I don't understand? Why do young women love bad guys?

Old Salt said:
But he was a man of his time. I don't condone slapping a woman but I remember two movies that were full of wives being taken over a man's knee to receive a spanking. And the audiences loved them and saw nothing wrong with it.

John Wayne's "The Quiet Man!" with Maureen O'Hara comes to mind. There was another Western (ah, now I remember "McLintock") with the two of them, where another spanking scene was featured. Her mistake? She was stubborn and disobedient to her husband! You couldn't make a movie like that these days. Time has moved on, but some of us get a bit stuck in the past!
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Whether or not audiences laughed, the fact remains, spanking a woman for any reason other than mutually agreed foreplay, remains an act of violence.
 

@Alligatorob, a question. Were you talking about modern or cave women when you said 'choosing a man with many partners makes some sense'?

I have no idea what some modern women have in their minds hooking up with guys with wives &/or multiple girlfriends. Not even going to try & contemplate that drama filled life choice :eek:.

I don't think that a cave woman choosing a man with many partners makes sense as far as evolution goes. A cave woman w/children wants her children to survive with the help from the father. If he has other mates, then his attention isn't solely on her & her children & they are less likely to survive. His attention is being split among others.

IMO, a cave woman would probably take that club & show him where his attention should be :D.
 
I can think of (at least) four reasons.
1.) Parental modeling is extremely powerful. Some girls have great, loving, healthy fathers. Some grow up with abusive, irresponsible, addictive
jerks. Sadly, some girls look to chase the image of their horrible fathers, over and over and over again, repeating the same mistake.
2.) Unconscious mating instinct- When young women are dating, on some (unconscious) level they size up a guy as a potential mating partner. The rough and tumble biker gang member seems more attractive than the nerdy office worker sipping ice tea in front of his laptop. Bad boys also seem to be more in control. Many women hate wishy-washy, indecisive men. These men are seen as weak (in their eyes).
3.) Self esteem- for some reason, there are many intelligent attractive women who's self esteem is the size of a housefly. They don't feel that they deserve to be happy. "I'm not good enough for that guy." "He won't like me". So....they get into horrific relationships with garbage, believing that's all they really deserve.
4.) Addiction of excitement- Let's be honest....we're all addicted to excitement on some level. And we all have fantasies. Some women see these bad boys as an exciting doorway to their wild fantasy. Hopefully these women wake up before it's too late.
 
Lilac said:
@Alligatorob, a question. Were you talking about modern or cave women when you said 'choosing a man with many partners makes some sense'?

I have no idea what some modern women have in their minds hooking up with guys with wives &/or multiple girlfriends. Not even going to try & contemplate that drama filled life choice :eek:.

I don't think that a cave woman choosing a man with many partners makes sense as far as evolution goes. A cave woman w/children wants her children to survive with the help from the father. If he has other mates, then his attention isn't solely on her & her children & they are less likely to survive. His attention is being split among others.
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I was talking about human instincts which are the same now as 100,000 years ago. And yes I believe you are right there is a competing instinct to choose a partner who will provide for a family. As I said its complex... However if finding a stable partner were the only driver then liking the bad boys wouldn't happen.
 
Gaer said:
Here ya go:
A poem by me a few years ago:

Do men exist not bridle bound?
Who stand lone in morn's rise?
men not bent to soft dispose
by yarded fence or women's cries?

What men assert this rebel stance/
Who fiery fights mundane?
Revels boldly with abash
and strides the worldly reign?

Who's hearty laugh, unbridled taunt
Who's bond of word stands just?
Wh can't be shackled in restraint
for freedom is his lust?

men who gouge the paths they walk
who's bearing measures large
he bends to no one, can't be girthed
Who greets his fate with charge?

Do men still breath the wild air?
by Cheryl Gaer Barlow
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@Gaer , Is this poem describing an alpha or a sigma, or somling else?
 
Medusa said:
I think both sexes do that, continually pick the wrong partners.
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In the past, as I saw it at the time, I seemed to have been attracted to some really intelligent and complex minded woman. Who then turned out to have some really complex personality issues, and later diagnosed with such.

I feel I can now spot them I mile off, and then I avoid them as much as possible, often just for my own sanity.
 
My dad was what everyone called a bad boy when he was young, and to some degree when older too. Yet mostly he dressed in suits, was protective of woman and scared of on one. His sisters used to get annoyed with him and say that itā€™s because of him they couldnā€™t get a boyfriends. Most people were scared of him.

Interestingly, the only person he ever admitted that made him scared was when he admitted to my mum, when I was 18, that I had scared him during an argument me & my dad had. He never said this to me, only to my mum. When my mum said that to me, I kind of gained more respect for him.
 
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RadishRose said:
I can't relate here. The bad boys always seemed like jerks to me. I never felt that attraction.
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I wonder, do different people define Bad Boys in different ways? As it seems that not everyone is talking about the same thing here. One person's bad boy could be another person's exciting adventure.

The term "bad boy" seems to be a subjective one; its definition can vary from one person to another. Some might see a ā€œbad boy" as someone who is rebellious or just simply breaks the rules. Some could mean someone who is aloof or emotionally unavailable. What one person might find attractive or desirable in a partner can depend on many things, such as cultural norms, personal values, individual experiences. Perhaps that could include how some see or precise a bad boy.

When I was young I used to go out in my car looking for police, to get them to chase me in my car. I was only caught once. So back in the day what did that make me, bearing in mind that this was just one aspect of me. What different aspects do bad boys have? Are they in reality a complex mix of good and bad, and inference, and some other?

To call someone a bad boy just reduces someone to a single stereotype. One that doesnā€™t seem to be truly defined.
 
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Control yourselves ladies...this is the cartoon Gunslinger version of me! Do I look like the hot, bad tough guy you all desire?

pat draw.jpg
 
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In all honesty, I think how a girl sees her father is the most vital part of them choosing a partner.
Of Course, there are those who choose "Bad boys" to rebel, but that usually happens when their father is a control freak or way too strict.

Like my Husband told our sons, be the type of father and man you want your daughters to marry.
 
Lilac said:
@Alligatorob, a question. Were you talking about modern or cave women when you said 'choosing a man with many partners makes some sense'?

I have no idea what some modern women have in their minds hooking up with guys with wives &/or multiple girlfriends. Not even going to try & contemplate that drama filled life choice :eek:.

I don't think that a cave woman choosing a man with many partners makes sense as far as evolution goes. A cave woman w/children wants her children to survive with the help from the father. If he has other mates, then his attention isn't solely on her & her children & they are less likely to survive. His attention is being split among others.

IMO, a cave woman would probably take that club & show him where his attention should be :D.
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I agree. By nature women are very protective of their home, their children and their man and donā€™t usually want to share.
Shalimar said:
Over the years, Sean Connery aired some rather disturbing views around slapping women. For example, in an interview with Barbara Walters, he indicated that, in his opinion, slapping a woman was acceptable, providing she deserved it. Hardly the mark of a real man.
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This was complete news to me. Iā€™ve liked Sean Connery for as long as I remember but this changed all that. I looked up the interview and was appalled at his comments

 
The biker guy I liked was famous in a way and I liked the power he had. He came after me, not me going after him. I had no illusions of changing him because the way he was is what I liked. Yes, he was quite exciting to me and he lived in the city so I didn't see him all the time. Eventually he wanted me to move to the city and I did not want that type of life so I ended our relationship.
 
Magna-Carta said:
In the past, as I saw it at the time, I seemed to have been attracted to some really intelligent and complex minded woman. Who then turned out to have some really complex personality issues, and later diagnosed with such.

I feel I can now spot them I mile off, and then I avoid them as much as possible, often just for my own sanity.
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How very clever of you.
I agree, you should definitely stay away from women you've managed to spot-out and label.
 
I don't think that urge is part of the majority, and it can start at a young age. If I'm wrong and it is closer to a universal trait, it is probably repressed or ignored. It's true for both male and female I think.

My Ex had a name for those romance novels with a cover of a muscular peasant stock embracing a woman with a top that is about to be lost to the throes of passion. She called them "bodice rippers." I think she had picked that term up from somewhere else. I never caught her reading a bodice ripper, although she seem to know what they were about.
 
Lilac said:
@Alligatorob, a question. Were you talking about modern or cave women when you said 'choosing a man with many partners makes some sense'?

I have no idea what some modern women have in their minds hooking up with guys with wives &/or multiple girlfriends. Not even going to try & contemplate that drama filled life choice :eek:.

I don't think that a cave woman choosing a man with many partners makes sense as far as evolution goes. A cave woman w/children wants her children to survive with the help from the father. If he has other mates, then his attention isn't solely on her & her children & they are less likely to survive. His attention is being split among others.

IMO, a cave woman would probably take that club & show him where his attention should be :D.
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I remember reading that cave women "mated" with several men on a regular basis for the reason that if the men didn't know who the father was, they were all more invested in the child. They all felt responsible for protecting, feeding, etc. Interesting rationale.
 
caroln said:
I remember reading that cave women "mated" with several men on a regular basis for the reason that if the men didn't know who the father was, they were all more invested in the child. They all felt responsible for protecting, feeding, etc. Interesting rationale.
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I think that is true, even in some places today. See Partible Paternity https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Partible_paternity

Its not widely accepted in western culture today. And DNA testing might make that even less so. Could get you on the Jerry Springer show though...

I think it is interesting the variety of relationships that different peoples find acceptable and normal.
 
Alligatorob said:
I think that is true, even in some places today. See Partible Paternity https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Partible_paternity

Its not widely accepted in western culture today. And DNA testing might make that even less so. Could get you on the Jerry Springer show though...

I think it is interesting the variety of relationships that different peoples find acceptable and normal.
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Interesting article. I didn't know there was a name for it!
 

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