Please help me find some motivation

Ronni

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
In Nashville, the apple blossoms and day lilies, redbud and Crepe Myrtle, so many other trees and bushes and flowers, are evidence of Spring’s imminent arrival. This is the time of the year that I have always looked forward to, because it meant I could start planting.

My patio pots would be first. Lantana and daisies, lambs ear and asparagus fern, sweet potato vine and coleus are my go-to’s. I’d plant my favorite herbs in my herb pots by the kitchen door, till and prep the vegetable garden to receive whatever vegetables we decided on for this year, hang huge Boston germs around the patio area.

……..and I want none of it. 😣

I’m still so sad. This is so hard.

But I have always been a firm believer in the “fake it till you make it” approach, though that saying has become so hackneyed that it’s lost all meaning. I guess I just mean that I’ve tried to never be a “wallower.” I work hard to not give in to that impetus to just fold when the going gets rough. To push on through in spite of everything.

I’ve grieved for 4 months. I’m still grieving and I guess I always will. But life keeps moving forward and I have a husband and kids and grandkids who are more than worth living life for.

So help me will you? Help me find the motivation to keep going, to plant this spring, to do what ai can to enjoy the sun and flowers, to make the most of whatever time I have left. It’s the least I can do for my family.
 

((Hugs)) @Ronni

Not an expert by any means but with gardening, it might be wise to scale back and have small(er) projects. Maybe three pots with bright flowers verses a whole herbaceous border. That way you have a sense of accomplishment without putting in more than you have the ‘umph’ to tackle.

And little successes may foster a desire to do another project. Or not, that’s ok.
 
Ronni, me trying to tell you how to find Motivation.. is like is like the Deer guiding the Lioness... I can't do it, you are the most motivated person here I know.. ...in normal times..(((hugs)))..but all I can say is that as always we're here whenever you need us to help in whatever way we can... 🌹🌷
 

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Ronni said:
to do what ai can to enjoy the sun and flowers, to make the most of whatever time I have left. It’s the least I can do for my family.
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@Ronni, you have just self-motivated! You've got it in you.

Just a suggestion; maybe start small this year. Just a few pots of herbs, less flowering plants that need to be dead-headed, you know what I mean.

Go to your garden center and get an eyeful of tempting plants. The ideas will grab you.
 
Alizerine said:
At the risk of sounding facetious, how about a tiny little kitten or some other creature that would benefit from your love and attention?
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@Alizerine doesnt sound facetious at all. ❤️

We have 4 dogs. I also volunteer and foster dogs for my local Shelter and have remained somewhat active with them so I don’t feel that adding a kitten to the mix would fill any particular need for me.
 
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@Ronni, I can't give you ideas for motivation because I have none. I just try to do things, when I feel like it. Grief is a never ending process, it will always be there waiting to plunge us in to sadness.

You are not a sad person, you are a go getter. What is happening is normal, four months is a very short time, do not rush.

If I were you I would lean into your other kids, grandkids. Tell them you need some helping getting the flowers planted, that you need them to help get the veggies started. It will be good for all of you to share this time together, to try to move forward in small steps. Once everything is planted, you see the blooms, seeds poking through the dirt I know that will give you great pleasure.

As always, you will spend your spring and summer taking care of your garden. Planning barbecues, picnics, some day trips. No, it does not take the heartache away but can be a wonderful distraction while you continue healing.
 
you maybe grieving for the rest of your life? but it will change too - take different forms and become less painful. As you said you have much family to be with and enjoy and remember they will all be enacting their own grieving. But the old saying " life must go on" is true. Do all things you once enjoyed but as you do take time to perhaps talk to your son and share the joys you have doing all the things you once did well. Best wishes and please keep in touch with us all
 
I would lower your expectations of yourself and give yourself some grace. This is what you would tell a friend to do. I like the suggestions of others to start small with your planting and ask your family for help.

I have been on this journey with a friend and it’s slow going at first. The good news is you will find happiness again although you will always miss your son.
 
CinnamonSugar said:
((Hugs)) @Ronni

Not an expert by any means but with gardening, it might be wise to scale back and have small(er) projects. Maybe three pots with bright flowers verses a whole herbaceous border. That way you have a sense of accomplishment without putting in more than you have the ‘umph’ to tackle.

And little successes may foster a desire to do another project. Or not, that’s ok.
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@Ronni, I think you're doing great considering all you've been through. @CinnamonSugar offers some good advice here. I agree. Maybe get out there but go small and do what makes you happiest. Let the experience be as joyful and easy as it can be until the motivation comes to do more. Let motivation find YOU not the other way around. If Devin had a favorite flower you could plan on planting some of that as a pretty tribute to him and he would be part of Spring experience in a new and living way. I hope this does not offend you in any way.

Hugs from chic.
 
Ronni said:
I’ve grieved for 4 months. I’m still grieving and I guess I always will
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It does stay with you
There'll always be a place in your heart
That's the way it is
....and, really, couldn't/shouldn't be any other way


Ronni said:
So help me will you? Help me find the motivation to keep going, to plant this spring, to do what ai can to enjoy the sun and flowers, to make the most of whatever time I have left. It’s the least I can do for my family.
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The little ones
Share yourself

They need you

refuge.jpg



and you need them
 
As the others have said, plant smaller than usual. Maybe create a memorial part of your garden in honor of your son's life. Getting outside and digging in the dirt has always been a great stress reliever for me (even though I can't do it anymore). You just have to do it and it will become easier. My prayers and thoughts are with you to get through this time.
 
Ronni said:
In Nashville, the apple blossoms and day lilies, redbud and Crepe Myrtle, so many other trees and bushes and flowers, are evidence of Spring’s imminent arrival. This is the time of the year that I have always looked forward to, because it meant I could start planting.

My patio pots would be first. Lantana and daisies, lambs ear and asparagus fern, sweet potato vine and coleus are my go-to’s. I’d plant my favorite herbs in my herb pots by the kitchen door, till and prep the vegetable garden to receive whatever vegetables we decided on for this year, hang huge Boston germs around the patio area.

……..and I want none of it. 😣

I’m still so sad. This is so hard.

But I have always been a firm believer in the “fake it till you make it” approach, though that saying has become so hackneyed that it’s lost all meaning. I guess I just mean that I’ve tried to never be a “wallower.” I work hard to not give in to that impetus to just fold when the going gets rough. To push on through in spite of everything.

I’ve grieved for 4 months. I’m still grieving and I guess I always will. But life keeps moving forward and I have a husband and kids and grandkids who are more than worth living life for.

So help me will you? Help me find the motivation to keep going, to plant this spring, to do what ai can to enjoy the sun and flowers, to make the most of whatever time I have left. It’s the least I can do for my family.
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But Ronni, gardening is the key! Let the soil, the plants, the fresh air, and the sun help heal you!
So, my advice is move into the garden and dig. You will feel it.
Lots of good advice here. I hope some of it helps you with your motivation. 🌸
 
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Getting out & messing in the dirt can help you.
Take the gardening time slowly,, wonder at the various weeds, bugs, surprise seedlings that you find.

That hard to pull weed may knock you on your butt,, get up laugh about it.;)

I have flowers planted all over for various stages of the PA's Spring /Summer season.
A mock orange bush in remembrance of my grandfather.
Other flowers that were favorites of my mother's.

Do you have any lilac bushes?

I was surprised when my son got a small one gifted to him.
Its planted by his front porch,,he sends me pictures of it.
Says it reminds him of home. 🥰
 
Maybe open your house to all of your SF members and friends, what did you say your address was again?
 
Ronni said:
@Alizerine doesnt sound facetious at all. ❤️

We have 4 dogs. I also volunteer and foster dogs for my local Shelter and have remained somewhat active with them so I don’t feel that adding a kitten to the mix would fill any particular need for me.
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With Summer coming around soon, maybe more time to get involved with grandkids, and doing activities with them might help.

Dogs, and kids, can be the best therapy for life issues.
 
Ronni said:
I’m still so sad. This is so hard.

But I have always been a firm believer in the “fake it till you make it” approach, though that saying has become so hackneyed that it’s lost all meaning. I guess I just mean that I’ve tried to never be a “wallower.” I work hard to not give in to that impetus to just fold when the going gets rough. To push on through in spite of everything.

I’ve grieved for 4 months. I’m still grieving and I guess I always will. But life keeps moving forward and I have a husband and kids and grandkids who are more than worth living life for.

So help me will you? Help me find the motivation to keep going, to plant this spring, to do what ai can to enjoy the sun and flowers, to make the most of whatever time I have left. It’s the least I can do for my family.
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Ronni, I can't imagine the sadness that losing a child brings, but you lost a big part of your family and your heart, and it's healthy to grieve as long as you need to, hugs.

My suggestion is very general. You are an intelligent, caring and compassionate lady and I've always admired you for your strength and independence.

I don't think any of us truly know how you're feeling at this moment and what would be the best route to take, nothing is set in stone. Something you did in past years may just not be right for now. I think your family will be fine with whatever you decide to do regarding planting.

I suggest you do as much as gives you pleasure, without any stress or pressure. You're a doer, but you have been through a lot and perhaps should take a bit of a break with gardening like you've been used to over the years.

Follow your heart, love yourself and do only what feels good to you. Don't set any quotas, stay mellow and take it easy this year. ☮️
 
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