Okay, (by popular demand), a thread about what was wrong with the ex.!

grahamg

Old codger
On the thread concerning our stating good or nice things about our exes, someone enquired why I'm not with the lady I described by picking out the most positive points about my own ex., (of forty four years, so that's some memory given most probably don't wish to think of their exes once they've gotten over the split!).

Right, I'll go first again, as its my thread, (no it isn't, its everyone's who wants to make a reasonably balanced assessment of what was wrong with the man or woman we once thought were spend the rest of our lives with, making us all poor judges of character I'd suggest, at one time!).

My ex was manipulative, many said spoilt as a child, (including her own mother), often haughty, a bit of a cleaning fanatic, drove a car as though she was on a racetrack or driving a fairground dodgem car, (if you know what one of those might be?), scaring the wits out a me, wouldn't use the public toilets available in France in the 1980s, so we had to drive around until eventually finding a suitable field, and finally she was ruthless in pursuit of her own interests!

That's enough negatives for now, though if pressed you may encourage me to say more, (why didn't I spot any of this before we married you may ask, simple answer "I was an idiot" and ignored warnings from all and sundry!).

If you can avoid being too negatives here, (and hopefully no one will upset themselves too much, or reveal things better left in the past, this s!ightly dodgy, or edgy thread may not cause too much mayhem, and whatever negatives I've mentioned above my ex was admired as a parent by my parents, so not all bad obviously, (better gone though!). :)
 
I believe I am the instigator of this thread. I was going to take back my request but forgot, because, I have nothing to offer since I have no ex - added to that I may want to ask you for all your negative and positive traits. Since we have no way of proving either your story or that of your ex, then this may be just a lot of conjecture :)
Do you really need proof before you believe anything anyone says, or can things said have the "ring of truth" do you (ever) think?

You asked why my marriage ended to the woman I described as having so many positive attributes, without needing proof though didn't you. There appears to be an inconsistency here, (though I'll accept I'm putting words into your mouth, or misunderstanding your perfectly correct argument about my situation/life/marriage/divorce!).

Anyway, never mind all that, folks certainly are reticent about making negative comments concerning their exes, so I'd guess perhaps this thread is dead in the water! :)
 
All fall into one of two, pretty much mutually exclusive, categories:

  1. Something I did or let happen leading to them becoming exes.
  2. My ever letting them get into the position of being eligible to become an ex.
I once met a guy who said he'd had five failed marriages, (showing admirable pluck I'd say!), and he was accompanied by a lovely woman, his partner, but this time they'd worked out living together all the time wasn't the way to go, so they'd bought houses next door to one another! :)
 
@grahamg One of my friends, now departed from this life, was a woman who had been married 8 times. #1 and #8 were the same guy. She wasn't even a femme fatale (a woman who attracts men by an aura of charm and mystery). She was a lovely person, but if any of us met her, we would be surprised about the number of husbands she had had.

What was wrong with my first marriage was there were several important things that we disagreed on (core values), and which effected my daily life in a deleterious manner. None of them were anything having to do with crimes or immorality. We have been friends since our divorce in 1987. We still disagree on those things, but we have agreed to disagree, and none of them effect my life any longer.
 
You're gonna need a therapist in this thread..:rolleyes:

Just a joke...don't freak out ...please
We should try to remember a few things before jumping to too many conclusions:
1). Some say absence of evidence, or evidence of change "is data", (in the world of gathering information about evolution).
2). On this thread there appears to have been exhibited a reluctance to make negative comments about exes, (this may be of interest to social scientists?).
3). We can speculate as to the reasons why folks don't want to make negative comments, such as having " moved on" in their lives, and wishing to leave negatives concerning failed marriages behind, (some may fear saying something "in case its used in evidence against them"!), then again it could be something as simple as finding this thread a bore(?).
4). All of the above may sound perfectly reasonable conjecture, or perfect nonsense, (or even an attempt to pull your leg. :) ?)!
 
Do you really need proof before you believe anything anyone says, or can things said have the "ring of truth" do you (ever) think?

In a nutshell, yes I do in order to be fair to all concerned. One of my favorite authors Hemingway, wrote this: "when you hear the truth, it has a certain ring to it. When you hear it, you know it." For me, in order to hear that “ring” one has to make a Credibility Assessment and to do that it is necessary to separate “opinions” from “facts”.
To make it even more painful, in order to make that credibility assessment, it is advisable to be face to face with that person. All I have is a picture of yourself and although I can tell a lot from a picture, it is not enough to make judgemental statements :)
 
In a nutshell, yes I do in order to be fair to all concerned. One of my favorite authors Hemingway, wrote this: "when you hear the truth, it has a certain ring to it. When you hear it, you know it." For me, in order to hear that “ring” one has to make a Credibility Assessment and to do that it is necessary to separate “opinions” from “facts”.
To make it even more painful, in order to make that credibility assessment, it is advisable to be face to face with that person. All I have is a picture of yourself and although I can tell a lot from a picture, it is not enough to make judgemental statements :)
You're a similar mystery to me, but I notice you are from Oz, and this reminds me of a song I found on an Andre Rieu CD, sung by a young woman whose name escapes me, but I think the title of the song is "We are Australia"!
 
You're a similar mystery to me, but I notice you are from Oz, and this reminds me of a song I found on an Andre Rieu CD, sung by a young woman whose name escapes me, but I think the title of the song is "We are Australia"!
No I am not from Australia. I am here for a while but I live in three countries. Hawaii, British Virgin Islands and Lyon, France. However I am beginning to love Oz, though I don't think I want to live here permanently :)
 
No I am not from Australia. I am here for a while but I live in three countries. Hawaii, British Virgin Islands and Lyon, France. However I am beginning to love Oz, though I don't think I want to live here permanently :)
Does that make you a Hawaiian, British Virgin Island, French person, (or the other way around?)? :)
 
Does that make you a Hawaiian, British Virgin Island, French person, (or the other way around?)? :)
Born in Hawaii of French parents so American citizen. French because of having French parents and BVI because we loved the place and bought some property there.
Off to have a nap, stayed up late playing chess with the husband and for the first time in a year won!!!
 
Born in Hawaii of French parents so American citizen. French because of having French parents and BVI because we loved the place and bought some property there.
Off to have a nap, stayed up late playing chess with the husband and for the first time in a year won!!!
You absolutely sure he didn't let you win? :)
 
Cheated on me.
Beat me numerous times.
Left physical and mental scars on me
Lied to me a lot.
Stole from me.
I guess that's enough to mention even though is more.......you don't want to know,😞
Thanks for commenting, and thanks even more for showing restraint because the thread would get out of hand without it I think you'll agree, (I didn't go into the cheating and lying of my ex., and the other unreasonable stuff, that looking back on it so many years on, showed just how incompatible we were!).
 
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