The problem with giving an honest answer.

timoc

timoc

Well-known Member
Location
UK
Today, I was invited to lunch by a certain lovely lady who lives over the road.
Some of her family were present and we had a few drinks after the meal, we were having a really nice time.......

Then, the lovely hostess just happened to mention that she was thinking of getting a puppy, "What do you think, Tim, give me your honest opinion", she asked, and would I be available to take her new friend for 'walkies'.

This is where I came unstuck.

I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea, as she was in her 70s and not exactly in the best of health. I also said that I was well past looking after a young puppy and it wouldn't be fair on the pup anyway, and what if she took really ill, or died, what would become of her pet?

The atmoshere became a bit frosty so I thanked her for the lovely meal and came home.
I'm feeling a bit like a criminal now, perhaps I should have just said that it was a matter for her and that my opinion wasn't relevant.

I've had many dogs over the years and when the last one died, I was really sad for ages, and I swore I'd never have another.

How would you of handled the situation I've described?
 

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If I really knew the lady well, I'd have been as honest as you were, Tim. However, if she's more of a passing acquaintance, I would have told her that it may be nice, but not to count on me to walk her pup as they are a bit too frisky for me. That may or may not have mollified her, but certainly would have set her to rethinking her decision.
 

timoc said:
Today, I was invited to lunch by a certain lovely lady who lives over the road.
Some of her family were present and we had a few drinks after the meal, we were having really nice time.......

Then, the lovely hostess just happened to mention that she was thinking of getting a puppy, "What do you think, Tim, give me your honest opinion", she asked, and would I be available to take her new friend for 'walkies'.

This is where I came unstuck.

I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea, as she was in her 70s and not exactly in the best of health. I also said that I was well past looking after a young puppy and it wouldn't be fair on the pup anyway, and what if she took really ill, or died, what would become of her pet?

The atmoshere became a bit frosty so I thanked her for the lovely meal and came home.
I'm feeling a bit like a criminal now, perhaps I should have just said that it was a matter for her and that my opinion wasn't relevant.

I've had many dogs over the years and when the last one died, I was really sad for ages, and I swore I'd never have another.

How would you of handled the situation I've described?
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I know this lady is a very good friend and neighbour to you, because you mention her often.. so in your circumstance I would have said exactly the same thing. I'm very blunt anyway, I call spade a shovel most of the time, because I think it's unfair to lie or deceive someone if they ask for your opinion, particularly in something as important as taking care of a helpless animal..
 
Lewkat said:
If I really knew the lady well, I'd have been as honest as you were, Tim. However, if she's more of a passing acquaintance, I would have told her that it may be nice, but not to count on me to walk her pup as they are a bit too frisky for me. That may or may not have mollified her, but certainly would have set her to rethinking her decision.
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This ^, Tim.
 
I would have done exactly as you did! She asked for an honest answer and you gave it too her. The fact that she was upset seems to indicate she was being less than honest with you in the first place. And I agree how unfair it would be for the animal if she were to pass away and leave the dog essentially homeless. After we lost our dog, we also decided it would be selfish and unfair to bring another dog into our family at our age.
 
I think you did the right thing, even more so that she might be expecting you to help care for the pet. I have 3 and I do have to rely on son to help me get the big one to the vet or groomer. I did not get this dog by choice, his owner, our best family friend died suddenly. None of his family or others were willing to take the dog. They could not do it out of love for the animal, so it was brought to me the night he passed.
 
timoc said:
Today, I was invited to lunch by a certain lovely lady who lives over the road.
Some of her family were present and we had a few drinks after the meal, we were having really nice time.......

Then, the lovely hostess just happened to mention that she was thinking of getting a puppy, "What do you think, Tim, give me your honest opinion", she asked, and would I be available to take her new friend for 'walkies'.

This is where I came unstuck.

I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea, as she was in her 70s and not exactly in the best of health. I also said that I was well past looking after a young puppy and it wouldn't be fair on the pup anyway, and what if she took really ill, or died, what would become of her pet?

The atmoshere became a bit frosty so I thanked her for the lovely meal and came home.
I'm feeling a bit like a criminal now, perhaps I should have just said that it was a matter for her and that my opinion wasn't relevant.

I've had many dogs over the years and when the last one died, I was really sad for ages, and I swore I'd never have another.

How would you of handled the situation I've described?
Click to expand...
I admire the honesty very much as well, but, but but you failed completely on the "fuzzy logic" front, (its a bit like a bloke answering the question posed by his partner "Does my bum look big in this", or a woman he's met for the first time asking "How old do you think I look", if you don't lie in either of these situations, and "lie big" you're done for as you know! :) ).
 
Sure, you could have given a diplomatic answer. But how were you supposed to know she would have been offended by the "honest opinion" she requested?

In any case, it's a good thing you said you couldn't help with walks and so on.

I agree with you. At a certain point it's not fair to take on a pet. But I know that many people disagree.
 
"lovely lady who lives over the road"

Sorry, I had to laugh when I read that. I love the way you guys talk in the UK, and I understand about all of it. But 'lives over the road' sounds really weird to Americans, lol. I had a British prof when I was in college and we went to lunch once, him and I and another guy, and he was driving. I had my backpack on and took it off and he said 'Just put it in the boot'. I was just standing there looking sort of dumb, because at the time, I had no idea the boot was the trunk. :unsure:

I get the thing about losing pets. Seriously, when I first met my wife which was like 14 years ago, she was totally against the idea of getting pets because her puppy had died like 10 years earlier. She told me she'd NEVER get a pet and that was final! Well, we still do not have pets and I don't want one right now because we live in an apt. But we're getting ready to buy a house and have already decided we are getting two kitties and a puppy, mostly at her insistence. Things change...
 
grahamg said:
I admire the honesty very much as well, but, but but you failed completely on the "fuzzy logic" front, (its a bit like a bloke answering the question posed by his partner "Does my bum look big in this", or a woman he's met for the first time asking "How old do you think I look", if you don't lie in either of these situations, and "lie big" you're done for as you know! :) ).
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HAHA:
"Does this dress make me look fat?"
"No. Your fat makes you look fat." :ROFLMAO:
 
I have a friend (who was born with Cerebral Palsy) & confined to a wheelchair 90% of the time. She couldn't walk a dog & she lived in a condo with no yard.
She got a dog, then she expected her son to care for him & walk him & complained when he didn't want to.
I told her, "Don't complain; you didn't discuss it with him before you got the dog; you just assumed he would do everything.
I ended up walking the dog when her home aide couldn't. After the dog passed, she said, "I won't get another dog until I have a house with a yard." I said, "Make sure your aide is willing to pick up after the dog before you adopt one."
 
I liked you story because it seems so typical when having parties during the holiday season. People eat and people drink several drinks, then the tongs loosen up and people start talking too much. You should not ask a drinking person for their opinion because you probably will get an ear full. If I were in your shoes, I would just let the incident slide by and forget about it, Maybe I would buy the woman a stuffed dog and give it to her for a Christmas present. Of course, wrap the stuffed dog with the wrapping paper so you can tell there is a stuffed dog inside it. Or maybe suggest low maintenance pets like a couple of canaries.
 
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