What steps should widows living alone take for protection?

B

Blessed

Well-known Member
I am living alone as a widow. I have three dogs, two small, one a 90lb chow. The big dog looks frightening, has a big booming bark but when push come to shove, I don't know how he would react. He has never shown any aggresion and even backs up to his 12lb sister.

He does bark when anyone comes to the door or is on the property but that does not mean he would go after any danger. I have been thinking I should get at the least pepper spray. At the most I have been thinking of buying gun and going through the proper training to use it in case of emergency. I have been exposed to all of the home invasions that happen now. I do not to want to be put into a position that I can not protect myself. It also comes to the dogs, I do not want them to be hurt in trying to protect me.

I have thought that this might be something I should seek therapy as it is a topic that causes so much turmoil in my life. I freak at every little noise at night. I have to get up at night when the big dog barks. The littles are in bed with me and pay no attention when the big dog barks. To me, that says there is no threat, if there was the littles would also react.

Can you share your thoughts on this subject. Do I need to buy and train how to use a gun?
I do plan on the time that I need to bring another dog into the home to be a dog of a certain size that I will get as a puppy and have him or her trained as a protection dog. I think a properly trained dog is the best bet. They can go anywhere when certified as a companion certified dog. What are your thoughts?
 

When I was married I had a big dog that was very protective and would have attacked anyone that was breaking in and I had a security system. I still didn’t feel safe when my husband was away because I lived in a house.

When I got divorced I knew I needed to be in a condo and the big dog had died and I just had 2 small dogs which met the weight limit. I also only considered condos that were in secure buildings. I have issues because of some bad experiences as both a kid and when a young adult. Personally I have too much anxiety to handle a gun.
 
Take the chow to protection-training school. Cost is quite reasonable, and it won't change his/her personality at all, it will teach the dog a new job. The chow will love that.

Get to know your neighbors and choose one or two you feel are trustworthy and reliable and task them with checking in on you every few days or once a week or if your house and yard seem too quiet or mail piles up...as you like.

Make sure this person (or these people) knows your address by heart, is aware of your major medical issues and maybe the name of your doctor or clinic, and knows how to contact a close relative or friend...the kind of info that will help police, firefighters, and EMTs in an emergency.

Get a doorbell camera or other surveillance, or at least a couple of motion lights.
 

I'm not saying you should just shake it off, because that's pretty cold and your feelings and emotions are real. Surely there must be some kind of counseling available. This can't be uncommon.

Over-preparing for theoretical threats sounds like it might have the potential to reinforce itself in a cycle that gets progressively worse.

Not to mention that "security" outfits revel in this to sell thousands of dollars in pointless junk. Junk that may have you jumping each time it triggers when leaves blow by or a raccoon takes a stroll.

I don't mean to sound insulting, but in your situation firearms might only result in tragedy.

Research the realities of house pets as security even with expensive training. Unless you are looking for an illusion of security there are serious limitations to their effectiveness. It sounds like you've already discovered this for yourself.

I apologize for being blunt.
 
@Murrmurr so funny you should bring that up. I called my son tonight to remind him to make sure he put faucet covers on with our upcoming cold front. If you wait to long you can't find those covers at the hardware stores.

He says funny you called, Bob, my next neighdoor neighbor called him to remind him to come over and cover your Mom's faucets. I also saw my across the street over taking care of her outdoor water sources. She is also a widow. I had bought extra covers about a month ago just in case the neighbors got caught short.

It is wonderful to know that you have neighbors keeping an eye on each other. We try not to be overbearing but we want to make sure everyone is taken care of.

Do you think my Bear could learn at this age. He is about 6 at this stage. He was not mine as a puppy but belonged to my best friend that died at the beginning of Covid. To be honest, it is hard enough to get him to the vet. He is so strong on the leash. He is very good in the car, but I have to leave him in the car and the vet personel to come get him out of the car and into the office. He is just the sweetest best boy but gets so excited out of the house I can't hold on to him.
 
Peace of mind is so important when living alone, @Blessed. Feeling secure in your own home is important. I am like you, and every little noise affects me. A few years ago, I bought a home surveillance system that renews every five years. It has been wonderful. It connects to the city's fire and police department. Another thing I'm thinking of getting is a medical alert gadget.
 
The chow you have now as is, is likely more than enough to dissuade an intrusion or attack.

I think bringing a gun into your home at this point in your life has a greater chance of leading to harm to you than not having it. I have had rifles and shotguns for decades, but refrained from buying a pistol when I moved to Idaho because I think it would increase the chances of bad outcomes in my home. Perhaps if NY and NYC had gun laws that were constitutional I would have obtained pistols years ago, but that was certainly not the case.
 
@dilettante I do appreciate your honesty but bear in mind that I have grown up around guns for hunting. I did not like it then and I do not relish the idea of pointing one at a human but would not hesitate to do so if needed. I would prefer to know how to use one to inflict a wound that would stop the person, not kill them.

It has been maybe 40 years since Ihave fired a gun. My father and grandfather were both award winning skeet shooters, so I have a general gift. I did shoot skeet as a child. I was not gifted but my sister was. I have never chosen to pursue it. I just thought it might be a good idea to be trained to handle a small firearm for protection in the home now that I am alone. No one, to my knowledge would want to fire a gun at another human but we all know the dangers of this day and age. Just because I am old woman does not mean I would not drop you in an instance if you were a threat to my family or home. I say those words with conviction and I am sure you would do the same.
 
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dilettante said:
Sorry @Blessed I was probably overreacting when I reacted. Feeling secure is important, I'd just hate to see things get worse for you or see you be taken advantage of.
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No, offense taken. You should also be careful about you let into your life. My neighbor, Mr. Glover lost his wife to lung cancer. Somewhere he met some bimbo about 40 years his junior. She got into his house, and his bank accounts to the tune of about 40,000. Let's just say the neighborhood got to watch a full blown soap opera when his kids found out. We had police dragging her out of there kicking and screaming. She did go to prison for fraud.
 
Blessed said:
No, offense taken. You should also be careful about you let into your life. My neighbor, Mr. Glover lost his wife to lung cancer. Somewhere he met some bimbo about 40 years his junior. She got into his house, and his bank accounts to the tune of about 40,000. Let's just say the neighborhood got to watch a full blown soap opera when his kids found out. We had police dragging her out of there kicking and screaming. She did go to prison for fraud.
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Ouch. Point taken. There must be a lot of shifty characters around in this day and age. I already went through a bad scenario decades ago, but nobody can afford to let their guard down.

Thanks.
 
Bear seems better than a gun. If someone was attacking you, I think you’d see a very, very protective side of him. Even the little gaffers will be protective.

I appreciate having a full home security system. Also a Ring doorbell is great. You can see who is at your door.

It’s nice to know your neigbours are watching out for you.
 
dilettante said:
Sorry @Blessed I was probably overreacting when I reacted. Feeling secure is important, I'd just hate to see things get worse for you or see you be taken advantage of.
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Fear of being alone and someone breaking in can be from deep seated trauma that’s not going to be fixed easily with counseling. I was a counselor for a while and have a MSW. Some things need to be handled in other ways. Luckily I have found what works for me.
 
A dog with a big bark will do a lot when an intruder comes around. A predator doesn't want to get hurt, they want to cause the hurt. Unless they are a mental, they should be backing off when they hear a big dog.

My husband was the first officer in our department to carry pepper spray on the street in the early 90s & as time went on, things were learned about using it.

First, not everyone will be stopped with pepper spray. For example, people with mental problems won't be affected by it like others are because they just don't feel pain the same way as you or I. Also, you have to make sure your are on the mark by hitting them in the eyes the FIRST TIME as you won't have a second chance. Third, if you use spray or a stream type, this can blow back into your own face & incapacitate you when you use it on an intruder. Foaming pepper might reduce this from happening.

Blessed said:
@dilettante I do appreciate your honesty but bear in mind that I have grown up around guns for hunting. I did not like it then and I do not relish the idea of pointing one at a human but would not hesitate to do so if needed. I would prefer to know how to use one to inflict a wound that would stop the person, not kill them.
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Hunting & self-defense are two different things. No legitimate firearms instructor would tell you they can teach you how to shoot to wound.

You don't shoot to wound, you shoot until the threat to you has been stopped. Unfortunately, the bad guys requires a lot physical damage before they are stopped & will no longer hurt or kill you. If you are going to shoot someone to protect yourself, you need to be prepared to stop that person permanently. If you don't have that kind of mindset to do that, be prepared for that bad guy to take that gun & use it on you.

I know this sounds harsh & it isn't meant to be, but your statement of only wanting to learn to wound someone makes it clear that you are unwilling to use the weapon as it would need to be used to protect yourself. Things happen in a split second & you only have that amount of time to react to a threat & end it.

A security system from a reputable company would be a great idea for anyone. Have your son with you when you talk to companies & get ideas from more than one on what they can provide.
 
Lilac said:
A dog with a big bark will do a lot when an intruder comes around. A predator doesn't want to get hurt, they want to cause the hurt. Unless they are a mental, they should be backing off when they hear a big dog.

My husband was the first officer in our department to carry pepper spray on the street in the early 90s & as time went on, things were learned about using it.

First, not everyone will be stopped with pepper spray. For example, people with mental problems won't be affected by it like others are because they just don't feel pain the same way as you or I. Also, you have to make sure your are on the mark by hitting them in the eyes the FIRST TIME as you won't have a second chance. Third, if you use spray or a stream type, this can blow back into your own face & incapacitate you when you use it on an intruder. Foaming pepper might reduce this from happening.


Hunting & self-defense are two different things. No legitimate firearms instructor would tell you they can teach you how to shoot to wound.

You don't shoot to wound, you shoot until the threat to you has been stopped. Unfortunately, the bad guys requires a lot physical damage before they are stopped & will no longer hurt or kill you. If you are going to shoot someone to protect yourself, you need to be prepared to stop that person permanently. If you don't have that kind of mindset to do that, be prepared for that bad guy to take that gun & use it on you.

I know this sounds harsh & it isn't meant to be, but your statement of only wanting to learn to wound someone makes it clear that you are unwilling to use the weapon as it would need to be used to protect yourself. Things happen in a split second & you only have that amount of time to react to a threat & end it.

A security system from a reputable company would be a great idea for anyone. Have your son with you when you talk to companies & get ideas from more than one on what they can provide.
Click to expand...
Lilac said:
A dog with a big bark will do a lot when an intruder comes around. A predator doesn't want to get hurt, they want to cause the hurt. Unless they are a mental, they should be backing off when they hear a big dog.

My husband was the first officer in our department to carry pepper spray on the street in the early 90s & as time went on, things were learned about using it.

First, not everyone will be stopped with pepper spray. For example, people with mental problems won't be affected by it like others are because they just don't feel pain the same way as you or I. Also, you have to make sure your are on the mark by hitting them in the eyes the FIRST TIME as you won't have a second chance. Third, if you use spray or a stream type, this can blow back into your own face & incapacitate you when you use it on an intruder. Foaming pepper might reduce this from happening.


Hunting & self-defense are two different things. No legitimate firearms instructor would tell you they can teach you how to shoot to wound.

You don't shoot to wound, you shoot until the threat to you has been stopped. Unfortunately, the bad guys requires a lot physical damage before they are stopped & will no longer hurt or kill you. If you are going to shoot someone to protect yourself, you need to be prepared to stop that person permanently. If you don't have that kind of mindset to do that, be prepared for that bad guy to take that gun & use it on you.

I know this sounds harsh & it isn't meant to be, but your statement of only wanting to learn to wound someone makes it clear that you are unwilling to use the weapon as it would need to be used to protect yourself. Things happen in a split second & you only have that amount of time to react to a threat & end it.

A security system from a reputable company would be a great idea for anyone. Have your son with you when you talk to companies & get ideas from more than one on what they can provide.
Click to expand...
If it needed to shot to kill, I would not hesitation, I would prefer not to do that but if that if what is necessary I would do it. For instance, if my grandson was itn the house I would shoot to kill. I just want to know how to make sure I do the right thing, and my aim is what I intend.
 
Blessed said:
I am living alone as a widow. I have three dogs, two small, one a 90lb chow. The big dog looks frightening, has a big booming bark but when push come to shove, I don't know how he would react. He has never shown any aggresion and even backs up to his 12lb sister.

He does bark when anyone comes to the door or is on the property but that does not mean he would go after any danger. I have been thinking I should get at the least pepper spray. At the most I have been thinking of buying gun and going through the proper training to use it in case of emergency. I have been exposed to all of the home invasions that happen now. I do not to want to be put into a position that I can not protect myself. It also comes to the dogs, I do not want them to be hurt in trying to protect me.

I have thought that this might be something I should seek therapy as it is a topic that causes so much turmoil in my life. I freak at every little noise at night. I have to get up at night when the big dog barks. The littles are in bed with me and pay no attention when the big dog barks. To me, that says there is no threat, if there was the littles would also react.

Can you share your thoughts on this subject. Do I need to buy and train how to use a gun?
I do plan on the time that I need to bring another dog into the home to be a dog of a certain size that I will get as a puppy and have him or her trained as a protection dog. I think a properly trained dog is the best bet. They can go anywhere when certified as a companion certified dog. What are your thoughts?
Click to expand...
Buy a gun? Are you in a high crime area? Could you actually shoot someone if you were threatened? What is it you are actually most afraid of? Robbery, rape, dehumanizing abuse, murder? Are your fears grounded in reality, or is it just a general hysteria? For me, my worst fear is being eaten by a shark. So I moved away from the ocean. Shark attacks have become quite rare here in the mountains of late. Not many hurricanes either for that matter.
 
sailormann said:
Buy a gun? Are you in a high crime area? Could you actually shoot someone if you were threatened? What is it you are actually most afraid of? Robbery, rape, dehumanizing abuse, murder? Are your fears grounded in reality, or is it just a general hysteria? For me, my worst fear is being eaten by a shark. So I moved away from the ocean. Shark attacks have become quite rare here in the mountains of late. Not many hurricanes either for that matter.
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Those are alot or good questions. I am not in a high crime area but I do want to be able to protect myself. Maybe it is just general hysteria but I would rather be prepared if needed. I agree about the shark thing, I was a big swimmer as a teen but now I have now desire to swim in the sea. Funny, the older we get out fears seem to overtake our rational thoughts.
 
Blessed said:
Those are alot or good questions. I am not in a high crime area but I do want to be able to protect myself. Maybe it is just general hysteria but I would rather be prepared if needed. I agree about the shark thing, I was a big swimmer as a teen but now I have now desire to swim in the sea. Funny, the older we get out fears seem to overtake our rational thoughts.
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I am perhaps the luckiest or most blessed man in all of creation. It doesn't take much for me to be happy. It occurred to me some years ago, that I realized happiness is a choice we make for ourselves each and every day. So I choose happiness. I choose to love and respect and cherish life. My cup is neither half empty or half full, it is running over with the prescious water of life constantly. Actually, it gets kind of messy mopping up all these miracles all the time. I have much to be thankful for. It's a beautiful struggle. Day by day
 
A large dog is a great deterrent to crime. You might feel better with a camera system. I have lots of cameras set up, as do most of my neighbors and I think it's a great way to get more security. Of course, an alarm system is also something to consider. And make sure you have a locksmith put on all the proper locks on your doors. I think you are on the right track to talk with a therapist about your feelings of safety and security...it's not an uncommon fear and I think you will find some peace after speaking with someone.
 
I live in a decent area and still take security seriously. I have cameras that show all four sides of my house. They record movement and I also monitor them while in my home office. I have one computer screen that will change cameras every 30 seconds.
I also have a dog that barks at anything that moves. He is small but strong and fighter. (Patterdale Terrier). I am very hard of hearing and I appreciate when he starts barking to let me know someone or something is close.
I also carry a sidearm every hour I am awake. When I go to bed it is very near me. I have carried a weapon for at least 30 years. If you are trained and practice regularly, a good pistol is your best defense if you ever need it.
 
I don't keep many if any real valuables in my home. I don't own any valuables that I would protect. If they want to kill me, instead of taking what Misa has, fine. I am ready. The whole thing has been moment to moment...so you go when you go, how you go. You go. :)
 
I guess I'm grateful that I don't live in a place that must feel like the Hill Valley of the timeline where Biff Tannen was the richest man alive.
 
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