I have a problem with Paxton's foster Dad....a lazy, misogynistic, stupid immature jerk.

Murrmurr

Murrmurr

SF VIP
Location
Sacramento, California
Tony has been Paxton and the twins' foster dad since very early in November '22. He and his wife fostered the twins before, from when they were infants until they were 18-months old. Today, they turned 4.

So I've known Tony and his wife since 2019, but I've spent way more time with her than him. We texted 3 or 4 times a week while Pax lived here, we met for lunch once a month, she brought the twins over to visit Paxton twice a month, and she called me a few times a month whenever she had questions about the kids' mother and father or about court stuff or CPS processes, and sometimes just to sort of compare notes.

Anyway, since they've had all 3 kids (since Nov), I've gotten to know Tony a lot better because he's the one who usually drops the kids off and picks them up, and sometimes he hangs out here for a while. And I talked to him quite a bit today at the twins' birthday party. And, I gotta say, I don't like this guy, and I'm very unimpressed with his parenting style.

He treats his wife like she's his personal maid and surrogate mother. He's a huge guy....a huge baby. While his very petite wife wears herself out handling a total of 7 kids and a big baby husband, he sits on his huge ass staring at his freaking phone.

As one point today she said, "Tony, would you please carry this to the car for me?"

For her? Carry the thing out to the car just because it needs to be carried to the car, freaking dimwit! In fact, carry all of it...she's busy.

He looked up from his phone like she just woke him from a nap, and said "Huh? ....Oh. ...Yeah. ...Ok," and he picked up that one thing. One of the birthday presents. There were 7 others. I carried them, and Michelle helped Melanie round up the kids. Then Tony leaned against his van scrolling through his phone while we loaded the kids into it....until Melanie woke him up again.

"Tony, could you please help Landon into his carseat?"

"Huh? ....Oh. ...Yeah. ...Ok."

Plus, while we were in Chuck E. Cheese's today, me and Paxton went to check out the big robot of Chuck E....touched his fur, looked in his eyes, shook his hand, and Chuckled about him. And later, Mel had us all sit in front of the Big Cheese for a photo, and Paxton held its hand and Tony yelled "Paxton! Don't touch that!"

So I explained calmly that Pax saw me touching it so he figured it was ok, and besides, kids climb all over it every day and the employees don't mind at all. There isn't a Don't Touch sign or anything.

"Oh. ....Ok."

Then Landon went to touch it's shoe and Tony yells "Hey! That's a giant rat, and it's gonna bite you!"

WTF, man? Landon ran and hid under a table. These kids have been abused, seen abuse, seen their parents' violent fights, and their parents both used scare tactics on them to make them behave, and Tony knows that.

I'm more anxious than ever to meet the people who want to adopt.
 

Remy said:
OMG, I may have missed it in your diary post but are the children going to be adopted actually?
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As it stands now, yes. They're going to go live with the adoption hopeful couple in 2 weeks. It'll be a foster-to-adopt situation. They've been having the kids over every other weekend and every Wednesday for a few months.

Their mother lost her parental rights in court yesterday, but the father wants to ask for legal custody, so an adoption might not happen for a year or so, after he's exhausted all his legal options.
 

Murrmurr said:
Tony has been Paxton and the twins' foster dad since very early in November '22. He and his wife fostered the twins before, from when they were infants until they were 18-months old. Today, they turned 4.

So I've known Tony and his wife since 2019, but I've spent way more time with her than him. We texted 3 or 4 times a week while Pax lived here, we met for lunch once a month, she brought the twins over to visit Paxton twice a month, and she called me a few times a month whenever she had questions about the kids' mother and father or about court stuff or CPS processes, and sometimes just to sort of compare notes.

Anyway, since they've had all 3 kids (since Nov), I've gotten to know Tony a lot better because he's the one who usually drops the kids off and picks them up, and sometimes he hangs out here for a while. And I talked to him quite a bit today at the twins' birthday party. And, I gotta say, I don't like this guy, and I'm very unimpressed with his parenting style.

He treats his wife like she's his personal maid and surrogate mother. He's a huge guy....a huge baby. While his very petite wife wears herself out handling a total of 7 kids and a big baby husband, he sits on his huge ass staring at his freaking phone.

As one point today she said, "Tony, would you please carry this to the car for me?"

For her? Carry the thing out to the car just because it needs to be carried to the car, freaking dimwit! In fact, carry all of it...she's busy.

He looked up from his phone like she just woke him from a nap, and said "Huh? ....Oh. ...Yeah. ...Ok," and he picked up that one thing. One of the birthday presents. There were 7 others. I carried them, and Michelle helped Melanie round up the kids. Then Tony leaned against his van scrolling through his phone while we loaded the kids into it....until Melanie woke him up again.

"Tony, could you please help Landon into his carseat?"

"Huh? ....Oh. ...Yeah. ...Ok."

Plus, while we were in Chuck E. Cheese's today, me and Paxton went to check out the big robot of Chuck E....touched his fur, looked in his eyes, shook his hand, and Chuckled about him. And later, Mel had us all sit in front of the Big Cheese for a photo, and Paxton held its hand and Tony yelled "Paxton! Don't touch that!"

So I explained calmly that Pax saw me touching it so he figured it was ok, and besides, kids climb all over it every day and the employees don't mind at all. There isn't a Don't Touch sign or anything.

"Oh. ....Ok."

Then Landon went to touch it's shoe and Tony yells "Hey! That's a giant rat, and it's gonna bite you!"

WTF, man? Landon ran and hid under a table. These kids have been abused, seen abuse, seen their parents' violent fights, and their parents both used scare tactics on them to make them behave, and Tony knows that.

I'm more anxious than ever to meet the people who want to adopt.
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Boy, he sounds like a lazy piece of work. Feel sorry for the kids and his wife. Would be hard to like a guy like that.
 
Wow, he seems like a real treasure to behold. :rolleyes:

In all honesty Frank is there nothing you can do about regaining custody? I really do not like that kind of a person posing as a role model for those babies.
 
Tish said:
Wow, he seems like a real treasure to behold. :rolleyes:

In all honesty Frank is there nothing you can do about regaining custody? I really do not like that kind of a person posing as a role model for those babies.
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Their foster parents decided not to adopt, but there's another couple who want to. They're friends of the current foster parents, so they know Paxton and the twins. Melanie said they fell in love with the kids right away and they have a 13yr-old daughter who adores them.

I just can't do it, especially all 3 of them. CPS won't separate siblings unless they abuse each other, so it's Paxton and the twins, who are a boy and a girl. They need an active dad who'll get them into sports and ballet, or whatever, take them camping, hiking, and fishing and stuff, give them and their friends rides to places and go to teacher meetings and all that. That ain't me anymore, sadly.

I do not want them to sit around here watching me get gradually moved to a wheelchair within the next decade. It isn't fair to them to have to worry about my pain so we only walk so far and only play for so long before I have to go take some drugs and sit on my ass. Paxton understands. He'll even rub my back when he sees pain on my face. That isn't right. It isn't good. It's not what I want for him. They would resent it soon enough, I'm sure of that.
 
Some agencies do poorly at vetting foster parents.

My parents were foster parents and their last ones came as a group of six, ranging from 7 to 15 years of age, all but 1 siblings. The previous foster parents had been abusive with the foster father having sexually abused the girls.

Needless to say, there were some serious emotional problems there. The children were with my parents for years until my dad's health made it too difficult to continue.
 
hollydolly said:
Frank are you going to be keeping in touch with the children when they're officially adopted, or will you bow out of their lives ?
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The couple who hope to adopt want me & Michelle to stay Uncle Frank and Auntie Meesh, according to Melanie (foster mom). But they also keep saying they want to meet us, and they haven't managed to find the time yet. They live about 30 miles away, so that's how far away the kids will be, too. It's not a difficult drive, freeway most of the way, and I think at least one of them works here in Sacramento but it's still too inconvenient for them to come over and get acquainted. And they haven't invited us to their neck of the woods either.

But I can probably count on their grandmother to remedy that whole situation.
 
jujube said:
Some agencies do poorly at vetting foster parents.

My parents were foster parents and their last ones came as a group of six, ranging from 7 to 15 years of age, all but 1 siblings. The previous foster parents had been abusive with the foster father having ******ly abused the girls.

Needless to say, there were some serious emotional problems there. The children were with my parents for years until my dad's health made it too difficult to continue.
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There are rumors that Amador County, which is handling this case, has a bad reputation and a fairly old criminal lawsuit that claimed they did adoption for profit and seized kids illegally and adopted them out. I haven't been able to find much about that, but I found some other issues. Nothing current, though.

In my experience with them, they have very little oversight within their departments, they lack diligence, they're incredibly understaffed, under-trained, and unresponsive. All excellent reasons for me to meet and get to know the new prospective parents.

Paxton said he likes them a lot, and so do the twins....so there's that.
 
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Pinky said:
These kids need to be adopted by a decent couple .. and, soon!
How did Tony pass the test for taking care of the kids? His wife obviously is doing 99.9 % of the parenting.
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She probably did his homework for him. He says he showed up for all the in-person classes, though. I can picture him at a desk pretending to read the textbooks while scrolling through his phone.
 
Murrmurr said:
The couple who hope to adopt want me & Michelle to stay Uncle Frank and Auntie Meesh, according to Melanie (foster mom). But they also keep saying they want to meet us, and they haven't managed to find the time yet. They live about 30 miles away, so that's how far away the kids will be, too. It's not a difficult drive, freeway most of the way, and I think at least one of them works here in Sacramento but it's still too inconvenient for them to come over and get acquainted. And they haven't invited us to their neck of the woods either.

But I can probably count on their grandmother to remedy that whole situation.
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Well I hope they do stick to their word.. but no need to tell you, that unless they meet you they can't actually make any decisions as to whether they want you to remain in the children's lives. so that's a concern that they're saying that now, but making no effort to get to know you...

... and of course once the children are formally adopted, Jackie will no longer be their grandmother officially.. and will have no say input in their lives if this new couple decide they don't want it ..
 
hollydolly said:
Well I hope they do stick to their word.. but no need to tell you, that unless they meet you they can't actually make any decisions as to whether they want you to remain in the children's lives. so that's a concern that they're saying that now, but making no effort to get to know you...

... and of course once the children are formally adopted, Jackie will no longer be their grandmother officially.. and will have no say input in their lives if this new couple decide they don't want it ..
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That's true.

And I don't like their names... Brandon & Meghan. Doesn't that sound like a typical X-gen couple? I picture him glued to a bloody X-Box war game while she peruses Ebay for Barbie doll accessories to add to the collection she keeps in a floor-to-ceiling plexiglass case. Meanwhile, the kids will be eating nothing but gluten-free Cups o' Noodles and bowls of Fruit Loops drowned in almond milk. Play Dates will be circled on the calendar; one for every week.
 
Murrmurr said:
That's true.

And I don't like their names... Brandon & Meghan. Doesn't that sound like a typical X-gen couple? I picture him glued to a bloody X-Box war game while she peruses Ebay for Barbie doll accessories to add to the collection she keeps in a floor-to-ceiling plexiglass case. Meanwhile, the kids will be eating nothing but gluten-free Cups o' Noodles and bowls of Fruit Loops drowned in almond milk.
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well there's another far more infamous Meghan..let's hope she doesn't resemble that one....
 
Murrmurr said:
The couple who hope to adopt want me & Michelle to stay Uncle Frank and Auntie Meesh, according to Melanie (foster mom). But they also keep saying they want to meet us, and they haven't managed to find the time yet.
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That is wonderful that they want you to stay in Paxton's life. If they are busy now they are going to be a lot more busy after they add three more children full-time into their household, but maybe that will work to your advantage because then they'll appreciate getting a break.
 

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