Should We Fear A Lonely Life? | The Age of Loneliness

[Bella]

So, I may as well just ask you ladies, what do you think? I think it’s too early for jewelry, she doesn’t like candy, so that leaves maybe flowers or a nice spring sweater? I guess maybe clothing is out also? I’m not experienced at doing this, so what do you think?

I'd stay away from jewelry and clothing for the moment. Flowers are always nice. Does she have plants in her home? If so, you might think about getting her a pretty plant in lieu of flowers. It's a nice gift but without getting too personal too soon.

 

[palides2021]

I tend to live in my head, with my thoughts and memories. As a small child I had little contact with other children and I invented a whole menagerie of little animals as companions.

Now that I am alone in our house, I talk to real animals, birds and spiders. Not long conversations mind, just friendly greetings. I'm becoming quite Fransciscan and rarely feel alone, let alone lonely.

I can relate to the part of living "in my head." I can entertain myself for hours just by my thinking. I can lay in bed, not able to sleep, but instead of fretting about it, I am entertained by my mind traveling here and there. I guess I might call it a blessing; it has kept me from feeling lonely.

 

[seadoug]

I'm an introvert and I get enough contact with other people just by being out and about during the day and occasionally interacting with strangers. There is an older gentleman at my gym who sees me there all the time and started to acknowledge me. He is Hispanic and doesn't speak great English, but he told me he is 68. I told him I'm 65. We now always say hello and do a fist bump. We always ask each other how we are doing and give a thumbs up.

I also have conversations with the manager at my dry cleaners. We talk about what we are up to. She has met my partner as well, and I've showed her pics of us from 30 years ago.

My partner is an introvert as well, so neither of us likes to be around people for extended periods of time. We find it draining. We are homebodies.

 

[packleader]

About loneliness, even the government is concerned about it:

Surgeon general lays out framework to tackle loneliness and ‘mend the social fabric of our nation’​

https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/02/health/murthy-loneliness-isolation/index.html

The main points are:

The first, strengthening social infrastructure in communities, involves boosting programs like volunteer organizations or religious groups, policies like public transit or education, and physical elements like libraries and green spaces.

The second pillar calls for more “pro-connection public policies.” Governments and institutions are urged to adopt an approach that recognizes that policies can benefit or hinder connection and that “every sector of society is relevant to social connection.” Policymakers should focus on reducing disparities in connection.

The third pillar relies on the crucial role of public health and health care delivery systems to address social connection. Murthy calls for increased investment in educating health care providers about the physical and mental benefits of social connection and the risks of disconnection. Patients’ needs should be assessed and supported, and organizations should track prevalence of disconnection in communities and advance local solutions, he says.

For the fourth pillar, reforming digital environments, Murthy singles out the “tangible impact” of technology on Americans’ daily lives and connections. “Technology can also distract us and occupy our mental bandwidth, make us feel worse about ourselves and our relationships, and diminish our ability to connect with others. Some technology fans the flames of marginalization and discrimination, bullying, and other forms of severe social negativity.”

The fifth pillar, deepening knowledge, urges stakeholders such as officials, policymakers, health care providers and researchers to collaborate on a research agenda to address gaps in the data. “Consistent measurement will be critical to better understanding the driving forces of connection and disconnection, and how we can be more effective and efficient in addressing these states.”

The final pillar urges a culture of connection in which Americans “cultivate values of kindness, respect, service, and commitment to one another.” Everyone can use their voice to emphasize these values and model healthy connections, Murthy says, and the nation’s institutions should invest in demonstrating them.

 

[SeniorBen]

...

 

[Jules]

@SeniorBen That’s an ominous post late at night. Please rest and check back in with us tomorrow morning. {{{hugs}}}

 

[oscash]

Being alone, and being lonely are two very different things.

I've always said that as well.

 

[oscash]

Loneliness? You want to talk about loneliness? I'll tell you about the dark wall of loneliness enclosing and pressing in on me, and I cannot escape. The cancerous plant of memory feeding at its entrails, recalling hundreds of forgotten faces and thousands of defeated dreams and vanished days until all life is as strange and insubstantial as a dream. I wait in my little room like a creature held captive, and I hear in the distance, the murmurous drone of the earth, for I have been forgotten while my life has come to nothing. My strength is gone — my power withered. I sit drugged and fettered in this prison of loneliness.

Have a nice day.

SeniorBen, that is the saddest post I have read for a long time. Don't give up, you have to pull yourself together and go out and try and join a friendship group or a senior citizens group. I sometimes feel alone but I snap out of it and get dressed and force myself to go to the shops, buy a Coffee and start to talk to people sitting next to you. I do this all the time and I have made some very nice friends in the process.

 

[annele]

Interesting, and something that may resonate with some members.

I completely agree. How can we all go about changing this lonliness epidemic and begin to connect with each other?

 

[SeniorBen]

SeniorBen, that is the saddest post I have read for a long time. Don't give up, you have to pull yourself together and go out and try and join a friendship group or a senior citizens group. I sometimes feel alone but I snap out of it and get dressed and force myself to go to the shops, buy a Coffee and start to talk to people sitting next to you. I do this all the time and I have made some very nice friends in the process.

@SeniorBen That’s an ominous post late at night. Please rest and check back in with us tomorrow morning. {{{hugs}}}

@oscash and @Jules, I was just kidding. Sorry. I do appreciate your concern, though.

I'm going to delete it.

 

[davey]

Those who fear loneliness and then experience it often won't find the solutions that can erase it?

 

[Judycat]

@SeniorBen. Did you write that? Or are quoting another author? If it is you, it is very good.

 

[fuzzybuddy]

When I was a kid, I was surrounded by family-grandparents, a bunch of aunts and uncles, and scads of cousins. Now, I'm the oldest member of my family, and the cousins have all moved away. And despite what the medication ads say on TV, most of us seniors aren't sky diving, doing laps around the pool, high mountain skiing, running marathons, dancing till 4AM, back packing through the Andes, nor biking through Europe. We are increasingly home bodies. Unfortunately, it becomes easier to stay home than meet with others. The internet helps, but is a poor substitute for human interaction. Getting older ain't for the weak. We have to learn how to cope with aging.

 

[SeniorBen]

@SeniorBen. Did you write that? Or are quoting another author? If it is you, it is very good.

It's a rewrite of a section of Thomas Wolfe's essay: God's Lonely Man.

 

[hollydolly]

The other day there was a report on the radio that I was listening to in the car.. It said that Loneliness is as much a killer as smoking 15 cigarettes a day

 

[Pepper]

Loneliness can be something we are ashamed of. We blame ourselves.

 

[DebraMae]

Being an introvert I rarely get lonely. The opinion that we must constantly be surrounded by others and have lots of "friends" irritates me. Some people want to force this lifestyle on everyone and don't understand that not everyone wants that. I don't recall who said it but the quote was something to the effect of "I don't want to be alone, I just want to be left alone".

For those who feel the need to constantly be surrounded by others I can understand being older and living alone can become challenging but to me it is a blessing.

 

[Timewise 60+]

I watched my mom and my father-in-law go through years of loneliness after their lifelong spouse's passed away (my father and my wife's mother). My mother lived for 17 years after my dad died. She was in very good health physically until the last year. Over those years she had friends that were guys but told me she could never love or be with another man. Accordingly, she became very lonely in that way. She had many good lady friends as they all lived in a retirement community. But many close to her passed away a few years before she did. We spent as much time as we could with her, but as time passed, I knew she was getting very lonely and eventually that lead to depression. She died in her sleep of what I considered a broken heart. We tried to get her doctor to work with her on her depression, but she just was not welling to do anything further to maintain her health.

I saw my father-in-law go down a similar road after his wife died. They had been married over 50 years and he almost made it to 100 and was in relatively good health and mental state when he died. Yet he was lonely to the point of crying when we visited and had to leave. He did not cry for us to stay, only because he knew loneliness was going to follow. He had many friends both male and female but most of them died and the ones that did not were limited in what they could do to go see him. Again, he died at home, and I believe he died of a broken heart.

I fear this death for me or my wife. We have been married for over 50 years and it is likely one of us will be left alone. We do have family in the area, so I hope they do better for us than others were able to do for our parents....I have talked to my two sons about this...especially for their mother if I leave her alone.

 

[Pepper]

Beautiful post @Timewise 60+

 

[hearlady]

I'm also an introvert. For years, the only thing that bothered me was that I thought I should have friends and relationships, "girl pals", etc. " What is wrong with me?"
Finally, I took a personality quiz that showed I was an introvert. That led me to research and found that it's OK.
Online forums like this are perfect for me. Just the right amount of social interaction along with speaking with neighbors outside and conversing in the grocery store. Joining a hiking club appeals to me.
I'm ok with it and sharing with people. I find they're ok with it too.

 

[SeniorBen]

Being an introvert I rarely get lonely. The opinion that we must constantly be surrounded by others and have lots of "friends" irritates me. Some people want to force this lifestyle on everyone and don't understand that not everyone wants that. I don't recall who said it but the quote was something to the effect of "I don't want to be alone, I just want to be left alone".

For those who feel the need to constantly be surrounded by others I can understand being older and living alone can become challenging but to me it is a blessing.

Same here. I've been thinking about getting one of these t-shirts:

Or maybe this one:

 

[EmptyCup]

In the past 18 months, I knew two men who died. Both were within a year of my age. One, a friend from an interest group, and the other a high school classmate. Both died of heart attacks in their sleep. Nobody in their families saw it coming. Whenever I think I may be having a dud day I remember those two guys and am thankful I have any kind of day. Then I try and make the most of it. As the old saying goes “it beats the alternative!”

I do have empathy for those who are lonely. If you see someone struggling, please reach out. It might make their day. And if it doesn‘t, you tried!

 

[oscash]

@oscash and @Jules, I was just kidding. Sorry. I do appreciate your concern, though.

I'm going to delete it.

SeniorBen - Don't joke about things like this. See how many of us on this site became concerned for your safety.? I'm sure you know about the boy who cried "Wolf".

 

[sch404]

I'm an introvert, and never minded being alone. Until recently, when I "felt lonely" for the first time in my life. I think it was because I no longer had any hope of finding true love, so I couldn't even find solace in daydreams.

It was pretty terrible for a while, but now I more or less accept it. Like anything else, it takes some adjustment.

It's too bad though. I wonder if people would have children if they knew the child would grow up to be lonely.

 

[sch404]

I'm an introvert, and never minded being alone. Until recently, when I "felt lonely" for the first time in my life. I think it was because I no longer had any hope of finding true love, so I couldn't even find solace in daydreams.

It was pretty terrible for a while, but now I more or less accept it. Like anything else, it takes some adjustment.

It's too bad though. I wonder if people would have children if they knew the child would grow up to be lonely.