I'm looking for someone exceptional, (who doesn't think they're an exceptional woman)

Graham
Women have no advantage at our age. If they chose to look fo a partner, friend in their later years it is from the need to have a companion at this stage in their life. They are not looking for Clark Gable, just like you are not looking for a 32 year old bombshell. Both of you should be looking for a person that has the same values, the same interest and enjoy each other's company. There is no need for marriage, for living together. Just be able to go out and enjoy the normal stuff of life. In your case love of the outdoors, love of travel and visiting the beautiful areas of your country. To go out for dinner or lunch, enjoy a show together.

We are well past the silly stage, we know looks, money, possesions do not make a person. It is the person that is comfortable in their life, there should not be a need to impress someone. You want someone that just accepts you as you are. You should offer her the same courtesy. That is what makes a relationship.
Your are not a fool, but you should be quiet about the past that that bothers you so much. Once you have made a good connection you can delve into that.

We all have heartbreak but we don't need to share it until or if there is a reason to do so. She may have suffered much in her lifetime as well. That could be the thing that will give you a strong connection in the long run.
 
grahamg said:
Dont you think these ladies always have us at a bit of a disadvantage, because as a friend of mine who has been happily married for a good few years says, "men are fools when it comes to women" (,....., if not everything else!)? :rolleyes::whistle:
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I'm quite sure that men are in fact "fools when it comes to women", but women can equally be foolish about their attractions and choices of men.
Going back to my "Don't actively look" comment, if I were 'eligible' I would not use dating sites or services, or go to events geared toward "meeting" people. That said, back in the 90s I did attend a couple Parents without Partners social functions. I'm proud to say that I avoided waking up in the morning in some strange ladie's bed, I left sober & single...had a great time talking and dancing.
Since my divorce my goal is to be in-control of my life, and I cherish that probably more than I should.
 

Blessed said:
Graham. Women have no advantage at our age. If they chose to look fo a partner, friend in their later years it is from the need to have a companion at this stage in their life. They are not looking for Clark Gable, just like you are not looking for a 32 year old bombshell. (Break)
Your are not a fool, but you should be quiet about the past that that bothers you so much. Once you have made a good connection you can delve into that.
We all have heartbreak but we don't need to share it until or if there is a reason to do so. She may have suffered much in her lifetime as well. That could be the thing that will give you a strong connection in the long run.
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I've cut a section out of your post simply to focus upon the little bit (highlighted in bold type), I absolutely and completely refuse to accept "come what may"!
Your advice is very very well meant, I know that very well, and many others give the same advice about not goin on about the past etc., etc., etc., or the other great statement "Move on".

It is my choice to continue to annoy whoever might choose to dislike or disagree with me over fathers/parents rights, and I dont have to listen to anyone over that aspect of my life, especially if I'm content to accept whatever consequences flowing from it, (upsetting women/people who cant see past my almost solo campaigning these days!).

Can I just share with you a s*xist joke made by a doctor I was speaking to earlier today, and letting him know my hearing problem was improving I thought, after my overall relaxing holiday, but there were still some sounds I found more difficult to hear or pick up on than others, including the voices of the women in my bank this morning.

His response (the Aussie doctor), was to trot out an old joke about "Dont worry about not being able to hear what a woman's saying, it probably will not be worth listening to anyway!

I told him I would post what he'd said on a forum, anonymously of course, and he jokingly told me his name was another doctors name, (or something other than I already knew it was!).

I mention this just to show "the battle of the s*xes" is still alive and well in some parts of the world. :whistle:
 
JaniceM said:
Jerks don't usually get exceptional women.. or at least the odds are against it.
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But I did, so this must mean I'm one of the few exceptions to your rule, (or if your rule applied in 100% of cases, then you're arguing my ex., wasn't so smart, and somehow two such dumba*se parents managed to produce a completely exceptional daughter, and raised her well enough to be absolutely top of her school year, then become a doctor/mother, no bother at all)!

Wanna rephrase your statement now, (or should I expose you to more s*xist jokes and cartoons from unexpected sources, riling "the fairer s*x again, I'm sure they would be most appreciated by those liking your post)? :)
 
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Oh Graham, here it is five o'clock in the morning in Ohio and I've just read several long threads of yours, started at 4:30. I'm becoming obsessed with your obsession!

Now, back to you. I've had an idea. You should go on a date with someone. Anyone. This would just be a practice date so she wouldn't have to be an exceptional woman who doesn't know she's exceptional, just someone who might enjoy an evening out.

So you make the date. Take her to dinner or a movie or village fete, whatever, try not to tell any anti-woman jokes (even with the excuse that it was someone else's joke, not yours!) Talk to her, if you say, "Sorry about the filthy weather," and she says, "Oh I like rain!" don't take it as a personal attack, she's just making conversation. Take her home, be your gentle self.

Then come here and start a thread about it! We want to know every detail.

Just try doing that one thing. See where it takes you and what different paths might start to open for you.
 
Della said:
Oh Graham, here it is five o'clock in the morning in Ohio and I've just read several long threads of yours, started at 4:30. I'm becoming obsessed with your obsession!
Now, back to you. I've had an idea. You should go on a date with someone. Anyone. This would just be a practice date so she wouldn't have to be an exceptional woman who doesn't know she's exceptional, just someone who might enjoy an evening out. (Break)
Then come here and start a thread about it! We want to know every detail.

Just try doing that one thing. See where it takes you and what different paths might start to open for you.
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"Excusez Moi",......., do you think I'm some kind of a gossip, who goes around talking about ladies/women, (exceptional or not!), behind their backs???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rolleyes::censored::whistle:

I do however accept your kind words and advice generally, and thank you for it!

You've reminded me of a radio broadcasting hero of mine called Dotun Adebayo, who does occasionally say indiscrete things about his wonderful wife, on a national BBC nighttime radio show, and expresses the hope she wont get to hear what he said, (though he knows very well she'd take it in good part, and as a professional singer she sometimes comes on his show and sings blues numbers live ).
 
grahamg said:
"Excusez Moi",......., do you think I'm some kind of a gossip, who goes around talking about ladies/women, (exceptional or not!), behind their backs???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rolleyes::censored::whistle:

I do however accept your kind words and advice generally, and thank you for it!

You've reminded me of a radio broadcasting hero of mine called Dotun Adebayo, who does occasionally say indiscrete things about his wonderful wife, on a national BBC nighttime radio show, and expresses the hope she wont get to hear what he said, (though he knows very well she'd take it in good part, and as a professional singer she sometimes comes on his show and sings blues numbers live ).
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Oh, sorry that's not what I meant at all. I just wanted to know all about the dinner or movie or whatever, and how the conversation went, -- that sort of thing. I wasn't expecting anything to happen on the first date that would be of an indiscreet nature and wouldn't expect to hear about it if it did.
 
grahamg said:
Dont you think these ladies always have us at a bit of a disadvantage, because as a friend of mine who has been happily married for a good few years says, "men are fools when it comes to women" (,....., if not everything else!)? :rolleyes::whistle:
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This is my second quote of this post, will reveal my sometimes(mostly)contradictory points of view, but I'm at ease with that.
You're right- men are fools when it comes to women, men will put a woman up on a pedestal, worship, obsess and anguish over that woman, ultimately creating more unhappiness in the process of chasing bliss.
Here's a music video of a song about such an event:

 
Paco Dennis said:
I think that is the best strategy. At least it was for me. After several relationships i had when I thought I needed one, and then them falling apart, I quit looking. 1/2 a year later I met Misa...we have been best friends for over 30 years...not married. :)
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I think I missed commenting on your post earlier, but all I wanted to suggest is that you and your partner must do many things right in order for it to be such a success! :)
 
Della said:
Oh, sorry that's not what I meant at all. I just wanted to know all about the dinner or movie or whatever, and how the conversation went, -- that sort of thing. I wasn't expecting anything to happen on the first date that would be of an indiscreet nature and wouldn't expect to hear about it if it did.
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Okay, panic over, I'm with you now, trouble is I'm so weak on the flirting/chat up front, it'll probably be a while before there's anything to report! :)
 
You are such a silly engaging guy, I don't know why you don't have an overload of female friends to spend time with. I am going to put the blame on you, they probably try to get your attention all the time, you just won't take the bait.
 
Blessed said:
You are such a silly engaging guy, I don't know why you don't have an overload of female friends to spend time with. I am going to put the blame on you, they probably try to get your attention all the time, you just won't take the bait.
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Dont blame either them, nor I, (accept my being slow on the uptake), "blame the modern world" instead,.............,!!

If its true, as I believe it is, that men in California say the only way they expect to see their children grow up into adulthood is if they employ the services of a surrogate mother, then there has to be something wrong with "the world", or "western country's family law", or even "western culture".

Here is a bit of research concerning surrogacy, (not relating to California though):
https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/32/9/1871/3964598

Quote:
"Why do men decide to have a child by surrogacy as a single parent?

SUMMARY ANSWER
Reasons included feeling that it was the right time (i.e. having ‘worked through’ concerns about single parenthood; career and financial stability; a fear of getting older; no longer wanting to wait for the ‘right’ relationship), external encouragement, a desire to reproduce and a fear of separation/divorce."
 
grahamg said:
If its true, as I believe it is, that men in California say the only way they expect to see their children grow up into adulthood is if they employ the services of a surrogate mother, then there has to be something wrong with "the world", or "western country's family law", or even "western culture".
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None of the men I know in California say that and I know quite a few including my brother.
 
Liberty said:
Most old guys are probably looking for a "nurse with a purse" as my confirmed bachelor friend from PA says. LOL
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I'd guess there is some of that kind of thing going on, and I do know an aunt of mine, (who maybe had a tough side to her character, her husband having died at forty, so she brought up their child etc.,), when she remarried a very nice old widower, maybe for companionship etc., didn't find the happiness they both presumed they'd have, so at around eighty they were divorced :( !
 
grahamg said:
Dont blame either them, nor I, (accept my being slow on the uptake), "blame the modern world" instead,.............,!!

If its true, as I believe it is, that men in California say the only way they expect to see their children grow up into adulthood is if they employ the services of a surrogate mother, then there has to be something wrong with "the world", or "western country's family law", or even "western culture".

Here is a bit of research concerning surrogacy, (not relating to California though):
https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/32/9/1871/3964598

Quote:
"Why do men decide to have a child by surrogacy as a single parent?

SUMMARY ANSWER
Reasons included feeling that it was the right time (i.e. having ‘worked through’ concerns about single parenthood; career and financial stability; a fear of getting older; no longer wanting to wait for the ‘right’ relationship), external encouragement, a desire to reproduce and a fear of separation/divorce."
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I always felt my children had a right to know and interact with their dad after we were divorced.
 
Patricia said:
I always felt my children had a right to know and interact with their dad after we were divorced.
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There will probably always be tension at times following divorce, where one party feels injured especially, and some of the areas for trouble go from the banal or trivial, to the most fundamental aspects, such as "which parent the child might love most", or whether the residential parent, or parent with custody feels threatened in their position by any love the child might show towards the other parent!

Of the banal or trivial sources of tension I remember my then five year old child being given a whole lot of chocolate Easter eggs one year, (maybe seven), and two of them came from my brother/sister in law.

My ex or her new man must have told my daughter I'd eaten said Easter eggs, so the relief/delight on my daughters face when she found all seven waiting for her on the table at her next visit, was quite something, but those planting such negative thoughts as "daddy can't be trusted not to eat your chocolate eggs", still had gained some benefit from this kind of behaviour, in that it was yet another opportunity to bring home to our daughter the tricky situation she was in!
 
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