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dor4300

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Hi,
I am new to this forum, I am looking for other people to interact with. I am 59 years old, and recently moved with my husband and special needs adult daughter to a new area after being in the same city for 37 years. We moved for my husbands job, he wanted a job change and is not ready to retire although he is 67.

I do not work, although I have worked full time in the past in my previous city. My daughter has an intellectual disability and has recently diagnosed bipolar disorder. I am the main caretaker. I feel so overwhelmed, I had no idea life could be so hard and lonely after a move. I do not like the city we are in. We moved from a suburb to within a city which has alot of crime.

I am trying to help my adult daughter adjust to life in a new place and its hard for her to make friends. It is also hard for me to make friends. We do attend a church but it does not seem to be enough. I go to an exercise class twice a week but that is it.

I want to work some but that prospect seems impossible at this point due to my daughters needs. I have encouraged her to get a part-time job and work so she could have social interaction and meet people so now I am just transporting her to and from her part-time job. She does not drive. Any suggestions on something I should do to just have other women my age to talk to?

I always feel like I cant get too involved with anything because my husband or daughter might need me. I feel like that feeling is really holding me back. Thank you in advance for any suggestions you can give me.
 

Welcome! I'm having trouble adjusting to my new town as well, even though I lived in many other places previously. I don't really have any answers for you.

You could try striking up conversations with individual neighbor women -- ask them what women do for a social life there.

Every place is different, so what might work in one place might not work in another. For example, with the high crime, you might not want to go for walks, or people might not be friendly.

Good luck!
 
https://worshiphousemedia.s3.amazonaws.com/images/main/s/mo/pow/ss/colorfulwelcome.jpg


Lot's of interesting people here. Pull up a chair and stay awhile.
 

dor4300 said:
Hi,
I am new to this forum, I am looking for other people to interact with. I am 59 years old, and recently moved with my husband and special needs adult daughter to a new area after being in the same city for 37 years. We moved for my husbands job, he wanted a job change and is not ready to retire although he is 67.

I do not work, although I have worked full time in the past in my previous city. My daughter has an intellectual disability and has recently diagnosed bipolar disorder. I am the main caretaker. I feel so overwhelmed, I had no idea life could be so hard and lonely after a move. I do not like the city we are in. We moved from a suburb to within a city which has alot of crime.

I am trying to help my adult daughter adjust to life in a new place and its hard for her to make friends. It is also hard for me to make friends. We do attend a church but it does not seem to be enough. I go to an exercise class twice a week but that is it.

I want to work some but that prospect seems impossible at this point due to my daughters needs. I have encouraged her to get a part-time job and work so she could have social interaction and meet people so now I am just transporting her to and from her part-time job. She does not drive. Any suggestions on something I should do to just have other women my age to talk to?

I always feel like I cant get too involved with anything because my husband or daughter might need me. I feel like that feeling is really holding me back. Thank you in advance for any suggestions you can give me.
Click to expand...

Hello and welcome to a fun place. I joined when I wanted a place just for seniors. You will learn a lot here. In my work life, before retirement I would for over 30 years with people with disabilities. My last job was working as kind of a life skills coach/community habilitator with a lady with CP and mild learning disabilities. My favorite of all my jobs. I retired on disability in 2016 and we are still in contact.
 
In my experience, some volunteer work requires too much of a commitment.

Maybe you can find out about "drop-in" volunteer work, e.g., sorting through donations at a thrift store, or cleaning up at a soup kitchen. Even if you can’t make it sometimes, or if you get called away, your help will be appreciated and you'll meet people.

Other programs might need casual volunteers too. For example, collating papers and doing other office work in an ESL/EFL program. If you have a religious or other affiliation, they might have things for you to do as well.

PS. If your husband has coworkers, ask him about getting together with other couples. You might make a friend that way. Or at least get to ask people about leisure or social activities.
 
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Welcome @dor4300 !

Moving is often disruptive. In my life I have moved over 100 miles too many times to count, over 1,000 miles twelve times that I can think of. I find as I get older it gets harder to adjust to a new place.

SF will give you some companionship, people who will listen and understand, and maybe even some useful suggestions. We're glad to have you!
 
Pinky said:
Welcome, from Toronto @dor4300

I truly understand your situation, as I've gone through a similar experience. Volunteering would give you
opportunities to meet people, but it may not be practical for you.

Meanwhile, we will always be here for you :)

View attachment 257561
Click to expand...
Volunteering was going to be my suggestion also. It might be possible to pick and choose your hours to work and make some social connections at the same time.
 
Welcome dor4300...my advice to you is to "not look back" don't make comparing where you came from and where you live now a habit...when we moved to Texas from the north I really did not like it. It was a huge culture shock. Kind of the opposite from you - we came from a crime ridden city - Cleveland and we lived in the town, not out in the burbs. Being a street wise northern girl, lets just say it was a 180 coming to Texas - known to be "great on men and horses and hell on women and dogs".

Stick with it and it will improve - just keep on keeping on and let time do its marvelous healing - believe it or not you will find good things - different but actually positive attributes to where you live despite your initial impression. Interacting with online folks like us will certainly help you interface if you choose to avail yourself of it.
 
dor4300 said:
Hi,
I am new to this forum, I am looking for other people to interact with. I am 59 years old, and recently moved with my husband and special needs adult daughter to a new area after being in the same city for 37 years. We moved for my husbands job, he wanted a job change and is not ready to retire although he is 67.

I do not work, although I have worked full time in the past in my previous city. My daughter has an intellectual disability and has recently diagnosed bipolar disorder. I am the main caretaker. I feel so overwhelmed, I had no idea life could be so hard and lonely after a move. I do not like the city we are in. We moved from a suburb to within a city which has alot of crime.

I am trying to help my adult daughter adjust to life in a new place and its hard for her to make friends. It is also hard for me to make friends. We do attend a church but it does not seem to be enough. I go to an exercise class twice a week but that is it.

I want to work some but that prospect seems impossible at this point due to my daughters needs. I have encouraged her to get a part-time job and work so she could have social interaction and meet people so now I am just transporting her to and from her part-time job. She does not drive. Any suggestions on something I should do to just have other women my age to talk to?

I always feel like I cant get too involved with anything because my husband or daughter might need me. I feel like that feeling is really holding me back. Thank you in advance for any suggestions you can give me.
Click to expand...
Hello, and welcome! I too am brand new here, and I'm finding there are sooooo many really friendly folks, from such a wide variety of backgrounds and expertise, that you will no doubt be able to find someone, or many ones, who is/are more qualified than I, to give you some meaningful advice. But I'm gonna take a stab at helping you, if I'm able. What I'm gleaning from your post, is that your husband makes all the decisions, whether you like them or not. And I'm thinking he doesn't help you very much with caring for your daughter. If I'm wrong, just tell me to shut up n' mind my own business.

But I recently (about a month ago) suffered a complete mental breakdown, and wound up in the psychiatric ward of one of our local hospitals. While there, I met and befriended many troubled folks of all ages, including a few with bipolar disorders. I'm not gonna pretend to know what you're going through, because of course, I have no idea. But I will say, that maybe your daughter could use some professional assistance, maybe as a volunteer out-patient at a hospital or clinic near you. This would also give you an opportunity to meet folks who are dealing with situations similar to yours.

I was only at the hospital for two weeks, but I was for all intents and purposes, incarcerated. And I felt more like an inmate, than a patient. But that's beside the point. I'm describing my situation, and has nothing to do with your daughter's. I deserved to be there, for what I did to myself due to my meltdown! But how I got out of there so quickly, (and this advice is for you) is I forced myself to overcome my introvert tendencies, went out among the "community" and introduced myself to (almost) everyone, one at a time. I found that making friends is easier than I thought. A person can appear to be unfriendly just because of their face. But I found in most cases, all I had to do was smile and say, "Hi! How're ya doin'?" and I would get a smile in return.

I sense that you're shy by nature, and have allowed people to push you around a little. Or maybe a lot. For all your life, perhaps? And now, you've got too much responsibility on your plate, with no one to help you, in a city you never wanted to be in. Well, I think you're gonna have to find someone to help you. And you can only achieve that, by searching those someones out. Starting with in here? Or perhaps I'm way off base. At least I took the time to try, eh?

Anyways, welcome from a fellow newbie. Feel free to check in with me if you like, to lemme know how you're doing. :)
 

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