A conundrum about social services v. no services

WheatenLover

WheatenLover

Senior Member
Location
Georgia
I will try to make a long story short. My husband and I are separated. I am in Mass, he is in PA.

On Oct 24, he fell, and had to call 911 for help getting up. Social services showed up, too. He spent the weekend in the hospital, and was transferred on the Monday to a short-term rehab facility. Two weeks later, he was transferred to a nursing home for further rehab. He has Parkinson's, diabetes, and was malnourished. His stride is about 1", he resists all attempts to help him and falls quite a bit. Social services was trying to get him a maid, a home health aide, provide meals, etc, up until Oct 24.

I was contacted by the head of social services in his count. The first person wanted my husband's landlord's name and address, so they could contact him and have him evicted. I refused to give the person that info. Ostensibly this would pave the way to forcing him to live in a more suitable place -- too many stairs at his house.

So now he is in this nursing home -- one of the worst in the county (my daughter used to work there). The landlord flew in from CA and evicted my husband. The landlord texted me; I did not respond (yet). The reason for the eviction is that there is black mold in the house which will take weeks to remove. It is in the bathroom.

Social services had to have contacted the landlord themselves, and given him my phone number. They called yesterday and said that my husband is now on his own. Since he is homeless, he will have to find his own place to live. They cannot provide services for him if he doesn't have a place to live.

I asked the nursing home what happens if he is discharged and doesn't have a home? Total silence was the response.

I cannot go back to PA to handle this right now. Now I know why my husband wants to rent the house I was renting. The trouble is that landlord is a good friend of mine, and he is my husband's neighbor. He has been in my husband's house and I know for a fact he would never rent to him.

My husband has no friends and no relatives. Please tell me what you would do in this situation.
 

Contact the Office of Aging in PA. Here is what it says on their website.

The Department of Aging is responsible for oversight and implementation of the Older Adults Protective Services Act (OAPSA) for individuals over the age of 60. The passage of the protective services law reinforced Pennsylvania's commitment to:
  • Provide access to services necessary to protect the health, safety and welfare of older adults (age 60+) who lack the capacity to protect themselves and who are at imminent risk of abuse, neglect, exploitation or abandonment;
  • Safeguard older people's rights while providing the protective services needed;
  • Provide for detection, reduction, correction or elimination of abuse, neglect, exploitation and abandonment;
  • Establish a program of protective services for older adults who need them; and
  • Educate the public as to the availability of services and create an awareness of the problem.
 
I don't know legal stuff, but if you're still legally married, would you be financially responsible for his care? I would contact the aging dept of the county where he lives. You're not the first person that was ever in your situation. So, they have experience to point you in the right direction. But, they deal in "programs" which may, or may not help. Yet, when I got out of the home, they bought food, because there was nothing in the house. And they arranged for visiting nurses.
Call them, it's free.
 
Since your husband wouldn't accept help that was offered, and now even that is not available, I don't see what you can do. I think you've stated elsewhere that your own resources are limited.

Social services (or whoever) are contacting you because it makes sense to them to do so. But it seems that you can't really do anything. Maybe you can tell them that, and they'll come up with something.

A friend was in a similar situation. A former longtime boyfriend still had her listed as an emergency contact. So when he had a health crisis, they called her. She did go, but she told them, "I can't do anything. I shouldn't even be here." So they went to Plan B.

This is a very sad story, but maybe it's time to let go. Sorry.
 
The part of he resists all attempts to help him.
Quote
"He has Parkinson's, diabetes, and was malnourished. His stride is about 1", he resists all attempts to help him and falls quite a bit."

The best advice was in post #6. Since you are not divorced is to seek legal advice concerning your financial & legal obligations.

You definitely have a lot to think. Only suggestion I have would be to make a list of questions you have to be ready when contacting state agencies.
 
Time to face it, he has to be taken care of. See a lawyer and do what is in your best interest. If divorce is the only way to get him the help he needs you have to do it. I know you have done everything possible to help him but he would not listen. He is going to have to go into state care. I know you don't want it or like it but you can't allow him to ruin your last attempt at some peace and happiness for you. If you talk to him, tell him, the truth, you tried everything but he would not listen so what happens now was his choice not yours. You will not fix it, he has to live with the consequences of his behavior.
 
katlupe said:
Contact the Office of Aging in PA. Here is what it says on their website.

The Department of Aging is responsible for oversight and implementation of the Older Adults Protective Services Act (OAPSA) for individuals over the age of 60. The passage of the protective services law reinforced Pennsylvania's commitment to:
  • Provide access to services necessary to protect the health, safety and welfare of older adults (age 60+) who lack the capacity to protect themselves and who are at imminent risk of abuse, neglect, exploitation or abandonment;
  • Safeguard older people's rights while providing the protective services needed;
  • Provide for detection, reduction, correction or elimination of abuse, neglect, exploitation and abandonment;
  • Establish a program of protective services for older adults who need them; and
  • Educate the public as to the availability of services and create an awareness of the problem.
Click to expand...

@katlupe...Excellent! 👍
 
If I understand correctly, he is in a nursing home. I assume Medicare is paying for the nursing home. Does he also have Medicaid? He needs to have both Medicare and Medicaid in order to remain in the nursing home. Otherwise the charges are adding up, and when insurance is used up, he will be discharged to the street. Happens all the time.

Are you responsible for his medical bills-probably. I agree you need to get a divorce, if you want that, the sooner the better. I think in some states there are do it yourself divorces.

But I really know nothing about this, sorry.
 
Medicaid Eligibility for Married Couples - Robert C. Gerhard III (paelderlaw.net)
I am NOT in Pennsylvania (moving there in January) However, the nursing home will attempt a Medicaid application. You and your husband should be fine if neither of you have sufficient assets to pay for the nursing home. NY has Spousal Refusal (meaning you will not bankrupt yourself to pay for nursing home care for your spouse) and I just looked, and Pa does also. Actually, it is Federal.
But someone has to cooperate with the documents and financial info requested for the medicaid application.
 
I endorse what @Kika and @Aneeda72 said - your estranged hubs need both Medicare and Medicaid.

The nursing home financial dept will probably apply for Medicaid on ex-ish hubby's behalf, and if not, the social worker will. But push them to do that asap. You need to be on them about that because I'm sure they won't mind taking cash from you while delaying his application.

Also agree that a divorce is in order, if you want one.
 
@WheatenLover
This might answer some of the questions that are on your mind.

Medicare coverage of skilled nursing facility care.

Once your husband is no longer entitled to Skilled Nursing for rehab (either he will not or cannot participate, or he has reached a functional status that it is no longer required} he will then need custodial care. Medicare does not pay for that.

He must then have $$ or medicaid. It might do you well to contact the nursing home social worker and/or financial department to answer questions and provide information that they may need.
 
Murrmurr said:
I endorse what @Kika and @Aneeda72 said - your estranged hubs need both Medicare and Medicaid.

The nursing home financial dept will probably apply for Medicaid on ex-ish hubby's behalf, and if not, the social worker will. But push them to do that asap. You need to be on them about that because I'm sure they won't mind taking cash from you while delaying his application.

Also agree that a divorce is in order, if you want one.
Click to expand...

Kika said:
@WheatenLover
This might answer some of the questions that are on your mind.

Medicare coverage of skilled nursing facility care.

Once your husband is no longer entitled to Skilled Nursing for rehab (either he will not or cannot participate, or he has reached a functional status that it is no longer required} he will then need custodial care. Medicare does not pay for that.

He must then have $$ or medicaid. It might do you well to contact the nursing home social worker and/or financial department to answer questions and provide information that they may need.
Click to expand...

@WheatenLover These posts make sense to me. I would try that, plus, it might be that some Medicaid and any other State program that could pay, might possibly be retroactive to a prior date, once he is approved.
Inquire about that possiblilty too, and I hope this is a viable option in his and your situation, even though you are still legally married. It might be. The present laws are better regarding that, (seperating a couple's finances) than they used to be. Some improvements have been made, but probably not enough.
 
Last edited:
Kaila said:
it might be that some Medicaid and any other State program that could pay, could possibly be retroactive to a date, once he is approved.
Click to expand...
I am going to assume that he has Medicare. If so, Medicare will pay for Skilled nursing, AKA short term rehab, which is usually in a nursing home. The facility will apply for medicaid for him. It is very important that everyone cooperates in the info for the application.
If approved, the medicaid coverage is retroactive 3 months from the date of application. So timing is important. They will ask for X number of months of bank statements, proof of citizenship, lots of questions. And will help obtain the information to a small extent.
 
Social services are the same in most countries,
if you don't want to be involved, then don't
talk to them, if they called you on your cell
phone, then change the number, I don't know
if they have your address.

A friend, was given all of the above advice, when
the hospital was trying to send his mother, who
has dementia, back to live on her own and he was
not happy about it, he is single and still works, he
is not responsible for his mother, by law and he is
trying to get some authority.

The above advice I think might fit your situation.

Good Luck.

Mike.
 
katlupe said:
Contact the Office of Aging in PA. Here is what it says on their website.

The Department of Aging is responsible for oversight and implementation of the Older Adults Protective Services Act (OAPSA) for individuals over the age of 60. The passage of the protective services law reinforced Pennsylvania's commitment to:
  • Provide access to services necessary to protect the health, safety and welfare of older adults (age 60+) who lack the capacity to protect themselves and who are at imminent risk of abuse, neglect, exploitation or abandonment;
  • Safeguard older people's rights while providing the protective services needed;
  • Provide for detection, reduction, correction or elimination of abuse, neglect, exploitation and abandonment;
  • Establish a program of protective services for older adults who need them; and
  • Educate the public as to the availability of services and create an awareness of the problem.
Click to expand...
Oh, yes, I am going to. Senior Protective Services got him evicted and now he is homeless, so they can't supply services. What is wrong with this picture?

Meanwhile, Husband wants to leave the nursing home and stay in a crappy, cheap, motel in town. A motel at which the clientele sometimes includes murderers (judging by the victims' corpses) and probably has bedbugs. I ordered him a bunch of clothes and a laptop, and told him to stay put until everything gets there.

Husband is very picky about his clothes -- certain brands, etc. But he doesn't have $400 to pay for a wool sweater, for example. So I spent a lot of time finding clothes he will look nice in, but don't break the bank. I hope he wears them... assuming since it's either that or wear his birthday suit, he'll have to.

Medicaid -- I'm talking to the social worker tomorrow.

Divorce -- This would distress my husband totally. Not a good time.

My assets -- I live on $1K SS, and own half a car. That's it. No one can require me to pay for something when I don't have enough money to support myself.

Medicaid is the best option, and after that, getting him an emergency placement in senior housing. I'm working on both those things.

Thank you all for your suggestions!
 
What a nightmare for you. And for him. The way you describe him, I don't know how he can live safely independently. A 1" stride. That's horrible mobility. Add the other health issues.

I'm sorry, but I find social services is usually total s**t. I can't think of any other way to describe them. They ask questions, write down answers, file the papers away but helps no one. I think he needs long term care and needs to stay. Unfortunately, those places are run for profit and are not regulated like they should be. Basically the paperwork is regulated in those places, not what really goes on.

I'd get that divorce. Whatever assets he has, will get sucked up for his care and they medical will start. Don't ever agree to care for him.
 
Aneeda72 said:
How on earth do you live on 1000 a month? I stay with my husband because I make about 850 a month and no way could I live on it.
Click to expand...
I formerly had ample assets, until one of my sons effectively stole the money. At that point, he was helping me financially until he ran out of money.

Currently, my son and I pay $500/month plus do work at Cousin's house. I could no longer afford the rent at my house in PA. Husband's rental house wasn't an option for me, and it turned out he got evicted anyway. My son will be moving to CA soon, and I will pay $250/mo plus my labor. Some of my labor benefits me as well (cooking, cleaning) and some benefits only Cousin.
 
Remy said:
What a nightmare for you. And for him. The way you describe him, I don't know how he can live safely independently. A 1" stride. That's horrible mobility. Add the other health issues.

I'm sorry, but I find social services is usually total s**t. I can't think of any other way to describe them. They ask questions, write down answers, file the papers away but helps no one. I think he needs long term care and needs to stay. Unfortunately, those places are run for profit and are not regulated like they should be. Basically the paperwork is regulated in those places, not what really goes on.

I'd get that divorce. Whatever assets he has, will get sucked up for his care and they medical will start. Don't ever agree to care for him.
Click to expand...
I will never agree to care for him. He asked me if he could come and live with Cousin and me. The answer is no. He'd never make it in a house that has no soft furnishings, no bathroom upstairs where the bedrooms are, and stairs built in 1850. Also, Cousin has wide paths for his wheelchair throughout the first floor. Husband can barely walk. If Cousin was in a hurry, which he is a lot by necessity, Husband would be in his way. Having Husband here would be a nightmare.

Husband's only asset is his car. A 2009 Lincoln MKZ with close to 250,000 miles on it. He has never saved or invested money, so he lives on his social security.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top