Domestic abusers need much higher sentences

I was about 17 ..not long before my mum died anyway.. and my mother started arguing with me for a trivial reason. I was standing in the living room minding my own business just looking out of the bay window.. and she attacked me, right there. . Started pulling my hair and slapping me... the worm turned.. and I pulled her hands off my hair, and shoved her really hard away from me, and she fell backwards onto the Sofa with a look of shock on her face.

I think that was the day she realised she could no longer attack me without Payback.....she never hit me again..
 

hollydolly said:
I have been the victim of domestic abuse, and the police never take it seriously enough. I won't go into my situations here right now.. but today in the news from America.. a Man pushed his Partner onto the Subway tracks at a Manhattan station yesterday after an argument.. and a train ran over her and chopped off her feet...:mad:

Doubtless he will be sentenced in court,..when they eventually track him down... but probably for not long enough

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There are arguments that we do not have free will. That is certainly the case when we do not have good habits that prevent us from being controlled by emotions.

I think we would be more successful at being an ideal civilization if we had a better understanding of why we react as we do.

Trying to control our behaviors with laws is dumb! Only by learning the virtues and practicing them until they become habits is it possible for us to be ideal humans.

The book "Emotional Intelligence" is excellent.

Where I live, I hear very angry people and wonder if I should interact with them and make them aware of their wrong thinking when they are screaming or otherwise being very intimidating. I don't think that is a wise thing to do when someone is completely out of control. However, we have an alternative to the police. They are trained to de-escalate explosive situations. It is beautiful to watch them do their thing but just can't get around town fast enough.

However, we have public education and media that can enlighten everyone. We can do better.
 
Wow, some of those stories are hard to read. I look back on my life and at what I have learned, and very much regret I did not have the social skills that would have made me a better human being.

I think if a god made us, He could have done a better job. I also think, that since ancient times, civilizations made progress but when our populations get too large the nature of our goodness breaks down and the challenge is greater. As individuals can improve with information, so can civilizations.
 
Kir7 said:
The scariest part is how many domestic abuse cases are kept secret.
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How much of your personal life do you want everyone to know? When we lived in tribes small enough for everyone to know everyone, we could help each other and have an ideal society. In big cities, we don't know each other and it is very easy to feel alone and this leads to trouble.

A priority for education needs to be our relationships and citizenship. I sat on a school discipline committee that was supposed to come up with a policy for discipline and some of us thought when I child misbehaved the child should receive counseling. Then someone questioned if the child should have counseling without the parent's permission.

I keep thinking of the Bible and the objection to turning someone in to authority. The Bible says the correct thing to do is to develop a relationship with the person needing help and help that person grow into better behavior.

The answers are not that easy. What are you willing to do? What are you will to tolerate?
 
PeppermintPatty said:
My dad treated my mom like a China doll. She ruled him and he ruled me. My dad took great pleasure in beating me. On some sick level it pleased my mom also. I somehow became part of a twisted dysfunctional habit.

If my mom wasnā€™t in the mood, my dad could always beat me. This domestic abuse wasnā€™t always a daily thing. These beatings never happened when we went camping, so on some level they knew it was wrong. It happened at least once a week.

It happened when my mom rejected my dadā€™s sexual advances. It happened when my mom was angry at me and it happened when my mom was angry at my dad also. Beating me became an outlet for them both.

My mom never hit me. Sheā€™s send my dad in when she was angry. It wasnā€™t just physical abuse. My dad was a very muscular and my beatings were always on bare skin; preferably my butt. My dad would get off on beating me until I howled. At school Iā€™d always change in the bathroom so my bruises werenā€™t seen but the worst abuse was when he beat me while drunk.

There is no cast for fractured ribs. Thereā€™s no cast for broken tailbone. Thereā€™s no cast for a fractured wrist either. My chiropractor said the only way to heal it was with manipulation from the inside. No thanks.

I had to go to high school and sit on a doughnut for months. Waiting at a hospital emergency room was mega painful. Since I was 16 the police said they couldnā€™t do anything unless I press charges and I wouldnā€™t do that. They even gave me counselling. The counsellor practically begged me to press charges. I was scared to death to press charges.

My tailbone never healed properly and neither did the ruptured discs. What bothered me the most is that he blamed me for breaking his hand. He could not play tennis for 6 weeks.

After that beating I left home and got my own place. My dad would secretly wait for me where I worked. Heā€™d sit in a car in the parking lot and wait for me. Itā€™s no wonder I did drugs as a kid. Domestic abuse ruined my life.


My parents were very respectful up standing citizens. On the outside looking in they looked like perfect parents. My brothers never got beaten either. There wasnā€™t the same sexual thrill.

Iā€™ve tried forgiving my parents for all this and was doing really well. I hate feeling this disappointed and angry. I hate that my brother pushed the burden of caring for them both as they got older. My mom kept rubbing it in my face that she left me nothing. Looking after them was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. The thing is., I STILLL love them.

Domestic abuse NEEDS to be taken more seriously with tougher sentences.
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You have a magnanimous heart to forgive such a thing. You are absolutely right, the punishment should be very tough, I would even say the cruelest.
 
A woman from Yorkshire was jailed for 4 years after
inflicting her husband to 20 years of domestic abuse!

She was jailed last year and the case has been made
into a TV Documentary which will be broadcast, on
Monday, I believe, on channel 4 here in the UK.
Woman jailed for 20-year campaign of domestic abuse against 'cowering' husband

Mike.
P.S. The documentary will be broadcast on Monday
night around 11 O'Clock, on Channel 5
 
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hollydolly said:
I have been the victim of domestic abuse, and the police never take it seriously enough. I won't go into my situations here right now.. but today in the news from America.. a Man pushed his Partner onto the Subway tracks at a Manhattan station yesterday after an argument.. and a train ran over her and chopped off her feet...:mad:

Doubtless he will be sentenced in court,..when they eventually track him down... but probably for not long enough

​

Click to expand...
NY sentences are usually pretty long, at least for the biggest felonies. In California, not so much. A former actor, whose name I will not mention, got only eight years in prison for stabbing his former partner 23 times. 40-Year-Old Virgin Actor Gets Parole After Stabbing Girlfriend 23 Times in Murder Attempt

I saw her talk about this ordeal and it was brutal. He just kept coming at her. But, I guess his B.S. arguments won over the parole board and now, she has to live in fear forever until he dies or goes back to prison.

But she is just a woman, and women have long been second class citizens in CA. In the whole U.S. too, but don't think CA is any better when it comes to Victim's Rights and Women's Rights.
 
I'm so sorry you were the victim of abuse HD! šŸ¤— I agree with you 110%. There have been too many stories of women complaining about their abusers, even taking out restraining orders (which are a joke sometimes for what little good they do) and wind up being severely injured or killed by their husbands or BFs. And it's sad that even the Divn of Youth & Family Services (DYFS) and similar agencies miss cases of abuse against children, who then also wind up severely injured or dead.

I hope that POS BF who pushed his GF onto the train tracks gets the maximum sentence for attempted murder, which is what I saw that he will be charged with, and not be eligible for parole. Now this poor young woman's life is changed in a horrible way forever.
 

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