How does a person live alone and not get lonely?

Bretrick

Bretrick

Well-known Member
Location
Perth Western Australia
I have lived alone for more than 30 years and in all that time I have never been lonely.
Some people do not need others around them to enjoy life.
While others have this compulsion to talk for talking's sake. To engage non stop in chit chat.
My method to stave off loneliness is to have a huge variety of interests. Be it Jigsaw Puzzles, crosswords, reading both fiction(horror) and non fiction books.
My number one method to keeping boredom at bay is to go camping across this wide state of mine. Western Australia is 2.646 million sq km's.(England is 130,000)
Camping, fishing, beach combing, bush walking, easy mountain climbing, canoeing, crabbing.
I know marriage is no guarantee to stave off loneliness. I have a strong self image of myself so I do not need constant reassurance from others. I do engage with those around me. I know my local corner store owner by name. We share life's little moments when I visit the store.
If and when negative thoughts crop up in my mind, and it does happen from time to time, I actively take steps to be rid of them. I say out loud, "Get out of my head, you are not wanted"
I write the negativity out of my mind. Very effective way to remove it. Pick up a pen and write. Do not think about what to write. Just let it flow until there is no more.
My life is one of contentment that I have made to work. It does not happen without putting in some effort. I smile inwardly when I hear people say, " I'm bored"
I think, "Well your not putting in an effort to change the situation."
Life does not come knocking on your door. You want a life of contentment? Get out there and make it.
Okay, so far I am not house bound and have the energy and drive to go out and about.
When I lose that? The afore mentioned activities will help stave off loneliness.
 

I also marvel at the incessant threads about "loneliness" and just cannot understand people's endless obsession with it. People need to grow up and to grow out of their self made problem. Like you, I keep busy by reading, cooking, watching sports, cleaning my apartment, watching youtube videos, etc.
All those tears these people have - yuck. If only they could see how silly it is to keep crying in public about nothing.
 
Being an only child, of a single parent, I grew, at a very young age, to be comfortable with my own company. And now, in my senior years, I still am...

I indulge in my interests and my hobbies and give free reign to my curiosity. Never have had any problems with being able to amuse myself.

One can be surrounded by people and still be lonely...
 
That's wonderful you've gathered all of those things to do to keep your life interesting and not lonely. I do several things and will come up with more as time goes on. I've also got my nice doggie and bird for company whom I talk to all the time. Even though they don't talk back they listen and look like they understand.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
All those tears these people have - yuck. If only they could see how silly it is to keep crying in public about nothing.
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We are all made very differently, what helps some, cathartic even, is to share their despair. They are not thinking about how big an internet audience is, what they know is that a friendly forum like this will inevitably dispense tea and sympathy. That in turn lifts their spirits and the carer feels a sense of purpose at being able to help.

Being generous to others costs very little, showing that you care helps. For some company is everything and loneliness a great heartache, so I would say, make a few suggestions as to what might be best to lift the spirit of someone who needs a little bit of a stranger's love.

As St. Paul put it in his second letter to The Corinthians:
2 Corinthians 9:6-8
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

That message is as good for those with a secular outlook on life as it is for those who believe in a deity.
 
A lot of the hobbies listed above are great if you like that sort of thing (I do up to a point, espec. reading). However, there are those of us who just enjoy some human socializing, at least once in a while and some simply would rather visit with other people more than they enjoy doing anything else. Yes, there are indeed people like that, although I admit there are fewer and fewer it seems. Sometimes it seems to me as if the internet has caused an increase in misanthropes. (I know it hasn't really but it sure feels as if sometimes.) You either like people or you don't, I guess.
 
Some people, 🙄, live with someone else and are lonely as well, cause they live with a jerk. (Just saying). Having said that, I have to have a puppy/dog. Something living who loves me, and wakes up everyday overjoyed to see me.

Otherwise all the books, tv, walks, wonderful adult children, grandchildren, great grandchildren with their own lives, etc, would not be enough to keep me in this world.
 
palides2021 said:
I have a question for those of you who have said they are comfortable living alone -
What brings you here to the Senior Forum? Isn't it a way of socializing? Just curious. I feel
like kindred spirits are here, so I keep coming back. :)
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Social network sites provide another opportunity to stave off loneliness.
Meeting people, interacting with people from the world over is a very worthwhile and uplifting pursuit.
I am on two other sites and have some marvelous friends.
Personally, I do not need face to face contact. Though I have that, with work, with neighbours, with the friendly corner store proprietor.
I prefer to do my things, without others present.
 
Bretrick said:
While others have this compulsion to talk for talking's sake. To engage non stop in chit chat.
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Just because it doesn’t interest you, don’t listen.

Bretrick said:
My life is one of contentment that I have made to work. It does not happen without putting in some effort.
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That’s good, whatever works for you.
Bretrick said:
Life does not come knocking on your door. You want a life of contentment? Get out there and make it.
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It seems to me you’re being judgmental, again. Maybe I’m misreading your intentions.

That’s fine, whatever works for you to make you happy. We’re not all the same.
 
horseless carriage said:
We are all made very differently, what helps some, cathartic even, is to share their despair.
Click to expand...


Yeah but for how long? I've been alone all my life and, like most mature people, have never had the need to do so. There are tens of thousands of churches, professional social services, volunteer groups, community centers, municipal parks, museums, fraternal groups, etc. Now that I'm retired there are so many things to do that my one usual complaint is that there aren't enough hours in the day for me to accomplish all that I want to do. My pals who are grandparents are even busier. Thus to me, there just is no excuse for self pitying "loneliness". But to each their own, I guess.
 
I think loneliness is the saddest, most destructive emotion and believe our culture is largely responsible. Look around at different cultures, they have large extended families and are rarely ever alone. We don’t. They don’t pack their oldies off into nursing homes. We do. I envy those who have never felt lonely, you’re very lucky IMO.
 
mellowyellow said:
I think loneliness is the saddest, most destructive emotion and believe our culture is largely responsible. Look around at different cultures, they have large extended families and are rarely ever alone. We don’t. They don’t pack their oldies off into nursing homes. We do. I envy those who have never felt lonely, you’re very lucky IMO.
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Early childhood experiences had me withdrawing at a very early age. I learnt to amuse myself and over time became comfortable with always being alone.
 
palides2021 said:
I have a question for those of you who have said they are comfortable living alone -
What brings you here to the Senior Forum? Isn't it a way of socializing? Just curious. I feel
like kindred spirits are here, so I keep coming back. :)
Click to expand...
I'm very comfortable living alone, no one to answer to or argue with. On SF I can interact When I want to and learn about others and sometimes from others, too. I like to socialize at times so it's easy to come online and do so and no catching covid either with internet connecting. In the future I have more ideas about socializing offline.
 
Bretrick said:
How does a person live alone and not get lonely?
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After my last divorce I decided to not get involved with anyone for a while, needed to figure out why I kept ending up in disastrous relationships.
...read a "self help" book, the one concept that really jumped out from the pages was- "you gotta enjoy your own company". Quite true, why should someone be dependent on "having" someone in their life, in order to be happy?

I did re-marry, but I did it right, did the courtship thing for 3 years so that we would get a chance to really know each other.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
Yeah but for how long? I've been alone all my life and, like most mature people, have never had the need to do so. There are tens of thousands of churches, professional social services, volunteer groups, community centers, municipal parks, museums, fraternal groups, etc. Now that I'm retired there are so many things to do that my one usual complaint is that there aren't enough hours in the day for me to accomplish all that I want to do. My pals who are grandparents are even busier. Thus to me, there just is no excuse for self pitying "loneliness". But to each their own, I guess.
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Sounds like you're saying that at least some of those who feel a need to share their despair are immature to need to do so? So concentration camp victims who availed themselves of therapy after being liberated were immature to do so? So those who have lost family and other loved ones to murder, war, etc. and who availed themselves of therapy were immature to do so? So those (some of whom I've known personally) have been laid off after years of faithful service to a !@#$% corporation and who have availed themselves of therapy are immature to do so? I could go on, of course.
 
mellowyellow said:
I think loneliness is the saddest, most destructive emotion and believe our culture is largely responsible. Look around at different cultures, they have large extended families and are rarely ever alone. We don’t. They don’t pack their oldies off into nursing homes. We do. I envy those who have never felt lonely, you’re very lucky IMO.
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I disagree. I do not think @Bretrick is lucky. To be lonely is to value companionship, companionship teaches you many things. It seems, to me, that @Bretrick may lack appropriate compassion, empathy, and other qualities too numerous to name. Perhaps over judging because she was judged too harshly as a child.

She said she became withdrawn at a very young age. I won’t speculate why. I hid as much as I could as a child, and when I became older I climbed trees to avoid my horrific parents. Course, I always had to come down eventually. 😢

Many of us cloak ourselves in veils of lesser humanity in order to survive the harshness of the world. But then again, I am always willing to engage in non stop chit chat with myself or others. 😂. Human and non human.
 

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