When was it I lost trust in people?

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
I was a trusting, open person, from childhood well into adulthood. I always looked for the best in people and was happy and content in my heart.

I find myself wondering when was it I lost that, because it's gone. My heart is much harder now, I trust very few, having learned to trust my sixth sense.

Yet even now I slip up. This is a trivial example but it bothers me. We fixed up a person to clean the gutters out, he seemed very professional. He didn't turn up on the day, but I assumed there must be a good reason. Sure enough, he got in touch a few days later saying he had had a bereavement in the family. I was really sympathetic and understanding. A new date was fixed. He came, very pleasant, did the job, we paid him cash.

Next day we discovered he had only done half the job, we had broken our own rule of not checking before paying, as we were too busy chatting to him. So we had to finish the job ourselves, I hadn't wanted my husband on a stepladder and all the muddy mess, but needs must. I had been so taken with the pleasant young man I had even given his details to my neighbour as he had said he noticed his gutters were all blocked too. So I went round and made sure he wouldn't be using him.

Then we had different problem, with a drain, we fixed up a man to come and quote. You know how you arrange your day to make sure you are there to answer the door etc? Got up extra early, put other things off. Well, he didn't come.

Only small things but I feel foolish and each matter adds to my feeling that nobody can be relied upon and good nature is taken advantage of.
 

Rose65 said:
I was a trusting, open person, from childhood well into adulthood. I always looked for the best in people and was happy and content in my heart.

I find myself wondering when was it I lost that, because it's gone. My heart is much harder now, I trust very few, having learned to trust my sixth sense.

Yet even now I slip up. This is a trivial example but it bothers me. We fixed up a person to clean the gutters out, he seemed very professional. He didn't turn up on the day, but I assumed there must be a good reason. Sure enough, he got in touch a few days later saying he had had a bereavement in the family. I was really sympathetic and understanding. A new date was fixed. He came, very pleasant, did the job, we paid him cash.

Next day we discovered he had only done half the job, we had broken our own rule of not checking before paying, as we were too busy chatting to him. So we had to finish the job ourselves, I hadn't wanted my husband on a stepladder and all the muddy mess, but needs must. I had been so taken with the pleasant young man I had even given his details to my neighbour as he had said he noticed his gutters were all blocked too. So I went round and made sure he wouldn't be using him.

Then we had different problem, with a drain, we fixed up a man to come and quote. You know how you arrange your day to make sure you are there to answer the door etc? Got up extra early, put other things off. Well, he didn't come.

Only small things but I feel foolish and each matter adds to my feeling that nobody can be relied upon and good nature is taken advantage of.
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i know how you feel. or they tell you they'll call and they never do. i've lost 800 dollars to mechanics by trusting them to fix my car. i'm about to lose more than that because it didn't get fixed.
 
MarciKS said:
i know how you feel. or they tell you they'll call and they never do. i've lost 800 dollars to mechanics by trusting them to fix my car. i'm about to lose more than that because it didn't get fixed.
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Dreadful. How do you deal with your anger?
 

The world has changed, I don't know if the younger generation is at fault or the circumstances we live in today. I am easily hoodwinked by contractors because I try to accomodate them rather than checking thier work prior to paying for their services. People seem to be focused on getting their money rather than quality of workmanship.
When the president of the united states gets away from breaking the law, people follow by example. It's not only laws but a mindset that it's ok to be dishonest as long as you reach your goal.
 
I lost trust in people after a few years of being a cop. You can’t tell a nice person from a murderer or a thief. Everyone is a suspect. Don’t get me wrong, I like people and being around people, but we all have to understand that anyone is capable of doing most anything. Always know your surroundings and be on your guard for someone trying to make you believe they are good people just lulling about.
 
Trust is something that should be earned, not freely given. If you hire someone, ask for references, or better yet, ask your friends or people you know who they have used, and what were the results. If you belong to a FB group in your area, put the question out there to them regarding who is trustworthy and who isn't. It could save you lots of grief.

I did handyman work for over 10 years, and still do occasionally, and if you were to call any one of the people I've done work for over the years, every one would tell you that you could set your watch by when I said I would be there, and I never charged anyone anything if I wasn't able to solve the problem. So those people are out there that have integrity and can be trusted. You just have to be willing to check in with others who have been happy with their work.
 
With repair people, it's been my experience that if you ask too many questions or check their work they get irritable or insulted. They look at you like they're saying, "do you want me to do this or not?". I'm always afraid of offending them or they'll walk off the job. That actually happened with some carpet installers a few years ago.
 
The world has changed. I think a lot of it trees up to the complete loss of community. This may have been replaced by virtual communities through social media, but that's all but useless. I don't think that's the cause though, just a coping mechanism or filling of a vacuum.

Part of this is probably due to the culture of self-hatred that's being imposed on people. Feeling any sort of pride is beaten down as "privilege," trying to bow your eyes downward. This takes a toll on a society over time.
 
bobcat said:
Trust is something that should be earned, not freely given. If you hire someone, ask for references, or better yet, ask your friends or people you know who they have used, and what were the results. If you belong to a FB group in your area, put the question out there to them regarding who is trustworthy and who isn't. It could save you lots of grief.

I did handyman work for over 10 years, and still do occasionally, and if you were to call any one of the people I've done work for over the years, every one would tell you that you could set your watch by when I said I would be there, and I never charged anyone anything if I wasn't able to solve the problem. So those people are out there that have integrity and can be trusted. You just have to be willing to check in with others who have been happy with their work.
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I wish that advice was good, but I have to say, we got over-charged big time by a contractor who was recommended to us by friends.

We went to their house to see the job this contractor had done for them and it looked good and his prices were reasonable...we thought.

We had just moved back to PA from AZ and our house sold so quickly (less than 24 hours) for full price and cash in AZ that we were caught off guard. Looking for a house to buy in PA/OH area in January was almost impossible. Long story short....we settled on a house that was an estate sale and needed major renovations (although that wasn't revealed to us by our realtor in PA). Our friends recommended "Nate" and we met with him and told him what we wanted done. He drew up plans and a price and told us we would pay in allotments and when the job was finished, he'd come and go through everything with us and if he owed us money, he'd pay us, or visa versa.

The work was done by his father and a helper. I kept track of all the costs and many of the items he had allotted money for, I found something I liked better and less expensive. I even asked him to itemize certain things and he said he didn't do that. It was starting to look like we were going to be taken to the cleaners (and in the end, we were). We were stuck with him. Our house was torn up and contractors were hard to find.

Nate showed up unannounced at 6:30am on a Saturday morning and he looked like he was high. He accused me of telling his dad to do extra work, which wasn't true. He scared the heck out of me and I told my husband Nate wasn't allowed in the house again. His dad hurried to finish the projects and we never saw them again. We know we lost a lot of money.
 
Colleen said:
I wish that advice was good, but I have to say, we got over-charged big time by a contractor who was recommended to us by friends.

We went to their house to see the job this contractor had done for them and it looked good and his prices were reasonable...we thought.

We had just moved back to PA from AZ and our house sold so quickly (less than 24 hours) for full price and cash in AZ that we were caught off guard. Looking for a house to buy in PA/OH area in January was almost impossible. Long story short....we settled on a house that was an estate sale and needed major renovations (although that wasn't revealed to us by our realtor in PA). Our friends recommended "Nate" and we met with him and told him what we wanted done. He drew up plans and a price and told us we would pay in allotments and when the job was finished, he'd come and go through everything with us and if he owed us money, he'd pay us, or visa versa.

The work was done by his father and a helper. I kept track of all the costs and many of the items he had allotted money for, I found something I liked better and less expensive. I even asked him to itemize certain things and he said he didn't do that. It was starting to look like we were going to be taken to the cleaners (and in the end, we were). We were stuck with him. Our house was torn up and contractors were hard to find.

Nate showed up unannounced at 6:30am on a Saturday morning and he looked like he was high. He accused me of telling his dad to do extra work, which wasn't true. He scared the heck out of me and I told my husband Nate wasn't allowed in the house again. His dad hurried to finish the projects and we never saw them again. We know we lost a lot of money.
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I'm sorry you went through this with a contractor who was recommended by a friend. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you never pay the last installment for a job until it is finished and you are satisfied with it. Don't feel bad though, many people make that mistake. You pay in thirds, and each third of the total price is only paid after you are satisfied with that portion of the work. If a contractor won't agree to that, then don't use them. That is your leverage to make sure you don't end up in the position you found yourself in. Again, sorry to hear this happened to you.
 
Rose65 said:
Dreadful. How do you deal with your anger?
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i just hafta make changes as to who i'm taking the car to. it's not worth the time and money to sue. if the costs had been a lot higher i might have done something more about it. it just ticks me off that male mechanics think because i'm a woman i don't know anything. i know a lot more than they give me credit for. i'm gonna start speaking up more when i feel i'm getting railroaded.
 
Rose65 said:
I was a trusting, open person, from childhood well into adulthood. I always looked for the best in people and was happy and content in my heart.

I find myself wondering when was it I lost that, because it's gone. My heart is much harder now, I trust very few, having learned to trust my sixth sense.

Yet even now I slip up. This is a trivial example but it bothers me. We fixed up a person to clean the gutters out, he seemed very professional. He didn't turn up on the day, but I assumed there must be a good reason. Sure enough, he got in touch a few days later saying he had had a bereavement in the family. I was really sympathetic and understanding. A new date was fixed. He came, very pleasant, did the job, we paid him cash.

Next day we discovered he had only done half the job, we had broken our own rule of not checking before paying, as we were too busy chatting to him. So we had to finish the job ourselves, I hadn't wanted my husband on a stepladder and all the muddy mess, but needs must. I had been so taken with the pleasant young man I had even given his details to my neighbour as he had said he noticed his gutters were all blocked too. So I went round and made sure he wouldn't be using him.

Then we had different problem, with a drain, we fixed up a man to come and quote. You know how you arrange your day to make sure you are there to answer the door etc? Got up extra early, put other things off. Well, he didn't come.

Only small things but I feel foolish and each matter adds to my feeling that nobody can be relied upon and good nature is taken advantage of.
Click to expand...
Those aren't small things in my opinion at all. Back in the day, I guess, it was ethical to be counted on to fulfill your word and so as you promised and possibly go above and beyond so people could see you're the one people can trust and see your good works.
 
911 said:
I lost trust in people after a few years of being a cop. You can’t tell a nice person from a murderer or a thief. Everyone is a suspect. Don’t get me wrong, I like people and being around people, but we all have to understand that anyone is capable of doing most anything. Always know your surroundings and be on your guard for someone trying to make you believe they are good people just lulling about.
Click to expand...
Being the Apex predators ,humans can cloak their dark-side with the rosiest of external appearances. I'm sure we've all seen the news images of murder defendants in the court room, all dressed up and groomed to look like the stereotype soccer mom(remember Susan Smith?), or the devoted husband and father-to-be(Scott Peterson).

When in public I tend to be hyper vigilant and am on instant alert if someone approaches me. My intuition is usually validated by stranger encounters, sorry to say...but that's how it goes.
 
I think untrustworthy repair/service people have been a problem forever. Way back in the 1940s, my mom got taken to the cleaners financially by an auto repair person. (Told her the car needed a whole new engine when it didn't.) My dad wasn't around (of course) when she took it in, and that was that. Unfortunately, too many repair/service technicians will do that with any female unaccompanied by a male, especially elderly females.
 
I had to let go of a life I'd started in one part of this valley and move to another part. I was 33 at the time. Sad to say, I'd lost trust/respect for more than half the people I'd known (though yes a certain smaller proportion are people I consider, to this day, good, kind & trustworthy). But I felt let down by too many, and when I became involved in a new relationship, my new partner assessed at the situation and eventually advised I shouldn't try to make it work.

Due to feeling bruised or used up, I became pretty cynical for a while. I had to work at rebuilding faith in people, and that involved increased insight into human character... "live & let live" sure, but develop discernment & trust your judgment, too.

There's a variety of people living here, so I suppose it's a community of communities... resident circles of friends. Collectively, we may all have some very basic things in common, yet quite distinct lives based on personal styles. We've each found mutually selected friendship circles. Fortunately, I can say that where we live now there is true community for us.
 
officerripley said:
I think untrustworthy repair/service people have been a problem forever. Way back in the 1940s, my mom got taken to the cleaners financially by an auto repair person. (Told her the car needed a whole new engine when it didn't.) My dad wasn't around (of course) when she took it in, and that was that. Unfortunately, too many repair/service technicians will do that with any female unaccompanied by a male, especially elderly females.
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well i know that they don't screw men over as bad. their bills are cheap compared to mine all the time. but i'm very blunt about things too so i have no issue with saying something if i feel i'm being screwed over. only reason i didn't say anything to my friend about her b/f's work is i didn't wanna hurt her feelings or put a dagger in our friendship.
 
We got stung by gutter cleaner who’d done it for two years. Another fellow doing the gutters next door could see what he had (not) done and took photos. DH sent them in an email to the original fellow and apologies and all our money came back, even the part that covered things he had done.

I’ve found great people through FB or similar and also read folks shilling for friends. If you see many comments one way or the other, I take that advice.
 
My mom is in an assisted living place, and they are trying to rip her off. They charged her for laundry they never did and she did not request. I had to talk to the person in charge, and she just lied to me about it, and said I would have to come in twice a week, from 80 miles away and do her laundry for her. What bs. Anyway, they stopped doing the laundry, and I am NOT driving in to do it.

If I had not busted her scam, my mom would be being ripped off forever by this sociopath.
They were charging $18 per load ! For a non-existent load, to boot.

Probably are plenty of old senile folks getting ripped off at that place and don't even know it.

I saw the person in charge by chance yesterday (the one I had to yell at to get the ripoff stopped) and she acted like we were good chums. Very weird. They have no shame.
 
News. Mechanics and others will screw or take advantage of naive men as much as women It's not just females. In the past auto mechanics lied and tricked to me innumerable times and still try It's called selling. But it was worse decades ago. Notorious. Gender doesn't matter with crooks and liars. Contractors are often unreliable but so are a lot of people . Happens all the time on tv Judge Judy shows l watch. Everyone is lying. I assume people are out for their own selfinterest and avoid trusting. Don't be gullible
 

When was it I lost trust in people?​

I suggest you record important dates as this on your calendar.​

Don’t mind me I am a smart ass
 

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