Robb.hisself
Member
You like your doctor. He has been your doctor for a long time. Then you discover he lied to you. What do you do next?
What do you do?
- Thread starter Robb.hisself
- Start date
Gardenlover
The world needs more love
Get a different doctor
oldaunt
professional hermit
I always call them on the lie. Even when it's only a small one. Makes for a more honest relationship.
Robb.hisself
Member
I had cared for my mom for 14 years, 24/7 when she had a stroke. She was almost 102. After 8 days unconscious in the hospital the doctor said I'd have to take her home and she would be in hospice there. After caring for her for so long I now had to take her home and watch her die. I asked if she could be placed in a hospice facility where she could get good, trained care. The doctor said there are no such facilities in Los Angeles. After coming home she died two days later.
I learned today there are many hospice facilities in L.A. In fact a whole industry. And, Medicare pays for hospice care completely. The stress of the last two days of my mother's life was completely unnecessary. Doctors are all about making money, and medical corporations are all about saving money. I don't know what to believe about American medicine any longer.
I would definitely confirm what you found out as being true and if it was, doc and I would have a discussion.
Robb.hisself
Member
Michael Z
Senior Member
- Location
- Northern Wisconsin
My third urologist was a bit biased in my prostate cancer options. So I moved onto my 4th and current urologist of 4 years. Urologists typically draw a bead on your prostrate and push for the removal, done by they themselves. It is a built-in conflict of interest that we need to be aware of. Then again, my radiologist at Mayo was very much in favor of his own treatment, which I received.
fuzzybuddy
SF VIP
- Location
- The Sticks, Northeast PA.
I have a hard time understanding why a doctor would say there aren't hospice facilities in LA. He doesn't benefit any by where your mother was sent.
Well, your mother spent her last days with her loved ones.
Well, your mother spent her last days with her loved ones.
Happyflowerlady
Vagabond Flowerchild
- Location
- Northern Alabama
I think that if this has been your doctor for a long time, and you are happy with him as your doctor, you should just ask him why he said there was no place were your mother could be in a hospice, and see why he told you that.
It might have been a complete misunderstanding for some reason, and I think that until I knew why he said it, I would still keep the doctor and give him a chance to explain his statement.
It might have been a complete misunderstanding for some reason, and I think that until I knew why he said it, I would still keep the doctor and give him a chance to explain his statement.
Knight
Well-known Member
When you were told there were no hospice care facilities in L A did you have time to verify that?
To try to be clear in what I'm asking. How much time passed between when you were told there were no hospice care facilities in L A and when you had to take your mother to your home. Did you have time to research ? If you had time then you could have questioned the doctor about his non information.
Not knowing if the doctor is your primary care & you have options, keeping or finding another only you know how that would impact your care.
To try to be clear in what I'm asking. How much time passed between when you were told there were no hospice care facilities in L A and when you had to take your mother to your home. Did you have time to research ? If you had time then you could have questioned the doctor about his non information.
Not knowing if the doctor is your primary care & you have options, keeping or finding another only you know how that would impact your care.
Last edited:
Rose65
Well-known Member
- Location
- United Kingdom
That is just awful. I'm so sorry you had to deal with just about the hardest thing, caring for your dying loved one. You should have had the options. You were at your most vulnerable.
I would write a letter of complaint to the authorities to whom your doctor answers. Keep it short, giving just the facts and how upset you are. That doctor must never do this again, it is not his place to hide facts and options from families of patients.
They are all about making money these days and a doctor who was a friend of my family told me this twenty years ago. I was and remain so disillusioned with the medical profession because of this revelation but I could see for myself that doctors were not the same as they were when I was growing up and doctors actually helped people. It was merely confirmation of my suspicions.
Jules
SF VIP
His interpretation and knowledge of the system may have been different than yours. He may have felt that she would have just been left to suffer in a strange place. Or maybe it would be the time needed to get her into such a place. If the hospital wanted her out NOW, she could have ended up in one of the many lower quality places.
Did you get help from Hospice at home?
David777
Well-known Member
- Location
- Silicon Valley
Reads like a communication issue or too terse a thread input. No doctor in Los Angeles (where I was born) is going to simply state "there are no such (hospice) facilities in Los Angeles". That is nonsense. What a doctor might state while expecting she just had hours to a few days to live, is that there are no hospices that are going to bother taking in patients with such a short time to certain death while unconscious. That such people are usually just allowed to be brought home so their love ones can still see and pray for them a short while. Both my own parents died of strokes. Complications of more serious medical issues.
What would be the doctors motivation to lie? Certainly no financial gain for him by not sending her to hospice care. Is it possible that your mom's insurance was maxed out and couldnt cover hospice care? Or maybe your mom's wishes were to die at home, and the doctor honored that? Have you asked the doctor about his statement? I don't understand how you would believe a city the size of Los Angeles wouldn't have hospice facilities.
Regardless, unless you have a way of proving the doctor lied and caused undo suffering to your mom (or you) I don't see how anything is actionable. Best bet is to consult an attorney rater than us senior know it alls, and find yourself a new doctor.
Sorry for your loss.
Regardless, unless you have a way of proving the doctor lied and caused undo suffering to your mom (or you) I don't see how anything is actionable. Best bet is to consult an attorney rater than us senior know it alls, and find yourself a new doctor.
Sorry for your loss.
hearlady
Homebody
- Location
- N Carolina
I think this is a wise response.
jujube
SF VIP
We ran into a problem when the hospital wanted to discharge my mom after her knee replacement at age 92. She needed to go to rehab for a week or two, but a bed wasn't available right then. When that happens, the hospital has the choice of keeping the patient there or releasing them to home, with the hopes that a bed will become available in a day or two. Naturally, they'll go for the option of releasing the patient at home. THEN, once you're gone, there is no urgency on their part to find a bed in rehab for you.
My sister was seeing to my mother in the hospital and would supervise her transfer to a rehab and then I would come up and stay with her at home until she was fully healed. Sister calls from the hospital and says they're sending mom home until we can find a bed in a rehab unit. What can we do?????
Having a background in both hospital administration AND insurance companies, I told them exactly what to say.
My mom was to repeat over and over as needed to the social worker, the hospital person, the nurses: "I cannot take care of myself. I cannot go to the bathroom by myself. I cannot transfer to a chair or wheelchair from the bed by myself. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot......."
And my sister was to say: "I cannot care for my mother. There is no one who can care for my mother. I cannot provide the care she needs. I cannot guarantee her safety. I cannot, cannot, cannot....." The hospital simply CANNOT legally discharge a patient when they have no safe place to go. Oh, they do it all the time, but they're doing it illegally.
My sister felt very bad saying those things, but Mom needed to go immediately to rehab in order to have a safe recovery. She would have PT three times a day there as opposed to the once a day she'd get from a mobile therapist. She'd be in a proper hospital bed. There would be immediate medical care if something happened.
So, the hospital kept her for another day and then was able to discharge her directly to a rehab center as a bed had opened.
You just have to know what to say and say it loudly and repeatedly and stick by your guns.
My sister was seeing to my mother in the hospital and would supervise her transfer to a rehab and then I would come up and stay with her at home until she was fully healed. Sister calls from the hospital and says they're sending mom home until we can find a bed in a rehab unit. What can we do?????
Having a background in both hospital administration AND insurance companies, I told them exactly what to say.
My mom was to repeat over and over as needed to the social worker, the hospital person, the nurses: "I cannot take care of myself. I cannot go to the bathroom by myself. I cannot transfer to a chair or wheelchair from the bed by myself. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot......."
And my sister was to say: "I cannot care for my mother. There is no one who can care for my mother. I cannot provide the care she needs. I cannot guarantee her safety. I cannot, cannot, cannot....." The hospital simply CANNOT legally discharge a patient when they have no safe place to go. Oh, they do it all the time, but they're doing it illegally.
My sister felt very bad saying those things, but Mom needed to go immediately to rehab in order to have a safe recovery. She would have PT three times a day there as opposed to the once a day she'd get from a mobile therapist. She'd be in a proper hospital bed. There would be immediate medical care if something happened.
So, the hospital kept her for another day and then was able to discharge her directly to a rehab center as a bed had opened.
You just have to know what to say and say it loudly and repeatedly and stick by your guns.
Alizerine
Senior Member
We would like to believe what our doctors tell us and not have to google everything they say especially in times of uncertainty and stress. Maybe times are changing and we need to be suspicious. Don't blame Rob for doing as he was told.
Knight
Well-known Member
Asking questions is not placing blame. At my age I question most of what I'm told. Drug interaction for sure is one. Verifying what is in a bottle of prescribed meds is another.
Missing if anything in my post was to congratulate him for the caring he provided for many years for his mother, and for enduring the pain of losing her.
Robb.hisself
Member
Was told on Thursday at mid-day that she would be sent home the following Saturday and that a hospital bed and necessary equipment would be delivered Friday morning. Things moved along pretty fast. I was called mid-day on Saturday that they were going to transport her home. She arrived at 6:30pm Saturday night. There were no hospice attendants sent. The transporters put her in her bed and left.
telephoned the 24 hour hospice help line at 9pm to ask when the hospice nurses would arrive to train me how to handle her. I was told there were then only two nurses assigned to Los Angeles county for that shift. The hospice pharmacy delivered the sedation medication at around midnight. The hospice nurse did not arrive until about 2 a.m. the following morning. She observed my mom and said she looked like she was comfortable (she was unconscious) and that to administer the sedatives when needed, and then left.
At about 10 a.m, that morning she became conscious and seemed quite unaware and uncomfortable. But, of the medications I did not know what to administer nor how to administer it. I again called the hospice help line and pleaded for someone to come and assist me. A hospice nurse arrived an hour later and administered some drugs whereupon my mom became unconscious once more. She then showed me how to administer the drugs to keep her sedated and gave me a schedule for sedation, and left.
My mom died the next morning at about 9 a.m. without regaining consciousness. Her body was picked up later that afternoon after a hospice doctor and nurse visited to confirm her passing. After the hospice pick up crew left I noticed two debit cards I had on a desk in her room were missing. I hadn't been in the room when they were preparing her body to be transported, but I had no way of proving they had taken them. I then put it out of my mind, but they've never been found.
I was relieved, but pretty wound-up about the whole ordeal. Looking back on it I can't believe that a caring hospice organization normally operates this way. This was a Kaiser associated hospice program. It seemed terribly minimal and disjointed to me.
hearlady
Homebody
- Location
- N Carolina
I'm very sorry you went through all this @Robb.hisself .
May your mother rest in peace and send love and care for her son.
May your mother rest in peace and send love and care for her son.
jujube
SF VIP
I'm so sorry you had that bad experience with hospice, Robb. It seems there are some hospice organizations aren't as good as they should be.
I was more than pleased with the one we had for my mom.
I was more than pleased with the one we had for my mom.
Robb.hisself
Member
In late 2019 my mom fell in the bathroom. At emergency they found she had cracked her pelvis above the right hip. The social worker told me that the doctor had written instructions that she could stand on the left foot which meant she could be assigned to a rehab hospital from emergency. But, then the social worker told me that the doctor had changed his instructions that she could NOT stand on either foot and now would
have to go home with me and I would have to care for her. The hospital would not admit her.
I then picked up my mom's purse and belongings and walked out of ER. I told the social worker and attending doctor I would not sign a release and left. The next day I telephoned the hospital to find out what they did with my mom. The social worker told me that after I left the doctor changed his instructions once again which would allow my mom to stand on one foot. So then she was eligible to be sent to a rehab hospital that night. Otherwise they would have had to admit her into the hospital. I wonder if anyone suggested to the doctor that he change his instructions. He wouldn't have done so if I had asked him to.
You were a wonderful son to care for your mother for 14 years after she became debilitated. I cared for my mother, who didn't drive, for 21 years after my father passed away, but she was healthy for most of those years and moved into assisted living when she could no longer care for herself. She passed away in hospice there. I never felt like I was lied to by any doctor, but my view is that it all depends on where you live.
Our healthcare here in TX tends to be pretty good. When we lived in South Florida, there were many mistakes made by doctors involving both my father and mother's healthcare. My father passed away from a twisted bowel that was not diagnosed when we took him to the emergency room. My mother was going to the hospital for a routine procedure. They got her name mixed up with that of another patient and had her scheduled to go through something much more invasive. If I hadn't caught it, she would have had major surgery. My own doctor in South Florida even told me during my last visit that medical care in TX would be better.
That aside, yes medicine is a big money-maker and it is still unbelievable that we have to pay for medical coverage at all, unlike our brethren in Canada. I'm sorry you were misinformed about hospice. That is deplorable.
Knight
Well-known Member
A wonderful human being isn't enough to describe just how much caring it takes to do what you have done for your mother. With the full explanation of the poor treatment by the doctor & hospice care people it's no wonder you are expressing your frustration. I would like to offer my condolences on the passing of your mother.