End of Life Choices

Mitch86

Mitch86

Member
Location
Connecticut, USA
I am curious about what others think as they approach their end of life. Do they want to be kept alive as long as possible or would they prefer just "comfort" care and be allowed to die? For me at 86 I am nearing that stage when bad things happen. I have a living will and advanced directive specifying I want to be allowed to die if things become too uncomfortable. I just want to be kept pain free and also free from the "side effects" of saving measures like drugs.

Those in the 80's and 90's just need one fall to become totally helpless. Then others including close relatives make decisions for us. I keep making it clear to my close relatives, friends, doctors and attorneys that I just want pain and bad symptoms controlled even if it would result in my death.
 

I think I have a similar mentality and the only thing I still can't come to terms with is the people I will leave behind.

And I think you will still live long enough to play CIV 7. You never know.
 

RFW said:
I think I have a similar mentality and the only thing I still can't come to terms with is the people I will leave behind.

And I think you will still live long enough to play CIV 7. You never know.
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The older my youngest grandkids get, the less I think about who I leave behind. If I'd have adopted Paxton, I'd have worried about it a lot until he was old enough to understand the inevitability; like 8 to 10 years from now..

After several conversations about this very thing, my wife accepts it's totally a given she'll be left behind, and I'm comfortable with that.

@Mitch86 - Yeah, I'm with you. I filed a Do Not Resuscitate form and an End of Life Directive with my doctor and the hospital where she works, and I have copies of them hanging on the side of the fridge for EMTs/First Responders. Also I signed + dated a copy and gave it to my oldest son's attorney. So, everyone's on the same page and hopefully there's no one left who can over-ride my decisions.
 
I have a legal Missouri "Do not resuscitate" bracelet I wear. The reality is we can't exactly predict how/when/or where we will die. That is a little disturbing, but part of the game. @ mellowyellow I would like to see legislation for euthanasia in the US. I am not holding my breath, the medical/big pharma industry has the upper hand.
 
My best hope is to die in my sleep although I know we are not given a choice as to how we'll die. I don't know how long I have now but am living with a terminal condition. I am more concerned with taking care of my pets as long as possible and then my duty on this earth will be done.

Just trying to stay as content as possible before the end. I don't have a living will or directives. I know a time will come when I'll take care of those things. I have been starting to think about that.

Just trying to keep smiling ☺️
 
I think it's important for a person to make their wishes known....both legally, and to family, etc. Setting up a Trust can save the family ton's of hassles with probate, etc. Making their medical/health/death choices ahead of time, with the proper documents is Very Important, IMO.

After all, no one lives forever, and accepting the inevitable, and preparing for it, helps the family immeasurably.
 
I am looking into a health care proxy. So that my wishes are carried out. If you pick one though it is important that person knows, and understands your wishes, and is willing to follow through. I know that at my age, I would not want to be in a vegetative state with no hope for recovery. I definitely want a DNR in place.
I used to work in an assisted living facility, and many residents had DNRs.
My niece will be my proxy, as I know she will respect my wishes.
 
Keep getting asked if I was to appoint someone, which I have not done.

I just want to be kept comfortable. Just wanted to be in hospice care, except one needs to be days away, and I keep going against Doctors' predictions.

Have noticed when close to the end, it did not hurt, living did...

It helps to be the positive best one can be.
 
I posted in another thread about my mother passing away on November 9. She was in hospice and not mobile for over a year, but at least she could sit in her chair, watch TV and converse. The last month became her final one.

She was 89, going through end of life and although she was supposedly kept "comfortable" she was bedridden, frequently fidgety and in pain. I didn't see anything comfortable about it. She would say "get me out of here", "I want to sit in my chair", "help me sit up", "I want to go home" and numerous other things. She did not have dementia. This is what happens when the body starts shutting down. This lasted for almost a month and was heartbreaking to watch. I frequently contacted hospice to put her on more pain and sleeping medication. If I visited her and she was sleeping, I never had the heart to wake her up because I knew that was the best part of her final days.

So I agree with some that euthanasia would be a more humane way to go. Sorry to be so negative, but this experience made me a realist about what I might face some day.
 
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A tattoo or a DNR with your doctor won't make any difference. If you fall down in the supermarket with a heart attack or a stroke because the paramedics/hospital will do everything in their power to save your life.
 
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If you are an elderly patient with a serious illness who has been rushed to hospital during an emergency situation, you may be given the option of resuscitation or not - a sensible decision for the patient IMO.
 
dseag2 said:
I posted in another thread about my mother passing away on November 9. She was in hospice and not mobile for over a year, but at least she could sit in her chair, watch TV and converse. The last month became her final one.

She was 89, going through end of life and although she was supposedly kept "comfortable" she was bedridden, frequently fidgety and in pain. I didn't see anything comfortable about it. She would say "get me out of here", "I want to sit in my chair", "help me sit up", "I want to go home" and numerous other things. She did not have dementia. This is what happens when the body starts shutting down. This lasted for almost a month and was heartbreaking to watch. I frequently contacted hospice to put her on more pain and sleeping medication. If I visited her and she was sleeping, I never had the heart to wake her up because I knew that was the best part of her final days.

So I agree with some that euthanasia would be a more humane way to go. Sorry to be so negative, but this experience made me a realist about what I might face some day.
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My mother is currently like this only not in hospice but a care home. She had the unfortunate timing of going in as the pandemic started so all volunteers and activities/outings for residents were cancelled. It's basically been stay in your room for the past two years. At times, they are allowed out for meals in the common room but only when there's no Covid cases in the home. Visitations are very restricted as well.

She's in her 102nd year and there's NO quality of life at all. She watches TV, reads a lot and sleeps even more. She is still fully aware of what's going on which I can't decide if that's a blessing or a curse yet she keeps on marching somehow despite the knowledge that things will not get better for her next day, week, month or year. I honestly don't know where she finds the will to carry on but ..... she does. I don't ever want to reach that point personally :(
I suspect we all want to go peacefully in our sleep but realistically, that might only happen to a very small percentage of us. The rest of us must accept our fate with as much dignity as we can muster when our time and circumstances come.
 
I genuinely feel for what you are going through with your mother. With that said, I am happy that you are still traveling and seeing the world. We canceled so many trips, including a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Cape Town, due to my mother's health issues. I flew to Buenos Aires for a business function, then flew back the next day because my mother had a mini-stroke. She was fine by the time I arrived home.

We finally went to the Greek Isles last September when she was fairly healthy. Really glad we did. I miss my mother, but we are now free to travel whenever we want to. I am traveling to the Caribbean in early February with a friend. I can't wait to escape my everyday life!
 
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