This may or may not be pertinent to the topic, but the theme made me recall something.
Wrote this a couple months into cabin living;
A moment of reflection;
I've been struggling of late in being able to put my finger on how I feel these days.
We've been out here 40 days.
We've accomplished more than I thought we would by now.
My wife amazes me...daily.
I even amaze myself.
There's been a flow of activity as we both have our daily chores and our projects, some done alone, some together, but both of us resting (plopping into our camp chairs) together.
We talk together of us never being so happy, so fulfilled, so purposeful.
Yes, we both carry the scars of living, like the gnarled tree in this photo I took just this morning.
But like this tree, there's a renewal.
It's so very hard to generate a renewal when living in the hectic stream of town.
One thinks a good rest will do it, but I'll tell you now, I've kidded myself.
I've just maintained my sanity, and even that is questionable.
This place
This place..has given me a greater perspective of my wellbeing than I could ever muster within a dense society.
I'm not an outwardly religious guy, but if there is a heaven...I'd like to think it's like our little place...
Not some ethereal cloudy place, but a hands on, git dirty abode, a tangibly real place where you can see, feel, taste, smell the beauty of nature.....of God.
Yet, I have this niggling, this feeling of angst (?) that somehow, some way this prize will be taken from me.
A feeling that 'why do I get this?'...I certainly don't deserve it any more than the next bloke.
Surely God is giving me (us) a glimpse of what things could be like... should be like...
Maybe tomorrow I'll fall on a jagged tree spike and lie there bleeding my guts out while my woman is gleefully tending her garden.
Maybe today.
But
Right now
This moment
I have
Contentment
Like I've never known
Or even dreamt of