Get married later in life?

fancicoffee13 said:
Thank you for saying all that. I try so hard not rush into anything. I love this community because there are wonderful people (seniors) here and I can connect on so many levels. I am thinking he put on a front for a couple of years, and now the real him is coming out. He does need help, but doesn't listen in order to get it. He really is a good person but I am so stressed out and as a senior I don't need that. I do have a lovely daughter I am talking to and she is there for me. Again, these boards are giving me help and he does not do "tech" stuff, including getting on computers. Thank you again. You are so sweet.
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Sorry, I said I try not to rush into things, and I just did rush into this marriage. Sorry about that. We have been to counseling, didn't work, and now we will see.
 

Lewkat said:
I didn't marry until I was 31. I was always on the go, and everywhere I went, I managed to meet men I liked immensely, but not enough to marry.
I had dated my husband off and on for a few years, and we decided to take the big step. Our son was born 2 years later, and when he was only a couple of months old, my husband was called up to fly in the Viet Nam War. Well, I was not happy with this, but ever the patriot, he convinced me it was the right thing to do. Only 2 months later, and he was shot down over the South China Sea. He never had a chance. Several reasons kept me from remarrying. While I've dated frequently throughout the years, I am still happily single. My son and I have a terrific relationship. He was recently widowed and now has a girlfriend. So, all is well with me as far as I am concerned.
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I am sorry to hear about your husband, however, glad you two were happily married. Thank you for your input and I hope you are doing well.
 
i could never replace my second hubby.......hes my soul mate and we re like twins....we ve been together 36 yrs

i could never put up with another guy ....when i see what other women go through..it makes me go cold !!! i would top up doing a prison sentence ....
 

charry said:
i could never replace my second hubby.......hes my soul mate and we re like twins....

i could never put up with another guy ....when i see what other women go through..it makes me go cold !!! i would top up doing a prison sentence ....
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I am so happy you and your hubby were so happy together, that is a necessity. Stay cool and creative.
 
Leann said:
I'm content at this stage of my life. I've been divorced for over ten years (closer to 15). Although I'm in a relationship now with a nice man, we both ruled out marriage from the outset. There may come a time that we'll live together but even that seems like a big step. To those of you in good, solid relationships (marital or not), I'm happy for you. You have been given a wonderful gift.
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My husband and I often talk about how lucky we are and how sad it is that so few people have relationships like ours.
 
Some thoughts I have had on this subject

When young and planning a life you try to find someone who's goals align with your own. Marriage minded, buying a home or renting, kids or not, travel, hobbies and activities, lifestyle, etc., etc. But when young many of the future plans are just that, a plan and not a reality yet, so you marry based on hope. Sometimes we even discover things we personally wanted arent what we thought. As we know many plans never work out, and we change as we age, and that's why many marriages fail.

As older adults we have a person's actual history to look at, and our own, and more than likely seniors aren't going to change much, we are who we are. So now we can take a look back at how a person lived their life. Did they travel? Did they like owning a home? Were they financially prudent? Did they quit the bar scene? As a senior you don't have to just hope for the best, you have a factual history to look at.

That in itself, marrying based on facts instead of hopes makes finding the ideal partner less likely.

Not sure if I explained myself very well, hope my point is understood.
 
Lewkat said:
I didn't marry until I was 31. I was always on the go, and everywhere I went, I managed to meet men I liked immensely, but not enough to marry.
I had dated my husband off and on for a few years, and we decided to take the big step. Our son was born 2 years later, and when he was only a couple of months old, my husband was called up to fly in the Viet Nam War. Well, I was not happy with this, but ever the patriot, he convinced me it was the right thing to do. Only 2 months later, and he was shot down over the South China Sea. He never had a chance. Several reasons kept me from remarrying. While I've dated frequently throughout the years, I am still happily single. My son and I have a terrific relationship. He was recently widowed and now has a girlfriend. So, all is well with me as far as I am concerned.
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OMG how tragic... I know it's a long time ago Lois, but still...just 2 years together before you lost him, how terribly sad, especially as you lost him through war.. :( thank goodness you have that super close relationship with your son..
 
fancicoffee13 said:
Thank you for saying all that. I try so hard not rush into anything. I love this community because there are wonderful people (seniors) here and I can connect on so many levels. I am thinking he put on a front for a couple of years, and now the real him is coming out. He does need help, but doesn't listen in order to get it. He really is a good person but I am so stressed out and as a senior I don't need that. I do have a lovely daughter I am talking to and she is there for me. Again, these boards are giving me help and he does not do "tech" stuff, including getting on computers. Thank you again. You are so sweet.
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Get rid of him. You deserve better. Just sayin'.
 
JustDave said:
I was married for 19 years and now divorced for 25. I'm not opposed to marriage, but I'm more content in my life now than I ever have been than I can remember. I enjoyed parts of my marriage, and when it was good, it was very good, but throughout there was a constant struggle and hard feelings, which is simply not part of my life now. I've had a couple of relationships during the last 25 years, lasting as long as 3 years, but marriage was never under consideration. My 19 year partnership didn't really seem worth it in the end, so I'm gun shy about trying it again. I think a lot depends on two people finding something special together. But I know I wouldn't want the kind of marriage I had. It wasn't terrible, but being alone right now is much more satisfying. I do think a satisfying marriage is possible for everyone. It's a matter of finding the right one, and that's always a gamble. At least that's the way it seems to me. I lean toward belieiving once was enough.
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Very well said.
 
C50 said:
Some thoughts I have had on this subject

When young and planning a life you try to find someone who's goals align with your own. Marriage minded, buying a home or renting, kids or not, travel, hobbies and activities, lifestyle, etc., etc. But when young many of the future plans are just that, a plan and not a reality yet, so you marry based on hope. Sometimes we even discover things we personally wanted arent what we thought. As we know many plans never work out, and we change as we age, and that's why many marriages fail.

As older adults we have a person's actual history to look at, and our own, and more than likely seniors aren't going to change much, we are who we are. So now we can take a look back at how a person lived their life. Did they travel? Did they like owning a home? Were they financially prudent? Did they quit the bar scene? As a senior you don't have to just hope for the best, you have a factual history to look at.

That in itself, marrying based on facts instead of hopes makes finding the ideal partner less likely.

Not sure if I explained myself very well, hope my point is understood.
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Yes, we already have pasta for sure. We really live married but as singles. Not good.
 
“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.”
― George Bernard Shaw
 
I have been married twice and have outlived 2 women so here is my 2 cents worth of advice:

It has to do with love. You meet someone who you really like and it makes all the difference. You want to be with them all the time. He/she makes you laugh and together you always have good times. I think that "love" is the greatest "invention" that mankind has ever produced.

If you marry someone because 2 can live cheaper than 1 or for any reason other than love, chances are the arrangement wouldn't work.

I guess I completely agree with Hank Williams Junior when he recorded that song a few years ago:

 

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Packerjohn said:
I have been married twice and have outlived 2 women so here is my 2 cents worth of advice:

It has to do with love. You meet someone who you really like and it makes all the difference. You want to be with them all the time. He/she makes you laugh and together you always have good times. I think that "love" is the greatest "invention" that mankind has ever produced.
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Toby Keith's Go With Her

"You don't stay with the one you can live with
It's the one you can't live without"
 
fancicoffee13 said:
Yep, not going well today at all. Tempers show a lot.
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So true, @fancicoffee13. I have been seeing a very nice man for almost two years (will be two years in March '23). He has shown me such kindness in unexpected ways and has done many nice things for me. And I have reciprocated. But cracks are starting to appear. I am trying to withhold any comments and just observe but eventually I'll say something to him. We're compatible on several levels but there are times that I can't help but wonder if he told me what I wanted to hear but it's not what he truly feels. Thankfully, we won't marry, ever.
 
Packerjohn, I loved all 3 of my husbands especially the third and it wasn’t enough. Fancy coffee, I am sorry things aren’t working out. I have a tendency to stay way too long in marriages because of my commitment and it was foolish. In our senior years we really deserve to be happy.
 
Jules said:
@fancicoffee13 Do you think your husband would like to end the relationship too? Maybe you could take a few days away and then come back and discuss it. Figure out the logistics and finances. If you’re really unhappy, don’t be a martyr.
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Well, he has depression and I am always googling it. I think he has bipolar depression, anyway things are fitting the descriptions. Well, yes that had occurred to me, I don't know about him. We have dogs to consider. If history repeats itself, which it will, I just may be moving out on my own. Sad to say, but...
 
fancicoffee13 said:
Well, he has depression and I am always googling it. I think he has bipolar depression, anyway things are fitting the descriptions. Well, yes that had occurred to me, I don't know about him. We have dogs to consider. If history repeats itself, which it will, I just may be moving out on my own. Sad to say, but...
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My father suffered from depression. I can forgive him for that, but my god he was hard to live with. Before I understood he had depression and that was the problem between us, I just thought he was a jerk. Eventually, I broke relations with him completely. I'm sorry that this happened and that I never had a good relationship with him, but somewhere in my 40s, I just cut him out of my life. This was not out of revenge or payback. It was just a necessary step toward saving my own emotional health. It's too bad I felt I had to do that, but I decided it was necessary. Maybe there would have been a better way. But I don't know what that would have been.

I don't think situation applies to everyone suffering from depression. Some depressed people I've met are alert to their effect on others, and take precautions not to make their problem someone else's. I'm guessing it may be a struggle for them sometimes.
 

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