The Most Important Question of Your Life

Dubee

Member
I recently came across this question in the attached article, and it gave me a lot of food for thought about aging. I’ve lived a long good life, and now I’m in the late winter of it. How much am I willing to make my last years be a good experience and not be too painful? As I saw my mother and father grow old, I witnessed both joy and depression. I also witnessed a tenacity to keep going up until the end. Can I do that also, and how much am I willing to make an effort to do that?

Here is a link to that article: https://markmanson.net/question
 

From the article:

I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight, but only the victory.

And life doesn’t work that way.

Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it.10 People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist life are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.

This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonition of “no pain, no gain.”

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. So, friend, choose your struggles wisely.”

This is similar to something I’ve always believed; that you have to want to achieve your goals in life, MORE THAN you want to avoid the pain and struggle of getting there. Your failure to reach your goal has to be more upsetting than the discomforts of getting there.
 
Mark Manson is a great teacher but I disagree with all statements that start with ‘everybody wants…. ‘

Quote; Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence—but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, and obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.

Quote: “Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship—but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings, and the emotional psychodrama to get there.”

Stating that everyone wants an amazing job and great sex is stereotyping and compartmentalizing humanity into a one size fits all mentality. Humanity’s wants and desires are as unique as the people desiring them.
 

Self-help gurus make fortunes stating the obvious. I've yet to personally meet or know anyone whose life was dramatically improved by any of these folks.
Except for this one:
"The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom is a self-help book by bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz. The book offers a code of conduct claiming to be based on ancient Toltec wisdom that advocates freedom from self-limiting beliefs that may cause suffering and limitation in a person's life."

It really helps. Recommend to everyone. I keep forgetting though, must re-read.
 
Mark Manson is a great teacher but I disagree with all statements that start with ‘everybody wants…. ‘

Quote; Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence—but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, and obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.

Quote: “Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship—but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings, and the emotional psychodrama to get there.”

Stating that everyone wants an amazing job and great sex is stereotyping and compartmentalizing humanity into a one size fits all mentality. Humanity’s wants and desires are as unique as the people desiring them.

I agree. It’s a broad statement, and maybe more suited for the younger generations.
 
I think he’s painting in broad strokes to make a point, rather than merely adopting an “everybody knows” or “everybody wants” type philosophy

Whatever your personal life philosophy, I think we all default to whatever is most comfortable or attainable for us regardless of what our goals or aspirations are. And I think that’s the overall point.
 
Yes: I also recommend reading The Four Agreements.
Over the years I have given copies to friends and relatives and there is a copy on my desk always.

Be impeccable with your word

Words have power — wherever and whenever they’re used. Be conservative, deliberate, and respectful with yours. Say what you mean and see how that impacts what you get back. When in doubt? Say less — or nothing at all.

Don’t take anything personally

Ruiz says if we can remember that each reality is a unique landscape for the individual to navigate, it will help us to not take things personally. When this agreement is fully embraced, it can be one of the most liberating experiences.

Don’t make assumptions

Just like we shouldn’t take things others say or do personally, we need to be mindful of our own assumptions. They can cause much of the same frustrations and reactions.

Assumptions can lead us down the road of problematic behaviours including entitlement, gossip, and unrealistic expectations.

Always do your best

What is your best? How do you know what your best even is? The answer is in the question. The more you try to do your best, the more clearly you’ll be able to see when you’re falling short or trying too hard. Both have their consequences. Our best changes from day to day, moment to moment. When we’re honest with ourselves about our capacity — whether that’s for making dinner or making a work deadline — we’re more likely to find we’re doing our best consistently. One key success marker for doing our best is enjoying what we do.

https://the-ethos.co/what-are-the-four-agreements/

Love this book...but at the end of the day, it rests with one to sort out the wheat from the chaff and live their best life.
 
Doesn't anyone's enthusiasm and willpower etc. vary from day to day like mine does? The long terms goals are still there but the day, and what happens or doesn't, how I feel, or don't, makes a difference. Involvement is critical here. IMO. :unsure:
 


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