Do Men Really Not Care if They're Liked?

officerripley said:
Do men really not care if they're liked and only want to be respected (and sometimes, feared) as almost all the men I've known have said? Or is it an act to maybe feel or appear to be more manly?
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I think most people care if they're liked.. except maybe psychopaths.
As for anybody who wants to be feared- they're individuals I'd want to stay far far away.
 
When you are in charge of wherever you work, you will need a strong sense of assertion to survive. Many cannot distinguish the difference between assertion and aggression, but a skilled manager does know. A prime example of that was the head teacher at my school. He was much admired because he was fare, yet there was always that sense of trepidation if you were called to his office.

He taught me much just by watching him. When he didn't believe the cock and bull story that some recalcitrant was delivering, he would let his specs slide down his nose and deliver a stare of pure napalm over the specs top rim. How he had boys squirming. Yet there weren't many who didn't like him, he was always a fare man.

Being fare and treating people in a similar way that my head teacher did will win respect, and with it, admiration. If you want to define that as liked, so be it. If you worked for me and I caught you bending the rules, cheating or worse, you would be reprimanded and if that upset you, so be it. I don't really care whether you like me or not, you will do as everyone else does, obey the rules or work elsewhere.

Men do have feelings and they are hurt by jibes, but if they treat others in a way that they wish to be treated, it will soon earn respect and, as I said previously, you can define that as being liked.
 
I want people to like me if I respect them. I don't like people that I don't respect. I don't respect people who are willing to exploit other people to gain unfair advantage over them. If the people that I don't respect don't like me then I don't I don't care.
 
Mizmo said:
yes agree...

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yeah, RIGHT
iu
 
Alligatorob said:
I care, would like all to like me. I care about some more than others of course.

Respect is good too, but can't see why anyone would fear me or why I'd want them to.
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There's a few people around here who I'm glad are afraid of me. I'm pretty sure it's saving me a lot of grief.
But I live in a rough area. I've been here going on 6 years. There's good people here, and I'm one of them, but certain ones know not to mess with me and my family and my stuff. That was established early on.
 
Murrmurr said:
There's a few people around here who I'm glad are afraid of me. I'm pretty sure it's saving me a lot of grief.
But I live in a rough area. I've been here going on 6 years. There's good people here, and I'm one of them, but certain ones know not to mess with me and my family and my stuff. That was established early on.
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That makes sense. I live in a small Utah town where so far as I can tell all of the people are good, certainly I feel safe with them. Very different environment.
 
Yes most men care to a point if they work and hang out with other people. Recluse s and total loners and tough bosses do not care. Depends on their occupation. Dictators don't care
 
JaniceM said:
I think most people care if they're liked.. except maybe psychopaths.
As for anybody who wants to be feared- they're individuals I'd want to stay far far away.
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That's an extreme view, tho it may depend one's definition of 'liked' and of 'not caring if one is liked'. As most everyone acknowledged in @Larry67's thread about the acceptability of disliking some people: We can neither like or be liked by everyone, it is human nature---if we are being our authentic selves. And it begs the question: How many people 'liking' you, by your own definition of that word is enough for you to feel validated?

There are people who fall short of being psychopaths but i still don't care to associate with them or want them to like me. Some in fact, I'm quite gratified if they don't and would do some soul searching if they did. Some would label me an introvert because from early childhood i have been a.loner, and at most could count one hand the number of non-family members who liked me. And i've always been fine with that.

Who doesn't like me can say as much about them as it does about me, and my not liking someone can say more about me, than them.
See to me one of the perks of getting older is not having to care (for familial, or employment related reasons) what anyone thinks about me. As long they don't take any hostile actions against me, i really don't care.
 
Jules said:
You have a point. I think women have a stronger desire to be liked. If men have issues with each other, they deal with it directly.
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It shows, LOL!
EDIT: Oops, somehow hit reply on wrong comment and rushing didn't notice.

I disagree, i think females are more conditioned (programmed, brainwashed?) Into needing to be liked. By family members, teachers, employers. The same behaviors get labeled differently in some familes: a boy who won't give up his position on something may be labeled 'persistent', if his sister behaves thw same she is called stubborn. Since one has positive connotations and the other negative it is not even necessary, tho the family may verbalize that stubborn is unattractive in a 'girl'.

This is changing, but slowly.
 
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officerripley said:
Do men really not care if they're liked and only want to be respected (and sometimes, feared) as almost all the men I've known have said? Or is it an act to maybe feel or appear to be more manly?
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I think attitudes toward 'being liked' are highly individual regardless of gender and if 'almost all' the men you've known have had same attitude maybe your experiences too limited? I've known both men and women all along the spectrum of caring about being liked, including people who are ambivalent about it and people who's behavior contradicts their pronouncements about it.

BTW, i tend to think that anyone (male/female, parent, boss) who wants to be feared is foolish. Those who fear someone rather than respect them are a much bigger threat to one's well being when vulnerable than those that respect you even if they don't particularly like you. Because their fear means they perceive you as a threat, and human instinct is to 'disarm' if not remove threats.
 
Alligatorob said:
That makes sense. I live in a small Utah town where so far as I can tell all of the people are good, certainly I feel safe with them. Very different environment.
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As you know I live I Utah as well. When we moved back to our town I was excited. Then there was a kidnaping, three streets over, and murder later. Then there was a murder, one street over. Glad I sold the house. No place is safe.
 
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feywon said:
That's an extreme view, tho it may depend one's definition of 'liked' and of 'not caring if one is liked'. As most everyone acknowledged in @Larry67's thread about the acceptability of disliking some people: We can neither like or be liked by everyone, it is human nature---if we are being our authentic selves. And it begs the question: How many people 'liking' you, by your own definition of that word is enough for you to feel validated?

There are people who fall short of being psychopaths but i still don't care to associate with them or want them to like me. Some in fact, I'm quite gratified if they don't and would do some soul searching if they did. Some would label me an introvert because from early childhood i have been a.loner, and at most could count one hand the number of non-family members who liked me. And i've always been fine with that.

Who doesn't like me can say as much about them as it does about me, and my not liking someone can say more about me, than them.
See to me one of the perks of getting older is not having to care (for familial, or employment related reasons) what anyone thinks about me. As long they don't take any hostile actions against me, i really don't care.
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I agree!!! At 75, like me, donā€™t like. I am not going to change, however, I am not a threat to anyone; but I can hire attorneys if necessary šŸ˜‚.
 
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