Five Years Ago Today My Husband Passed Away

OneEyedDiva said:
We were supposed to celebrate his birthday the week of September 7th with trip in Atlantic City. I went down first and he was to join me. He wound up in the E.R. then was admitted and I had to come home early. I couldn't get out until after flood waters from an unexpected storm receded (I was bussing it). My husband's health declined rapidly over a three month period. After a couple of hospital and rehab stays, he wound up in the ICU for two weeks.

People were stunned because he was always so vibrant, busy and always looked 20 years younger than his age. I was stressed to the max due to being at the hospital between 10 and 14 hours every day. Also because two of his children and his ex wife didn't want to honor the advanced directive, I had urged him to have drawn up when we first got his CHF diagnosis, three months before he passed.

His youngest daughter, an attorney, drew up the paperwork right away while he was still in the hospital. We knew he must've hated being kept alive by those machines and were determined to follow his wishes, despite the drama her mother and siblings caused. We also received opposition from friends and those he had mentored over the years. They were not ready to let him go and tried to make us feel guilty for choosing to follow his wishes.

He was supposed to be buried within 24 hours but due to the Christmas holiday and family members who had to travel from Georgia, that didn't happen. I had to summon the printer who always did work for us to open up on their day off so they could print the programs for his funeral. The printer was a neighbor and a good friend to my husband, so thank goodness I had a way to get in touch with him. As I vividly remember everything that transpired during that dreadful time, it's hard to believe it was five years ago! May he continue to Rest in Paradise.
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Being involved with a death of a loved one is bad enough, but when it’s around the holidays, it makes it much worse. I know you have your son, but I believe you also lost your D-I-L. It’s a bad time to have to deal with these events on your mind. I hope you and your son lean on each other for comfort.
 

I think it’s wonderful that you honored his wishes. I can’t imagine trying to override someone’s decisions. My dad had one at 52 because his health was so poor. My mom did hers in her early 80’s when she got cancer. Hugs to you Diva.

My dad’s experience of surviving a big stroke at 59 and praying to die daily for 14 long years taught me that there’s worse things than dying. In fact I never pray for someone to live but for their best and highest good because I don’t know what that is.
 
Thank you, Teacher Terry , on correcting my DNR info- I seem to recall that maybe my lawyer prepared it when he handled my will-still don't know, but my doctor asked if I had a DNR health Care Proxy, many years ago, and she put a copy of it into my Medical Records.

This is a difficult time of year for so many-but we must make the best of it, and I am sure we all have so much to be grateful for, and can focus on the true meaning of Christmas, and the memories of loved ones we still grieve over.

I am so glad I found this forum, and the understanding of members ,who can relate to so many others here.
 
Widow of Vietnam Vet said:
Thank you, Teacher Terry , on correcting my DNR info- I seem to recall that maybe my lawyer prepared it when he handled my will-still don't know, but my doctor asked if I had a DNR health Care Proxy, many years ago, and she put a copy of it into my Medical Records.

This is a difficult time of year for so many-but we must make the best of it, and I am sure we all have so much to be grateful for, and can focus on the true meaning of Christmas, and the memories of loved ones we still grieve over.

I am so glad I found this forum, and the understanding of members ,who can relate to so many others here.
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You are so right about having much to be grateful for. That's what we concentrate on and it taking stock of our blessings does help. (my son and I). I wish the same for everyone who is grieving loved one(s).
 
Thank each of you for your kind, thoughtful words of comfort❣️ They are very much appreciated and truly do warm my heart and lift my spirits. Whoever says that online friends can't be real friends...well...you my friends are proof that they are wrong! I feel for people like that because either they haven't gone to the right sites or haven't opened themselves up to receive friendship. Wishing each of you all the very best that life has to offer. Peace

TY Butterfly.gif
 
dilettante said:
When they had me in a hospital bed for a week almost 4 years ago now (time flies) and I got home it was rough just going out for the mail. I was sent home with oxygen, but sent the concentrator back in less than a year. I just keep working my way up.

Yesterday I took up something I used to do, but I have to do it after dark or somebody will call for the men in the little white coats to take me away. It's just a goofy looking form of exercise I have to do outside to avoid smashing a lamp or something.
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Hang in there dilettante: I had a triple by-pass 10 years ago now. I came out of hospital 5 days later and had to cope on my own. I was determined to get well and started to first walk down my hallway and then ventured to the letterbox and eventually down the corner of the street. I recovered very well, never smoked and a tea-totaller. My doctor was very happy with me and said I only had to see him if I felt something was not right.
 
Like you OneEyedDiva my husband also passed away 5 years ago one week before Christmas though he passed away quite suddenly. Losing a spouse is hard in itself but at this time of year it is doubly difficult. For those like Colleen the grief is new and raw, firsts are even harder. But we are still here and like it or not we have to make the best of it. So whether you are alone, with family, with friends, recall your memories of Christmas past, make memories and enjoy the day.
 
I send you my love, my understanding and my best hope and wishes in you in your future. You also have my admiration and respect for the things you have done and accomplished after your loss. This tells me that you are and were a strong accomplished woman in your own self.

I was never that, I was a good wife, a wonderful mother but I had no talent, no dreams outside of that narrow window. What an inspiration you are to other young women in your life. You show you can be a wonderful wife, Mom, grandmother, but that they need not give up their dream, their passion.

Everything is possible, everything is reachable, if we only just believe. You are such an inspiration for your family, all things are possible with hard work and prayer with the support of a loving family and God's protection.
 
bobcat said:
"S", I understand how anniversaries of events and holidays can cause you to re-live those experiences, and bring back so much of the emotions that are tied to them. I know you have family with you and nearby, and I'm sure that helps, especially when those feelings come knocking on your door. You also have us who consider you much like family to give you a big 🤗, and try to offer a little comfort. To say you are well thought of here is obvious.

You already know how much I admire all you have been doing with your life, and I have no doubt that your late husband would be feeling that and more. You are a tower of strength, and an inspiration to so many. Keep your spirits up and soldier on girl. We all expect great things from you. ❣️
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Thank you so much for your lovely compliments and sentiments Bob ❣️ You know I admire you, your resilience and inspiring philosophies as well. And my heart goes out to you because the loss of your wife was much more recent. 🤗

@Blessed That you admire me and find me to be an inspiration means a great deal to me. I am the family matriarch, known for my no nonsense attitude, loving ways and for being funny as hell. :LOL: Yes, I have tried to be a good role model for my child, grandchildren and honorary children. I didn't always have it easy and I've told them that life isn't always easy, but with their faith, their beautiful minds and perseverance, they can accomplish whatever they wish.

Don't downplay yourself because you don't have a "talent". You excelled at one of the hardest jobs in this life...being an excellent mother. That in of itself is a talent that sadly, many women don't have!

@Widow of Vietnam Vet Thank you for your lovely words of comfort. I'm sorry for your loss and what you had to go through. People sure have a lot of nerve! Jersey Girl huh. And Atlantic City at that...Love it! Our oceanfront timeshare is in Atlantic City and I consider it my second home. My granddaughter is down there and is a junior year at Stockton U. She also has a good job in AC working darned near full time while pulling a full course load and consistently being on the Dean's List. She surprised us by saying she wants to live down there after she graduates!

The timeshare will come in even more handy because my son will be starting to use it more often so he can visit her. He's going this Friday. Our owner rates are so much cheaper than even decent hotel rooms in the area. Now that things are back to normal (after Covid) in the hospitality industry, I'd like to get back to spending a several weeks a year down there.

@Pepper When I was younger, before the casinos, my parents took me down there and I'm thinking we must've gone to the Steel Pier because of the rides but I don't remember seeing the horse jumping.
 

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