Etiquette towards unexpected visitors

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
You know them, the ones in your life who are nice enough but fairly insensitive by nature.

Some have a regular habit of turning up with very little or no warning and are still there three hours later, chatting nonstop. Just on a day when you have lots to do. They don't take hints so it's hard to know what to do without being rude. Especially if it clashes with a mealtime - do you wait, invite them to stay or what?

One such friend did this several times until I just had to become unavailable and hide, break the cycle. I felt so guilty but it did work. She does it less now, we are still friends thankfully.

I must say I always make a mutually convenient arrangement with friends, it is way better because you can relax knowing you are not intruding on precious time. I time my visit well clear of mealtimes or of course meet for coffee or lunch. Then it is truly enjoyable.
 

I remember as a kid on Sunday was the time we went to visit relatives or they visited us. No one called ahead of time, it's just what we did. I remember one Sunday my great-great aunt & her two daughters showed up after church. We just sat more settings.

I remember that everyone had a cake around in case company showed up. If you didn't have visitors, you just had more cake to eat up. 😺🍰☕

I know things have certainly changed today. I wouldn't drop in on anyone now expecting to visit for any length of time, especially since we all have phones with us. If we do have someone show up, I still have things in the cupboard to offer them a little something.
 

Those who know me, understand mostly that I don't prefer drop in
unexpected company, and otherwise only occasionally. Years ago,
my place was a revolving door so to say, the habit had begun and
I chose to end it. My friends, family know I like the idea of them
calling first.
 
I can remember those lower social class meetings as a kid ; just a hurried tidy up when an unexpected aunt visited from out of town. there were no phones to make prior arrangements - but we always had tea and enough milk and if not I was sent to nip up to the corner shop to buy some and biscuits and maybe a small cake. The visitors were offered the cake we got the crumbs!! but it was all fun to have visitors and sometimes they brought their own cakes and a few trinkets for the kids - chocolates etc etc. so it change a routine blurry day and fun was had. no one stood on protocols it just happened - they were the more kindly good old days! I remember them fondly as I do the characters and miss them all
 
I don't drop in on people and don't like people dropping in on me. If they do I nicely tell them I'm on my way out and don't have time to visit and that if they want to get together to please call first. 🙂
 
Lilac said:
I remember as a kid on Sunday was the time we went to visit relatives or they visited us. No one called ahead of time, it's just what we did. I remember one Sunday my great-great aunt & her two daughters showed up after church. We just sat more settings.

I remember that everyone had a cake around in case company showed up. If you didn't have visitors, you just had more cake to eat up. 😺🍰☕

I know things have certainly changed today. I wouldn't drop in on anyone now expecting to visit for any length of time, especially since we all have phones with us. If we do have someone show up, I still have things in the cupboard to offer them a little something.
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what Lilac said ^^^^^
 
Lilac said:
I remember as a kid on Sunday was the time we went to visit relatives or they visited us. No one called ahead of time, it's just what we did. I remember one Sunday my great-great aunt & her two daughters showed up after church. We just sat more settings.
Click to expand...
This is how it was for me, too... either Sunday afternoon, or even more often, Saturday night. I remember standing by my bedroom window so I could be the first to yell "somebody's here!" when a car pulled into the driveway and then going to see who it was. :giggle:
 
If someone showed up unexpectedly and stayed well into the time where I would normally be making dinner, I'd just say, "I really don't have enough in the house for everyone, so I guess it's pizza night." I'm not exactly kicking them out, but it's sort of a roundabout way of saying, "hey, it's my dinnertime." Hopefully they would get the hint.
 
Years ago, my parents had these friends from our old neighborhood, who just barge in on a weekend day. The wife would head straight for our fridge, pull out a beer for her hubby, and any grub that she fancied. The first time it happened, mom was floored but kept her calm and entertained them for several hours thereafter, But, when it became a habit, my mother became more and more sarcastic toward them, which fell on deaf ears. Finally, she practically threatened them with a bill if ever one item was removed from the fridge without being asked. The wife became so insulted and huffy over this and unpleasantries, to put it mildly, were exchanged. They were shown the door and told to call if they decided to visit again.

End of that friendship.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Which is what I did and they no longer visit.
Problem solved.
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This isn’t generally my way of dealing with people who drop by unannounced but these people dropped by whenever it was convenient for them which could be early morning or right before bedtime. The husband would even bring his coffee beans over for us to grind for him at his own convenience. There was zero consideration for us . When we requested that they call first before coming over, they decided that was too much to ask so the friendship ended which I’m perfectly ok with. They’d often help themselves to our things so I was relieved when the friendship ended.
 
I am glad i am not the only one....
I have a neighbor and when out in yard i am safe UNTIL I start the lawnmower or leaf blower .....even a saw i was using once ... they come to try to talk to me knowing Full well i will need to shut off whatever i am working with...........
i now try to mow or anything when they are gone.... drives me crazy.....
same goes if i walk in neighborhood with earphones on i used ear buds but was tired of taking them in and out ....... used earphones with cord to be seen that.... i am listening to something ..... but it is the cue for every person to wave me down to chit chat..... about nothing.
 
As a kid, Sunday afternoon drop-ins weren’t uncommon. It was the time of a Sunday drive. Folks were welcomed for tea and cookies.

Once a younger couple came at 5 pm just as we were going to have some very pricey steaks. They were told several times that dinner was cooked and there wasn’t enough for 5. They wouldn’t leave and when they did the steaks were ruined. I’m not sure what they expected.
 
CallMeKate said:
This is how it was for me, too... either Sunday afternoon, or even more often, Saturday night. I remember standing by my bedroom window so I could be the first to yell "somebody's here!" when a car pulled into the driveway and then going to see who it was. :giggle:
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Our childhood was often so quiet and boring that we loved the excitement of people visiting.
But in my now own retired years, I value my solitude.
 
When I was a child, my mom wouldn't hesitate to drop in on her family members without prior waring. I never remember her being reprimanded for it. Maybe things were different in this respect in the 1950s. Nowadays you practically have to make a "play date" for your kids.
 

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