My stepdaughter Sheri has breast cancer

Devastating news can shake one(s) entire world.
Know that prayers and well wishes are coming your family's way.
 

@Ronni
I was devastated when i read your post concerning your stepdaughter, Sheri.
She's so young with such a young family.
I hope from deep within my heart that everything goes in her favour.
She's too young.....she has a LOT of life ahead of her.....her young family needs her.....her husband needs her.
And
She needs all of you.
My never ending prayers go out to you all.
Stay strong.
 
StarSong said:
Oh my goodness. How difficult for all of you. How's Ron holding up?
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Missed this @StarSong .. sorry.

He’s quietly frantic. Very worried. His concerns are exacerbated because his ex/Sheri’s mother is heavily influencing Sheri in the direction of screw the cancer doctors go see my naturopathic guy. Don’t get chemo it will make you sick, just get the whole breast removed then you won’t have
to have chemo,,and other assorted false statements. He spends much time trying to give Sheri accurate and scientific data to balance the erroneous info from her mother.
 
Aneeda72 said:
How is your stepdaughter?
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She's not doing well. Distracted and scared, messing up at work, forgetful. And all of that is completely understandable, the stress has to be horrific.

However, she is also heavily influenced by her mother who is anti-doctor/medical field and very pro-holistic/naturopathic approach. I too will try other approaches than medical, but not when my life is on the line.

The latest is that as a result of the MRI, her oncologist ordered a cat scan and another biopsy of lymph node because the MRI indicated there may be lymph node involvement. Sheri, on the advice of her mother, decided she didn't want another biopsy. (I have no idea why, she wouldn't answer the question, and we're out of town so can't speak to her in person till the w/e)

Her doctor, understandably, is very concerned because once there's an indication of lymph node involvement that points to the cancer having traveled further than just the lump in the breast, and he told her he couldn't proceed without the information from the tests he'd ordered (the biopsy and cat scan) so now she's looking for another oncologist.

It's now almost a month since her initial biopsy, and there's no scheduled surgery, no scheduled chemo, and she's back to square one looking for another oncologist, and meanwhile has an appointment on Monday with Andy, her mother's naturopathic/holistic person.

I just can't fathom these decisions she's making. When the lump on my lower lid was biopsied and it was squamous cell cancer, I wasted NO time in finding a well reviewed and high success rate specialist who could take care of it asap. I gave him permission to do whatever it took to remove the cancer no matter what it took, even if it was disfiguring surgery, because I wanted the cancer gone no matter what it took.

As it happened, the small surgical procedure that was anticipated where they were going to make a quarter inch incision turned into a much larger surgery. The incision ran behind my lower lid, most of the way down my cheek and across the side of my eye, took dozens of tiny stitches to close including those behind my lower lid which were excruciating till they were removed, and I lost all my lower lid. BUT they did what I said, and they got it all! And luckily I had a fantastic surgeon who not only removed all the cancer but was skilled in the facial reconstruction it took to leave me looking pretty much the same until you look closely at my eyes and see that they're not even because one has no lower lid.

Sorry, not trying to make this about me. Just giving that info to illustrate MY approach to what happened to me, my mindset which is so radically different than Sheri's that I can't comprehend it.
 
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Ronni said:
Missed this @StarSong .. sorry.

He’s quietly frantic. Very worried. His concerns are exacerbated because his ex/Sheri’s mother is heavily influencing Sheri in the direction of screw the cancer doctors go see my naturopathic guy. Don’t get chemo it will make you sick, just get the whole breast removed then you won’t have
to have chemo,,and other assorted false statements. He spends much time trying to give Sheri accurate and scientific data to balance the erroneous info from her mother.
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I used to work with a surgeon who removed breasts (I had to take a tissue sample once from a breast she removed - gross) and she gave a lecture once that cautioned that once the cancer is in the breast, it's already too late to do the mastectomy, and probably has traveled into the other breast. I don't recall which cancer of the breast she was referring to, but it stuck with me all these years.

My sister has had stage 4 breast cancer and it's gone to the kidneys. She's had this for 11 years, and has survived with treatments. But she's now in her 60s. I think 28 is young for breast cancer. My question is - did she ever carry a cell phone, and if so, did she ever stash it around her breast or sleep with it there? Just curious.
 
Ronni said:
She's not doing well. Distracted and scared, messing up at work, forgetful. And all of that is completely understandable, the stress has to be horrific.

However, she is also heavily influenced by her mother who is anti-doctor/medical field and very pro-holistic/naturopathic approach. I too will try other approaches than medical, but not when my life is on the line.

The latest is that as a result of the MRI, her oncologist ordered a cat scan and another biopsy of lymph node because the MRI indicated there may be lymph node involvement. Sheri, on the advice of her mother, decided she didn't want another biopsy. (I have no idea why, she wouldn't answer the question, and we're out of town so can't speak to her in person till the w/e)

Her doctor, understandably, is very concerned because once there's an indication of lymph node involvement that points to the cancer having traveled further than just the lump in the breast, and he told her he couldn't proceed without the information from the tests he'd ordered (the biopsy and cat scan) so now she's looking for another oncologist.

It's now almost a month since her initial biopsy, and there's no scheduled surgery, no scheduled chemo, and she's back to square one looking for another oncologist, and meanwhile has an appointment on Monday with Andy, her mother's naturopathic/holistic person.

I just can't fathom these decisions she's making. When the lump on my lower lid was biopsied and it was squamous cell cancer, I wasted NO time in finding a well reviewed and high success rate specialist who could take care of it asap. I gave him permission to do whatever it took to remove the cancer no matter what it took, even if it was disfiguring surgery, because I wanted the cancer gone no matter what it took.

As it happened, the small surgical procedure that was anticipated where they were going to make a quarter inch incision turned into a much larger surgery. The incision ran behind my lower lid, most of the way down my cheek and across the side of my eye, took dozens of tiny stitches to close including those behind my lower lid which were excruciating till they were removed, and I lost all my lower lid. BUT they did what I said, and they got it all! And luckily I had a fantastic surgeon who not only removed all the cancer but was skilled in the facial reconstruction it took to leave me looking pretty much the same until you look closely at my eyes and see that they're not even because one has no lower lid.

Sorry, not trying to make this about me. Just giving that info to illustrate MY approach to what happened to me, my mindset which is so radically different than Sheri's that I can't comprehend it.
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That;s very sad Ronni, she is in my thoughts. i think her mother is a bad influence, like you mentioned. Cancer is nothing to play around with. :(
 
My friend died of breast cancer not long ago. It went into the lymph nodes, then the bones. I am sorry she is so scared that she is making wrong decisions. Cancer runs in our family and many have died of it. Early, fast treatment is the key to survival. My third son is a cancer survivor.
 
Jules said:
Perhaps you and Ron will be able to reason with Sherri when you get home.
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That’s the plan. We’ve both been very gentle with her so far, knowing how stressful this is for her and how upset and scared she is.

Ron said the gloves are coming off now. He can’t sit around and be understanding while she continues to make these decisions that are doing nothing to further her survival. He wants for us to sit her down as soon as we get back and ask the hard questions. Does she want to see her kids grow up? Does she want them raised by someone else or even worse have them returned to their biological father and his family (who isn’t in the picture because of abuse and drugs)

She has to be in denial of the seriousness of her condition. That’s the only thing I can think. She has to be playing it down, minimizing it, making it less than it is, to be fooling around with alternative therapies and letting time pass while she delays or cancels appointments, tests, and treatments. She should have had surgery already. She should have started chemo. She is in a fight for her LIFE but she’s treating this like an inconvenience that she can choose to tackle when she wants to and how she wants to. I HAVE to assume that’s fear and denial talking.

I hope hope hope that we can talk some sense into her.
 
Ronni said:
I hope hope hope that we can talk some sense into her.
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Whatever her reasons are, and there could be many, for what she's been doing and not doing,
Ron and you will have to try, all of what you explained is your plan.

I hope it will sway her and encourage her to act. For herself and for everyone's sake. (Especially her young children, and even her mother, you might point out to her, as well. They all need her for the long term, and so they need her to take the very difficult steps, now, to fight it full force. )

We will be thinking of you, Ronni. It's a sad position for you to be in, as well.
 
We are both painfully aware that at the end of the day, it’s HER choice to seek or not seek whatever treatment she wants to, for whatever reasons she has. It’s not something we can control, which is really difficult when it’s your kids’s life at stake y’know?

In some ways this reminds me of when my son was in active addiction for so many years. He was killing him self slowly, but at the same time he was only ever one use away from killing himself by accidentally overdosing. I tried SO hard to influence him, change his behavior, micromanage, live his life FOR him, but at the end of the day It was excruciatingly painful to realize that he, his addiction, his very life, was entirely out of my control.

I wish she would be more forthcoming about her reasons for the decisions she’s made this far. She doesn’t have to explain herself of course, to us or anyone, but it sure would help our bewilderment to know WHY she’s choosing the path she has.
 
This sounds very much like what happened with my high school friend`s daughter. She was diagnosed at 41 and a double mastectomy was recommended immediately. She chose alternative treatments instead-including going to Mexico for the Gerson therapy. Left Mexico part way through treatment as she was so ill. Came home and eventually agreed to traditional treatment but it was too late.It had spread to her spine and brain at that point. She passed away at 43,leaving behind 4 babies,ages 4-10. My friend tells anyone who will listen to "get traditional treatment immediately!!"
 
For the sake of clarity, my son has been working a very solid recovery for 8 years now. He’s done lots of jail time, paid off all his fines and costs ($10,000+) and finished out all his probations. He worked his way up from sweeping floors to being the manager and chief mechanic for the most successful “transportainment” party bus industry in Nashville. He pays his rent on time, has savings, has a late mode fully paid off vehicle, heath insurance, a 401K and is debt free.

For contrast, in 2013 he was homeless, on the streets, I had no contact with him for months and had no idea if he was dead or alive. He achieved the success he has all on his own. I am hugely proud of him.
 
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