Is there an etiquette for paying for groceries when you are at your in-laws home?

Well Iā€™m not any etiquette queen but when we have our sister in law over to stay sheā€™s gives us a money card from Costco. A gift card to a place you know they shop gives the option for the person to replace the groceries or buy something that theyā€™d really like without all the in-law discomfort . If that makes sense.
 
I think a guest is a guest, and doesn't pay. The guest might want to contribute in a token way, e.g., bringing a special treat, or taking the host(s) out for dinner.

This is how it's always worked for me, as host and guest. I'd be insulted if an in-law offered me money during a stay. It would mean they were refusing my hospitality.

Of course, payment might be appropriate in certain exceptional situations. But in general, no.
 

I never stayed with my in-laws, but if I did, I'd bring a gift and/or take them out to dinner. I don't expect anything from guests, especially family, except their company. If they bring something for all of us to enjoy, that's nice. If they offer to pay for something, it's a nice gesture, but I won't let them pay. They're my guests.
 
I don't know exactly what the etiquette books say but when my honorary son invited me to stay at their apartment (he lived with his fiancee) shortly after my husband died, I went down to Tampa for 9 days. He picked me up at the train station and after I got settled in, I told him to take me to the supermarket. I bought them (us) at least a week's worth of groceries. He said "Ma you didn't have to do that" but I wanted to. After all, staying at a hotel for that amount of time would have cost me much more.
 
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very good input about this topic. My family (extended family) are in debates
currently about this topic, sort of a mild falling out to some degree. I though
am not in the debates or falling out.
 
deaver said:
When I visited my mother and her third husband over the weekend he insisted I do some work around the place because I was eating his food and sleeping in his house.
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I was living with a GF who was that way with my daughter, Maud, when she came to spend part of her 2-week vacation with me...her vacation from work. Maud slept until 10am on day 2, and the GF says to her, "You're not going to lounge around here the whole week!" and then pointed to her left and said, "That's the broom closet."

I told the GF to pack and leave that day. (It's not like hundreds of women were beating down my door, it's just that, after she said that, I didn't like her anymore.)
 
Murrmurr said:
I was living with a GF who was that way with my daughter, Maud, when she came to spend part of her 2-week vacation with me...her vacation from work. Maud slept until 10am on day 2, and the GF says to her, "You're not going to lounge around here the whole week!" and then pointed to her left and said, "That's the broom closet."

I told the GF to pack and leave that day. (It's not like hundreds of women were beating down my door, it's just that, after she said that, I didn't like her anymore.)
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Showing her the door was a wise move. ā™„
 
I don't buy groceries when staying with friends or relatives. Nor do they do so when staying at my home. Generally speaking, the cost and other burdens of travel far exceed the price of a few meals.

We almost always split restaurant tabs when going out with others. So much less hassle than fighting over the check or doing the "you got it last time" dance.

Our friends and relatives are not in difficult financial straits. If they were, my answer would be different.
 
I agree with most that guests are guests and hospitality does not include expecting payment. However it can depend on how long the guestship lasts.

I often take my hosts to dinner and pay for that myself. And last time I stayed with my older Aunt and Uncle they asked me to go to the store for them because they were not able to get out easily. They always gave me their credit card and insisted I use it to pay. I never did, but did not tell them I had paid. At the time I had more money than they did.

I also take gifts of food and/or drink to my hosts most of the time.
 
I always take the host out to dinner. If they were in bad financial shape then I would buy groceries. I expect to feed my guests when they stay with me.
 
My ex-boyfriend's father had more money than we did. He'd always bring food, on the pretext of him cooking dinner, or, "I thought you might like to try this." There was always lots left when he left.

I thought it was a diplomatic way of contributing without being insulting. He didn't drive, so I know he went to a lot of trouble to put together and transport the food.
 
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