Things people actually said in court, word for word

Becky1951

Becky1951

šŸŒ¹
Location
Tennessee
Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters:

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ .
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes .
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death ..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess .
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight .
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr . Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished .
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No . .
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar .
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law .
 
I watched the O.J. Simpson murder trial. There were several funny moments. One good one was while Marcia Clark was questioning that young guy who lived in O.J.'s guest house - Kato Kaelin.
Marcia: "Did you go with Mr. Simpson to McDonalds?"
Kato: "Yes."
Marcia: "Why did you go with him?"
Kato: "He asked me to."
Marcia: "Was Mr. Simpson excited to have you go with him?"
Kato: "Wouldn't you be?"
 
My dad was a criminal defense attorney. One of his clients was a 20 year old guy who stole a canned ham from a market.
My dad got the charge dropped by somehow showing there wasn't enough proof beyond a doubt & the judge told the thief: "You're free to go."
The thief asked my dad, "Does this mean I get to keep the ham?"
 
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