Do You or Did you Have an Escape Fund?

I did not have an escape fund when I was married. Luckily, I didn't have to escape. I don't see anything wrong with it however, in case things might drastically change.
 
Many women go into a second marriage much wiser, protected and prepared with prenupts and separate accounts after the divorce...live and learn and all that.
 
Jackie22 said:
Many women go into a second marriage much wiser, protected and prepared with prenupts and separate accounts after the divorce...live and learn and all that.
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You're so right Jackie absolutely they do and with 20-20 hindsight vision

VJ...it must have been an absolutely horrific time to find yourself after the loss of your husband with no access to funds at the worst possible time of your life. This is a huge problem with Joint bank accounts, and one of the many disadvantages of having them.

Certainly I would always advocate that even if a JC is in place that both parties also have separate accounts as well, a horrible and tragic way to discover that for you though ...
 
Thanks, Holly; fortunately we had gone into this marriage with our eyes open; and a deal worked out; I earnt it, he spent it!
however, the situation is quite common when people get married young; with ideals which don't always work out.
that is why I feel that some independant money is always a good thing; it isn't a question of secrets; it is a question of practicalities...
bTW; I hope your back is improving ....
 
Couldn't agree more Viv..this is what I've been saying all along. Preparation for the unexpected has to be key.

No unfortunately my back is in a real mess still, just taken another huge horse pill to try and stop the spasms...but thank you for thinking of me , bless you. xx


Jackie...oh yes Step children can definitely be a huge part of the equation..
 
ClassicRockr said:
I'll tell you what I see in this thread......a number of people that were hurt, some a whole lot, by their former spouse and they can't help to talk the way they do!

Yes, Mrs. Robinson was "lucky".........as in lucky to find a loving, caring, sharing man! Just the same as I was in meeting my wife. But, "luck" really hasn't got much, if any thing to do with it. What it really is, is knowing what you want and going after that. It took me 24 years to really figure that out and it worked for me. Neither of us had to worry about "letting our guard down", because we REALLY fell in love with each other, trusted each other and so on. There was no "guard up" at any time!

I absolutely agree with Mrs.Robinson about not needing one IF you marry the right person. Unfortunately, some people do change for the worse, and some a lot, after they get married. Both, wife and I, experienced that with our previous marriages. But, we grew/learned from our mistakes and made our lives better by meeting the right one. We have the same banking account and IMO, that's what a great marriage is all about!

As far as having a "financial stash", I really don't call that a marriage! Marriage is about sharing, not hiding! It's about having enough confidence in the spouse/marriage that a "financial stash" would not be necessary. But, for you ladies that have been thru these tragic marriages, a "stash" might have been necessary. Only you would have known that. But, for happy, trusting, loving, confident marriages..........definitely NOT necessary!

Now, my brother and his wife do have separate accounts because she wants to give more money to the church than he does.

Now, anyone else want to "pounce" on marriage and TRY to tell us couples who love being married, just how bad it is and what we should hide from our spouses? Go ahead, I love a good debate! LOL
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Oh... well... then you just must be smarter... and more perceptive... and a whole lot better than the rest of us that were so STUPID to marry the wrong person. If only we could have been as smart as you... You are coming off pretty bad here CR... A little sanctimonious... to say the least.
 
CR, your missing the point in a big way ..... no one is down on marriage or thinks it is bad. We're talking about something like an escape route IF things go wrong - and based on statistics, they often do, and the person left holding the bag or abused is usually the woman. Your idea of marriage may be suitable for you, but its not the only way. There's no way of really knowing if your partner is actually the right person because people can develop a serious mental illness any time and become violent and abusive and dangerous - this happens and it could happen to you too. It has nothing to do with relationships and marriage choice but everything to do with psychiatric issues too, people get mentally ill, or they reveal themselves to be psychopaths.
 
So, along with me, you are also disagreeing with Mrs. Robinson, right? I mean, she said their marriage sure didn't need one.

Are all of you completely forgetting about Life Insurance, in case of death? Just think what the world would be like if everyone walked around worried all the time about what MIGHT happen to their marriage? My wife had a lot more in finances and material things than I did, but she didn't worry about it because, as she told me, "don't bother me to share". We had no pre-nuptials, or anything like that done. After living together for a year, before getting married, we felt that we knew each other well enough. Heck, during that year, I got laid-off from my job, collected UI, but wife sure didn't leave me over it!
 
Well, all I can say is.......Thank You!

Anyway, both my wife and I were married twice before meeting each other! And, yes, if you was to ask us, both of us would say that we were definitely STUPID for marrying who we did. Love can be/is blind sometimes just like "physical attraction", more than actually "love" can ruin a marriage. The "physical attraction" thing was gone thru by both of us in a previous marriage.

QuickSilver said:
Oh... well... then you just must be smarter... and more perceptive... and a whole lot better than the rest of us that were so STUPID to marry the wrong person. If only we could have been as smart as you... You are coming off pretty bad here CR... A little sanctimonious... to say the least.
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Bottom line is this........if you want an "escape fund" in your marriage, go for it, but there are those that would have nothing to do with something like that!

Well, nothing else left to debate/argue about! Gosh, I sure know how to handle things! LOL

Back to watching a Classic Rock DVD concert (Styx and REO Speedwagon), having some Mexican food and a stout margarita.........all with my loving, caring and trusting wife!
 
Vivjen said:
My parents are still married; after 63 years.
mt 2nd husband died after 5 years...unexpectedly.
have you any idea how difficult it is to pay anything with totally joint accounts?
no money; everything frozen....and not knowing what to do next?
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Congratulations on your parents' long marriage Vivjen. Hubby and I have been happily married for 38 years now, and hope for many more years together. We have all joint accounts, but we have tried to make the majority of them "or" as opposed to "and". That way either of us can access the funds or close the account without the others involvement. I imagine those who lose a spouse who has joint accounts, may have to jump through a lot of hoops to access their own money.

I'm grateful to have a loving man and a good marriage, but I know of too many instances where things don't work out that way, and one partner, usually the woman, finds herself in a situation where she must stay because she can't financially live on her own, or even afford rent for an apartment. So having an 'escape' fund is not a bad idea at all, if you don't need to use it, that's great, but if you do, you have it available.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Congratulations on your parents' long marriage Vivjen. Hubby and I have been happily married for 38 years now, and hope for many more years together. We have all joint accounts, but we have tried to make the majority of them "or" as opposed to "and". That way either of us can access the funds or close the account without the others involvement. I imagine those who lose a spouse who has joint accounts, may have to jump through a lot of hoops to access their own money.

I'm grateful to have a loving man and a good marriage, but I know of too many instances where things don't work out that way, and one partner, usually the woman, finds herself in a situation where she must stay because she can't financially live on her own, or even afford rent for an apartment. So having an 'escape' fund is not a bad idea at all, if you don't need to use it, that's great, but if you do, you have it available.
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When my husband died, I went to the bank to take his name off my checking and savings account.. I was told that I would have to have his permission to do that. I told them he was deceased, and I even had the death certificate..... it didn't matter. I had to close out both accounts and reopen them in my name.. Good thing we had "OR" on the accounts or I may have had to dig him up..

What I don't understand is the disgust some have here for women (or men) who need to protect themselves.. I suppose it's better to be killed by an abusive spouse than to have the means to escape.. Not everyone is lucky enough to make the right choice in a spouse.. AND Sociopaths are very good at manipulating and disguising themselves when they need to. I think it's ALWAYS a good idea to have a contingeny plan...as one never knows.
 
I don`t think anybody has disgust for a woman needing to protect herself. My youngest daughter WAS in a very abusive relationship. She and I ended up unable to have a relationship for three long years because I couldn`t just sit back and let what I knew would happen,happen. And if she had chosen to marry him,I would have been there ready with checkbook in hand when she dcided to leave him. Because I`ll tell you one thing for sure,he would have made sure there was no way she would have ever been allowed to have such a fund. You said it yourself-these people are sociopaths and they (think they) have every angle figured out. And this articular guy did not hide for a second what and who he was. But my daughter loved him anyway and chose him over her family and friends-even after he was arrested and convicted of nearly killing her. I don`t feel that it`s a matter of being "lucky" at all-I still maintain that you can see the character of a person from the getgo. I am not saying that divorce doesn`t end up happening because of things that happen-alcoholism that may have never been an issue in the days before you married,things like that do happen and can go downhill very quickly,but most people really are pretty crystal clear as to their character from the beginning.
 
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