Dreams about life and whether they came true

S

swimmer01

New Member
As i reflect on my life, i am "shocked" that it turned out the way it did. At 69 i would never (looking back) imagine that the life i have now, is the life that would have happened. i had planned on having a huge family. i wanted to have alot of children. you know what? i never had a child, i never gave birth, i have never given birth. i wanted a happy marriage...both of the things i just mentioned, i was sure by the time i was in my 20's that those things would begin to happen. and you know what?

they didn't. i never got married. not that i turned down proposals, i just never got into a close relationship with a man that even came remotely to us being married. and so therefore, no man ever proposed to me!

i went on many dates when i was younger. but no long term relationships came of them. i was modest and quiet but friendly. i wish i had met someone who had seen through that shyness and really did the work it would have taken for us to became "serious". i did accomplish some things with my life however. i got a college degree, even a law degree. most people can't lay claim to the latter. but even after getting my law degree i didn't want to pursue a career in law. going to law school gave me insight into being a lawyer that i did not have before. i guess in some ways law school can pump you up for the career or it can turn you off.

just 'wanting to be a lawyer' or 'wanting to go to law school' isn't enough for you to know anything about the study of law. before you go to law school, you have preconceived ideas. i guess i could relate it to marriage. before you are married you have only ideas. but once you are married, you see that your ideas about it and the reality of it were not the same. right? i've not been married but from what i can see in others. your dream of what a marriage will be like vs. what married life actually is like is not the same. same with law school. what you "think" law school is going to be like and what it is like are different.

just because you "wanted to be a lawyer" doesn't mean that the law school experience is going to automatically propel you in that direction. law school can be a great tool to show you that it is a career you do not want. but you would never know that because no one knows what law school is like until you become a law student. you study nothing but the law! and you either love it, hate it, tolerate it or wonder what the hell am i doing here?

you can't and I repeat you cannot KNOW what law school is like until you become a law student. you can only fantasize about what it is like. so i have had 3 major let downs in life. 3 big things that didn't turn out as i had anticipated.

Of course I had to continue with life. I worked in education and healthcare. I got involved in animal rescue, I have become active on social media and I took up swimming. I'm also active in community affairs where I live.

But you know, people shy away from talking about their dreams and hope that didn't materialize because sometimes and it's just sometimes...they may believe that no one cares. I care though. In some way, I do.

And don't forget. Talking about your life and what dreams didn't come true does not make you a depressing person. It makes you a person with the courage to say "hey, this is part of my story and I am OK with telling it. I'm OK with not pretending what my life is like or 'should have been like".

I would like to hear from others who life didn't take the direction or didn't turn out like they wanted, hoped it would or expected it to. what's your story?
 
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swimmer01 said:
I would like to hear from others who life didn't take the direction or didn't turn out like they wanted, hoped it would or expected it to. what's your story?
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My dream came true in my sixties, upon retirement
If you're not 'over the hill' as they say, yours can still come true also.

BTW, having a big family is not necessarily the bundle of joy you think you missed out on

Here's my story
Good for a sleepless night (or month)

Our version of retirement: Living a childhood dream
 
swimmer01 said:
what a thoughtless reply. absolutely just a remark you wanted to make with no thought as to how it is going to sound to me or anyone else who had started this thread. you comments were not requested. your story of how your dreams hadn't worked out was.
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You cannot dictate how people answer your question or respond to your post. You can like or dislike somebodyā€™s post but you cannot attack someone because you donā€™t like their answer.

There is nothing wrong with Peppers post.
There is no point in having regrets. Perhaps she doesnā€™t wish to make a long drawn out post about complaints and regrets. Thatā€™s her prerogative.

Youā€™ve only been here two days.
Please be nicer to our members.
 
Dreams?
Did my life go in the direction I wanted it to?

Oddly enough I didnā€™t have big dreams to begin with except when I was really young. When I was young I dreamed of being a ballet dancer or famous singer but I became older and wiser. I learned to dance in various styles but never became famous and learned to sing and play instruments and never became famous and ā€˜thank God.ā€™ I would have HATED being famous for anything . As Iā€™ve grown I realized that qualities, passions, skills and talents become more meaningful when you donā€™t share them with everyone. What possible difference should it make to me whether people like it or donā€™t. In fact, wanting, wishing and expecting people to like it or approve can become a ā€˜people pleasingā€™ trait which isnā€™t healthy.

Like yourself, I didnā€™t marry or have kids however, I never once had that big fantasy wedding that many women dream of. I think the way I was raised , had a lot to do with it. The idea of being married and being responsible for another little human being was terrifying for so many reasons so Iā€™m with a man who didnā€™t want kids or a big fancy wedding either.

I donā€™t regret not having kids for reasons I donā€™t wish to explain on open forum. I donā€™t regret not getting married either.

Since I didnā€™t have any huge expectations, I basically just winged it. I got a degree in the area of study I was most interested in which was health sciences / biology, chemistry and had a large assortment of interesting and good paying jobs.

Many things I did were definitely ā€˜outside of the boxā€™ mainly because I didnā€™t want to be ordinary. Ordinary seemed so normal and since I wasnā€™t normal why not have fun with it?

Not everything in my life worked out. There were many dark areas that took much reflection and healing but my life was full of surprises I never expected . Surprises that were absolutely priceless. Iā€™ve actually had a very exciting and interesting life so far.

Iā€™ve learned to have a basic plan or goal but leave plenty of room to modify it or just let go of any expectations and let the universe surprise me. In my experience the universe seems to always have a FAR better plan than I could ever imagine.
 
I guess I never had firm dreams about life, loose plan was to be financially sucessful and create a happy family. I guess I scored about fifty out of one hundred. I was married for a very difficult twenty years, but have been single for the past fifteen. I have two children but feel I wasn't as good a father as I had hoped. Financially I did OK, never became wealthy but am comfortable.

I think it's easy to look at areas where our life came up short, yet I think it's important to also look at all the positives in our lives. Personally my life had a lot of challenges, but I'm proud of how I kept clearing obstacles to get where I am today. Overall I've had a pretty good go of things, and for that I'm thankful.
 
I had big dreams about my life as a kid. I have met and exceeded all of those dreams. I worked hard at doing what it took to accomplish what it was I wanted to do. Nothing came easy, even finding a wife.

I was lucky as I met a wonderful woman over 52 years ago, and we continue to love each other every day. We have three grown kids, who blessed us with 6 Grandkids and now 1 Great Grandchild (more to come). I am not saying that I did not have setbacks and challenges over the years, but I welcomed those as it hardened the 'steel' in me necessary to get it all done. We are blessed...

Enough said...
 
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