I dont want to be criticised at all, (have you ever said this, and was it a fair position?)

If I mess up in some way, I'd prefer someone to point it out, especially if I wasn't already aware of it. But they don't need to be a jerk about it.

What does irk me, though, is when criticism is based on nothing more than something about me or my life being different from the individual who is criticizing. THAT bugs me.
 

grahamg said:
You're not the first to tell me my spelling sucks, as aged ten I wrote a small booklet called "Smugglers Bay, full of illustrations too, and yet managed to fit in 303 spelling mistakes into about ten small A5 pages of text, (so I am getting alot better you must admit! - didn't I take that criticism well everybody!!!!!
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Heh, but you took it well today!

Luv ya, man

I took part in proofreading lengthy stuff (tech documents.....shudder)
Had to take it in pieces, as I kept having to go over what I'd just proofed several times

After awhile, the term 'stet' became handy
 
I'm not positive this counts as critisism, but I think it does. --I actually appreciate it when someone tells me when I've done or said something to hurt or offend them. Actually, I've asked friends and loved ones to do just that and promised to do the same for them.

I want that, to know what I've done and how I've offended/insulted/hurt, people I care about (not that I don't care about others, of course), but without them telling me, I won't have the chance to fix it, which would be awful.

Then whatever it is I did will just fester and eventually get between us whereas if I know what it is I can correct or at least explain and not do it again, hopefully keeping our connection open and healthy.

And I really want that from my close ones as well, the liscense to tell them if they hurt me so we can move past it.

As I say though, I'm -- well, I suppose it depends on how a person looks at it. It can feel like critisism at times, I'm sure.
 

To answer this.

I dont want to be criticised at all, (have you ever said this, and was it a fair position?)

I don't remember having said "I dont want to be criticised at all."

What I do remember is my 1st. real experience with criticism. Critique was in the form of performance evaluations in the Navy. Fair & helpful as I remember.

As an experience that helped me fill out & discuss company mandated performance reviews with subordinates. Between listening to and being responsible for evaluating I'll take listening to every time.
 
Irwin said:
I wish more people would have criticized me for not doing some things I should have done but didn't do out of fear that I wasn't making wise decisions. My inactions when I should have acted were the bad decisions.
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Its impossible to live our lives as though we had the benefits of hindsight, and who's to say whether, had you been criticised more, and listened to the advice/criticism, whether something else might have gone wrong, (or whatever it was wouldn't have turned out as well as you now think it would have done!). :)
 
Gary O' said:
Heh, but you took it well today! Luv ya, man
I took part in proofreading lengthy stuff (tech documents.....shudder)
Had to take it in pieces, as I kept having to go over what I'd just proofed several times
After awhile, the term 'stet' became handy
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I had to check to find the meaning of "stet", so have learned something today, (besides learning or reinforcing just how many helpful people on this forum are ready to support you in an argument, if you give them a chance! :) ).
 
Medusa said:
I'm not positive this counts as critisism, but I think it does. --I actually appreciate it when someone tells me when I've done or said something to hurt or offend them. Actually, I've asked friends and loved ones to do just that and promised to do the same for them.
I want that, to know what I've done and how I've offended/insulted/hurt, people I care about (not that I don't care about others, of course), but without them telling me, I won't have the chance to fix it, which would be awful.
Then whatever it is I did will just fester and eventually get between us whereas if I know what it is I can correct or at least explain and not do it again, hopefully keeping our connection open and healthy.
And I really want that from my close ones as well, the liscense to tell them if they hurt me so we can move past it.
As I say though, I'm -- well, I suppose it depends on how a person looks at it. It can feel like critisism at times, I'm sure.
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I had a small falling out with a friend recently, (would you believe ostensibly about the drying of some laundry she had kindly washed for me).
My feeling is she can't/won't take criticism, though as a teacher can hand it out pretty regularly, (I told her she was "treating me like and child", she said she wasn't, but forgets this is pretty much how she chose to behave towards her husband shortly before he started an affair and left her).
One thing comes to mind though, and it concerns something my friend who I called my " second mother" used to say about her eldest son who was a very very good student, attending Oxford University, (a year early too!).
She said college changed him, and made him tougher, or harder emotionally, and this friend I'm talking about I think has been made or become pretty tough, (though as I say, unwilling to accept criticism, even mild criticism intended to assist her!).
 
grahamg said:
I had a small falling out with a friend recently, (would you believe ostensibly about the drying of some laundry she had kindly washed for me).
My feeling is she can't/won't take criticism, though as a teacher can hand it out pretty regularly, (I told her she was "treating me like and child", she said she wasn't, but forgets this is pretty much how she chose to behave towards her husband shortly before he started an affair and left her).
One thing comes to mind though, and it concerns something my friend who I called my " second mother" used to say about her eldest son who was a very very good student, attending Oxford University, (a year early too!).
She said college changed him, and made him tougher, or harder emotionally, and this friend I'm talking about I think has been made or become pretty tough, (though as I say, unwilling to accept criticism, even mild criticism intended to assist her!).
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Huh, I would think the college experience would make a person more accepting of criticism; it worked that way for my daughter. She got to the point, studying art, that she wanted criticism from her instructors so she could improve her craft.

Life and its experiences are so different for each of us and change for us, as individuals, over time. I think. What the (what doesn't offend you) do I know? lol
 
Medusa said:
Huh, I would think the college experience would make a person more accepting of criticism; it worked that way for my daughter. She got to the point, studying art, that she wanted criticism from her instructors so she could improve her craft.
Life and its experiences are so different for each of us and change for us, as individuals, over time. I think. What the (what doesn't offend you) do I know? lol
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Maybe the friend I mentioned doesn't take criticism from the "likes of me"! (perhaps?)
The hardness though is there in her make up, she's shown it on a number of occasions, for example when not being able to show some compassion toward a mate of mine when I told her of his terminal illness, perhaps because she didn't like him, (the feeling was mutual I concede!).
However there is a great deal that is good and straight about her, " admirable" in fact, though I suspect we'll have much less to do with one another in future.
 
grahamg said:
Maybe the friend I mentioned doesn't take criticism from the "likes of me"! (perhaps?)
The hardness though is there in her make up, she's shown it on a number of occasions, for example when not being able to show some compassion toward a mate of mine when I told her of his terminal illness, perhaps because she didn't like him, (the feeling was mutual I concede!).
However there is a great deal that is good and straight about her, " admirable" in fact, though I suspect we'll have much less to do with one another in future.
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That seems wise; it doesn't sound as though your respectice personalities mix well, from what you've shared. So people are just "hard," maybe.
 
grahamg said:
I had a friend who I called my " second mother" used to say about her eldest son who was a very very good student, attending Oxford University, (a year early too!).
She said college changed him, and made him tougher, or harder emotionally, and this friend I'm talking about I think has been made or become pretty tough, (though as I say, unwilling to accept criticism, even mild criticism intended to assist her!).
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I wanted to add another comment about the friend I called my second mother, and her eldest son who attended Oxford University.

There was some serious trouble in my friends life, and one result of this was the very clever son started to behave in a disrespectful manner towards his mother. I read a letter he'd sent her referring to her by her Christian name, and though a married man of the world with his own family, the letter was pretty crass in many ways, criticising her in many unfair ways.

Anyway, my friend wrote the most wonderful letter in response, firstly telling him he didn't have her permission to call her by her Christian name, though the main thing she did was so comprehensively demonstrate how good a mother where been, and she mentioned her own career prior to her marriage, and by the end of this long letter there was no doubt at all who held the moral high ground.

A loving parent like that has the right I believe, to tell their child if or when they might refer to them as anything other than their mother, "whether some outside agency might think the child's interests give them paramountcy or not"! :)
 
I mentioned the way my father behaved as far as criticisms goes, and I don't think he was overly critical, but at times was guilty of over stepping the mark by being too controlling.
My mother had the same trait, (being overly controlling in spades), and she did undermine your confidence at times by questioning something that should have been straight forward.

The example that spring to mind is when aged twenty one, I arranged to meet a girl for coffee in the local town, having met her for the first time only recently, my mothers comment was "You've only known her two weeks and you're taking her out for coffee already"!

She was completely serious and it mattered not one jot to her that this was my first girlfriend of any kind, (not just "sweet sixteen and never been kissed" but twenty one!!/!).

Maybe that kind of thing etches itself into your memory, and I remember aged forty reacting too abruptly when my mother questioned whether I should take a 200 mile journey late at night to where I lived, as though you weren't able to make your own decisions!
 
Shero said:
Beware of the honey on the tongue people my Grand-mère used to say.
I agree!
Better to have some honest criticism, use what you can and discard the rest.
.
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I can't remember too many words used by my grandmother/grandmothers, though my grandfathers, certainly one living to the great age of ninety seven did give everyone the benefit of his wisdom, although as appropriate, and I don't remember any negative criticism coming from him towards anyone.

My mother, as mentioned earlier, could go too far, but was very well meaning, (even if at the same time difficult to deal with, and critical sometimes, saying occasionally, "Her children didn't have the brains they were born with"!), low, and she did warn against those who had " honey tongues" too! :)
 

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