DD wants to mess with tradition

My husband used to wait all year for Thanksgiving. When I suggested maybe something else for Christmas dinner, he said absolutely not, he wants the same thing. When Christmas came, everyone, especially the grandchildren, said what? turkey again? But it was okay because for them Christmas was really about the presents.
 

againstthegrain said:
They can choose all, some, or none of the old traditions since you've turned the whole thing over to them. Perfectly fair. Not that she would be unhappy w a random menu, but how happy would your wife be if they incorporated recipes from her in the holiday meals?
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They tried last year & did pretty good at it, not all or identical but the attempt was nice. Actually eating something different or prepared differently was a welcome change. Even more so when clean up afterwards wasn't on us:)
 
Haven't had a "traditional" Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner since, well, a long time ago. While the food was good, to me it was about sharing it with loved ones. Especially now that so many of them have passed on, the choice of food seems irrelevant.
 
Lol....after cooking the traditional holiday dinners and having all the family at my house for what seemed like 50 years I had high hope of the younger ones relieving me and carrying on..so I told them..."I quit"...I even typed out all the recipes, made copies and passed them around....didn't work....oh we've had dinners, sort of, sometimes we went out for dinner..I'll just say..it just was not the same traditional dinner.
 
We always cook a thanksgiving turkey, with stuffing, roast potatoes, carrots, turnip, beets, Brussel sprouts, & gravy. Trifle for desert with fresh whipped cream. We have the same for Easter and Christmas. At Christmas we sometimes have crackers to open.

We had the traditional British dinner. The only time we deviated from the tradition is when my husband wants a ham so we have both.

One Christmas I spend at my boyfriends house when I was 16 and they had duck. I didnā€™t like it. It was far too greasy for my liking.I missed our family Christmas.

I didnā€™t mean for me words to sound snarky. I just didnā€™t understand why you couldnā€™t just talk with her or let her change part of it.

We were very traditional and still are. I donā€™t have kids so canā€™t quite relate but I am a daughter and can relate to the ā€˜letting my mom downā€¦ again.ā€™

Thereā€™s still time to talk things out so you all have a wonderful time while making lasting memories. I hated disappointing my mom.

Sorry for my bluntness.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
We always cook a thanksgiving turkey, with stuffing, roast potatoes, carrots, turnip, beets, Brussel sprouts, & gravy. Trifle for desert with fresh whipped cream. We have the same for Easter and Christmas. At Christmas we sometimes have crackers to open.

We had the traditional British dinner. The only time we deviated from the tradition is when my husband wants a ham so we have both.

One Christmas I spend at my boyfriends house when I was 16 and they had duck. I didnā€™t like it. It was far too greasy for my liking.I missed our family Christmas.

I didnā€™t mean for me words to sound snarky. I just didnā€™t understand why you couldnā€™t just talk with her or let her change part of it.

We were very traditional and still are. I donā€™t have kids so canā€™t quite relate but I am a daughter and can relate to the ā€˜letting my mom downā€¦ again.ā€™

Thereā€™s still time to talk things out so you all have a wonderful time while making lasting memories. I hated disappointing my mom.

Sorry for my bluntness.
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:) It can be hard for us to remember that we're not in charge anymore.
A friend's grandmother was due to have her apartment painted by family, who owned the apartment, but they were busy that spring so they told her they'd have to delay her apartment for a bit.
Grandma's feathers were ruffled, she was not important, she was moving out! The family, horrified, said, 'We didn't know it was so important to you! We'll start your apartment first thing in the morning, sorry, sorry, sorry!
Grandma was in the wrong, but she was over ninety years old, and her family was honored to make allowances.
 
In my opinion it is sad that people focus more on the food than sharing time with each other.

If DD is wanting to change the menu, maybe she has put up with your way of doing things for as long as she can.
 
AnnieA said:
Maybe it's a Southern thing, but I feel exactly the same way about our traditional meal. Do not change the menu, do not deviate from the recipes. We all have a printed copies and stick by them no matter how much we may experiment and tweak recipes every other day of the year.
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Not a Southern thing... I'm a Yank and feel the same way. Someone wants to add to the meal, great... knock yourself out and cook whatever dishes you want to add to our feast. But do not start suggesting I remove things from the menu that I've always looked forward to eating that day. There's always room on the table for additions.
 
Several years ago, my daughter had invited us over for Thanksgiving, and she was making recipes that she had found online, and were different than what we usually had for Thanksgiving. One of the things that I remember is that the sweet potatoes were cooked with something dark purple (blueberries ?) and mashed all together.
They tasted fine, but turned out the ugliest color and you would never have guessed that it was a sweet potato from looking at it. (It turned out an ugly dark brown blob and I am going to refrain from saying what it looked like to me. )

What I did , was accept her invitation, but made a small turkey at home, with cranberries, sweet potatoes, and all of the usual stuff that my husband and i both enjoy, and we had our Thanksgiving dinner that weekend. This way, my daughter was able to make her special dinner , and we still did not miss out on the foods we enjoyed that were not part of her menu for the day.
 
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gruntlabor said:
:) It can be hard for us to remember that we're not in charge anymore.
A friend's grandmother was due to have her apartment painted by family, who owned the apartment, but they were busy that spring so they told her they'd have to delay her apartment for a bit.
Grandma's feathers were ruffled, she was not important, she was moving out! The family, horrified, said, 'We didn't know it was so important to you! We'll start your apartment first thing in the morning, sorry, sorry, sorry!
Grandma was in the wrong, but she was over ninety years old, and her family was honored to make allowances.
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Yes, it is hard to remember we're not in charge anymore but, her family was smart enough to realize that their ninety year old grandmother had dedicated many of those years to their well being and maybe it was not asking too much of them to honor her wishes....it's called respect.
 
I am more than happy to ditch all the 'traditional' holiday dishes, some more than others. Green bean casserole, I do like green beans without crunchy French-fried onion topping that's gone mushy. :sick:
I like turkey, but something different is welcome, like prime rib roast or rib-eye. Going with a Mexican spread works for me, tamales, some pozole, maybe just a bunch of tacos and of course my handmade salsa.
 
Nathan said:
I am more than happy to ditch all the 'traditional' holiday dishes, some more than others. Green bean casserole, I do like green beans without crunchy French-fried onion topping that's gone mushy. :sick:
I like turkey, but something different is welcome, like prime rib roast or rib-eye. Going with a Mexican spread works for me, tamales, some pozole, maybe just a bunch of tacos and of course my handmade salsa.
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:) Yum, the pozole looks so good.
 
gruntlabor said:
:) It can be hard for us to remember that we're not in charge anymore.
A friend's grandmother was due to have her apartment painted by family, who owned the apartment, but they were busy that spring so they told her they'd have to delay her apartment for a bit.
Grandma's feathers were ruffled, she was not important, she was moving out! The family, horrified, said, 'We didn't know it was so important to you! We'll start your apartment first thing in the morning, sorry, sorry, sorry!
Grandma was in the wrong, but she was over ninety years old, and her family was honored to make allowances.
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This is true. Most women here had a traditional role of putting on traditional dinners and since I have never been a mom, all of that didnā€™t click in. In hindsight I can understand the frustration and heartache the situation could bring.

Even the thought that a family member, especially a daughter, would want to change a traditional dinner, could be hurtful.

Actually I DO get it. Iā€™ve got some of my own hurtful stories about when Iā€™ve gone ALL out to put on a traditional thanksgiving/ Easter / Christmas and it hasnā€™t been appreciated. Thinking back on these instances infuriates me to this day.

Asking to change a traditional holiday can be hurtful to the very people who usually do ALL the work.

My apologies once again for not quite thinking it all the way through. I donā€™t have to have my own children to know how disappointment feels. šŸ˜•
 
Gary O' said:
Gotta have the turkey
and stuffing.....and rolls, and deviled eggs
......and turkey sandwiches for a week

You can keep the yams and cranberry sauce however
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Oh, you haven't had MY cranberry sauce, Gary. I think you'd like it.

One year one of my sisters got hold of some high-falutin' recipe for cranberry sauce that involved cream cheese and horseradish (no kidding....) and she was forbidden to EVER bring the sauce again.
 

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