My Son Became Somewhat "Indignant" and Told Me Off (Well Sort Of)

OneEyedDiva

OneEyedDiva

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Location
New Jersey
I'm a person who doesn't like to owe anyone a dime. My parents, grandmother and grand uncle were the same way. My son has brought several little surprise treats for me since he moved back home. Recently I asked him to bring me a 12 pack of Activia yogurt when he went to Shoprite and organic cherry tomatoes when he went to Trader Joe's. I know that when he treats me to something, he doesn't expect to be paid for it, but I figure when I ask him to bring me something, it's only fair that I pay him for the items.

As I began telling him how I planned to credit (what he owes me) for the yogurt and the tomatoes, he got "indignant" and said "Ma..as much as you do for me I don't expect you to pay me back for anything! In fact, I don't want to hear it! If you feel like you must, then do it quietly, some kind of way, but I never want to hear about you paying me back for something again!" Well alrighty then. 😌 I told him how much I appreciated the sentiment and what a wonderful son he is..

I am so blessed that my child is not one of those who feels entitled and who I can trust to do right by me. I also trust him with my money and accounts. I never have a problem with him not paying me back, no matter the amounts. To top it off, my "Baby" honors me by bringing me flowers and candy on HIS birthday (also called Mother's-versary).
@Pecos
 

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OneEyedDiva said:
I'm a person who doesn't like to owe anyone a dime. My parents, grandmother and grand uncle were the same way. My son has brought several little surprise treats for me since he moved back home. Recently I asked him to bring me a 12 pack of Activia yogurt when he went to Shoprite and organic cherry tomatoes when he went to Trader Joe's. I know that when he treats me to something, he doesn't expect to be paid for it, but I figure when I ask him to bring me something, it's only fair that I pay him for the items.

As I began telling him how I planned to credit (what he owes me) for the yogurt and the tomatoes, he got "indignant" and said "Ma..as much as you do for me I don't expect you to pay me back for anything! In fact, I don't want to hear it! If you feel like you must, then do it quietly, some kind of way, but I never want to hear about you paying me back for something again! Well alrighty then. 😌 I told him how much I appreciated the sentiment and what a wonderful son he is..

I am so blessed that my child is not one of those who feels entitled and who I can trust to do right by me. I also trust him with my money and accounts. I never have a problem with him not paying me back, no matter the amounts. To top it off, my "Baby" honors me by bringing me flowers and candy on HIS birthday (also called Mother's-versary).
@Pecos
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That doesn't surprise me, you raised him, he's bound to be a good guy! Occasionally an apple rolls far from the tree, but not that often.

I've had the same issue with my daughter my daughter for years.
 

One of mine has the same attitude. I feel guilty when he sends me something but he always says, 'You made sacrifices for me, mum, now it's my turn'.
My other children still see me as mum, there to attend to their needs, regardless of my own. So it seems to be a matter of their personalities.
 
Wow, for some reason this hits me right in the feels. It's one of those things that you don't truly understand until you swap places.
As a young adult, and the tech guy in the family, it was not uncommon to lend IT support to my dad. Bless his heart, he wants to be a technology user and he's ok until something goes wrong. At the time he lived about 30 minutes away, and I would often have to drive over and help him sort out some issue or another. He would always insist on giving me a $20 bill "for gas money", often just slipping it into my pocket as I hugged him when leaving and we would have that "no you don't have to" conversation. And not just tech stuff, it was the all the usual stuff too. Whenever we would visit and go out to eat, he always picked up the check for the group, delighting my kids by slipping them a $5 dollar bill (which they too would try to resist, especially as they got older), etc.

At first I resisted, sometimes strongly, insisting that I didn't need any kind of compensation - he was my dad, I do it because I love him and because he did so much for me along the way. One day, he finally set me straight. "I know you don't expect me to give you gas money, or pay the check, etc.. But I want to. I appreciate what you do for me. I'm a grown-ass adult, comfortable in my retirement and finances. If it was a burden to give things to you, then you have to trust that I wouldn't do it." This really flipped a switch that I just accepted at the time, but didn't truly understand until now, when I'm the retired dad, and I have my children and grandchildren that I want to do things for.

Once I accepted it myself, I explained to my children that grandpa does these things because he loves you and he would not do it if he could not afford to. When he does, simply say thank you and give him a great big hug. This completely eliminated all of those uncomfortable, "no Dad, you really don't have to do that", conversations.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I'm a person who doesn't like to owe anyone a dime. My parents, grandmother and grand uncle were the same way. My son has brought several little surprise treats for me since he moved back home. Recently I asked him to bring me a 12 pack of Activia yogurt when he went to Shoprite and organic cherry tomatoes when he went to Trader Joe's. I know that when he treats me to something, he doesn't expect to be paid for it, but I figure when I ask him to bring me something, it's only fair that I pay him for the items.

As I began telling him how I planned to credit (what he owes me) for the yogurt and the tomatoes, he got "indignant" and said "Ma..as much as you do for me I don't expect you to pay me back for anything! In fact, I don't want to hear it! If you feel like you must, then do it quietly, some kind of way, but I never want to hear about you paying me back for something again!" Well alrighty then. 😌 I told him how much I appreciated the sentiment and what a wonderful son he is..

I am so blessed that my child is not one of those who feels entitled and who I can trust to do right by me. I also trust him with my money and accounts. I never have a problem with him not paying me back, no matter the amounts. To top it off, my "Baby" honors me by bringing me flowers and candy on HIS birthday (also called Mother's-versary).
@Pecos
Click to expand...
I had to give my late mother the same 'talkin' to'! She took it the same as you...! I lost her a few years ago, but I am thankful that we had some good years after dad died. She was a very special lady and mother!
 
charry said:
I told my son he had an attitude problems 8 yrs ago and he’s not spoken to me since and I’ve not seen my grandson either
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Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just came back from Church and the preacher man just preached about negative emotions and attitudes. It's all about maturity I say. Thanks for posting.
 

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