Where's a disabled guy supposed to get friends?

You can make friends right here with us.
Our older neighbours joined the Lions club. It’s a good idea.
 

Jace said:
Also, libraries...have events...
Ours... has/had a Book clubs..for Guys…
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Most of the guys around here wouldn't be caught dead reading. And the few that do like to read are retired professors and other professionals who'd never willingly mingle with the "uneducated." Now I'm not being sexist: the female professionals around here are the same way. Talk about the "Town vs. Gown" divide: this place really has it.
 
officerripley said:
I hear ya. I'm a single female who does happen to like Bingo but they don't have Bingo around here much anymore. And even when they did have Bingo (around here anyway) it was supposed to be conducted with very little talking except for the caller; a friend went with other friends to Bingo once and got scolded for talking too much. ("Shhhh! We're trying to concentrate on the game!" they told her.)

But like you, I'm not religious. I've been told (by a psychiatrist!) to go to church anyway if I wanted socialization, sigh. But being an atheist, I don't believe in the supernatural at all, so talk like that bores me to tears. So I should go be around people once a week who I know for a fact are going to bore me? Why should I put myself through that?

And I'm not completely disabled but I no longer drive and there's no where around here to walk to. And like I told that psychiatrist, even if you do drive or can take an Uber, there are no gathering places in this whole area other than churches or bars so really limited chances to socialize at all let alone make friends. She looked startled when I told her that and said, "Huh! You know, I hadn't thought about that! You're right: if there are really no people around to socialize with, it is really hard to socialize, isn't it?" (Duh, lady.)

You know, I'm on a few sites that have some young people on them, and whenever I get a chance, I've told these young people to, if possible, not strand themselves in a rural area. They might like it while they're still working, but once they become retired and elderly, it'll be lonely and inconvenient. Unless they come from one of those rapidly-disappearing, old-fashioned, big happy all-stay-in-the-same-town-forever, families, but let's face it: there are fewer and fewer families like that.
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Is a move out of the question?
 
I hope you find some real in person friendships. We really have a very good Seniors Centre here where we live, art groups, card groups, darts, pool, evening events, etc. We've gone a couple of times, just found that they were a lot older than me, more like closer to 80. I'm 68. And there are classes that I could take at The College for the Retired (seniors teach the courses voluntarily) and not very expensive. Just don't feel like doing it. I also signed up to volunteer, went through interviews, had my references, criminal record check, etc. And then I just thought I didn't want to be tied into anything, schedule wise.

I could go to church, I believe in God but don't feel like doing that either. I have only one friend, lives too far away to get together. I think because I have a husband, that is why I don't bother as he is my company while I happily do my hobbies at home. If hubby was not around, I know, of course, I would be at the Seniors Centre, and taking classes and volunteering for sure, going to church, etc.
 
LoveTulips said:
There are classes that I could take at The College for the Retired (seniors teach the courses voluntarily) and not very expensive.
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They do have some classes here like that but they are expensive. Also they're mostly held in downtown areas where the parking is terrible (near the university too so you're fighting for parking with students).
 
Yes...a seniors community center in your area would be a good choice. They offer lunches, and other groups. A few friends here also go to lunches and activities sponsored by Salvation Army
 
I can feel your pain of wanting social contact. I go to different senior centers. I do it to kill time. (I get bored and lonely fast!). The one member suggested Art, which the senior centers have. The centers also have different types of card playing, board games, etc. Did you consider a book club? Libraries now have a lot of activities as well such as card playing, chess, checkers, etc. Another place to socialize is on these Zoom Web links. Some allow for conversation and a lot are free! This is something you can do from home. I hope some of these ideas appeal to you. I too want to make friends.
 
officerripley said:
Most of the guys around here wouldn't be caught dead reading.
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I had to laugh at this statement because I can identify with it so much, and it's one of the reasons I've lately been seeking platonic social contact online. Not a lot of the women here read, either. I do have a nice group of great friends, but I often feel starved for intelligent conversation, even if it is just casual chit-chat.

Like some others here, I would recommend checking out your local library. Ours has lots of groups and events such as movie nights, some specifically geared toward seniors. And I understand about local/senior college courses. They can get expensive.
 
officerripley said:
I hear ya. I'm a single female who does happen to like Bingo but they don't have Bingo around here much anymore. And even when they did have Bingo (around here anyway) it was supposed to be conducted with very little talking except for the caller; a friend went with other friends to Bingo once and got scolded for talking too much. ("Shhhh! We're trying to concentrate on the game!" they told her.)

But like you, I'm not religious. I've been told (by a psychiatrist!) to go to church anyway if I wanted socialization, sigh. But being an atheist, I don't believe in the supernatural at all, so talk like that bores me to tears. So I should go be around people once a week who I know for a fact are going to bore me? Why should I put myself through that?

And I'm not completely disabled but I no longer drive and there's no where around here to walk to. And like I told that psychiatrist, even if you do drive or can take an Uber, there are no gathering places in this whole area other than churches or bars so really limited chances to socialize at all let alone make friends. She looked startled when I told her that and said, "Huh! You know, I hadn't thought about that! You're right: if there are really no people around to socialize with, it is really hard to socialize, isn't it?" (Duh, lady.)

You know, I'm on a few sites that have some young people on them, and whenever I get a chance, I've told these young people to, if possible, not strand themselves in a rural area. They might like it while they're still working, but once they become retired and elderly, it'll be lonely and inconvenient. Unless they come from one of those rapidly-disappearing, old-fashioned, big happy all-stay-in-the-same-town-forever, families, but let's face it: there are fewer and fewer families like that.
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Right on. I studied gerontology at a college and lived far out of town so my professor assigned me the task of providing rural services. I did not impress her well by saying older people need to move to the city. I was a volunteer in the small rural town. It is nuts! These places don't have the money to provide services. However, I have seen some pretty nice senior centers with daily lunches but in hard times they can be closed.

I live in a small city that has everything and have found a public pool and gym with 2 hot tubs that are great places for meeting people. My insurance pays for that. I also go to a nutrition site for social reasons. I can walk across the street to the nutrition site and I have met so many nice people. I also live in low-income housing for retired people and such housing usually has events for socializing. Closer to downtown is senior housing that takes people to dinner, takes them shopping, takes people on trips, and provides activities in the complex.

I still drive but we can ride the bus for free and get to most places but not all of them. I can take the bus to the college and audit classes for free. We have Ride Source that provides free medical rides and for $7 will pick us up at our home and take us where we want to go.

My favorite Senior Center offers many activities and trips. Actually there are 3 of them just a few minutes drive from my home. Well, like I told the professor, move the people to a city that has services.

I am also a Senior Companion and get paid a stipend to visit people in their homes and drive them places. I see each one one day a week for a few hours. And if all this is not enough, we get in-home care too.

Living in the rural areas is for young folk. I am no longer young and no longer lonely. :D

Whoops I forget the Elks Lodge, Moose, and Masons. If you are in a rural area you may have a grange and for sure get involved in the local fair.
 
KSav said:
I had to laugh at this statement because I can identify with it so much, and it's one of the reasons I've lately been seeking platonic social contact online. Not a lot of the women here read, either. I do have a nice group of great friends, but I often feel starved for intelligent conversation, even if it is just casual chit-chat.

Like some others here, I would recommend checking out your local library. Ours has lots of groups and events such as movie nights, some specifically geared toward seniors. And I understand about local/senior college courses. They can get expensive.
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My X piled my books in the front yard with the intention of burning them. 🤪 That was not a good marriage. Another guy told me if I want a man in my life, I have to give up my books, Right, I go to bed with the most exciting guys in history and I should give that up for what? 😕

For sure the Internet is our best opportunity for intellectual fulfilment. I love watching the Great Courses DVD's of college courses and then going to forums where others will converse with me about the interesting things I learn. It can be hard to find compatible, intellectual people and I thought I would lose my mind without that, so I am very thankful for the Internet.
 
Sliverfox said:
Or ask the clerk if they are looking for help.
Perhaps become a Greeter some where?
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officerripley said:
Depending on disability or lack of driving, probably not an option.
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I think Silverfox could get a job where I live. I see people with different problems as greeters in the stores where I go. I really like it when I am greeted by an elderly person or someone with a disability. You know, someone like me. Then I feel like I belong. 👵
 
Just did a web search on the issue and there are plenty of news articles. I didn't read much that I feel got to the root of the problem given my own experiences. Its a lot about culture and society that psychologists especially won't want to be honest discussing because such is anti PC. I could write a book chapter, so the below just touches the surface of our societal problems. Like I've said, I Tuned In and Dropped Out long ago after realizing where it was all heading.

Obviously once one retires from working careers like many on this senior's forum, many people often lose daily social interactions with large numbers of others. In today's world unlike decades ago, people don't remain in near contact with their relatives much less friends they grew up with. I am very much of a belief in multi-generational families living near each other life long in communities, helping each other, verbally regularly talking with each other. In today's economic driven society, that has been abandoned. That is especially bad for we seniors that could help bring up children while parents are out making money working. Instead people are burdened with costly child care and seniors end up isolated alone, unappreciated, ignored, left to slowly psychologically socially deteriorate.

I grew up in middle class Caucasian California suburban urban areas. Everywhere our parents moved with our large family, my parents always had numbers of friendly neighbors. My talkative mother was especially social, easily quickly getting to know other housewives in neighborhoods.

My father was less so but greatly involved with others where he worked in post WWII aeronautical corporations in technical jobs and management where others always seemed to value him in part because he was very masculine. We also were Christian church goers all our lives that has many social aspects. After my father passed away at age 75 (my current age), my mother became very involved in her churches, volunteering, and helping others.

In this era, many people don't even know their neighbors. People seem to be much more wary and even afraid of initiating social contacts with others, often for good reasons. I've lived in a large complex of 2-story 1960s era 4-plexes where most residents don't even know their neighbors in the same buildings. Our county with over 2 million people has one of the highest levels of immigrants from a range of diverse countries of any large cities in the world.

The majority of people I grew up along during my young adult decades that were mainly Caucasians, have long since moved out due to living costs, mainly due to the excessive costs of rentals and homes thanks to Wall Street corporations moving in like leeches. Many residents of the 1970s thru 1990s have been replaced by foreigners with different cultures, values, languages, interests, many of which natives won't see value in becoming close personal friends with including this person. I'm an outdoor oriented person while many immigrants are not nor will. As a mostly solo skier, I'm at Lake Tahoe ski resorts each winter where I am continually meeting and talking to other skiers while riding up shared ski lifts.

There is also far more crime today here that makes people more wary of neighbors they become more friendly with. When I grew up it was common to see door to door sales persons people had little fear of letting into their homes and talking with. All our names and addresses were out there in phone books and even social security numbers were not guarded, as we didn't have to fear being put in telecom data bases that criminals can now get at.

We lived in relatively clean urban neighborhoods where one saw little trash and littering, a reflection of post WWII American pride. Kids on bicycles people knew names of delivered daily newspapers to everyone. Our school yards were open to anyone and most had huge grassy athletic fields, especially for playing baseball. Kids would get together and play fly ups and workups all the time. Most adults with children went to occasional PTA school meetings and attended churches.

People listened to a lot of AM and later FM radio and most urban regions had 3 or 4 television stations people shared interests in instead of the myriad media selections of today. In California with a population 1/3 to 1/2 of today urban areas still had plenty of more natural areas kids could enjoy. There were no video games so kids were more often outside playing that gave adults in neighborhoods more reason to also get together. Many people also attended school sporting events like local high school football and baseball games. And everyone loved going to movie theaters where there was a continual stream of enjoyable Hollywood product. And even more so were the many drive-in theaters that were especially popular with families like ours and teens.
 
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"I grew up in middle class Caucasian California suburban urban areas."

I never will understand why the Americans use the word 'Caucasian". To me white people are white people. I am white and not from the Caucasus:ROFLMAO:.
 
The term Caucasian is based on known history, anthropology, and developing DNA science for people evolved at specific planet regions. What you are apparently annoyed by is the usual expectation that then means races have significantly different DNA that has been science proven with the human genome project to be false. However one can still correctly describe populations of any animal same species as having variations just as we do with different dog breeds. But that will still tend to annoy those that prefer to categorize human differences through the race lens and squelch anything else pointing towards a narrative we have differences... a PC thing.
 
Vicky said:
I can feel your pain of wanting social contact. I go to different senior centers. I do it to kill time. (I get bored and lonely fast!). The one member suggested Art, which the senior centers have. The centers also have different types of card playing, board games, etc. Did you consider a book club? Libraries now have a lot of activities as well such as card playing, chess, checkers, etc. Another place to socialize is on these Zoom Web links. Some allow for conversation and a lot are free! This is something you can do from home. I hope some of these ideas appeal to you. I too want to make friends.
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killing time making shadow boxes for great grandsons. Contain military awards from Korean service during 1951.
One day at a time, my motto...................
 
David777 said:
We lived in relatively clean urban neighborhoods where one saw little trash and littering, a reflection of post WWII American pride.
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It was not just a war that made us proud of being Americans. It was education. At the beginning of the Renaissance in Italy, the Italians lived in communes where everyone was expected to participate in politics and they were educated for this. An important difference from today is the size of communities. In small communities, people brought together for political reasons came know and care about each other, and THEY LEARNED FROM EACH OTHER. This is extremely important to morality.

Regardless of religion there was a learned social understanding of morality and every decision was a moral decision. It was better understood that people who grew up in a moral society, would have a good life experience and that this, not the magic of the church and being "saved" made people good. The belief that only people who are "saved" by a supernatural power are good because we are born in sin and therefore are sinful unless we are saved, is as destructive to our human experience, as believing we don't need to wash our hands or wear a mask during a pandemic. Science supports the Italians, the Dutch and others who believe it is life experiences that shape who we are, not supernatural powers.

A moral is a matter of cause and effect. If something like racism is damaging, it is immoral. Morality means including others and making them one of us. That is the meaning of civilization, making others one of us. Cicero said we choose the right thing when we know what it is, therefore our education is crucial to being moral.

I don't know what we can do about overpopulation but we need to get more realistic about what knowing each other has to do with being moral. I do know what education has to do with culture and we once did a much better job of making our young good citizens with good moral judgment. Especially during the first and second world wars, that meant learning the values of democracy and why it must be defended.
 

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