Keeping yourself to yourself

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
Do you join in your community and chat openly about your life? It is healthy and good within reason. I used to be like that, always socialising, yes I knew everything that was going on. That's the thing though, people do love gossip. Once they know someone's business they all have opinions.

Nowadays I increasingly prize my privacy. When out and about, I keep any talk resricted to the weather and current news on TV. I keep out of people's business and don't reveal mine. I am getting very antisocial but I hate Intrusion into my life.
 

I've got like that in real life..in recent years.

I talk much more about my life on here.. on this forum... and yet people who think they know a lot about me still don't really know me after 10 years..

Only one person here knows where I live.. but not my address... no-one knows my phone number.. 7 people know my real first name .... same 7 have one of my email addresses...

Less than a handful know my daughters' name.. not one knows my estranged husband's name ... no-one knows precisely what I did for a job...

...so altho' it may seem like I'm an open book here..I'm not really...
 
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hollydolly said:
I've got like that in real life..in recent year.

I talk much more about my life on here.. on this forum... and yet people who think they know a lot about me still don't really know me after 10 years..

Only one person here knows where I live.. but not my address... no-one knows my phone number.. 7 people know my real first name .... same 7 have one of my email addresses...

Less than a handful know my daughters' name.. not one knows my estranged husband's name ... no-one knows precisely what I did for a job...

...so altho' it may seem like I'm an open book here..I'm not really...
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It is best to operate on a need to know basis. I certainly do, after regretting being far too trusting in the past.
 

Rose65 said:
It is best to operate on a need to know basis. I certainly do, after regretting being far too trusting in the past.
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Ditto... I could tell you a few stories... One time on another forum many years ago.. a certain poster disagreed with me about the outcome of a certain show that I had worked on...he was so furious he rang the studios and complained that they should sack ''HollyDolly''...... of course the production office had no idea what he was ranting about, much less know anyone called HollyDolly... but it just goes to show how if people know too much about you, the trouble they can cause..and do...
 
hollydolly said:
Ditto... I could tell you a few stories... One time on another forum many years ago.. a certain poster disagreed with me about the outcome of a certain show that I had worked on...he was so furious he rang the studios and complained that they should sack ''HollyDolly''...... of course the production office had no idea what he was ranting about, much less know anyone called HollyDolly... but it just goes to show how if people know too much about you, the trouble they can cause..and do...
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I simply trust nobody - though I am nobody. I like being nobody! I would hate to be a famous person whose privacy is invaded often so brutally.
I say protect yourself.

In the past I too was open and trusting, until finally I learned how nasty people can be, even apparent friends. It's a shame that we must grow armour.
 
I hear you!
What has been "bugging" me the last few years is the intrusion into all aspects of my life by the medical community, especially when it gets put on the web. Fix the darn problem I'm here about and leave my personal life out of it.
We have a neighbor who is a former city worker with too much time on his hands so really gets nosy. We only wave to him when forced to and never engage in any conversation with him because he still has his buddies at the city and uses them to harass anyone on our street. Funny to watch how they protected him when another neighbor called the cops on him! Another neighbor suffered with cancer from Agent Orange so it was common to have an ambulance next door every month or so to take him to the hospital. Naturally, nosy neighbor was out there chatting it up with the paramedics and sticking his nose in some very personal business. Apparently, they have the right to blab a persons health condition with no regard for privacy.
Small town politics.
 
hollydolly said:
Ditto... I could tell you a few stories... One time on another forum many years ago.. a certain poster disagreed with me about the outcome of a certain show that I had worked on...he was so furious he rang the studios and complained that they should sack ''HollyDolly''...... of course the production office had no idea what he was ranting about, much less know anyone called HollyDolly... but it just goes to show how if people know too much about you, the trouble they can cause..and do...
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I still think you are pretty cool! ;)
 
So sad that we've lost trust in one another. I am pretty open with my friends - most of what they know is public knowledge anyway. I am SUPER careful online! When we do share, I do tend to use generalizations but sharing information is key sometimes. A number of friends are widowed and have no idea how to handle their money or insurance or medical. It really helps to share experiences sometimes - which can be done without specifics. My sister has several friends who won't discuss ANYTHING personal like that and she had nowhere to turn for local recommendations or help. They could probably use some input too but won't discuss it. We have flourished by asking questions and learning how to navigate retirement by sharing. Don't isolate yourself but don't overshare to strangers either.
 
Happy Heart said:
I hear you!
What has been "bugging" me the last few years is the intrusion into all aspects of my life by the medical community, especially when it gets put on the web. Fix the darn problem I'm here about and leave my personal life out of it.
We have a neighbor who is a former city worker with too much time on his hands so really gets nosy. We only wave to him when forced to and never engage in any conversation with him because he still has his buddies at the city and uses them to harass anyone on our street. Funny to watch how they protected him when another neighbor called the cops on him! Another neighbor suffered with cancer from Agent Orange so it was common to have an ambulance next door every month or so to take him to the hospital. Naturally, nosy neighbor was out there chatting it up with the paramedics and sticking his nose in some very personal business. Apparently, they have the right to blab a persons health condition with no regard for privacy.
Small town politics.
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Unacceptable! The only way is do not supply information yourself. Medical staff are surely bound by confidentiality rules, if they break these they can be fired?

Just play down any medical issues, tell nobody but most trusted family or friends. Just lie to intrusive folks, tell them you are fine, it's just routine tests etc. Become boring!
 
Myquest55 said:
So sad that we've lost trust in one another. I am pretty open with my friends - most of what they know is public knowledge anyway. I am SUPER careful online! When we do share, I do tend to use generalizations but sharing information is key sometimes. A number of friends are widowed and have no idea how to handle their money or insurance or medical. It really helps to share experiences sometimes - which can be done without specifics. My sister has several friends who won't discuss ANYTHING personal like that and she had nowhere to turn for local recommendations or help. They could probably use some input too but won't discuss it. We have flourished by asking questions and learning how to navigate retirement by sharing. Don't isolate yourself but don't overshare to strangers either.
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Widows and such should refer to professionals for advice. To the bank, a solicitor or other officials. Never tell anyone else about finances.
 
Rose65 said:
Unacceptable! The only way is do not supply information yourself. Medical staff are surely bound by confidentiality rules, if they break these they can be fired?

Just play down any medical issues, tell nobody but most trusted family or friends. Just lie to intrusive folks, tell them you are fine, it's just routine tests etc. Become boring!
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Be sure to read My Chart notes carefully as the medical staff will make claims which are not true. I agree about the confidentiality but once they write something into your chart it is hard to prove it didn't happen. Finding another PCP in my area that I can relate to is a real challenge.
Fidelity seems to be selling some client information to other brokers as once I reached a certain investment level I began receiving all sort of offers for free meals which my husband doesn't get but he is with another company. Today, you just don't know which country is now getting your information.
 
Happy Heart said:
Be sure to read My Chart notes carefully as the medical staff will make claims which are not true. I agree about the confidentiality but once they write something into your chart it is hard to prove it didn't happen. Finding another PCP in my area that I can relate to is a real challenge.
Fidelity seems to be selling some client information to other brokers as once I reached a certain investment level I began receiving all sort of offers for free meals which my husband doesn't get but he is with another company. Today, you just don't know which country is now getting your information.
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Your health system is very different to the UK. Sounds like things are not always as they ought to be.
 
Rose65 said:
Widows and such should refer to professionals for advice. To the bank, a solicitor or other officials. Never tell anyone else about finances.
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BUT how are you supposed to know who is reliable and who isn't? Sometimes the "professionals" are NOT the ones to use! We had a guy do our taxes for YEARS - NOT a professional but well known to the IRS and he charged us SO much less than a CPA! We have to share information - doesn't have to be detailed but we should help each other out!
 
As for MEDICAL information - the State of Tennessee and 17 other states, in the US, are asking for everyone's medical records so they can prosecute for "illegal" abortions and trans-gender care. So far, TN had NO issue getting the records - they were turned over without notifying anyone too. Saw that on a TV News Show last night. Seems scary to me. Guess that HIPA form isn't worth squat.
 
I see people at work out smoking. Seems they never shut their mouths. I wonder what they talk about. I hear a bunch of nothing. I'm in daily to feed the cats, I only work there part time. I see people who try to say they are so busy they can't get their work done, out smoking. A lot of repeat offenders. They always seem to have that time to smoke.
 
I will have a superficial conversation with just about anyone, yet there are things I won't share with anyone, even my closest friends. Once you share personal or sensitive info you lose control of it, before you know it it's on the 11:00 news.

I will also shut down a gossip instantly, I'm sure I come off as rude but don't care. The instant someone says "you didn't hear this from me" I'm stopping the conversation by saying I'd rather not hear it.
 
Remy said:
I see people at work out smoking. Seems they never shut their mouths. I wonder what they talk about. I hear a bunch of nothing. I'm in daily to feed the cats, I only work there part time. I see people who try to say they are so busy they can't get their work done, out smoking. A lot of repeat offenders. They always seem to have that time to smoke.
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Just remain pleasant but neutral. Make conversation about things that don't matter, like the weather or Television programmes. Never give any real information about yourself - in fact just become a bit boring. However, do nurture a reputation as someone who never gossips.
 
Rose65 said:
Just remain pleasant but neutral. Make conversation about things that don't matter, like the weather or Television programmes. Never give any real information about yourself - in fact just become a bit boring. However, do nurture a reputation as someone who never gossips.
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I'm very good at not gossiping. You bring up a good point. Some people just can't keep their mouths shut. I try to be pleasant enough. Even to people I don't particularly like. There really is nothing else one can do.

I have found, if you don't talk a ton about yourself, people can make crap up. I've had it happen. I'm pretty busy at work so I have little time for socialization. I may talk for a minute or two but that's about it.
 
Up to a point. I don't care if someone knows my full name, as I am not the only one on this planet with it. While not overly common, I found 67 of me in the U.S. My profession is one I am proud of, so I make no secret of that. Not too much more do I talk about to anyone at all.
 
I no longer chose to talk deeply keep everything just an outline no real details. I once had people twist words and add BS to make me look bad backfired as they guess wrong details and the lie could not stand up....... but i saw even friends could do something like that.

With many people now ..... i noticed people near me are so wrapped up in themselves ..............they do not remember what anyone had told them... lol
Just yesterday the neighbor told me something thinking i might be interested........... but it was an item i told him long time ago ... not sure if someone else mentioned it and he just thought he would share with me.

I find it easier to chat online as @hollydolly referred to no one knows details or such about me.
 

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