Five Years Ago Today My Husband Passed Away

OneEyedDiva

OneEyedDiva

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Location
New Jersey
We were supposed to celebrate his birthday in Atlantic City the week of September 7th. I went down first and he was to join me. He wound up in the E.R. then was admitted and I had to come home early. I couldn't get out until two days later, after flood waters from an unexpected storm receded (I was bussing it). My husband's health declined rapidly over a three month period. After a couple of hospital and rehab stays, he wound up in the ICU for two weeks.

People were stunned because he was always so vibrant, busy and looked 20 years younger than his age. I was stressed to the max due to being at the hospital between 10 and 14 hours every day. Also because two of his children and his ex wife didn't want to honor the advanced directive, I had urged him to have drawn up when we first got his CHF diagnosis, three months before he passed. His youngest daughter, an attorney, drew up the paperwork right away while he was still in the hospital.

Near the end, we knew he must've hated being kept alive by those machines and were determined to follow his wishes, despite the drama her mother and siblings caused. We also received opposition from friends and those he had mentored over the years. They were not ready to let him go and a couple tried to make us feel guilty for choosing to follow his wishes.

He was supposed to be buried within 24 hours but due to the Christmas holiday and family members who had to travel from Georgia, that didn't happen. I had to summon the printer who always did work for us to open up on their day off so they could print the programs for his funeral. The printer was a neighbor and a good friend to my husband, so thank goodness I had a way to get in touch with him. As I vividly remember everything that transpired during that dreadful time, it's hard to believe it was five years ago! May he continue to Rest in Paradise.
 

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I'm sorry you had to go through all of that at such a stressful time. A diagnosis of CHF... can be frightening.
One study says that people with congestive heart failure have a life span 10 years shorter than those who don’t have heart failure. Another study showed that the survival rates of people with chronic heart failure were:

80% to 90% for one year.
50% to 60% for year five.
30% for 10 years.

A different study found that people who had heart failure had expected life spans ranging from three to 20 years after their hospital stay, depending on various factors like age and assigned sex at birth. It’s important to look at your specific situation when considering your prognosis.
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I wasn't given any specific projected life expectancy in my case, but things had sounded grim. Considering family history added more concerns.

At least you had prepared and knew what his wishes were before things took that turn so quickly. I'm glad for you that you were able to prevail.

It probably doesn't feel like five years though. ☪️
 
dilettante said:
I'm sorry you had to go through all of that at such a stressful time. A diagnosis of CHF... can be frightening.

I wasn't given any specific projected life expectancy in my case, but things had sounded grim. Considering family history added more concerns.

At least you had prepared and knew what his wishes were before things took that turn so quickly. I'm glad for you that you were able to prevail.

It probably doesn't feel like five years though. ☪️
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Do you have heart problems Dilettante ?
 
OneEyedDiva said:
We were supposed to celebrate his birthday the week of September 7th with trip in Atlantic City. I went down first and he was to join me. He wound up in the E.R. then was admitted and I had to come home early. I couldn't get out until after flood waters from an unexpected storm receded (I was bussing it). My husband's health declined rapidly over a three month period. After a couple of hospital and rehab stays, he wound up in the ICU for two weeks.

People were stunned because he was always so vibrant, busy and always looked 20 years younger than his age. I was stressed to the max due to being at the hospital between 10 and 14 hours every day. Also because two of his children and his ex wife didn't want to honor the advanced directive, I had urged him to have drawn up when we first got his CHF diagnosis, three months before he passed.

His youngest daughter, an attorney, drew up the paperwork right away while he was still in the hospital. We knew he must've hated being kept alive by those machines and were determined to follow his wishes, despite the drama her mother and siblings caused. We also received opposition from friends and those he had mentored over the years. They were not ready to let him go and tried to make us feel guilty for choosing to follow his wishes.

He was supposed to be buried within 24 hours but due to the Christmas holiday and family members who had to travel from Georgia, that didn't happen. I had to summon the printer who always did work for us to open up on their day off so they could print the programs for his funeral. The printer was a neighbor and a good friend to my husband, so thank goodness I had a way to get in touch with him. As I vividly remember everything that transpired during that dreadful time, it's hard to believe it was five years ago! May he continue to Rest in Paradise.
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I'm so sorry you went through that Diva. I hope you enjoy some wonderful memories as the heartbreak lies away.
 
hollydolly said:
Do you have heart problems Dilettante ?
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I presume you mean physical rather than merely emotional? :ROFLMAO:

Summary from last cardiologist visit
The following issues were addressed:
Irregular heart rate
Congestive heart failure, unspecified HF chronicity, unspecified heart failure type (HCC)
Nonrheumatic aortic (valve) insufficiency
Permanent atrial fibrillation (HCC)
Chronic systolic (congestive) heart failure (HCC)
Essential hypertension
Aneurysm of ascending aorta without rupture (HCC)
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Blood pressure now seems well controlled. The afib is confusing. I've always had a rhythm thing, and that last visit he said "Who told you you have afib?" so maybe he addressed it by dispelling a false assumption. Something I can get confirmed in an upcoming visit.

But yeah, as I tell people: I'm a wreck. But I'm not on oxygen or using a walker or laid up in bed. They push me to add more exercise.
 
dilettante said:
I presume you mean physical rather than merely emotional? :ROFLMAO:

Summary from last cardiologist visit

Blood pressure now seems well controlled. The afib is confusing. I've always had a rhythm thing, and that last visit he said "Who told you you have afib?" so maybe he addressed it by dispelling a false assumption. Something I can get confirmed in an upcoming visit.

But yeah, as I tell people: I'm a wreck. But I'm not on oxygen or using a walker or laid up in bed. They push me to add more exercise.
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well that's a very positive thing..not laid up..no walker, no Oxygen.. and can you get out and about easily ? or not ? ...
 
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hollydolly said:
well that's a very positive thing..not aid up..no walker, no Oxygen.. and can you get out and about easily ? or not ? ...
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When they had me in a hospital bed for a week almost 4 years ago now (time flies) and I got home it was rough just going out for the mail. I was sent home with oxygen, but sent the concentrator back in less than a year. I just keep working my way up.

Yesterday I took up something I used to do, but I have to do it after dark or somebody will call for the men in the little white coats to take me away. It's just a goofy looking form of exercise I have to do outside to avoid smashing a lamp or something.
 
dilettante said:
When they had me in a hospital bed for a week almost 4 years ago now (time flies) and I got home it was rough just going out for the mail. I was sent home with oxygen, but sent the concentrator back in less than a year. I just keep working my way up.

Yesterday I took up something I used to do, but I have to do it after dark or somebody will call for the men in the little white coats to take me away. It's just a goofy looking form of exercise I have to do outside to avoid smashing a lamp or something.
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well good for you, you sound determined to be well.. and if determination is what it takes, then I would imagine you'll be as well as you can possibly be , eventually.. good luck ...
 
As a recent widow (October 13th), I can empathize with what you went through. My husband died suddenly without any warning from SCA (sudden cardiac arrest). He actually died in the ambulance while it was sitting in our driveway. I couldn't figure out why they were still sitting there for over 15 minutes before they left for the hospital. I found out later that he was shocked 2 times.

He was also put on life support in the ER. I knew he was gone when I got there but they did all kinds of scans, blood work, etc. and I knew he wouldn't have wanted any of that done, but we didn't have a DNR on file at the hospital (just hadn't gotten around to doing it....sigh), so, legally, they have to do everything to try to revive someone. This went on for 5 hours until they put him in the cardiac care unit. I requested he be taken off life support at 9:30PM. His organs had shut down and there was no hope. He never regained consciousness from the time he coded in the ambulance so I pray he didn't know anything that was happening to him.

In PA, the coroner has to notified that a request has been made to end life support and he determines if it's OK to do so. Finally, at 11:03PM, he was disconnected and pronounced. I didn't learn until much later that he had been shocked 5 separate times. It was a terrible time. I understand how you felt and to have turmoil with family didn't help. I didn't have anyone. His kids live in AZ so I've handled everything alone. I don't know if that's good or bad. It's just the way it is. (((HUGS))) to you.
 
Hugs and lots of LOVE, Diva-And he is cured from his physical problems, in Paradise!

I could relate so much to what you said-a good friend tried to control the military service and burial of my husband.
But I respected his wishes on that and also she was shocked that he would be cremated, but he was an Organ Donor.In those days 29 years ago, there didnt seem to be a formal organ donor system, we knew of, ---not like now, I have the heart on my license and a NYS state letter that verifies I am an organ donor- but that too was his wish, and no one could control me to change that.

I was a Jersey girl before I moved to NY. Atlantic City!!!!! I sure have fond memories being there many times.
I am so old that I remember the Steel Pier and I saw Frankie Avalon and the Supremes, there and a few more great singers of that era. And I always went with bunch of friends to one of the steak houses on the boardwalk. What a meal, and I always stopped at any raw clam bar- yum yum, - and had my fortune told, but that might have been at Seaside or Cape May beach, and the fortune (I was about 17) came true!

I know what the Holidays are like when we have lost a spouse, but they would want us to enjoy the Holidays, and the Happy memories of them.

Everyone should have a DNR. I think maybe it is required by Medicare but I am not sure. My doctor has a copy of mine.

May God Bless you Diva, and I hope you can feel the hugs and love we have for you.
:love::love::love::love::love::love:
 
It never ceases to amaze me how I become more aware of my late wife on the anniversary of her passing. The week before that date, I start thinking about her. The same thing happens as I approach her birthday date. I just start thinking about her. It's been 14 years ago, that she passed away, as of this posting.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
We were supposed to celebrate his birthday the week of September 7th with trip in Atlantic City. I went down first and he was to join me. He wound up in the E.R. then was admitted and I had to come home early. I couldn't get out until after flood waters from an unexpected storm receded (I was bussing it). My husband's health declined rapidly over a three month period. After a couple of hospital and rehab stays, he wound up in the ICU for two weeks.

People were stunned because he was always so vibrant, busy and always looked 20 years younger than his age. I was stressed to the max due to being at the hospital between 10 and 14 hours every day. Also because two of his children and his ex wife didn't want to honor the advanced directive, I had urged him to have drawn up when we first got his CHF diagnosis, three months before he passed.

His youngest daughter, an attorney, drew up the paperwork right away while he was still in the hospital. We knew he must've hated being kept alive by those machines and were determined to follow his wishes, despite the drama her mother and siblings caused. We also received opposition from friends and those he had mentored over the years. They were not ready to let him go and tried to make us feel guilty for choosing to follow his wishes.

He was supposed to be buried within 24 hours but due to the Christmas holiday and family members who had to travel from Georgia, that didn't happen. I had to summon the printer who always did work for us to open up on their day off so they could print the programs for his funeral. The printer was a neighbor and a good friend to my husband, so thank goodness I had a way to get in touch with him. As I vividly remember everything that transpired during that dreadful time, it's hard to believe it was five years ago! May he continue to Rest in Paradise.
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May he rest peacefully, sending you love and hugs my friend. 💜
 
"S", I understand how anniversaries of events and holidays can cause you to re-live those experiences, and bring back so much of the emotions that are tied to them. I know you have family with you and nearby, and I'm sure that helps, especially when those feelings come knocking on your door. You also have us who consider you much like family to give you a big 🤗, and try to offer a little comfort. To say you are well thought of here is obvious.

You already know how much I admire all you have been doing with your life, and I have no doubt that your late husband would be feeling that and more. You are a tower of strength, and an inspiration to so many. Keep your spirits up and soldier on girl. We all expect great things from you. ❣️
 
Yes, I sure do Pepper! that was quite an attraction, and near where the horse dove, there was a small Bathosphere, I think they called it, and it could take about 10 people ,at a time down below the ocean surface. I never had enough money to get on it, but I sure did like the amusement ride that took you over the ocean-it was like a horizontal ferris wheel that would tip at one point and the ocean was beneath the carts we could ride in.

Does Coney Island still have what used to be he Largest Ferris Wheel in the world?


I was on it with my parents when I was very young and it was massive, we were in a cage with seats that could have held 10 or more people. There were about ten cages on it. Scary but thrilling!
 
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