Love will keep us together (Or not)

[Lara]

...Personally I think, generally, we don't talk about this stuff with our loved ones, taking it for granted. By the time it raises its level to actually talking, it's often too late.

My story is an interesting twist to everyone's comments. And believe me, it was a surprise to me too. I was married 12 years and birthed 4 children. My husband was perfect in every way and we loved each other deeply. I say "was", not because we divorced but because he died at age 46 and I was 36. My husband was a man of integrity and a moral compass to the inth degree. The Bible was his guide book in life.

But a few months before he died on the tennis court of a heart attack he asked me, "Would you leave me if he had an affair?" (um, he literally ASKED me). I nicely and calmly said, "No but YOU would have to leave and the children would stay with me in this house". He said why? (he seriously didn't know?). I said, "Because it would tell me that you don't love me enough to stay true to me and I want someone who loves me". That was the end of the conversation until a week later...

A week later he said, "Someone told me today that you're really lucky to have me". I just said "I know I am". I didn't say anything but I knew he had told her he wouldn't have an affair with her. I do wish I had told him that I knew who he was talking about.

Flashback: I suspected right away as to who it was and that she was after the boss/owner...my husband. He had just hired a pretty young girl (19-20?) who was simply flawless like an angel...light natural blonde hair, blue eyes, pure white flawless skin, thin, clean, physically fit, innocent smile, you name it. I saw her briefly at work and she starred at me as if to study me. Her look was a flirtatious sort of "I'm after your husband and I'm going to win". I never in the 12 years ever suspected infidelity.

Temptation happens. It's tough to navigate it. I understood and never held it against him since he made the right decision.

 

[fuzzybuddy]

I don't think 'love' has anything to do with staying together over decades. It's trust.

 

[bobcat]

My story is an interesting twist to everyone's comments. And believe me, it was a surprise to me too. I was married 12 years and birthed 4 children. My husband was perfect in every way and we loved each other deeply. I say "was", not because we divorced but because he died at age 46 and I was 36. My husband was a man of integrity and a moral compass to the inth degree. The Bible was his guide book in life.

But a few months before he died on the tennis court of a heart attack he asked me, "Would you leave me if he had an affair?" (um, he literally ASKED me). I nicely and calmly said, "No but YOU would have to leave and the children would stay with me in this house". He said why? (he seriously didn't know?). I said, "Because it would tell me that you don't love me enough to stay true to me and I want someone who loves me". That was the end of the conversation until a week later...

A week later he said, "Someone told me today that you're really lucky to have me". I just said "I know I am". I didn't say anything but I knew he had told her he wouldn't have an affair with her. I do wish I had told him that I knew who he was talking about.

Flashback: I suspected right away as to who it was and that she was after the boss/owner...my husband. He had just hired a pretty young girl (19-20?) who was simply flawless like an angel...light natural blonde hair, blue eyes, pure white flawless skin, thin, clean, physically fit, innocent smile, you name it. I saw her briefly at work and she starred at me as if to study me. Her look was a flirtatious sort of "I'm after your husband and I'm going to win". I never in the 12 years ever suspected infidelity.

Temptation happens. It's tough to navigate it. I understood and never held it against him since he made the right decision.

You're right, temptation does happen, and most seems to happen in the workplace. Some of it is just harmless flirting, but you recognize when it's actually an invitation. In my case, I shut them down by letting them know I was married, and it was never gonna happen. My close friend, on the other hand, took the bait and went for it, and he was married. To my knowledge, his wife never found out, and they stayed married. I did lose a little respect for him after that though, and we gradually drifted apart as friends.

As you say, it's tough to navigate, and I'm no saint, but I always try to remember that doing the right thing is never the wrong thing. Later in life when you reflect back, you don't ever have that guilt cemented in your brain. Most always, a clear conscience is worth it's weight in gold.

 

[VaughanJB]

You're right, temptation does happen, and most seems to happen in the workplace. Some of it is just harmless flirting, but you recognize when it's actually an invitation. In my case, I shut them down by letting them know I was married, and it was never gonna happen. My close friend, on the other hand, took the bait and went for it, and he was married. To my knowledge, his wife never found out, and they stayed married. I did lose a little respect for him after that though, and we gradually drifted apart as friends.

As you say, it's tough to navigate, and I'm no saint, but I always try to remember that doing the right thing is never the wrong thing. Later in life when you reflect back, you don't ever have that guilt cemented in your brain. Most always, a clear conscience is worth it's weight in gold.

You know, I'm no Brad Pitt. I'm much more pit than Brad, anyway.

But I've had, what I'll call, opportunities during my travels. I guess everyone does. Never once cheated though - the guilt would be unbearable.

But then I laughed and thought, "If I knew then, what I know now, would I have chosen differently?"

Which may come across as a little dark for this thread, but it did make me laugh.

 

[bobcat]

You know, I'm no Brad Pitt. I'm much more pit than Brad, anyway.

But I've had, what I'll call, opportunities during my travels. I guess everyone does. Never once cheated though - the guilt would be unbearable.

But then I laughed and thought, "If I knew then, what I know now, would I have chosen differently?"

Which may come across as a little dark for this thread, but it did make me laugh.

Yeah, I guess we never know how something is gonna turn out in the end, even if we do make the right choice, but, as you say, there is the matter of guilt. To my knowledge, my used to be friend never felt guilty about it. I knew his wife because I had eaten dinner at their house several times, and she was a sweet lady, and certainly didn't deserve it. However, maybe she did know and just lived with it. He never left her, so at least that's something, but the fact that his conscience didn't bother him bothered me. She deserved better.

 

[palides2021]

I do believe in the phrase that love will "keep us together." I loved my late husband deeply and it was reciprocated. We had many common interests, which helped. He had a moral compass and a spiritual bent, and we prayed often together.
In the beginning, I remember overreacting at first to little things that bothered me, but we communicated and I found out it was from previous relationships that had never been resolved, and likewise, he also had his own issues to deal with from his past.

Before his death, I remember saying to him, 'This feels like Paradise.' He was my friend, father, mother, sister, brother, lover, and everything in between. I wrote a poem once, comparing us to "two peas in a pod." I have written several poems regarding his loss. Losing him touched me so deeply. He had become a part of me. I wish everyone could experience this deep love at least once in their lifetime.

 

[bobcat]

I do believe in the phrase that love will "keep us together." I loved my late husband deeply and it was reciprocated. We had many common interests, which helped. He had a moral compass and a spiritual bent, and we prayed often together.
In the beginning, I remember overreacting at first to little things that bothered me, but we communicated and I found out it was from previous relationships that had never been resolved, and likewise, he also had his own issues to deal with from his past.

Before his death, I remember saying to him, 'This feels like Paradise.' He was my friend, father, mother, sister, brother, lover, and everything in between. I wrote a poem once, comparing us to "two peas in a pod." I have written several poems regarding his loss. Losing him touched me so deeply. He had become a part of me. I wish everyone could experience this deep love at least once in their lifetime.

Sounds like you had a lot more than love that kept you together. Nevertheless, you were a very fortunate woman to find that treasure of a soulmate, and to get to experience such a deep and fulfilling relationship. He was a very lucky man to find you as well.

 

[palides2021]

Sounds like you had a lot more than love that kept you together. Nevertheless, you were a very fortunate woman to find that treasure of a soulmate, and to get to experience such a deep and fulfilling relationship. He was a very lucky man to find you as well.

Thanks! I considered it a miracle, and miracles have happened in my life.