Some Etiquette at Funerals

Do you mean pictures of the living, right? Depends on the mood. Some things are very somber and some lighten up at the post funeral get together.

Anyone else gone through some really old family photos and found one of the person in the coffin?
 
I do not see a problem with family taking pictures of each other after a funeral, although not during the service itself.
Sometimes, this is one of the only occasions that extended family get to see each other, and taking pictures seems like a good idea to me.
After losing a family member a few years ago, some of us gathered for the memorial service, and we all took pictures of each other and everyone was fine, and we all shared the photos around with each other.

On the other hand, a close friend of mine took pictures of her husband’s funeral and him in his coffin, and I didn’t even like to look at that . I believe that this happened more often years ago, when pictures were only taken by photographers, and people might not have had any other picture of their loved one except after they had passed away.
 
During the US Civil War era, and probably some years before and after, it was common to take photographs of the dead. Some houses in even had a separate alcove for just that purpose. This was when the dead were commonly "laid out" in the family dwelling before burial. You can find lots of these photographs on the web.
 
I have been to two Italian funerals. Each time photos were taken of the coffin being slid into the hearse. It was a very formal affair with many wreaths all over the coffin.
When my grandfather died, they had an open coffin, but I refused to look at him, I just wanted to remember how he looked when he was alive.
My grandmother wanted to look at him and said loudly "What have they done to his face; he was never that colour". Somebody said they had applied too much orange makeup to his face. That is so sad.
 
This happened at the funeral of one of my gfriend's husband last year. A girl we all went to school with started taking group pics at the luncheon. I thought it was done in very poor taste.
The widow was in no condition to have her picture taken.

And, then she went and placed them on FB...
I told my other gfriend, if I die, don't you dare let her take pics at my funeral.
 
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My dad died in a car wreck in 1979 when he was 49. Mom, then 45, was in the car with him.
Mom was still in the hospital out of state and would be for months, when we had my father's funeral.
I picked out a suit for him and made all the funeral arrangements.

I KNEW my dad WOULD NOT want anyone looking at him and requested a closed casket funeral ... although I did view him before the funeral.

The way the funeral home chapel was set up, there was a little screened side area for family and away from main chapel seating.
They aren't set up that way now but that's how it was in 1979.

Anyway, right before the service, two elderly ladies approached my dad's casket with the funeral director.
I was SHOCKED when the director opened the casket right there in the chapel and right before the service so those elderly ladies could view him.

I have no idea who those ladies were. They were an age where they may have known my dad when he was a boy though ... maybe.
Thing is, I thought that was VERY RUDE to do what they did. I never spoke with the director about it. Other things going on.

My point is that it doesn't matter a hill of beans what anyone says, if your gut tells you something MAY be inappropriate, check with the family.
If they're okay with it, then fine.
 
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I wouldn't think pictures of the deceased are proper however over to the side might be a good time to get pictures of relatives you may never see again.
 
A family member took many photos of my dead mother, in the casket- but has never really looked at them- the photos were too painful.
But ,when my Vietnam Vet husband died ( he had been cremated as he was an organ donor) many vets there at the funeral took photos of the Color Guard and the 21Gun Volley- which I think is 7 gun shots three times.

I had written his Obituary myself, putting all of his Military decorations and awards in it and I gave the undertaker his DD214 and DD215 to verify the awards. I also had put off the funeral for 4 weeks so that his best friend from NJ could get time off from his job to be here. The American Legion called me right away because that had given them time to get their uniforms ready and to buy bullets. (Blanks)

I think all National Cemeteries handle Military funerals now but in those days a survivor had to make sure a full Military funeral would happen. It was beautiful.


For any vets here the DD215 is VA form DD 149, on line, to correct military records.
It added many decorations, awards that were not on my husband's DD 214 and fortunately the correction and ribbons, etc came a few weeks before he died. Ist MarDiv, Ist Amphibious Tractor Battalion, Danang Vietnam. I am so proud of him.
 
Pinky said:
@caroln
Memento Mori photos were very common a long time ago. Some are rather creepy.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I've noticed it was common in the Victorian times. They were also into Ouija boards to try and talk to their dead relatives. Seems like an odd past time (as well as taking pictures of dead relatives) as they were so prim and proper back in those days. But as usual, I've strayed from the OP topic. Sorry.
 

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