Article: Declaration of Dependence

officerripley said:
https://www.nextavenue.org/declarat...166652184&mc_cid=cd86ae4950&mc_eid=7db4a22a9a From nextavenue.org, "Declaration of Dependence: How to Acknowledge the Limitations Imposed by Aging and Accept that You are Unlikely to Live on Your Own Forever":
Click to expand...
Good beginning article. I came to this realization last year and I've done my research and now I'm advising my kids to start thinking about this while they are still young enough to make things better for themselves.

For now, I'm staying right here in my house but I've researched and have a plan in place when the time comes. They know what I want and know what to look for in case things change and that particular place isn't available. We'll continue to talk about it and explore various scenarios of how things might go. My kids say they are glad that I brought the subject up and they are glad to know what I want.

I've been through this with various family members when I was the young person and it was hard when the senior didn't have a plan. We had to make some difficult decisions for older relatives.
 

I began planning for old age 40 years ago - when I bought this house. It has a self contained one bedroom basement suite. The suite was the teens' introduction to living alone - cook/shop, keep suite tidy and clutter free, weekly inspection from the POLICE (aka Mom).

I planned to move into the suite when I can't manage the stairs and when the current living area is too large for me. The spare bedroom is in use when my daughter, sons, grands visit. As I get older, there will be more visits to make sure "mom" behaves.

Currently, the 4 bedrooms are in use -
#1 for the dog and I;
#2 sitting/TV room with a pull out bed if grands come with their parents;
#3 the office and pantry/"junk room" ;
#4 for the children/grands when they visit;

The self contained basement suite was/is rented to "off shore" university students as I find it more interesting to interact with students from other countries. The rent is lower than normal as I prefer NOT change tenants yearly. At close proximity to public transportation and the university, there has never been a problem renting the suite.
 
BC Flash said:
I began planning for old age 40 years ago - when I bought this house. It has a self contained one bedroom basement suite. The suite was the teens' introduction to living alone - cook/shop, keep suite tidy and clutter free, weekly inspection from the POLICE (aka Mom).

I planned to move into the suite when I can't manage the stairs and when the current living area is too large for me. The spare bedroom is in use when my daughter, sons, grands visit. As I get older, there will be more visits to make sure "mom" behaves.

Currently, the 4 bedrooms are in use -
#1 for the dog and I;
#2 sitting/TV room with a pull out bed if grands come with their parents;
#3 the office and pantry/"junk room" ;
#4 for the children/grands when they visit;

The self contained basement suite was/is rented to "off shore" university students as I find it more interesting to interact with students from other countries. The rent is lower than normal as I prefer NOT change tenants yearly. At close proximity to public transportation and the university, there has never been a problem renting the suite.
Click to expand...
Very wise of you to begin planning so early and you're lucky you lived in an area with nice, affordable houses. Is there an elevator or chairlift for the stairs to that basement suite? I hear that chairlifts, while not inexpensive, are definitely less expensive than even independent, let alone assisted, living.
 
It's a scary consideration. My stepfather has me and my mother had him waiting on her hand and foot. But I won't have anyone. I've tried to mention this to my stepfather, he doesn't get it. His shrinking brain can only focus on himself. He infuriates me.

I don't want to live without my own place and my cats. But it sure could happen.
 
Most of the women in my family lived alone until shortly before they died. My mom died of cancer at 89 and spent one week in a hospice facility. I bought a small condo that’s single story and has an elevator in the building. Only a small portion of seniors end up in nursing homes.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Most of the women in my family lived alone until shortly before they died. My mom died of cancer at 89 and spent one week in a hospice facility. I bought a small condo that’s single story and has an elevator in the building. Only a small portion of seniors end up in nursing homes.
Click to expand...
Maybe it depends on the area; around here, last I heard, the nursing homes, assisted living facilities, any kind of senior living places, heck even any kind of apartments, all have waiting lists.
 
gruntlabor said:
Reality is NOT depressing, it's all we have. Live each day to the fullest., don't sweat what's ahead, don't dwell on the past, and understand that it takes all kinds to make a world.
Click to expand...
While i personally think worry is not only a useless frame of mind but can make considering one's options harder., acknowledging real possibilities and making contingency plans is a good idea.

I'm fortunate, my daughter lives with me, we've discussed various scenarios, all my children know my feelings about quality of life being my priority. The three of them are on very good terms and i trust them to make the right decision for any situation if i were unable to make it for myself. Necessary paperwork gets updated periodically.
 
I count myself among the "fiercely independent". My sheer will says I'll remain that way until I die. It is actually in my daily prayers. But, of course the article is right. I'm hoping that should I lose my independence I'll be able to:
~Be taken care of during the day in an adult day care center. There is one in our neighborhood. Once that's no longer possible...
~Have home health care. My insurance pays for 35 hours a week for an unlimited period of time. Paying for more hours is doable and a heck of a lot cheaper than being in a nursing home. My family said they would never put me in one anyway, but I know from experience that circumstances may dictate otherwise.
~Nursing home. My insurance pays for 120 days each benefit period. Since I was denied coverage for our retiree LTC and AARP's LTC plans, I've been saving/investing aggressively to be able to pay out of pocket if that time should come.

Yes, I've planned for the possibility of losing my independence, because I'm a "what if" kind of person. I've discussed this with my son and honorary daughter. All my grandchildren are considered adults now so I will discuss these things with them too at some point..
 
Last edited:
Consistent communication is key to aging well with the help of friends/family. My MIL was a "head in the sand" person and was absolutely positive she would die first, because she didn't want to face life without her spouse. Unfortunately he had to retire early due to heart problems, so why she thought he would outlive her (she had no known health problems at all), we have no idea.

Sure enough, he died from a heart attack. She outlived him by over 15 years. Towards the end we moved her to a full care senior facility, while she could still qualify for Asst. Lvg. She was very surprised to find she loved it there - friendly residents and staff, good food, lots of activities she could join if she wanted to, a bright sunny unit with a gorgeous view.

We picked the non-profit facility after extensive research - high quality of care, very low staff turnover, secure 5-acre campus within a short drive of our house. As one resident said to us, "Living here is like being a cruise ship, only you don't have to get on a plane!"

She was house-rich and cash poor, once her spouse died. Once she sold the house, we knew there would be enough money to fund a first-class facility unless she lived beyond 110! MIL had mild- to moderate dementia. There was simply no way it was safe for her to live alone.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top