A Charitable Donation Gone Wrong

Lee

Lee

Senior Member
Location
Chatham, Ontario
I have been purging and hubby had a goose down vest in great condition and his fishing days are over. So I called a man that works outside and asked him if he wanted it. He showed up and said he would be glad to have it. But what happened next has me feeling a little off about him.

He looked at a pile of stuff and asked about a set of luggage. I explained that all of it was going to a thrift store for donation. I am not generally speechless but we all have our days and I had no reply when he said his daughter was going to Florida and he could use it and before I could reply he picked it up and was out the door.

Should I have called him back and asked for it back? Too late now I suppose. But that set was four pieces that all fit one inside the other and no doubt the thrift store would have benefitted more than a daughter going to a Florida vacation.
 

That's the kind of thing that will bug me for days; "I should have said something....or maybe not?"

I'm going to tell myself that guy thought you nodded or your eyes said "yes" or something. Otherwise, I have to believe he's a turd.

I was watching the community's landscapers working outside my window the other day, and I saw one of them picking oranges off the community fruit tree that grows right outside my back door. A tree that the community kids visit most mornings on their way to school, and brings littler ones to my door saying "Peew dis fo' me, pweez."

I knocked on the window and the guy looked up at my half-disapproval, half-warning expression and got back to his leaf-blowing in a hurry. But the dude walked away with 6 oranges in his pockets.

He's a turd.
 
Pepper said:
Maybe he thought 'community' meant him too, @Murrmurr :D
Click to expand...
That's why it's kind of like @Lee 's situation.

But, they're not that dude's freakin oranges! I shoulda collected 'em. Shoulda signaled him to "Come 'ere, little turd" and then to empty his pockets.

But, maybe management would say that, as a community gardener, he's a part of the community.

But, they're not his freakin oranges!! Dang turd.
 
Since you were getting rid of it anyway, he may have thought you wouldn't mind if he took it, especially since you didn't say anything right then. But he should have asked, not assumed. The thrift store would have charged for the suitcases. Personally, I'd rather someone get my donations for free...not have to pay for them, so I avoid donating to places like Salvation Army and definitely not Good Will (they seem to charge more for items than other thrift stores). Who knows, maybe his daughter needed them because she couldn't afford to buy them for herself. That being said...I know what it feels like to wonder if something was handled right...should I or shouldn't I have??? I hope you can bypass any regrets you might have and think of it as you may have inadvertently helped someone who needed it.
 
Yes, people sometimes do or say things that leave me standing there looking shocked. It can take a couple of days or even a couple of weeks to get over it.

Some people have their own agendas and don't consider the effect they might be having on others.

I'd prefer to think it's his problem not mine, and the thrift store will be fine with the reduced set. Then I'd try to forget the whole thing (and maybe cut off contact with the guy, if necessary for your peace of mind).

We can't control everything that happens.
 
I knew a woman who always asked her friend for her daughter's shoes, as she had a daughter the same age. This woman could afford to purchase new shoes, but I witnessed her aggressively talking her friend into
giving her shoes that the woman's daughter hadn't outgrown yet. It was embarrassing to hear/see.

Some people are just takers.
 
I was reminded of a case I saw on "The People's Court."
A guy had an avocado tree in his yard. He shared some with neighbors & he didn't mind that some people would pick a few of them from some branches that hung over his fence.
But one day, he went outside & saw a truck parked next to his fence & a guy was standing in the bed of the truck, picking avocados with a long tool. He had already picked most of the tree clean; there were over 100 avocados in the truck.
When he said something to the guy, he just got in his truck & drove away.
The homeowner sued him. The guy's explanation for being so greedy? He said, "Well, your honor, I was making guacamole for a party."
The judge awarded him several hundred dollars.
 
Another thought: I used to be very transparent, but I've learned to hold back a bit. For example, instead of, "All this is going to the thrift store," I might say, "I have other plans for this." Of course, sometimes we're taken by surprise and don't have an answer at the ready.

About 20 years ago, I was giving away a computer with peripherals. At that time and place, many people didn't have computers, and someone would have appreciated receiving the complete setup. A friend started grabbing just the parts that he wanted. I stopped him, because then I'd have to figure out how to get rid of the other parts.
 
We had an instance many years ago where we picked an "angel" off the Angel Tree at church (I think) and I took the kids to buy presents. The idea behind this was that the dad was in jail and he had put in the request for toys/clothes to be bought for his children for Christmas.

We took the gifts to the home, the family seemed very appreciative and the kids were excited.

One of the girls in the family was in my youngest daughter's class at school, so after Christmas, I asked how she liked her presents. My daughter replied, "She said the adults took all the presents back to the store and got the money for them. She didn't get any of the presents."

Now, I've had people tell me after the fact, "Well, maybe the family needed the money for something else." Hmmmm... I guess so. But although the home was in a poorer part of town, the house was clean and had furniture; the kids were wearing clean/neat clothes. And I guess it just rubs me the wrong way that 1) Dad's wishes were (apparently) ignored and 2) that after the kids being so excited about their Christmas gifts, all that was pulled from their hands. To me, you'd have to be in dire straits to take kids' Christmas toys.
 
Lee said:
Should I have called him back and asked for it back? Too late now I suppose.
Click to expand...
Not totally. If it’s going to bother you, even mildly, you can call him back. Just tell him you’re wondering when he’ll be returning the luggage after the trip. You’re making plans about when you’re going to the charity shop as they’ll make some money. If nothing else, he may clue in that it wasn’t there to just take. If he says she wants to keep it, ask him to bring over $XX so you can donate that to the shop.
 
We have to be careful as we age, there are so many that want to take advantage of us. I learned real quick when my husband died. Family or friends asking for things when I was at my lowest point. Those people are no longer a part of my life. Things were given at a much later date to those I felt would take care of my husbands things, they never asked for anything, they were just there to support me when I needed help.
 
I could certainly add examples too about being too trusting, or being left open mouthed by someone else’s totally unexpected action. Just when I think I have figured out how to prevent it….
Best I can do is just try to slow things down, not let people rush me, or not agree too quickly to something surprising.
 
Blessed said:
We have to be careful as we age, there are so many that want to take advantage of us. I learned real quick when my husband died. Family or friends asking for things when I was at my lowest point. Those people are no longer a part of my life. Things were given at a much later date to those I felt would take care of my husbands things, they never asked for anything, they were just there to support me when I needed help.
Click to expand...
The same thing happened to me. Right after my husband died, people coming into my yard, taking things. Coming into my home saying "Oh, I want that!" about my paintings, sculptures and personal things, as if when he died, everything I own goes! My 20 foot, brand new extension ladder disappeared right away. Some would ask if they could "have that" about the tools and antiques. If I said "No", it would mysteriously disappear. As you said @Blessed,this happened when I was at my lowest point, just as you. Theft is something I don't understand.

And @Lee, If I gave them something, they grab it and run without even saying thank you.
 

Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top