Not that anyone is asking

Jules said:
Ask @Georgiagranny what kind of bluing she uses in her hair.

If the food dye washes out on your pillow cases or in the shower, you might have a mess. There used to be many brands that sold a temporary bluing for your hair.
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Michelle's saying the new bright-colored food dyes probly will get on my pillow case and stuff, so I should get the old kind. That's a bummer cuz I wanted to go kind of neon with this. Maybe I'll just buy a small bottle of poster paint in neon pink or green, the brightest color they have, or maybe a few colors, and then let Paxton paint my beard. That would be fun (and memorable).

Anyway, I haven't shaved for several days, so should be plenty of canvas by Thur.
 

Paxton's foster parents FINALLY agreed to bring him over for "secret" visits. In other words, without asking permission from his caseworker first.

She's going to bring him over tomorrow morning! :giggle:

She said she'll bring all of the kids over from time to time, without permission, but mostly it'll just be Paxton. She said he's different after he visits me and Meesh. He's cheerful, more confident, more playful and more helpful, she said...just generally happier.

Meanwhile, I sent another Letter of Grievance to the director of CPS in Amador County on Monday, and I emailed Paxton's attorney yesterday, and emailed his caseworker on Feb 9th and again last week. No response from any of them yet.

I'm also trying to find a family law attorney who's willing to deal with CPS, but no luck so far. No one I've asked wants to take my case.
 
Every time I read this stuff, it breaks my heart, moves me to tears. I can't imagine being kept apart from my child. Yes, I know you are not the bio Dad, but he is your child!! He has been with you from the time he was a tiny baby, you are the one that changed his diapers, made sure he ate well, took him to the doctor. You are the one that rocked and sang him to sleep at night. You are the one that read books, laid on the floor to build stuff, took him for walks and to the park. You are the one that was there his whole little life. I just can't understand why no lawyer, the so called people that make their living by doing the right thing, and yet they turn you away. Do they not see this beautiful little boy that deserves justice, deserves to grow up in a happy loving home.
 
Blessed said:
Every time I read this stuff, it breaks my heart, moves me to tears. I can't imagine being kept apart from my child. Yes, I know you are not the bio Dad, but he is your child!! He has been with you from the time he was a tiny baby, you are the one that changed his diapers, made sure he ate well, took him to the doctor. You are the one that rocked and sang him to sleep at night. You are the one that read books, laid on the floor to build stuff, took him for walks and to the park. You are the one that was there his whole little life. I just can't understand why no lawyer, the so called people that make their living by doing the right thing, and yet they turn you away. Do they not see this beautiful little boy that deserves justice, deserves to grow up in a happy loving home.
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I don't get it, either. And according to CPS policy, unrelated people who have been a key figure in a foster child's life is considered family and has the same rights as an immediate relative. Paxton and the twins have no known relatives besides their parents and their grandmother.

I'm trying to find out what's really going on, but it's extremely difficult.
 
Paxton's gonna be dropped off here for a couple-three hours on Thursday. The twins will be with him. This will be the 3rd visit this month. That's a record. It will be more total visit time than we had from the 4th of Nov '22 until the 1st of March '23.

Whatever reason his caseworker has for being an obstinate dingle-berry about visitation, his foster parents have finally decided to stop being afraid of her...for whatever reason.

The only reasons a caseworker could have for the extreme restrictions on our visits would be; I have a felony criminal record, I've abused him, I abuse substances, or my house is unsafe or filthy. OR, she hasn't taken the time to review his case and my background and then done the paperwork, if that's even required. OR she just doesn't like me because my letter of complaint a couple years ago got her friend fired....Paxton's former caseworker.

Anyway, I'm tired of dealing with it, so I'm really relieved that Melanie decided at last to ignore the caseworker on this and just do what's best for Paxton.

I'm looking forward to Thursday. And I know Paxton is, too.
 
Pepper said:
So excited for you!!!!!!!!!!
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I hope I'll be able to sleep better now that his foster mom is gonna start bringing him over whenever she wants or whenever she can. The thing that really plagues me is that I didn't take off with him 2 1/2 years ago, when it was obvious his mother was abusing him after the 1st reunification. I wanted to and I should have. It would have saved him a year and a half of abuse by his mother, and an unhappy year in the home of strangers, when Jennifer was his foster mom.

Not fishing for sympathy or whatever, but I really beat myself up about this. Hard. I had places to go! Places no one would even look. And I had the money, but the problem was that it was all on a traceable card, and the card had a cash-withdraw limit and a co-signer and required paperwork. That was the only thing stopping me. And I don't want to go into the details, but I probably could have figured out a way around that, but I would have had to get my son involved, and that could have gotten him in trouble. Like, with authorities. But I should have at least discussed it with him. I didn't even do that much.

I will always regret not taking off with Paxton in November 2020. I'm talking deep regret. The kind you lose sleep over. I'm so angry at myself. Man, what my inaction has cost him. The hurt, the damage...it's immeasurable. And it's life-long. And he's only 4, ffs.
 
Murrmurr said:
I hope I'll be able to sleep better now that his foster mom is gonna start bringing him over whenever she wants or whenever she can. The thing that really plagues me is that I didn't take off with him 2 1/2 years ago, when it was obvious his mother was abusing him after the 1st reunification. I wanted to and I should have. It would have saved him a year and a half of abuse by his mother, and an unhappy year in the home of strangers, when Jennifer was his foster mom.

Not fishing for sympathy or whatever, but I really beat myself up about this. Hard. I had places to go! Places no one would even look. And I had the money, but the problem was that it was all on a traceable card, and the card had a cash-withdraw limit and a co-signer and required paperwork. That was the only thing stopping me. And I don't want to go into the details, but I probably could have figured out a way around that, but I would have had to get my son involved, and that could have gotten him in trouble. Like, with authorities. But I should have at least discussed it with him. I didn't even do that much.

I will always regret not taking off with Paxton in November 2020. I'm talking deep regret. The kind you lose sleep over. I'm so angry at myself. Man, what my inaction has cost him. The hurt, the damage...it's immeasurable. And it's life-long. And he's only 4, ffs.
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you know of course that if you had taken him, there would probably have been a manhunt.. you may have been shot in front of him... now that would have been even worse for him.. so you really must give up on the regrets because you did everything you could possibly do and are still doing to get that little boy the best life he could have. Not your fault that what happened, happened to him.. but we can only thank God it happened when he was very tiny and as he grows those memories will fail into the distance and perhaps disappear completely, given a good caring family for him... . You have to stop beating yourself up about it, albeit understandable but in reality , there was nothing more you could have done on the right side of the law.. 🤗
 
hollydolly said:
you know of course that if you had taken him, there would probably have been a manhunt.. you may have been shot in front of him... now that would have been even worse for him.. so you really must give up on the regrets because you did everything you could possibly do and are still doing to get that little boy the best life he could have. Not your fault that what happened, happened to him.. but we can only thank God it happened when he was very tiny and as he grows those memories will fail into the distance and perhaps disappear completely, given a good caring family for him... . You have to stop beating yourself up about it, albeit understandable but in reality , there was nothing more you could have done on the right side of the law.. 🤗
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If CPS's performance so far is anything to judge by, that manhunt may have started about the time Pax graduated high school.

I knew the risks, of course, and I did ask myself what kind of dad I'd look like from prison. That's why my bank accounts were the stodgiest bit. If my money hadn't been tied up the way it was, I'd be posting all kinds of good news from somewhere in the mid-west, or the east coast, or even a stone's throw from your neighborhood.

He will forget specific events. He's forgotten some already, but he will always feel them. His traumas, fears, and suffering are all a part of him now. The sooner he finds genuine love and happiness, the better. I know he feels that here but I also know that somewhere in his little head are images of Uncle Frank loading him onto the bus that took him to his mother while he looked me in the eyes and begged me not to. Literally begged. "Pwease, Unko Pwank, no! No! I want to stay with you! Pwease! Pwease!"

I'll never forget it, that's for sure.

I went to the pet store today. Thought it might help me feel better. "Hey man, you're not such a bad guy - you just bought your goldfish an air-stone."

I recently learned that Brandon and Meghan, the people who are preparing to adopt him and the twins, live in a city called Lodi. Lodi; the left armpit of California. High unemployment, low IQ, the state's shittiest schools and high in homelessness and crime...and we're talking violent crime. Lodi has 10X more guns than brains.

Melanie said they live in the nice area. Lodi? A nice area? They must have moved Lodi to somewhere over in Europe, because it can't be in the last place I saw it.
 
Murrmurr said:
If CPS's performance so far is anything to judge by, that manhunt may have started about the time Pax graduated high school.

I knew the risks, of course, and I did ask myself what kind of dad I'd look like from prison. That's why my bank accounts were the stodgiest bit. If my money hadn't been tied up the way it was, I'd be posting all kinds of good news from somewhere in the mid-west, or the east coast, or even a stone's throw from your neighborhood.

He will forget specific events. He's forgotten some already, but he will always feel them. His traumas, fears, and suffering are all a part of him now. The sooner he finds genuine love and happiness, the better. I know he feels that here but I also know that somewhere in his little head are images of Uncle Frank loading him onto the bus that took him to his mother while he looked me in the eyes and begged me not to. Literally begged. "Pwease, Unko Pwank, no! No! I want to stay with you! Pwease! Pwease!"

I'll never forget it, that's for sure.

I went to the pet store today. Thought it might help me feel better. "Hey man, you're not such a bad guy - you just bought your goldfish an air-stone."

I recently learned that Brandon and Meghan, the people who are preparing to adopt him and the twins, live in a city called Lodi. Lodi; the left armpit of California. High unemployment, low IQ, the state's shittiest schools and high in homelessness and crime...and we're talking violent crime. Lodi has 10X more guns than brains.

Melanie said they live in the nice area. Lodi? A nice area? They must have moved Lodi to somewhere over in Europe, because it can't be in the last place I saw it.
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Okay .. now I understand your concern. Did not know about the new adopting couple and their location.
How far is Lodi from you .. and will you be able to continue to see Paxton?
 
Pinky said:
Okay .. now I understand your concern. Did not know about the new adopting couple and their location.
How far is Lodi from you .. and will you be able to continue to see Paxton?
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Lodi is about 40 minutes away, so not real far (for Calif). I just found out that's where they live last week. They still want to meet me (and Michelle) but they both work and now they've started going to Resource Family Approval (RFA) classes. Completing the classes satisfactorily, then being interviewed 3 times and passing 2 home inspections gets you a foster parent (Resource Family) license. They'll get a foster-to-adopt license that specifies Paxton and the twins as the children they're interested in. That way, CPS knows not to place random kids in their home, though they will if it's a pretty dire emergency, but only temporarily.

Anyway, we haven't met yet, probably because of work and classes. They told Melanie I'll always be Paxton's Uncle Frank and they'll treat me like a family member. I don't need all that, but I appreciate it, I guess. At this point it just sounds like lip service.

They have a bio-daughter who's 12 or something around there. She's met the kids and she's excited about the possible adoption. A lot more excited than I am. I hope I feel better about everything after I meet them. I'm a pretty good judge of a person's character, and I can size up their type immediately. (I think most people can)

If Lodi has a "nice area" (I've never seen it), then it's brand new, and I suppose it has its own nice brand new schools. Last time I drove through there I saw nothing but homeless encampments scattered in among run down apartments and houses that were obviously built before 1986, plus dozens of shuttered businesses and 2 abandoned shopping malls. And it looked like the sanitation department must have been abandoned, too. Or maybe I was driving through the dump.

That was only about 4 years ago. There's not much industry there, so I don't why a "nice area" would sprout up all of a sudden. Lodi has a sawmill, 1 or 2 vineyards, fruit orchards, and cattle ranches, all on the outskirts of the city and privately owned (except the mill). And it's a fairly small city. It's really hot and humid, too. It's never been a popular place.
 
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