OMG, The People Down Stairs. He Was Raging. The Woman Was Outside On The Ground.

Remy

Remy

Well-known Member
Location
California, USA
I'm shaking. She got up. Was grasping her dog. I went outside and asked if she was alright and the young guy next to them came out also. I offered to call the police and give her money if she needed to go. She declined. She was sobbing. The guy is saying "I love you, we can work it out." This is absolute abuse. I've ignored his yelling and slamming but it had never escalated to this. I hope he doesn't harass me but the people next door witnessed it also.

This is bad. I need to get out of here. I worry for the safety of the cats though I doubt this guy would break into my apartment especially with the young people next door seeing it also.
 

It was good of you to try to help her, though I think she will continue to stay with the guy.

Many years ago, I befriended a neighbour woman who had 3 daughters. Her husband used to push her
around, and we could hear it. One time, I went to their door and when she answered my knock, I asked if
she wanted me to call the police. When they arrived, they went through all the usual questioning - but,
she didn't press charges.

Often, these women just don't know how to get out of these situations, though there are shelters for
women and their children. It's very sad.
 
Pinky said:
It was good of you to try to help her, though I think she will continue to stay with the guy.

Many years ago, I befriended a neighbour woman who had 3 daughters. Her husband used to push her
around, and we could hear it. One time, I went to their door and when she answered my knock, I asked if
she wanted me to call the police. When they arrived, they went through all the usual questioning - but,
she didn't press charges.

Often, these women just don't know how to get out of these situations, though there are shelters for
women and their children. It's very sad.
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Yes it's terrible. She lived there when they moved in months ago. After a verbal altercation she was gone for several months. Then I saw her back and heard the dog yapping sometimes. She was on the ground clutching the dog. And the dog was yelping. I'm not sure if she is gone now.

I grew up with violence. I can't stand this. It might not have been the smart thing to go out but I had to. Someone needs to say something. No I didn't call the police but this male knows there are two witness at this point.
 
It is a hard decision to make but in this case I would have not asked, I would have called 911. I went to Taco Bell last night, I had been at Walmart for groceries but was too tired to cook. I pulled in the drive thru behind a car. They took forever to place their order. I placed my order and pulled forward behind the car. There was a lot of screaming, foul language, finger pointing and fist shaking. If I had a cell phone I would have called 911 myself. This woman was upset that she was hard of hearing and expected them to know that when she could not hear them trying to confirm her order by asking questions.

I sat there and watched and listened, finally I had enough, got out of my car and went to the window. I told the young girl to just call 911 there were others waiting for their food, she called me bad things and to get my high heeled uppity self back in my car. I told her I am not wearing heels, just sneakers and I had a trunk of groceries I needed to get home. I just kept telling the girl/employee to call 911. The lady in question must have thought she was mighty scary but in the end knew that I would not back down, she was abusing teenagers for no reason. She drove off and when I got home I sent an email to the corporate office regarding the incident and the professional way the young people there handled a bad situation. Most of these people will not escalate in behavior when someone stands up and says enough is enough.
 
Good for you and the neighbour for going outside. If might have stopped the beater from doing more damage to her. In many places now, even if the woman refuses to press charges the police arrest the man anyway. If nothing else, he can cool off.

Good for you too, Blessed.
 
Remy said:
I'm shaking. She got up. Was grasping her dog. I went outside and asked if she was alright and the young guy next to them came out also. I offered to call the police and give her money if she needed to go. She declined. She was sobbing. The guy is saying "I love you, we can work it out." This is absolute abuse. I've ignored his yelling and slamming but it had never escalated to this. I hope he doesn't harass me but the people next door witnessed it also.

This is bad. I need to get out of here. I worry for the safety of the cats though I doubt this guy would break into my apartment especially with the young people next door seeing it also.
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Remy said:
Yes it's terrible. She lived there when they moved in months ago. After a verbal altercation she was gone for several months. Then I saw her back and heard the dog yapping sometimes. She was on the ground clutching the dog. And the dog was yelping. I'm not sure if she is gone now.

I grew up with violence. I can't stand this. It might not have been the smart thing to go out but I had to. Someone needs to say something. No I didn't call the police but this male knows there are two witness at this point.
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Remy said:
I know. I am afraid of retaliation. Seeing this woman on the ground clutching her small dog was awful.
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She left him and was gone for months. That must mean that she has someplace else to stay. Now she's back. You can't help but wonder why. She stays or comes back because she loves him, and he's sorry. He loves her. He promises to change. This is often how the domestic abuse scenario replays repeatedly.

Remy, I know you're upset. It's horrible to witness any type of abuse and be powerless to stop it, but without the woman being willing to do anything to help herself, there's not much you can do. You were kind, and you did what you could by checking to see if she was okay and by offering her money to get away. I understand why you're hesitant to call the police. Being older and alone, you're an easy target. It's not like you can get in your car and drive away from the scene. You live above this abuser. If you report him, he might threaten you. Even if you were to call the police, it's unlikely that the woman will ever press charges. As Jules said, they might arrest him anyway. Would it cool him off? Maybe, momentarily. Or it could make him even angrier. These leopards don't change their spots because they've been thrown in the cooler.

There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself or for someone else, but it might not always be the best choice. Whether you're in the right, attempting to confront angry, violent, or crazy people can be dangerous. You never know what someone will do or if they will physically harm you. If you decide to confront someone, you could be taking your life into your hands. It has nothing to do with being brave enough to do so. It's being smart enough not to. These days, people shoot at the drop of a hat.

I hope you managed to get some sleep, Remy. And I hope the woman finds the strength to run away and stay away from her abuser.

Bella ✌️
 
Something tells me the dog is part of the problem as you said she was clutching the dog and the dog was yelping. Maybe the dog pees in the house? He may have abused the dog and she is trying to protect the dog.

At any rate there is no excuse for this type of behavior.

Is she still there?
 
It’s well said that half of the world doesn’t know how the other half lives.

I’m reminded of staying at a motel years ago when I was awakened by a couple several doors down having a row. The woman’s loud wailing and crying went on for a prolonged period. Her night was ruined, as was that of other guests in the motel. I was afraid to become involved; too many guns in America with itchy trigger fingers nearby. I lost a night’s sleep but safeguarded my own life.

No one should have to be exposed to even the slipstream of domestic violence. I commend your courage in taking action, but always do so from a position of safety. Locally they are mourning a police officer slain while responding to a “domestic dispute.”
 
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Bella said:
I understand why you're hesitant to call the police. Being older and alone, you're an easy target. It's not like you can get in your car and drive away from the scene. You live above this abuser. If you report him, he might threaten you.
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Whether you're in the right, attempting to confront angry, violent, or crazy people can be dangerous. You never know what someone will do or if they will physically harm you.
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I agree, @Bella . It's very easy for someone to armchair quarterback and suggest getting in the middle of a violent confrontation, but I'm thinking that if I couldn't physically/personally beat the dickens out of the perp, I'd probably call 911 and know that at least the abuser wouldn't know who called. HOWEVER I need to add that that's only in this scenario that was described here with abuser already spewing his lies about making it work. Of course he won't... that's an abuser's MO, but I would know that she's probably safe for the moment. If I see him physically still beating her, I'd call 911 and then try to stop it before he kills her, though.
 
Scary! I don't know what I'd do. If you call 911 and they come out she will not likely press charges. However, they'll be a police report. I guess after she's beat up or killed the reports will help in a case against him so I guess I would call.
 
I have neighbors up the alley who fight all the time. One evening she was in a vehicle and he was trying to pull her out, horn honking, lights flashing, lots of screaming...I called the police who questioned the two only to be lied to and that it was just a verbal argument. now I wonder whether the dog howling is what a dog does or is it in trouble, do I call or not?...
 
This is one of the reasons my hubby has always refused to even think about living in a condo or apartment. He lived in CA for many years before we got married and lived in apartments. His job took him out of town a lot so he wasn't home much but he told me stories about things that went on when he was there and finally at 57 years old, he bought his first house. Now, he's 82 and says as long as he can get around and take care of a house, he won't live in an apartment or condo. People are downright nuts these days.
 
Women in abusive relationships have been coerced into believing they can't exist without the abuser. That's why she won't press charges. You could call the cops every time you observe physical abuse, but the couple may not like your interference, and your actions do come with some risks to you. The problem is the abuse will escalate until the woman leaves him- and she is the one, who determines that point, if ever.
 
It was brave and kind of you to try and go to her aid, good for you.

I agree with the others that suggest you call the police, I understand your concerns but suspect that would put you at less risk than doing what you did. Even if there was not enough to make an arrest it would put the guy on the police radar for future events. The police are usually pretty good about protecting the confidence of people reporting things like this.

I have to tell you that when I was younger something like this happened with the next door neighbors. I did not call the police then, but whenever it comes to mind I regret that decision.

I am sorry that you have to live in a place and experience this kind of thing.
Pepper said:
Violence escalates when she tries to leave him.
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I know that can happen, for a while. But don't you think leaving is always the best decision in the long run?
 
What a horrible night you had, Remy. I'm sorry. I would like to add my caution to please, please call 911 first next time you have a situation. Police response is so much slower now than it used to be in many places. Since police have been defunded and have been so restricted in how they can deal with a criminal, many have simply switched professions and many fewer are applying for the jobs. Many, if not most, PDs are understaffed. It can take a long time to get a cop, even for a violent crime.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Women in abusive relationships have been coerced into believing they can't exist without the abuser. That's why she won't press charges. You could call the cops every time you observe physical abuse, but the couple may not like your interference, and your actions do come with some risks to you. The problem is the abuse will escalate until the woman leaves him- and she is the one, who determines that point, if ever.
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trouble is that many women can't financially survive if they report the abuse and the husband is jailed.. I;ve been in that position as was my mother so I know only too well
 
hollydolly said:
trouble is that many women can't financially survive if they report the abuse and the husband is jailed..
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We do have some programs here that help women and their children survive in situations like this, when they work. However even if they "survive" they often take a big financial hit. Still I believe the best choice, but then its not a situation or choice I've ever had to make.
 
Alligatorob said:
We do have some programs here that help women and their children survive in situations like this, when they work. However even if they "survive" they often take a big financial hit. Still I believe the best choice, but then its not a situation or choice I've ever had to make.
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mostly it's not the best choice for them. yes it gets them away from the abuser.. but they usually end up with their children in refuge housing where they may be subjected , and often are to high crime among the other women, and feral children and usually these refuges are in parts of town which are often alien to women, who have no experience of living in one room in a noisy environment with other families in a less salubrious part of town,. The once they're eventually rehoused, they're usually, again because of financial restrains housed away from friends and family, and the children their schools.. . This is what causes most women to stay in these relationships..you've got to remember most women or men ( abused partners0. didn't marry an abuser, they married someone they loved, who was nice to them.. and they're still searching and hoping for that person to return.. thinking that whatever has caused them to act like this must be the abused fault.. so with that in mind.. not only are they being abused, once they are ''rescued'' they then have to suffer deprivation potentially for the rest of their lives..
 

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