The topic of Apologizing

LadyEmeraude

LadyEmeraude

Northwest Washington State, USA
An apology can be a powerful method toward reconciliation that can heal the hurt individual and the one who caused the hurt. However, it is a skill. It requires a willingness to humble oneself by acknowledging a mistake. The words “I’m sorry” do not magically make the hurt go away. One thing is certain: Life will offer us all the experience of regret for such actions and the opportunity for a do-over—the apology.
 
I think most of the time people say "I'm sorry" without even knowing why they say the words. If they acknowledge that they did something wrong to a person and apologize for that action, then that is a good first step. But in my opinion, no apology is truly sincere until the person who makes the apology looks in the mirror and figures out why they took an action that did hurt someone else and grow from that mistake.

With that being said, I am guilty of saying "I'm sorry" a bit when I am out and public and so something like accidently run into someone or walk in front of someone and almost collide with them. It's an automatic response on my part. I usually just say the words and say something stupid like "I'm sorry, I was off in my own little world" and try to laugh it off.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
An apology can be a powerful method toward reconciliation that can heal the hurt individual and the one who caused the hurt. However, it is a skill.
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No skill on my part
Just heart felt

I hurt a lot of folks, early on

Not that long ago, I sought out each one
Several folks....that remained alive

They were so gracious
and forgave me with open arms
Many tears...theirs and mine

That was huge

Forgiveness is immeasurable
 
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LadyEmeraude said:
An apology can be a powerful method toward reconciliation that can heal the hurt individual and the one who caused the hurt. However, it is a skill. It requires a willingness to humble oneself by acknowledging a mistake. The words “I’m sorry” do not magically make the hurt go away. One thing is certain: Life will offer us all the experience of regret for such actions and the opportunity for a do-over—the apology.
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Yeah, the problem here is the first sentence. People seem to love holding a grudge these days. They hold on to grudges like a first born. :D
 
Gary O said it all, in my opinion:

"Forgiveness is immeasurable".

I helped a friend try to get over a mistake he made, that cost him his marriage. I felt God had certainly forgiven him but the hard part was trying to help him forgive himself.

The last time I heard from him, he had definitely had a better outlook on his life and was doing very well.

But self -forgiveness is often very hard to do-

I think the ability to forgive others can have a profound positive affect on depression and anxiety.
 
This is something that has been on my mind for a long time, it feels like a long time now. When I was young and dumb I did something to another person that was truly unforgivable in my mind.
The trouble is that they had done something also in which I believed I was the injured party.

One night in my kitchen I turned things sideways and looked at what had happened from a different angle, the effect was devastating, I collapsed in tears on the floor. Not for myself but for them and my part in the whole thing.

If I could I would get on my knees and beg I mean beg for their forgiveness but it was truly despicable on my part, and is something that I'm really ashamed of, the trouble is they have been lost to time. I don't know how to find them or if begging their forgiveness would even be granted, maybe this is a sleeping hurt that shouldn't be disturbed.

In any case, I feel the true weight of my actions, and will spend the rest of my miserable existance in regret and seeking forgiveness from the ether. I'm Sorry Sunshine.
 
VaughanJB said:
Yeah, the problem here is the first sentence. People seem to love holding a grudge these days. They hold on to grudges like a first born. :D
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They hold onto the grudge like you’re suddenly an enemy. We ALL have our down moments when we aren’t our best but we aren’t ALWAYS that way and should be treated accordingly. People learn from mistakes.
 
Apologizing is much better than never apologizing. That's for sure.

But there are certain people, who will remain unnamed, and if they apologized to me at this point in my life, I would say in very professional prose, "Shut up your face and show me the money. Give me what you owe me."

Because if it took you this long to recognize that you did wrong, that you handled X,Y,Z situations completely wrong, then you are lacking a certain bare minimum of humanity, IMO. You are walking through the world just barely human - maybe two steps above an angry dog - perhaps a female gorilla would have more empathy for humanity than you do, but nevertheless, society values you because I guess you have found your cadre of fellow surely dogs. You have found your crew of surely mongrels, and you're always reinforcing one another's belief systems in that sick AF Group Think way, so you think you are a good person.

You are very lacking as a human being and I have to keep you out of my life because Rule #1 in my life now is that I'm only going to let people into it who have that certain bare minimum of empathy and humanity. Not just for me, not at all, but for ALL of humanity.

This is very evident in people's actions BTW, and in how they handle their money. It's also very evident in whether or not you see that a person consistently tells the truth, as far as they can discover the truth, or consistently lies.

And their faith, their religious beliefs, have NOTHING to do with this empathy and caring. E.g. I just discovered that all over the U.S. there are FREE health care clinics for medical and dental run by the MUSLIMS.

Wait....I thought they all hated all the infidels, right? Well, here they are healing the poor no religion required. For free. That's love and empathy in action.

IDK, I guess I'm very pragmatic now. Your feelings expressed in your supposed apologies mean nothing to me. Either give me a job I can do that pays what I am worth, or pay me what you owe me for years of abuse so I can go retire.

But that does not mean I want you in my life. Some people apologize because they want back into your life. We do not have to agree to those terms. None of us.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
An apology can be a powerful method toward reconciliation that can heal the hurt individual and the one who caused the hurt. However, it is a skill. It requires a willingness to humble oneself by acknowledging a mistake. The words “I’m sorry” do not magically make the hurt go away. One thing is certain: Life will offer us all the experience of regret for such actions and the opportunity for a do-over—the apology.
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Do you easily forgive yourself?
 
PeppermintPatty said:
They hold onto the grudge like you’re suddenly an enemy. We ALL have our down moments when we aren’t our best but we aren’t ALWAYS that way and should be treated accordingly. People learn from mistakes.
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It's not even mistakes. Can you imagine being disliked because of an opinion on a given topic here? I mean, we're more alike than we are different. If you start taking it too seriously and carrying it on for days and days, you really need to have a long hard think about yourself. IMO. :D
 
TheOtherRick said:
This is something that has been on my mind for a long time, it feels like a long time now. When I was young and dumb I did something to another person that was truly unforgivable in my mind.
The trouble is that they had done something also in which I believed I was the injured party.

One night in my kitchen I turned things sideways and looked at what had happened from a different angle, the effect was devastating, I collapsed in tears on the floor. Not for myself but for them and my part in the whole thing.

If I could I would get on my knees and beg I mean beg for their forgiveness but it was truly despicable on my part, and is something that I'm really ashamed of, the trouble is they have been lost to time. I don't know how to find them or if begging their forgiveness would even be granted, maybe this is a sleeping hurt that shouldn't be disturbed.

In any case, I feel the true weight of my actions, and will spend the rest of my miserable existance in regret and seeking forgiveness from the ether. I'm Sorry Sunshine.
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Sorry to hear that, OR.

As I get older - as I've mentioned on these boards - I've done a lot of reassessing. I have tons of regrets. I had people I'd been mean to, I had people I didn't give enough support to, the whole gamut of the human experience. The reality is, we ALL have this to face, whether we accept it or not. None of us have sailed through life and done right by everyone, or made everyone we've encountered better for the experience.

I've just thought of this as the final summing up when we approach the end of our journey. I've learned that regret is just another part of being a human being and living in a world of infinite complexity. More so, it's what separates us from the animals. I think it's unavoidable. I think it's inevitable. I don't believe anyone goes to their grave with zero regrets.
 
Beezer said:
Apologize once, you look like the bigger man.

Apologize two, three times or more...you look like an idiot.
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My landline phone company has an automated phone number. It starts off by saying, "We're sorry, but due to an unexpected increase in calls, there will be a X hour wait". It's the same line they've been using for the last ten years. Somehow, I get the idea they're not all that sorry.
 
A real apology must have three things:

1. It must come from the heart.
2. It should include an attempt to make amends if that is possible. Sometimes it’s not.
3. It should include a promise and a real attempt to never repeat the offensive behavior.

A simple “I’m Sorry” said to get off the hook is worthless.

Once accepted that matter should be closed. Nothing is more frustrating than hearing a wronged person bring up the wrong over and over and over again, knowing full well that there is no way to undo the wrong.
 
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