Where did the time go?

F

Flyfast56

New Member
Coming up on 68 years old and looking back I have too many regrets. I have 3 children, and they don't call anymore. I survived stage 4 cancer and I'm supposed to have a PET scan every 6 months. I didn't go for my last one because I guess I don't care anymore. Last month I moved from Southern California to Texas. I go to sleep each night knowing I will never see or hear from my kids again and I will die alone. I know I feeling sorry for myself, but I've lost all hope.
 

I divorced their Mom 25 years ago would be a start. I used to talk with them regularly 6 months ago but they have stopped. I have not called them either because I think it would be best for them. God forgives, but there are still consequences for my actions.
 

Have you considered therapy? 68 is not old and a man is always in demand. Or, well, there is no or. You are depressed. That's not meant to be an insult. Depression can be treated. Have you considered it?

Call your kids. You can't say you won't see them again if you don't even try.

My 2 cents.

Now that you've found us, stay and talk. Plenty of smart people here who wouldn't mind being your sounding board.
 
@Flyfast56 We never know how we would react to circumstances so, I am going to tell you, not what I would do but, what I would advise someone close to me to do, if they asked for similar advice.

Make a new appointment for the scan. Speak to your consultant or GP. To be honest, you sound depressed.

Send your children Birthday and Christmas cards, wish them well and always put your contact details on the back of the card. You may never hear from them but, at least you are keeping the door open for them and they will hopefully appreciate that you continue to reach out to them and, they may well return the gesture one day.

At 68 you hopefully have many years ahead of you, don't waste them. Explore any possibilities to build a social life, make friends and try to enjoy the small things in life. Get a dog or a cat or volunteer to help out in a local shop, charity, wherever - in short, you need to try and reconnect with life.

Hopefully you will enjoy this forum.

I wish you well. (y)
 
The one that breaks my heart the most is my Daughter. I used to talk to her about everything at least once a day. We had a disagreement, and the next day I apologized, but I could tell she was still pissed. That was in June, and the more time went on the harder it was to call her.
 
Trish said:
@Flyfast56 We never know how we would react to circumstances so, I am going to tell you, not what I would do but, what I would advise someone close to me to do, if they asked for similar advice.

Make a new appointment for the scan. Speak to your consultant or GP. To be honest, you sound depressed.

Send your children Birthday and Christmas cards, wish them well and always put your contact details on the back of the card. You may never hear from them but, at least you are keeping the door open for them and they will hopefully appreciate that you continue to reach out to them and, they may well return the gesture one day.

At 68 you hopefully have many years ahead of you, don't waste them. Explore any possibilities to build a social life, make friends and just enjoy life. Get a dog or a cat or volunteer to help out in a local shop, charity, wherever - in short, you need to try and reconnect with life.

Hopefully you will enjoy this forum.

I wish you well. (y)
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That you so much for your advice and Pepper's. I will think about it for sure.
 
Pepper said:
Have you considered therapy? 68 is not old and a man is always in demand. Or, well, there is no or. You are depressed. That's not meant to be an insult. Depression can be treated. Have you considered it?

Call your kids. You can't say you won't see them again if you don't even try.

My 2 cents.

Now that you've found us, stay and talk. Plenty of smart people here who wouldn't mind being your sounding board.
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I agree. Depression is serious stuff. Depression can have you beating yourself up for every single little thing you do and every single little thing you didnā€™t do.

Call them. Tell them you have regrets. Tell them ā€˜honestlyā€™ what they are and why you need to tell them.

Donā€™t allow yourself to die with this still in you. Itā€™s like poisoning yourself with your own negative thoughts and is the worst form of self torture.
 
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Flyfast56 said:
The one that breaks my heart the most is my Daughter. I used to talk to her about everything at least once a day. We had a disagreement, and the next day I apologized, but I could tell she was still pissed. That was in June, and the more time went on the harder it was to call her.
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In the past the way to resolve misgivings was to sit down and write a letter. Keep it light, and don't mention any of the pain or misgivings, just a cheery note. Chances are she won't reply, don't let it get to you, send her a second letter, keep to the same tone, ask how the children are, you can say that you miss them but don't dwell on it. Just give her space and time, fingers crossed for you.
 
Flyfast56 said:
Coming up on 68 years old and looking back I have too many regrets. I have 3 children, and they don't call anymore. I survived stage 4 cancer and I'm supposed to have a PET scan every 6 months. I didn't go for my last one because I guess I don't care anymore. Last month I moved from Southern California to Texas. I go to sleep each night knowing I will never see or hear from my kids again and I will die alone. I know I feeling sorry for myself, but I've lost all hope.
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You are a youngster. I am 86 and am moving from Arizona to Oklahoma in just two weeks. I will probably never see again the two grown children that I am leaving behind. To be honest, I don't want ever to see them again. They are the reason I have sold the home I've lived in for 25 years and have to start over in a new life. Am I heartbroken? Yes. Will I survive? Yes.
 
smilingmore said:
You are a youngster. I am 86 and am moving from Arizona to Oklahoma in just two weeks. I will probably never see again the two grown children that I am leaving behind. To be honest, I don't want ever to see them again. They are the reason I have sold the home I've lived in for 25 years and have to start over in a new life. Am I heartbroken? Yes. Will I survive? Yes.
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That's kind of an awful thing to read, I'm sorry for you. I hope you find some peace in your new home.
 
Flyfast56 said:
Coming up on 68 years old and looking back I have too many regrets. I have 3 children, and they don't call anymore. I survived stage 4 cancer and I'm supposed to have a PET scan every 6 months. I didn't go for my last one because I guess I don't care anymore. Last month I moved from Southern California to Texas. I go to sleep each night knowing I will never see or hear from my kids again and I will die alone. I know I feeling sorry for myself, but I've lost all hope.
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Like others said here, go ahead and contact your children (mail a letter or call). It's so easy to sit back and let negative thoughts consume you, but they are very destructive and do not bring you any respite. Do you want to get out of this rut? It is up to you to make amends for any arguments you may have had with family. I try and do that as soon as possible if there's ever an argument with family because it is not good to hold grudges. Please go and get your next scan done. My sister has had stage 4 cancer for several years now, and she is in good spirits and fighting it. Good luck!
 
Flyfast56 said:
I divorced their Mom 25 years ago would be a start. I used to talk with them regularly 6 months ago but they have stopped. I have not called them either because I think it would be best for them. God forgives, but there are still consequences for my actions.
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I hope you come back Flyfast. You sound like a good person with regrets, much like we all have as we look back. You're no different. We're only human. I like that you said, God forgives. He does and can also remove or lessen the consequences when you confess your regrets and acknowledge that you want to change.

Pray aloud (in a quiet room with the door shut). Tell Him all your regrets. Ask Him again to forgive you for your actions and words. Then ask Him to create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you. Ask for Him to fill ythat empty feeling in you with His Holy Spirit. Mean it from the depths of your heart. Thank Him for forgiving your regrets. Believe it. Let me know how it goes. I care.
 
Flyfast56 said:
Coming up on 68 years old and looking back I have too many regrets. I have 3 children, and they don't call anymore. I survived stage 4 cancer and I'm supposed to have a PET scan every 6 months. I didn't go for my last one because I guess I don't care anymore. Last month I moved from Southern California to Texas. I go to sleep each night knowing I will never see or hear from my kids again and I will die alone. I know I feeling sorry for myself, but I've lost all hope.
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That's awful, I'm so sorry.
I must say I've made many foolish mistakes, been very stupid over my lifetime and I feel I've accomplished nothing much in my life.
I bet there is not a single person anywhere ever who has had a perfect life. I'm trying to say, it's ok to be you as you are. You had your reasons and did your best at each stage.
 
I process a lot of emotion by exploring music. You can't always find a perfect fit but often something with not quite the right words can still match the tone. One of the songs that felt useful to me was this:

 

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