Do divorced men make better husbands second time around?

C50 said:
I would be a terrible husband if I married again. When I was married I gave up way to much of myself trying to be the perfect husband, provider and father. While I have no regrets for the life I gave my kids I have immense regrets for all I did for my ex. I won't do that to myself again, I will not sacrifice myself for the benefit of another. I'm happy being selfish and single.
Click to expand...
Me too. In general, I don't find people to be worth that much effort. I am a sociopath though.
 

I think people in general make better spouses the second time around if they’re willing to confront their own faults and issues and baggage….in other words whatever THEY contributed to making the relationship difficult… and make an effort to better themselves.

I think too many people after divorce or breakup look for a new mate with different qualities than the ones they came to dislike in their partner, without ever indulging in introspection about what they themselves may have contributed to difficulties in the relationship.

Too many folks pin all the blame on their partner for a failed relationship, without ever acknowledging their own contributions to it going south.
 
rgp said:
The OP's question begs the question ... Do divorced women make better wives the second time around ?

Well, I really do not know ....... What i do know is, after the divorce [sometimes during] they come with their kids , and in my experience , expect the new guy to ride in on his white horse and make it all better. Give up his 💰 his time [free time] , and work hiis ass off to make a home for the other guys children. And provide a great life for his kids & her.

Which is why I don't know really ....... because each time I was confronted with such an actuality ..... I thought ..... hell no, I'm not jumping from that pan into the fire.

As such, I have been single and happy all these years [50+] .... Second time around would I have made a better husband ? Don't know ...... do I ? ...<grin>
Click to expand...
You may not have noticed I tackled the issue you've raised in my OP, (and how I got away with it I'll never know!!!! ):

OP Quote:
"I know the same question could be posed concerning women too, but as most women are almost perfect to start with there is not the same room for improvement is there, (so it doesn't really apply to wives/women in my humble view :sneaky: )."
 
grahamg said:
You may not have noticed I tackled the issue you've raised in my OP, (and how I got away with it I'll never know!!!! ):

OP Quote:
"I know the same question could be posed concerning women too, but as most women are almost perfect to start with there is not the same room for improvement is there, (so it doesn't really apply to wives/women in my humble view :sneaky: )."
Click to expand...

I did see that .... but I left out the "almost perfect part" :rolleyes: which of course they are not. Hope you'll forgive my repeating.
 
Jan14 said:
All I can say is at first I really wanted a man. I dated a little. Now Im meeting new lady friends. I’m experiencing a lot of peace in my life. I’ve been alone 4 years.
Click to expand...
It is a personal choice, and works well for some of us. The goal is to discover what works for you at your current stage of life.

Many seem to think only in terms of intimate romantic relationships. Technically i'm not alone, my daughter lives with me, but haven't had an intimate, romantic relationship since 1999, when last marriage ended.

Most of my life i have valued familial and platonic relationships as much as 'romantic' ones, and turns out the romantic ones are no longer vital to my well being, maybe they never were but that's a whole other discussion. We have different needs at different points in life.
 
C50 said:
I would be a terrible husband if I married again. When I was married I gave up way to much of myself trying to be the perfect husband, provider and father. While I have no regrets for the life I gave my kids I have immense regrets for all I did for my ex. I won't do that to myself again, I will not sacrifice myself for the benefit of another. I'm happy being selfish and single.
Click to expand...
No one should have to 'lose' themselves to have a successful relationship of any kind, spousal, parental, sibling, adult child & their parents. While i feel children should be top priority while they minors, that includes modeling emotionally healthy habits--like not foregoing all your favorite activities for someone else.

My boys were 4 years old when it sunk in that to take good care of them i had to take care of myself. It was a physical issue that brought the realization it was not selfish to do so, but i quickly realized it should be applied to mental/emotional health as well. Because i did my job as a parent when they were young, we have mutually supportive relationship in their adulthood. As long as any of them are alive, no matter the geographic separation i won't feel 'alone' in this world.
 
oldaunt said:
I don't want to be a housewife either. Barn chores are much more satisfying. Why do men think a woman even SHOULD be a "housewife"? Try being a househusband and see how YOU like it.
Click to expand...
Some might, tho more likely in younger generations who were raised to be responsible for their stuff, and cleaning up after selves.

One good thing about my 3rd husband was he'd dust, vacuum, do some cooking & kitchen cleanup. Tho he needed reminding about putting dirty clothes in hamper, and sometimes other clean up after self chores. (always did it without complaint when reminded, but having to remind him as if it wasn't his mess and his home as well as mine was annoying to me). We both worked (except some of my college time) and when we bought a house in Wyoming, i mowed the yard and shoveled snow.
 
rgp said:
The OP's question begs the question ... Do divorced women make better wives the second time around ?

Well, I really do not know ....... What i do know is, after the divorce [sometimes during] they come with their kids , and in my experience , expect the new guy to ride in on his white horse and make it all better. Give up his 💰 his time [free time] , and work hiis ass off to make a home for the other guys children. And provide a great life for his kids & her.

Which is why I don't know really ....... because each time I was confronted with such an actuality ..... I thought ..... hell no, I'm not jumping from that pan into the fire.

As such, I have been single and happy all these years [50+] .... Second time around would I have made a better husband ? Don't know ...... do I ? ...<grin>
Click to expand...
"The OP's question begs the question ... Do divorced women make better wives the second time around ?"

No
 
I think being a good spouse is just something that is built in. If you don't have it then learning it is gonna be problematic. And if neither of you is any good at it then there's definitely gonna be trouble. So if at first you don't succeed that doesn't mean you need to try and try again. :ROFLMAO:
 
oldaunt said:
I don't want to be a housewife either. Barn chores are much more satisfying. Why do men think a woman even SHOULD be a "housewife"? Try being a househusband and see how YOU like it.
Click to expand...

No ONE says that they should , but I think they SHOULD be honest in what they convey .

BTW ...... you shout at me ..... I shout back.
 
Most men have difficulty seeing any fault in themselves....someone else is always to blame. I have chatted to so many men whose wives left them and their attitude is always the same.
Therefore, I would say no, a man would not be a better husband second time round.
 
oldaunt said:
Did you sit on something nasty this morning? No one is shouting, and I have ALWAYS been very clear how I feel about being stuck with the housework and browbeaten by people for feeling that way.
Click to expand...

When you use capitals ..... you are shouting . And again, I ALWAYS shout back.

And ..... I am not browbeating you due to / because of your feelings about being a housewife. I respect your position & wish you only a happy life.

I went [back in the day] on a couple of dates 2-3 with a young woman , and picked her up on my motorcycle, about that ime she forbade me to ever show up on it again. I told her pretty much the same thing ...... have a nice life. "Bumped" into her 2-3 years later ..... she said she couldn't believe she had been dumped for a motorcycle ....... I replied, I couldn't believe you actually thought you could tell me what I can do !
 
Lavinia said:
Most men have difficulty seeing any fault in themselves....someone else is always to blame. I have chatted to so many men whose wives left them and their attitude is always the same.
Therefore, I would say no, a man would not be a better husband second time round.
Click to expand...

And i again can say from personal experience the same thing about women. .....
 
rgp said:
When you use capitals ..... you are shouting . And again, I ALWAYS shout back.

And ..... I am not browbeating you due to / because of your feelings about being a housewife. I respect your position & wish you only a happy life.

I went [back in the day] on a couple of dates 2-3 with a young woman , and picked her up on my motorcycle, about that ime she forbade me to ever show up on it again. I told her pretty much the same thing ...... have a nice life. "Bumped" into her 2-3 years later ..... she said she couldn't believe she had been dumped for a motorcycle ....... I replied, I couldn't believe you actually thought you could tell me what I can do !
Click to expand...
Not always. One who is not so determined to be offended would understand a single word was merely emphasis. But sweetie, you just do your offended bit as long as you wish. I'm happy either way. In passing, I never said nor even inferred I meanyt YOU were browbeating me, but that it has happened. You must be really having an UGLY day to be so offended on purpose.
 
oldaunt said:
Not always. One who is not so determined to be offended would understand a single word was merely emphasis. But sweetie, you just do your offended bit as long as you wish. I'm happy either way. In passing, I never said nor even inferred I meanyt YOU were browbeating me, but that it has happened. You must be really having an UGLY day to be so offended on purpose.
Click to expand...

Well, honey baby,sugarpie ....... I'm not offended at all, simply because your opinion neither breaks nor makes my day........ and everyday is a great one for me.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top