The feeling of being home, is a powerful instinct. Where do you find home?

Paco Dennis

Paco Dennis

SF VIP
Location
Mid-Missouri
In my youth I felt totally at home with my Mother, Father, and two Brothers. Then my Mom died when I was 13 and ever since then I have tried to find that kind of secure home. While contemplating this I thought of Homing Pigeons. "The longest homing pigeon flight ever recorded was 7,200 miles, from Arras, France, to Saigon, Vietnam. The flight took 24 days." (Hal2022) Animals, fish, insects, and all species apparently need a secure place to be. I realized this morning that I have habit of making up places/people in my mind that represent that feeling of being home. I return to them often, but they are often times unsatisfactory.

For instance...I have used an identity of being a very good guitar player to feel secure or an accomplished cabinet maker. I have used my girl friends, marriage partners, and my best friends. I used the identity of being a Bodhisattva ( weird ) to feel "grounded". I can only venture so far from my security blankets and then I need to return to them. I am starting to get attracted to learning to be "homeless". (psychologically).

It is said that relocating your home is the second most stressful experience for us...the first being the loss of a loved one. Our need to feel secure and at "home" is built in. In the book "Johnathan Livingston Seagull" the way he finally felt secure was soaring freely in the air. But we are not seagulls. :)

Where do you find home?
 

Deep question... I had a very transient childhood.. and also moved home a lot in my first marriage due to being a forces wife..and he being relocated often with the Royal Navy .. so I never learned to settle anywhere..

Despite living in this house now for decades, I've never liked it, and never felt like it was somewhere I looked forward to returning to when I'm away from it, especially when I'm overseas .. so in answer to your question I would say, I dont have a feeling of 'home''.. anywhere
 
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I have grown up in the same State my entire life, but have moved to a different county in that State once settled into marriage. I have always lived in a more of a country town than I city town. Growing up I would always find myself walking through the woods, going to the creek or pond and climbing trees. I suppose that is why I love nature so much and being in it even now to this day. My childhood home also has many memories involved in it as I spent my first 20 years of my life there. My boyfriend and future husband first met my parents in that home and many family holidays.

Once married as I said my husband were in a transition period as we were really young and my husband was starting medical school after his bachelors degree. So we lived with my in laws for a period of time as well as back with my parents as well in the home I grew up in until we eventually moved into a small apartment. That apartment I would not really consider home, but once my husband did finish medical school and become an Anesthesiologist our financial situation changed and we got a home in a different county which we raised our two daughters in and love the area and the community. It is in close proximity to many nature trails , but also has easy access to many grocery stores and other things. It also has a nice golf club nearby which my husband loves. Our home is also not very far from our aging parents so that is a major plus and our oldest daughter also has recently purchased a new home with her husband in the same county. So we have them near which means my future grandbabies(twins) will be close. :) My youngest daughter who will most likely also be leaving the nest by this Summer as her boyfriend is planning on asking her to marry her sometime next month(Valentines Day I believe) . He has already spoken to my husband about it. She will then most likely move in with him. This home also has many memories, especially those involving the raising of our daughters, the pitching the tent in the backyard of camp nights outside, campfires in the backyard with the girls, taking Prom photos at our home, waking up the morning of my oldest daughters wedding day in our home and knowing it is her last day there. Just tons of memories.
 

Thoughts of the home I grew up in always give me secure memories.
Our first home after being married also give me a sense of security and happiness.
The home we built and where we still live is bittersweet. Loved ones are now gone, we don't have the friends and family visit anymore and I have the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
When I was in my teens my parents and grandparents bought plots in our old cemetery. My grandma was the one who first showed me the plots and headstone they had purchased.
At that time I was mortified and actually walked away. I didn't want to even look at it.
Now when I go to put flowers on the graves I get the greatest sense of security and peacefulness while I'm there. That will be my home for ever and ever.
 
I couldn't wait to move out of the house that was 'Home' for over 40 years .... my husband and I raised our children there, and life was good during that time. But all good things come to an end as they say.

After the kids were all grown and gone, and my husband died, and then our labrador retriever, Boo died, I knew I had to leave too.
It was just a big empty house at that point.

I still have my Bichon, Lil'Bear, and we moved to our present apartment which now is 'Home'. I feel comfortable, cozy and secure here.
 
Paco Dennis said:
Where do you find home?
Click to expand...
Pretty much where me and my lady is.....and nobody else

Latest 'home' was our mountain cabin

Getting in from the cold to a hot bowl of homemade soup and the warmth of the wood stove on an ice blown day really did it for me

wrote some stuff about it


Someone, on another site, posed the question; ‘What is your definition of a cabin?’

My reply;

For me?

It's more than even Kinkaid could replicate.
It's warmer than the warmest of wood stoves.
It has more charisma than the grandest of orators,
more appeal than the most opulent edifice built.

Yet it's simpler than the simplest of abodes.
...all the while doing its modest magic

Turning a mason jar to a drinking glass,
a tuna can to an ash tray,
a wooden apple box to a cabinet,
a burlap bag to a slip cover,
favorite old clothes to attire of choice,
a stranger to an acquaintance,
an acquaintance to a friend,
a wife to a mistress,

a life....to living.


And for me,

it's now home.



9eJ4goA.png
 
Interesting question.

When I was married to my ex and our kids Werw younger we moved around a lot. He had such wanderlust, and we were always moving house. We rented a lot because we couldn’t afford to buy, and there was one time, one period, where we moved every six months for four years. I got to where I never unpacked anything but the essentials because I knew we would move again. It was horrible. 😖

I have lamented to my kids, and told them the guilt I felt at never giving them much stability, no home that they could recall fondly where they grew up because there were so many. It warmed my heart when they told me that home was wherever I was ❤️ and that they didn’t feel deprived.

Until Ron and I got married, I’d never felt much of a sense of home since I left my parents home at 16. This home that he and I have created gives me a deep sense of permanence, a sense of belonging, that I treasure.
 
In my teens I was 'homeless' for a while and I'll never forget what that was like.

Recently I moved into a new house, circumstances were such that I had to take what I
could get and this house is not one that I would have chosen if I'd had more freedom of choice.

However, despite the drawbacks - this house is a home that too many people are not fortunate
enough to have - so I'm both blessed and thankful. :)
 
This is going to be more disorganized than most of my remarks--because i'm rushing to get off and get some chores done and because some powerful emotions stirred.

As a child i would lay on our dock in rural Florida and gaze at the stars, Sometimes my eyes would leak--with awe, wonder and a feeling i didn't have a name for till Mom & Dad seperated and Mom took me to NJ suburbs where not nearly as many stars visible. Then i realized what i felt looking at the night sky was homesickness.

Throughout my life i could create a 'nest' for myself most anywhere, having some shelter was important but 'home' always seemed unattainable. i didn't have really strong need to be in specific places with specific people till i had kids. But again if we had books, each other and animal companions--i was happy--as close to home as i could get.

These days this old dusty house is 'home'. My books, memorabilia and current furry companions are here as well as my daughter, i sleep here except if visiting sons in another state or after my eye surgery. The land around it too, The Milky Way has prominent place in the sky. i feel like it's my 'neighbor' and i'm as close to home as i can get in this body.
 
As people in my life passed ..... for example my grandparents ... their home was sold....... I knew logically my mom could not keep our house and theirs but was sad to see it go....
But guess what the memories are alive even as house is gone.... "home" is with people ....

When my mom passed, due to incredible bad decisions the house was basically gone bad upkeep and she was in over her head in debt....
I have not been there in a few years maybe the new owners changed... I know I have.
My siblings are mad and angry the family home is gone because they think it was something it was not.

I have felt at home with my grown kids/ spouse...... even when we were on vacation in a rented house...
The where can be temporary ...
hopefully the who is for a long long time
 
@Paco Dennis I've read your post several times attempting to interpret what you're getting at because I don't think you're just, or only, referring to a physical location when you talk about or ask about home. "Where do you find home?" is your question, and to me that speaks less to a geographical location or abode than it does to a state of mind.

From THAT perspective (and granted, I may be reading way too much into your words!) I find home in my husband, in my strong, close and loving relationship with my children, in my dancing, and with my dogs. And to a lesser but still very enjoyable degree to the creativity I bring to the decorating of our home, and the artistry and crafts I employ to make it feel warm and inviting. In all of these things I am confident and secure, have a sense of purpose and kinship, and feel grounded and foundational.
 
hollydolly said:
Deep question... I had a very transient childhood.. and also moved home a lot in my first marriage due to being a forces wife..and he being relocated often with the Royal Navy .. so I never learned to settle anywhere..

Despite living in this house now for decades, I've never liked it, and never felt like it was somewhere I looked forward to returning to when I'm away from it, especially when I'm overseas .. so in answer to your question I would say, I dont have a feeling of 'home''.. anywhere
Click to expand...
I can relate to this. Up 'till the age of 8, I lived in a house, neighborhood, section of the state that I loved with a mother I loved. Then Dad decided he needed a new wife, kicked her out, and moved us to a different town, a different neighborhood that was shabby even when it was new, and a series of stepmothers none of whom I loved like my mother. Haven't really liked anywhere else I've lived since, not really.

Now I feel the most at home, at peace, and just love an area of the coast about 5 hours away from here which no way could we afford to live there, plus now that we're old it would take us too far away from what little family we have left.

So, yeah, "home"? Some of us don't luck out to have that, not for very long anyway.
 
Rah-Rah said:
I have grown up in the same State my entire life, but have moved to a different county in that State once settled into marriage. I have always lived in a more of a country town than I city town. Growing up I would always find myself walking through the woods, going to the creek or pond and climbing trees. I suppose that is why I love nature so much and being in it even now to this day. My childhood home also has many memories involved in it as I spent my first 20 years of my life there. My boyfriend and future husband first met my parents in that home and many family holidays.

Once married as I said my husband were in a transition period as we were really young and my husband was starting medical school after his bachelors degree. So we lived with my in laws for a period of time as well as back with my parents as well in the home I grew up in until we eventually moved into a small apartment. That apartment I would not really consider home, but once my husband did finish medical school and become an Anesthesiologist our financial situation changed and we got a home in a different county which we raised our two daughters in and love the area and the community. It is in close proximity to many nature trails , but also has easy access to many grocery stores and other things. It also has a nice golf club nearby which my husband loves. Our home is also not very far from our aging parents so that is a major plus and our oldest daughter also has recently purchased a new home with her husband in the same county. So we have them near which means my future grandbabies(twins) will be close. :) My youngest daughter who will most likely also be leaving the nest by this Summer as her boyfriend is planning on asking her to marry her sometime next month(Valentines Day I believe) . He has already spoken to my husband about it. She will then most likely move in with him. This home also has many memories, especially those involving the raising of our daughters, the pitching the tent in the backyard of camp nights outside, campfires in the backyard with the girls, taking Prom photos at our home, waking up the morning of my oldest daughters wedding day in our home and knowing it is her last day there. Just tons of memories.
Click to expand...
What a lovely story about feeling at home! I can feel the love emanating from you as you wrote this! Glad you experienced it!:)
 
Gary O' said:
Pretty much where me and my lady is.....and nobody else

Latest 'home' was our mountain cabin

Getting in from the cold to a hot bowl of homemade soup and the warmth of the wood stove on an ice blown day really did it for me

wrote some stuff about it


Someone, on another site, posed the question; ‘What is your definition of a cabin?’

My reply;

For me?

It's more than even Kinkaid could replicate.
It's warmer than the warmest of wood stoves.
It has more charisma than the grandest of orators,
more appeal than the most opulent edifice built.

Yet it's simpler than the simplest of abodes.
...all the while doing its modest magic

Turning a mason jar to a drinking glass,
a tuna can to an ash tray,
a wooden apple box to a cabinet,
a burlap bag to a slip cover,
favorite old clothes to attire of choice,
a stranger to an acquaintance,
an acquaintance to a friend,
a wife to a mistress,

a life....to living.


And for me,

it's now home.



9eJ4goA.png
Click to expand...
Wow! Thanks for sharing this! Priceless!:)
 


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