How Far Would You Go?

feywon

feywon

Well-known Member
Location
Rural North Central NM
The two threads about the Petito/Laundrie case got me thinking about this. What is our responsibility as parents and as human beings in situations like this? (It's sure looking like the parents helped him evade being taken in for questioning. Finding it hard to believe he didn't call his folks before he headed home, and even if he didn't they didn't have questions when he showed up in her van without her?)

But don't focus on that case: i want to know where fellow forum members stand on 'proper' response to their grown child committing an illegal act. And feel free to go into 'It depends'. If your state still criminalizes recreational cannabis use, you might cover for that, if your child was an abused spouse but couldn't prove it and faked their death/disappearance one might assist them. But domestic violence? Theft? Homicide? (And that last your answers might vary with exact circumstances).

i know where i stand especially on anything involving harm to another person. So do my kids, they have since they were in their teens because we'd talk about it, probably due to something similar in the news or some movie/show we watched. But i am curious about what others think.
 

You can’t do or say anything....they know right from wrong ....just let them deal with it......
 
There's a lot we don't know about Laundrie's and Petito's demeanors. Witnesses to the couple's behavior, I think it was at a restaurant somewhere out west, said they saw Petito slap Laundrie in the face. Laundrie grabbed her by the face and pushed her back, which means she must have been very close to him when she slapped him, like right in his face, perhaps screaming at him for whatever reason. At one point, she thought he was going to leave her in Moab without a ride.

Laundrie was controlling, had jealousy issues, and was a bit anti-social, according to this article:
https://nypost.com/2021/09/17/brian-laundrie-was-controlling-had-episodes-gabby-petito-pal/

He heard voices, which generally means schizophrenia. People who knew him described him as "weird" and "a little off."

I wonder if he accused her of doing something she didn't do, and that was the source of conflict. He was jealous of her, and perhaps he didn't like her talking to other people, especially other guys.

I don't know what I'd do if I was his father. His parents probably knew about his issues. I wonder if they tried to get help for him.
 
I can't say what would be the proper thing to do, just what I would do if it ever came to it. My son's the gentlest person in the world, he literally won't hurt a fly but catches it and carries it outside, but if something weird happened and he was running from the law I would probably go pretty far to keep him out of prison.

I have no anger against Brian Laundrie's parents. He has probably told his parents something like, Gabby attacked him, he struggled against her and accidentally killed her. Florida has the death penalty. If his parents firmly believe nothing like this would ever happen again, then I can't really blame them for trying to help their son escape.
 
If they helped him escape then they should be charged for doing it. It has been ruled a homicide so it was not an accident. If they were decent people they would advise him to turn himself in and give his side of the story. Get him an attorney and let the trial begin. We all know even if he got the death penalty he would sit there for years and years and probably never be executed. I blame them for not teaching their son better.
 
I didn't say it was an accident, I said he might have told his parents that it was. At the time he was last with his parents, the body had not been found and there was no warrant out for his arrest, so they didn't commit any crime that I can see.
 
feywon said:
i want to know where fellow forum members stand on 'proper' response to their grown child committing an illegal act.
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Unfortunately the "proper" response and what I would do are probably not the same thing.

I would do anything in my power, including helping the police to stop it. However once done I would probably help hide or shield him from the law... Just human nature I think.

Hard to really know until it happens, hopefully none of us will ever have to find out...
 
Murrmurr said:
When my kids messed up, they had to deal with the consequences. It would be the same now, but apparently they learned to be decent people.
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I was raised to take responsibility for my actions and words. My Dad even said flat out that we had the freedom to disobey his rules, but he wouldn't tolerate any complaints when he doled out the consequences, which he also made clear. We talked about the concept of that applying to civil and criminal laws as well. That if you think a law is unjust, you work/fight to change it. But if you flat out break don't run or bitch about consequences. You knew them.

Of course exact circumstances can make a difference In the details of how one would handle it but bottom line i'd work to get them to face the issue resolve it, not just try to evade consequences.
 
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terry123 said:
I blame them for not teaching their son better.
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Sure all our parents taught us right from wrong didn't they? I doubt very much that Brian Laundrie's parents taught him that murder was okay. There's many a person raised by strict parents, in the church, sent to church schools with daily prayer and Bible lessons, who ended up killing someone one day.


bottom line i'd work to get them to face the issue resolve it, not just try to evade consequences.
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How do you resolve murder? Some things, once done cannot be undone. If facing the consequences means losing his own life they may feel that is too steep a price and rather than turn their son over to someone who might kill him, they will help him to face consequences.

That may be shocking to some people, but I'm a little shocked at the number of people who could do that. I looked at my baby and vowed to protect him from harm all his life and that feeling never stopped for me.
 
I am pretty sure my kids wouldn't kill anyone on purpose. However, if they were suspected of committing any crime, we told them to claim their right to remain silent when in the company of law enforcement, and to ask for a lawyer, and to call us.

My children were raised by criminal defense lawyers.

Don't Talk to the Police:
 
I have always said that I love my son more than I love breathing but I will not uphold him when he's wrong. I proved I was serious about that when as a boy he got into a little trouble. Though it was nothing big, he found out he'd have to deal with the consequences.
 
Alligatorob said:
Does it depend on what those consequences are? If your child committed a murder and was facing life in prison would your position be the same? Not sure I can say mine would, a really hard decision...
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Even if it was a death penalty state. Why should my child get exceptions others cannot? If someone killed one of my children, say while committing a robbery or out of jealousy like the father of my boys was, i would want them to have a trial and if convicted get the consequences.

It would tear me up emotionally if one of mine committed such a crime, i would be there for them emotionally unless they got mad and refused to contact with me because i wouldn't help them escape. But it is their life. They should have considered the consequences. I know i did everything i could to teach them right from wrong and to accept the natural and the legal consequences of what they do.

I would of course want to hear their 'explanation'. But virtually nothing short of actual self defense from someone trying to kill you justifies murder. And frankly my first thoughts would be "How/why could/did you do this?" Not "How do we get you off the hook for it?"
 
squatting dog said:
I broke a law once as a youngster. Father turned me into the law. Yes, I was angry with him at the time (young and arrogant). However, over time, Lesson learned... never broke the law again
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Thankfully, i never had to go that far with any of mine. But i would have. And especially once they were adults.

Freedom and responsibility are two sides of same coin, that's why i always tied the amount of freedom, control over big and little choices in their lives to their willngness to take responsibility for their choices.
 
squatting dog said:
I broke a law once as a youngster. Father turned me into the law. Yes, I was angry with him at the time (young and arrogant). However, over time, Lesson learned... never broke the law again.
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I guess I did some relatively minor things too, petty theft and minor vandalism, nothing of high value.

I was never caught or punished, and soon grew out of it. Still feel a little guilty thinking about it, but I am not sure getting caught would have been better for me.

In my youth I also broke a few drinking and drug related laws too without getting caught. I kind of think those fall into a different category. No one was ever hurt as a result, but I did embarrass myself a few times. Again I am not sure being caught and punished would have made me a better person today.

No felonies or serious crimes, glad for that.
 
Alligatorob said:
Wish I could be as altruistic as that, but I just am not sure...
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I don't see It as altruistic, i would be severely disappointed in any child of mine who harmed another human being for any reason other than defense of self or of a helpless person being attacked.
Like i said, my emotions would be in a knot, i know i couldn't be calm about it.

But i think our job as parents, while it incudes protecting them while they are small and helpless is more about passing on basic values, teaching them right from wrong (including the fact few things are cut & dry and and how to assess what constitutes extenuating circumstances) not just defending them whether they are right or wrong.

By the time my kids were teens we were often havng lengthy discussions about such things, often using movie plots or news stories as the starting point. I listened as much as i spoke, and asked questions more than i made statements. Interestingly they often had more rigid attitudes about some things than i did.

But my goal was to give them tools for developing their own sense of values, not to train them to parrot mine without thought. I'm pleased with how all of them turned out, even tho one of my boys is much more politically conservative than the rest of us. His basic values are mostly the same.
 
Being childless not by choice, I never really understood parents who would cover up for their children until my fur baby became incontinent. Resisting pressures from the spousal equivalent to euthanize the cat, I got up early each morning to clean up the messes, and did so daily for like a year and a half until the cat was unable to stand and euthanasia was merciful.

My cat hadn’t killed anyone, but only become inconvenient. When you have a strong emotional connection to a life, you may feel compelled to act protectively in defense of that life beyond what you ordinarily would do. Admittedly this was not a parallel situation, but it helped me to understand parents who defend the indefensible, and lie or cover up for their children… 🐈
 
Mind you, the not talking to police is to protect the suspect, not to get him/her off scot-free. The government brings much more power and money to the table to convict people than the vast majority of suspects can conceive of.

It is the government's job to prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, every element of each crime they charge. The suspect/defendant has constitutional rights that come into play. Those rights are there for a reason.
 

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