I like being single.

I've been divorced for fifteen years, dated a lot at first but then let it go, haven't been on a date in several years. The reality is I am better living alone, I spent so much of my life catering to others that the thought of that possibly happening again is more than I can bare. I have a very protective and self sacrifing nature so know I could easily fall into another dependent relationship, safest thing to do is stay single.

It's also easy for me to be single, I enjoy my own company and keep myself busy, like to do my own thing on my own schedule.
 

It took me 2/3 of my life to get the message that life is so much better for me as a single person. I was an affection starved little girl and thought I was going to get the love and affection I'd missed out on as a kid from a husband. Wrong! I made some really bad choices. Too many men of that period believed in the male superiority theorem and expected me to play the submissive wife who always gave in to her husband in the event of any disagreement.
I never accepted that men were superior to me in any category - except physical strength, but anyone with a basic knowledge of physics had a way around that. I even went out of my way as a young woman to do many of the things women weren't supposed to be able to do.
Life as a single woman has been so much better for me in every way the last 20 years.. I even think it prolonged my life
 
chic said:
The sword cuts both ways because it's also a disadvantage at times. It all depends on the individual, their circumstances, and what they prefer. I've experienced both extremes of the situation. As I get older, I see the advantage of having someone else in my home to share my space and help and love me because I feel stronger that way and know I need someone else. I can't do everything alone like I did when I was younger. This is just a personal life change but I have to be honest about it. So I'm relearning how to live with someone else after a decade's break from it. It's strange but also good. :unsure:
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I was set up for a life alone. I believe I've been alone all my life. I hear you on the as you get older stuff. But I will have to navigate that by myself.

I went to the ortho MD who did my carpel tunnel surgery. I'm now having issues with the other hand but also up to my elbow so I'm afraid it might be worse. I got a steroid injection today. If this needs surgery down the line, I'm already worried I may need aesthesia and not the local like previous where I could just drive myself home. I'm thinking about it already.
 
I can see separate residences (sort of) but then you just hang out during the day sometimes? And at night you surely want to be together, right? So you send the other home in the morning? I don't know about that. I was married a long time (happily) so I have trouble envisioning this.
 
I think I need to look hard at myself and do what's necessary to make it work. Before it gets too late, if it isn't already. Even a pair of crippled up old crocks can do a lot for each other that they couldn't on their own.

That's before the other practical advantages, from taxes and pooling incomes to affording and maintaining a place to live.
 
I enjoy my own space now - I'll correct that, I love my own space now. 😁

I've just come out of a relationship, a happy relationship - he lived in his place and I lived in my place.
We're still mates, but not 'special' mates. We're still close, but not 'close'. We're still around for each other I s'pose I mean.

Not sure I'll have another relationship now. I just want to chill in my scruffs and do my own thang, which at the moment is nothing :cool:
 
birdy said:
I can see separate residences (sort of) but then you just hang out during the day sometimes? And at night you surely want to be together, right? So you send the other home in the morning? I don't know about that. I was married a long time (happily) so I have trouble envisioning this.
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The people that I know that have done this spend a couple of days a week together. They have their own space because they don’t want to live with someone daily and all the compromises that entails.
 
C50 said:
I've been divorced for fifteen years, dated a lot at first but then let it go, haven't been on a date in several years. The reality is I am better living alone, I spent so much of my life catering to others that the thought of that possibly happening again is more than I can bare. I have a very protective and self sacrifing nature so know I could easily fall into another dependent relationship, safest thing to do is stay single.

It's also easy for me to be single, I enjoy my own company and keep myself busy, like to do my own thing on my own schedule.
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I thought I was reading about myself when I read your post . I am the same way and I have felt relieved that I don't have to cater to anyone any more.

The down side of it is being old with a chronic illness and no companion in my apartment. I do have a very helpful lady friend who is dedicated to helping me and that's a good thing. I still worry though about this and that but just try to do my best to keep me and doggie going ok.
 
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fuzzybuddy said:
I like being single. People have always told me I was "independent". I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Yeah, it was nice having to come home to someone, but it wasn't always so nice. It's also nice to come home, and it's just me. As a single, I can do whatever I want whenever I want. If I want to vacuum the carpet at 3:47 AM, there's nobody all bent out of shape at me for doing that. I don't think I "give up" anything being single. I'm happy as I am. I like being single.
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Me too, absolutely love the freedom.
 
Ruthanne said:
The down side of it is being old with a chronic illness and no companion in my apartment.
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I think this is a real concern, not something that makes one "needy."

If I have to climb a ladder these days I think once, think twice, and think three times. Heaven forbid I fall and can't get up. How long before somebody even notices?

A while back I was in a hospital bed for a week. I was lucky to reach anyone who could fetch me home afterward, and it was at the start of pandemic lockdowns so taxi service was even more erratic than it is here normally. It also took me weeks to get my strength back from being in bed so long shot up with medications to support the testing. How embarrassing!


Ok, a little sappy and sentimental. I couldn't find a good male/female duet.

 
So do I. I feel like I'm in Purgatory, my wife is in a nursing home, I don't have transportation to see her, I'm disabled, and getting out of the house is challenging. She understands this so I don't feel guilt over that, but, I'm not married in anything but name.

I like life with her gone, it was getting pretty hard living with her and her problems, but I'm slowly going feral here, I really don't care about my appearance, I've stopped bathing and grooming there's nobody here to make an effort for, I eat what and when I want. I think I was born to be alone.
 
I've been in relationships (mostly bad ones) since I was 19 years old (I'm now 77!!) and I remember when I was in my 20's, a psychologist friend of mine said to me..."have you ever considered that you're not meant to be married?" I was young and dismissed that question but it always was in my head my whole life.

My husband died in October quite suddenly. It's been a shock and devastating, to say the least. He hadn't been sick so it was totally unexpected.

It's only been 11 weeks since he passed but I've found that I like being by myself. I know that sounds terrible but he was "high maintenance". I loved him dearly and miss conversations with him but I'm finding that I enjoy the quiet time. I enjoy not having to do anything if I don't want to and I don't feel guilty for not doing it.

I was raised as an only child and knew how to entertain myself. It's slowly coming back to me.
 
I believe it depends on the individuals. Some couples are a great match for living together. They chose their partner wisely. Me, not so much. I tend to overlook character issues that everyone else notices. A blind spot.

The living apart together seems like a good option for some seniors. Easier to end if things start to deteriorate. Also, there is a peacefulness in living by one‘s self at this age. I didn’t appreciate it at first, but do now. It took time to unwind from the continuous dating, LTRs, and marriage that I got involved in from high school to age 60. Time out Is good!
 
I think there are tradeoffs to every arrangement and living with someone isn't for everyone. However, I think one needs to determine what they want and be honest about the value of either choice.

I get the independence and freedom thing, but I don't think that's the whole picture. Living together has considerable monetary benefits (Only one mortgage or rent, utilities, and other living expenses). It also means shared chores, both inside and outside. I also think, when you are with the right woman, she is not out to clip your wings and curtail your freedom, as long as it doesn't involve another women. She will give her blessing to you still engaging in things you enjoy (Fishing, golf, races, hiking, or whatever).

Lastly, and admittedly, I'm no expert on women, but I believe that a woman is much more likely to give you her heart, soul, mind, and body when she knows you want to live life with her together and not keep her at arms length. Living with someone you love can mean having comfort at 2 in the morning when you can't sleep, or having someone to help you with things throughout the day, or give you the kind of kisses that convey to you how much she values all that you bring to the relationship. These things may not matter much to someone who isn't willing to give up a little independence, but they would matter to me.
 

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