause a form of dimentia?There are many types of dementia so don’t be too concerned. Everyone is worried about Alzheimer’s as that is the most talked about one. I was diagnosed with dementia when I was in my 50’s. I think, can’t really remember
I have a type that is particular to adults that were physically abused as children and endured a great deal of pain. Under these circumstances your brain does not grow correctly, due to the effect of pain on the brain. Hmm, that rhymes.
I did not ask about the long term effects.
Too, when we we were younger, our minds were always running on overtime, they were supercharged and cycling information around the clock, but when we get older life changes gears, we enjoy a more relaxed way of life, one that rewards us with less hustle and bustle, less stress, and so our minds adjust to the change.Unless I talk to a person and they use their name, every single day, the name is gone, it won’t stick in my memory. Movies, nope, even when I just saw it, loved it, and want to watch it again, I have to look up the name. I think these kinds of issues are common to us all.
Besides when we were younger we had similar issues, with so many children it was Tom, no response, Steve, no response, Joe, no response, look kid whatever your name is get over here now.
I don’t know, you can google it. He only mentioned physical abuse to me, and when I described the abuse he said it was considered severe. I disagreed and still do. It was moderate abuse, and a lot of pain was involved. There was also verbal and emotional abuse as well. A tad bit of sexual abuse.
How did I miss this ?...I hope you're wrong with this Aneeda, because it's well documented on here that I had a highly abusive childhood.. both physically, & mentally.. and I was starved not only of love but of food, and failed to thrive as I should have ... have you got a link to this type of Dementia ?There are many types of dementia so don’t be too concerned. Everyone is worried about Alzheimer’s as that is the most talked about one. I was diagnosed with dementia when I was in my 50’s. I think, can’t really remember
I have a type that is particular to adults that were physically abused as children and endured a great deal of pain. Under these circumstances your brain does not grow correctly, due to the effect of pain on the brain. Hmm, that rhymes.
I did not ask about the long term effects.
No, sorry, I didn’t have a computer when I was 50 and I’ve never googled it. Well, if it’s wrong it wouldn’t be me that’s wrong, it would be a neurologist at the University of Utah that was wrong. I always get blamed for everythingHow did I miss this ?...I hope you're wrong with this Aneeda, because it's well documented on here that I had a highly abusive childhood.. both physically, & mentally.. and I was starved not only of love but of food, and failed to thrive as I should have ... have you got a link to this type of Dementia ?
. , I do not remember my shoulder being hurt, balance issues etc.
I will be shuffled off to some state facility where I will receive minimal care from an overworked underpaid staff. Thanks for the grim reminder of my future life. It always nice to have such loving caring friends.
Nope not wrong, there is even a new study in Japan which confirms this, sorry to give you bad news. If you google, you will find I am right.How did I miss this ?...I hope you're wrong with this Aneeda, because it's well documented on here that I had a highly abusive childhood.. both physically, & mentally.. and I was starved not only of love but of food, and failed to thrive as I should have ... have you got a link to this type of Dementia ?
I’m sorry. When you are up to it, research it If you want. Better to know what to look for than to be caught with your panties down. Hmm, grandma used to say that, whatever does it mean?
I will but I'll need to get my head in the right place to get ready for potential bad news...I’m sorry. When you are up to it, research it If you want. Better to know what to look for than to be caught with your panties down. Hmm, grandma used to say that, whatever does it mean?
Yeah, what I'm hoping for is the place I end up in has one of those "angels of death" type nurses or aides working there that has time to get around to me before they get arrested.I will be shuffled off to some state facility where I will receive minimal care from an overworked underpaid staff. Thanks for the grim reminder of my future life. It always nice to have such loving caring friends.
Here in the US (in my state last time I checked anyway), doctors are not allowed to report that; only family members or friends are allowed to, sigh.
