When a friend says to do one thing when you see it another way.

fancicoffee13

fancicoffee13

Senior Member
Location
Texas
I have a friend who insists on telling me to wait, get gas later after we do such and such. So, I waited and then when I wanted to go get gas, he said wait until..... and I said I did wait, now I want to get gas. Well, all said and done, later he wonders why I don't want a soda, and then of course, I am mad because I do not want someone telling (suggesting) I do otherwise because I just ended a marriage with a narcissist. I try very hard and am a patient person, but there comes a time, in my opinion when he needs to "get it".
 

Nathan said:
I do what I think I need or want to do, if someone else suggests a different course of action, there would have to be a sensible, compelling reason for me to change my planned action.
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Yes, that is right. But, when this person insists on me doing something and suggests it three times, that is when I tune him out.
 

fancicoffee13 said:
I have a friend who insists on telling me to wait, get gas later after we do such and such. So, I waited and then when I wanted to go get gas, he said wait until..... and I said I did wait, now I want to get gas. Well, all said and done, later he wonders why I don't want a soda, and then of course, I am mad because I do not want someone telling (suggesting) I do otherwise because I just ended a marriage with a narcissist. I try very hard and am a patient person, but there comes a time, in my opinion when he needs to "get it".
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Don't get mad.Get gas whenever you want.
 
fancicoffee13 said:
I try very hard and am a patient person, but there comes a time, in my opinion when he needs to "get it".
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That is the truth! I try to be cooperative too, and it is hard to know when exactly to draw the line, in the past I usually go far beyond my line and then I feel angry. I don't know if I've learned how to do it right yet.

Just yesterday I felt too rigid when trying to arrange some time with a new friend I've made in the next building. I don't like to do expensive outings, I don't like eating out (at least not regularly as an activity), I don't get up early (i.e. avoid activities before noon), I don't like to drive far or in traffic or on the highway. I felt like I was saying 'no' to everything, but we finally agreed to me driving us to a local botanical garden to walk tomorrow and also to meet at board game night at the clubhouse on Sunday evening.

I'm happy with the two things we've planned, I just hope she isn't frustrated by all my boundaries.
 
fancicoffee13 said:
I have a friend who insists on telling me to wait, get gas later after we do such and such. So, I waited and then when I wanted to go get gas, he said wait until..... and I said I did wait, now I want to get gas. Well, all said and done, later he wonders why I don't want a soda, and then of course, I am mad because I do not want someone telling (suggesting) I do otherwise because I just ended a marriage with a narcissist. I try very hard and am a patient person, but there comes a time, in my opinion when he needs to "get it".
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If I was driving my own car, I would get gas whenever I wanted. If your 'friend' was really a friend, he would respect you and not put you through this nonsense.

You don't need 'friends' who are always making you angry or uncomfortable, life is way too short.

I also take his behavior as a red flag, or warning of what will continue to happen and what is to come. Believe it will not get better, it will get worse.

He wants to dominate and control you, instead of treating you as equal and considering what you want to do, or offer any excuses. You don't need to give anyone any reason for doing anything you want to do. Let that start and you will be sorry.

I agree with Nathan and Knight's reply. You just left a bad situation and you seem to be allowing it to happen again.

Of course, you do what you want, that is your personal right......but I would cut this guy loose, get rid of him, and break off any friendship you have.

He sounds like an aggressive creep, and if he leans toward violence in any way with anyone, I would sever the relationship immediately, the longer you wait, the harder that will be to do.

Good luck, be strong. If you can't put him in his place and reason with him, he will make your life miserable. Let us know how things are going. 💚
 
fancicoffee13 said:
Yes, that is right. But, when this person insists on me doing something and suggests it three times, that is when I tune him out.
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When a suggestion turns into insisting numerous times, it was never a suggestion to begin with, it was an order.

You should not allow that. It's not healthy for you to be angry like that because of his behavior, you're just allowing him to act like the man in your last relationship. Think of yourself, love yourself, don't let this happen...hugs.
 
I agree with Nathan. I do what I want to do and when I want to do it, unless whoever is with me has a good reason for changing my trend.

I remember back when I first started flying commercial. I flew with several pilots who would instruct me on the proper procedure for landing when we reached our final approach and was using either the ILS or VFR. Then, after about doing 25 landings with the pilots teaching me the proper way, I had a Captain tell me to land the plane using the ILS, but do it his way.

He’s the Captain, so I followed his instructions, but went back to using the proper procedures. I wasn’t happy with myself that I allowed the Captain to more or less bully me. I darned near missed the approach, which could have set me back 20-30 minutes, not to mention the amount of fuel I would have used unnecessarily. I felt lousy for 2 days. I told myself “Never again will I be bullied into doing something that I know is not right.”
 
I agree here with those members who pointed out that this person is trying to control you.

SeaBreeze you said:
"I try very hard and am a patient person, but there comes a time, in my opinion when he needs to "get it"."

Controlling people Never seem to "get it"....unless you stop being available for their control.

I cut a 'friend' out of my life a few years ago, because she had become too controlling. I certainly liked her and wish her well but
I am glad I not dealing with her anymore. She manages now to control another friend of mine- so she found what she wanted-

a willing victim.
 
Oh!o_O Sorry I quoted that wrong! I apologize to everyone here!

And maybe my post was too abrupt- it is just that, being widowed twice, it seems like people pour out of the woodwork to try to control bereaved people, and I still get attempts to control me, from a few people I know, but try to avoid.

Someone the other day , sort of a friend ,seemed to be suggesting to me that I do a background check on someone, for them, and they said they didn't want to give the background check sites their credit card number. I guess they thought I would pay for it-
but I told them the truth-I have no credit cards.

I realized this person has tried to control me a few times in the past and you would think he would give up but I was shocked that he tried to again. I know him from another site but really don't know him at all.
 
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