My friend committed suicide.

My heart goes out to all of you who have been touched by the suicide of a loved one. I'm no stranger to it either. 3 of my grandkids' stepfather took his own life. He hanged himself. Two years later their mother overdosed. It was sad, tragic, and imho avoidable. He was an alcoholic, and she was an addict, (both high functioning) and neither would seek treatment. That's often the case with suicide, there is an underlying addiction, or an undiagnosed or mismanaged mental illness.

I was passively suicidal for some years, during the very worst of the abuse from my husband. I would pray, every night, to a God I wasn't even sure I believed in, that I just would not wake up the next morning. And I was crushed and disappointed when I did.

It was situational and resolved completely once I finally found the courage to leave.
 

grahamg said:
I feel I can say quite a bit about this thread topic, for many reasons, though whether I could provide anyone with an insight that might help in any way, either trying to assist those aware someone might be suicidal, or making family or friends of someone grieving their loss, feel any better about it.
I'd say this though, about the workings of the mind, that there remains many unknowns, and some professionals admit this, when assessing why someone successfully comes out of depression, whilst another fails to do so, (I'd guess luck plays a part too).
Suicide is a selfish act, though these days in the UK not punished as such, (as it was fifty or so years ago, the law criminalising those attempting suicide).
This is a good thing I'm sure we'd all agree, and being annoyed about all the hurt caused to other family members is a reasonable reaction in my view, though it may never be possible to say, "No one should go through the grief we're experiencing", as this terrible event will remain an all too common occurrence in some sections of the population.
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Sure, lets add 'guilt' to the flood of negative emotions, emotional PAIN a suicidal person is suffering already. That's not going to make it any less difficult for people to overcome the stigma of MH issues to seek help is it? (Sarcasm).

Many people who struggle with suicidal ideation, self medicate with substances because it is the only way to shut off their own self-talk to sleep dreamless for a night, then the substance becomes a problem which also can be upsetting and harmful for their loved ones. Many think death will free them. In my experience it does not. There are as many reasons for suicidal ideation as there are individuals, while some of them can grouped in broad categories, most people don't come to it because of a solitary trauma or issue, but rather the cumulative effect of several being woven into their lives.
 
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grahamg said:
I feel I can say quite a bit about this thread topic, for many reasons, though whether I could provide anyone with an insight that might help in any way, either trying to assist those aware someone might be suicidal, or making family or friends of someone grieving their loss, feel any better about it.
I'd say this though, about the workings of the mind, that there remains many unknowns, and some professionals admit this, when assessing why someone successfully comes out of depression, whilst another fails to do so, (I'd guess luck plays a part too).
Suicide is a selfish act, though these days in the UK not punished as such, (as it was fifty or so years ago, the law criminalising those attempting suicide).
This is a good thing I'm sure we'd all agree, and being annoyed about all the hurt caused to other family members is a reasonable reaction in my view, though it may never be possible to say, "No one should go through the grief we're experiencing", as this terrible event will remain an all too common occurrence in some sections of the population.
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I agree that it appears selfish, but I also think that's too simplistic a statement. For my friend Jaimee, she was the least selfish person you could meet. She was so giving of her time, her friendship, her incredible dance talent, just a warm and loving person to everyone. By nature and in her life, she was not the least self-focused, she just didn't have that in her.

I went back and really studied her social media. She was very active, and as much as I loved her, our political views were opposite and her religious extremism was not for me so I didn't follow her much. Still we were close because she was loving to everyone! The fervor with which she approached her religion was zealous. Her social media was rife with rants about being a warrior for God, fighting the fight, saving her friends and family, being a fighter, a martyr for God etc. Whatever mental issue caused her mind to fragment the way it did, maybe she just dived so deep that she thought she would be better off fighting from heaven, that she could do a better job "saving" her family and friends that way. While he suicide appears selfish, it's possible that in HER head she was being completely selfLESS, sacrificing herself for the sake of everyone she loved.

We'll never know.
 
This is so sad Ronnie........actually I was just chatting to a friend about metal health and suicide..
Her daughter haS just been diagnosed with bipolar.....and very suicidal
Sadly I feel , if one , wants to commit suicide, they won’t tell anyone.......they will just do it
She will be in peace now ...xxx
 
i think it's because people poo poo your problems and tell you to just get over it. make you feel ridiculous for having a mental struggle. the brain can get sick just like any other organ.

sorry for the loss of your friend. such a lovely girl too. *hugs*
 
grahamg said:
I feel I can say quite a bit about this thread topic, for many reasons, though whether I could provide anyone with an insight that might help in any way, either trying to assist those aware someone might be suicidal, or making family or friends of someone grieving their loss, feel any better about it.
I'd say this though, about the workings of the mind, that there remains many unknowns, and some professionals admit this, when assessing why someone successfully comes out of depression, whilst another fails to do so, (I'd guess luck plays a part too).
Suicide is a selfish act, though these days in the UK not punished as such, (as it was fifty or so years ago, the law criminalising those attempting suicide).
This is a good thing I'm sure we'd all agree, and being annoyed about all the hurt caused to other family members is a reasonable reaction in my view, though it may never be possible to say, "No one should go through the grief we're experiencing", as this terrible event will remain an all too common occurrence in some sections of the population.
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There is nothing in the world easier than saying "Suicide is a selfish act," provided the person saying it is not in a similar situation.
 
win231 said:
There is nothing in the world easier than saying "Suicide is a selfish act," provided the person saying it is not in a similar situation.
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I don't think anyone should worry too much about my stating suicide is a selfish act, because whether it is or not becomes irrelevant when the person is so ill they don't know what they're doing. I agree its easy to state matters as I've done, but its necessary to call things as they are generally, and not fool ourselves suicide is a selfless act, (though the cousin of a good friend of mine, who died recently, maybe did fit that category).
 
Oh Dear, Ronnie, what can I say?

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your friend,
pass these to her other friends and family!

Mental illness, suicide has to be mental, is the least covered
here in the UK's NHS, but things are changing, I noticed during
the Olympics, plus a lot of our famous athlete are suddenly owning
up to mental health, this includes highly paid soccer players, yet I
feel that a lot are not telling the truth, for what reason I don't know.

Prayers are all that are left for your friend I'm afraid Ronni, R.I.P. Jaimee.

Mike.
 
senior chef said:
My condolences on the loss of your friend.
Did she NOT exhibit any depression ? Seems that someone must have known she was not her normal self
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She exhibited a variety of symptoms over a period of time. I am still amazed that she had apparently easy access to a gun!!! It has since come out that she threatened her husband with that same gun back in 2015 and was hospitalized for a month to deal with her mental instability.

How do you know that about your wife, have gone through that, and STILL don't keep the damn gun locked up???
 
Oh Ronni, my heart feels heavy. How does this happen. She looks so happy, young, and beautiful in the pictures. They must be recent photos since her son looks about 7 in the ballroom dancing photo. May the Lord take care of her precious family and show his love surrounding them. Please comfort Ronni in the loss of her friend and give her strength as she becomes "a warrior for normalizing mental illness".
 
grahamg said:
I don't think anyone should worry too much about my stating suicide is a selfish act, because whether it is or not becomes irrelevant when the person is so ill they don't know what they're doing. I agree its easy to state matters as I've done, but its necessary to call things as they are generally, and not fool ourselves suicide is a selfless act, (though the cousin of a good friend of mine, who died recently, maybe did fit that category).
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So you're claiming some special insight into 'how things are' when actually you are just stating how you perceive them?

I, for one, don't worry about anyone's opinion unless actions they take based on their opinions could directly impact my life negatively.

What does concern me is people blithely throwing around judgemental opinion with no concept of the emotional pain those they are judging are already experiencing.
 
Ronni said:
She exhibited a variety of symptoms over a period of time. I am still amazed that she had apparently easy access to a gun!!! It has since come out that she threatened her husband with that same gun back in 2015 and was hospitalized for a month to deal with her mental instability.

How do you know that about your wife, have gone through that, and STILL don't keep the damn gun locked up???
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Yes. Exactly !
If I was her husband, the 1st thing I'd do is get rid of the gun OR at a minimum lock it up securely.
The 2nd thing I'd do is to go to a psychotherapist and seek advise. Then if she was willing , I'd encourage her to see that therapist (Perhaps joint counseling ?) If she needed to see the therapist alone then, that would be fine with me.
The medicine of today is quite effective in helping seriously depressed people.
 
Ronni said:
She exhibited a variety of symptoms over a period of time. I am still amazed that she had apparently easy access to a gun!!! It has since come out that she threatened her husband with that same gun back in 2015 and was hospitalized for a month to deal with her mental instability.

How do you know that about your wife, have gone through that, and STILL don't keep the damn gun locked up???
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Now i ache for all who loved this woman more. One would think her husband would have taken more care.
 
Lara said:
Oh Ronni, my heart feels heavy. How does this happen. She looks so happy, young, and beautiful in the pictures. They must be recent photos since her son looks about 7 in the ballroom dancing photo. May the Lord take care of her precious family and show his love surrounding them. Please comfort Ronni in the loss of her friend and give her strength as she becomes "a warrior for normalizing mental illness".
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Amen.
 

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